Chapter 4
Lose yourself
Sebastian
By the time I had finished my drinks, I was in no mood for company. I told Joe the girls were all his, I wasn’t interested that night. I told him I had something else going on and I was going upstairs to my flat.
The truth was I couldn’t wait to fall on my bed and get a good night sleep for once.
Three fights every week, I needed the rest.
And the one woman I really wanted in my bed that night, had stood me up and left the club.
Andrea, Andrea. Sad Eyes.
I threw in my bag and slammed the door shut.
Slowly I removed the shirt, wincing as it slipped off my face.
My eyes were on the reflection in the mirror.
Bruised, my tanned face was bruised. My jaw was swollen but I never let anyone hit my eyes. My dark brown eyes were still untouched.
I kept staring at myself in the mirror, but all I could seem to think of was Blondie and her blue, mesmerizing eyes.
And it wasn’t just about the looks. She had seemed scared, not just sad. I realized it later, when I noticed the men following her out of the club.
There was a loud knock on the door but I gave no importance to it.
It was probably Joe, not giving up on the fact that he was on his own for the night. I knew him too well by now. He wanted my help with women. He was taking advantage of the situation, taking advantage of my reputation to get girls to sleep with him. And I let him do it. I didn’t care.
“Yeah,” I said and heard the door creak open.
I turned, surprised I didn’t hear his petulant voice beg me to help him out for once, and saw it wasn’t him at the door.
It was Andrea.
With her back to the door, she closed it shut quickly and swallowed hard. She didn’t have the courage to speak. I could tell her mind was racing, her chest was moving fast.
Had she been running?
“They’ll notice that I am gone soon,” she told me and I nodded, walking towards her.
Andrea took a step back but didn’t ask me to stop, to keep away. I stood in front of her, inches away from her, waiting for Andrea to say something else, but she just stared at me.
“Who will notice?” I asked, keeping my hands to myself, but dying to touch her.
“I can’t tell you,” she murmured, as she averted her eyes.
Her fingers brushed against my abs then, as she tilted her head back a little, her breathing still fast.
“Why are you here?” I asked and touched her soft red lip, wiping away some of her lipstick. How great it would have been to smudge it off her, to kiss her hard.
Every muscle in my body seemed to clench. I knew what she wanted. I knew why she was there. And I knew I wanted her to tell me. I wanted to hear her say it.
Her breathing quickened, as she took hold of my wrist and kissed my thumb, taking it in her mouth.
“I am taking back what’s mine,” she whispered. “Set me free,” her voice was soft like a gentle plea against my lips.
My hand was in her hair in a second, a little rough. I held her in place as my mouth went down on hers, thirsty for her lips.
Everything inside me was aching, I needed to have her now. I would have fucked her on that counter in the bar before, I would have. And now I could.
My hand slammed on the door behind her back and I turned the key. Locked. No interruptions, no one walking in on us.
As I kept kissing her- my hands drifting down to her waist, down her lower back- I wondered how she had eluded the two men, how Andrea had made her escape.
“I have to be back in a couple of hours,” she murmured against my mouth and I pulled back a little. “If they notice that I am gone, they’ll come looking for me and they will kill me.”
“Who will kill you? Who?” I asked but she shook her head.
Why?
“It doesn’t matter,” she shook her head and pulled me closer.
“Two hours?” I ran a hand across her chest, inside her dress and I felt her body quiver, I adored how her lips were shaking. “I want you all night.”
“I don’t have all night” Andrea shook her head, as I gently pushed her against the wall and pinned her hand behind her head.
“If only I could have you all night, Andrea…” I whispered.
As my hand slowly moved down her body.
She tasted exactly as promised: soft and innocent.
Addictive.
I brushed my lips along her back, kissed every inch of her legs. I adored each and every little moan that came from her lips.
Our night together wasn’t just about the moves. Our bodies swayed, touched, searched for one another under the sheets, with a certain need, a certain rhythm. Perfect, our rhythm was perfect.
No show, no eagerness to get to the point. None of us wanted to let go.
Andrea held on to me, moved with me, like I was her last.
“Stay the night,” I said, pulling her down on my chest.
“Forget about me,” she whispered and then her lips were on my neck, brushing against my skin.
I took her chin in my hands, so I could look her in the eyes.
Never -I thought.
“Why?” I asked but I knew I wasn’t going to get an answer from her. Not the truth, anyway.
I held onto her, to her beautiful, soft hips for a while longer, as her body rocked on top of me.
“Don’t look for me. I was never here.”
That was the first and last time I saw Andrea.
She never walked inside the club again after that night and I often wondered if she was still alive, if she had made her way back to her friends, her guards in time, before they had found out about her sneaking out.
I remember every little detail of that night, every little detail of her body- her tattoo, her birthmark under her breast. I remember everything she told me, every little moan that had escaped her glorious lips, the way her beautiful, fragile body had tensed when I had made her come.
She never explained to me how she had managed to elude the two men after her, how she had justified her absence to her friends.
All I knew, was she had come to me. She had come for me and I couldn’t shake her out of my head for a long time.
One-night stands, I quickly forgot all about those. But not Andrea, I just couldn’t.
Not the way she spoke, not the way she made love to me.
She was an ocean of secrets that no man was allowed to sail.
“Forget about me,” she had told me, while I was still inside of her.
I hadn’t. I couldn’t.
I couldn’t forget the wonders of her body, just as I couldn’t forget how her tears had felt on my face, when they had rolled down her cheeks.
All I could do then, was wipe them off but I didn’t dare ask her why.
Why had she been crying? Why had the smile disappeared from her lips, once we had finished fucking on my bed?
Andrea had simply straightened up, her face red with tears, and had slipped on her dress quickly.
The sink near the mirror had washed away her sadness and her iron shield was back on within seconds.
It was over, whatever it had been, it was over. She was back to being Sad Eyes- no smile, no tears. She had simply turned and kissed me passionately, her slender arms tight around my neck.
“Thank you,” she had mumbled and I hadn’t said a thing, not one single thing. I just kissed her back, knowing for sure it would be our last.
If I would have died then, it would have felt right. It would have been the right moment. I had never experienced something like that, so deep with someone I had just met.
Maybe it was because of all the emotions Andrea kept inside her- everything in my life had been so damn meaningless and empty until that moment.
Maybe it was because our one-night affair had meant something for her. Rebellion.
It had meant something to me too, only I had no idea what.
All I knew was that I had never fucked anyone else like I had fucked her that night.
It had been a little over three years, but still I kept having dreams of her.
Sometimes I dreamed that she was doing fine, that she was happy somewhere. But sometimes the dream turned into a nightmare and she was dead, caught cheating, caught fleeing from her life.