I can see her fighting back the urge to break down. I stare at her in astonishment. How would she even know about that? Was she in her room all day? Spying on me? Not that I have a problem with that. It tells me that she really was thinking about me. I guess the woman had been dressed fairly whorish. It wouldn’t take a detective to figure out what she was. Usually, this sort of misunderstanding would be funny, but right now, it’s not because Jade looks like she’s about to burst a gut.

“How do you know about her?” I ask.

“I ran into her when she was sneaking out, or whatever the hell she was doing. That’s why I was down there drinking in the first place. Carl came out of nowhere, and he was being nice. He wasn’t hitting on me.”

“You’ve got it all wrong,” I explain.

“I’ve got what wrong, Luke?” Suddenly, she sounds exhausted.

“I didn’t sleep with her. You remember Mr. Hatanaka from the other night?”

“Ugh,” she groans. “Was he in here, too?”

“No, thank God,” I say, shaking my head. “I ran into him this morning at breakfast. He sat down with me. Your pitch worked. You sold him. His company is signing up with us. And he told me he had a present for me, and he specifically reminded me that rejecting a gift was rude.”

“Yeah,” she says. “But what does this have to do with your whore?”

“That whore was his gift to me. But I didn’t do anything with her.”

She scoffs. “Funny thing about your story.”

“What’s that?”

“She told me you did fuck her.”

I laugh. “I paid her two hundred dollars to pretend that we did. I wanted her to tell anyone who asked that I had a great time. I didn’t want Hatanaka to be insulted that I turned down his gift, as fucked up as it was. I had no idea you were going to have a chat with her. Otherwise, I would have told her to tell the truth if a beautiful woman named Jade asked what happened.”

Jade narrows her eyes at me, but says nothing.

I sigh and shake my head. “Jade, I know I have a reputation for getting with a lot of women in the past, but none of them have been prostitutes. You know me. I don’t do that. I’ve never done that. I don’t need to pay for it.” I look into her eyes. I need her to believe me because honest to God, I didn’t sleep with Hatanaka’s gift.

She hesitates and I see the doubt in her eyes. She doesn’t believe me and that doesn’t sit well with me.

“Jade, I know I’ve been an asshole to you. I know that I’m far from perfect. But I’ve never lied to you, even when the truth hurts. And I’m not lying to you now. I didn’t sleep with her, Jade. I haven’t even thought of anyone other than you since our first night together.”

I need her to understand how much I love her, and how badly I’ve been wanting to fix things between us today. I don’t want her thinking for even a second that I don’t want to be with her, or that I want other women. Especially, not some bought and paid for prostitute.

“If that’s true, then are we together or not?” she asks out of nowhere.

I wasn’t expecting this from her.

I still haven’t had enough time to figure out my feelings or what I want from her. I don’t know if I can respond to her. At least not the way she wants me to right now. I’m still lost and confused about how I actually feel.

“Is this a real relationship?” she asks. “I need to know right now how you feel about me. I can’t keep doing this shit.”

She’s on the verge of tears, and I have no idea what to do. I’ve never been through anything like this. Put me in any business situation and I’ll come up trumps, but nothing in my life has equipped me to handle a situation like this. So again, I tell her the truth, even though I know it’s not what she wants to hear. “I don’t know,” I say.

Her face falls, and the tears she was trying to hold back begin to slip down her face.

God, I must be broken inside if I can’t just say what she wants me to say.

“You called me your girl downstairs, but now you won’t even tell me how you really feel about me?” she asks. “You know what, Luke?”

“What?” I brace myself.

“If you don’t know what we are, or if you can’t be with me, then you can’t act like this. Either I’m yours, or I’m not.” She runs out of my bedroom and into hers. She slams the door shut behind her. The sound of her lock clicking closed is loud.

I feel so awful. I keep breaking her heart a piece at a time, and I’m not sure how to fix it.

I feel like a volcano about to erupt. I need to burn this excess energy off. Either I break down Jade’s door and fuck her or I leave the hotel.

I walk down the street in the midday heat. My shirt sticks to me but the walk is good for me. It helps burn off some of this restless energy, and allows me to clear my head. Things with Jade are worse than ever. No wonder, I’ve stayed away from real relationships. This whole situation is frustrating and confusing. I can never seem to do the right thing.

I have embarrassed her twice now. I can’t stand myself sometimes.

I see a liquor store. As I walk past it. I stop and go back to the entrance. Inside it’s busy. I have to wait in line. I choose some unrecognizable brand of vodka because I don’t really care. I might have a hangover tomorrow, but what the fuck? I deserve to suffer as penance for hurting Jade.

I don’t open the bottle as I walk, because that’s something my dad would have done. He was an alcoholic. A major one. He drank whenever, and wherever. I’m surprised he ever managed to run a business.

I swore I’d never be like him. I’m no a drunk. I’ve never even been a big drinker. And there are so many other differences between the man he was and the man I am. I’m not him, I repeat to myself.

I focus on that one thought because it’s true, and I’m finally realizing this.

I don’t have to fear everything that he did. I can fall in love with my assistant without thinking I’m as despicable as him. Unlike him, I’m not married to anyone. I won’t be destroying anyone’s life if I decide to be with her. Jade means everything to me. She’s the woman for me. I don’t care if I have to give up everything I have worked for all my life to achieve.

Jade is my life.

Screw what other people think and screw who my father was. I refuse to let that bastard fuck up my life any more than he already has. I never should have let my memories of him control me this way. I should have told Jade exactly how I felt yesterday morning.

I can still tell her before it’s too late, but it’s not enough to knock on her door and say the words. Words are cheap, and after the way I’ve behaved, they won’t be enough. I have to show her in a big way how I feel about her, and in a way that leaves no doubt in her mind that I truly love her.

An idea comes to me.

When I get back to the hotel, I go up to our suite. I open the bottle and take a couple of swigs. It’s cheap stuff and it burns my throat. I chuck it in the bin, and sit down at the table with my laptop.