FUCK, THE FACT THAT TEGAN hasn’t taken her eyes off me since I began playing is messing with my head.
We both agreed last night that we shouldn’t have slipped up and had sex, and we both agreed not to ever let it happen again.
But the way she’s looking at me now has me wanting to pull her up on this stage and fuck her on this stool right here in front of everyone.
I don’t care who’s watching, but I have to keep my asshole thoughts under control. So, I do what I came here to do and try my best to get lost in my performance.
Realizing Tegan was here for a date with Parker almost made me want to skip my performance so I could keep a closer eye on them, but then the thought of her possibly liking him only made me want to get her thinking about me even more. I remember the way she looked at me the last time I played and I want that again.
Parker may be a good guy. He may know how to treat Tegan better than I ever could, but it doesn’t mean I want that shit to happen.
Seeing that she was the girl Alexander had coming for Parker to meet had my blood boiling.
Especially seeing how damn sexy she looked standing there in that little dress with her dark hair blowing around her face.
I wanted nothing more than to walk over to her, pull her hair back and crush my lips against hers to show Parker that she’s mine.
But the fucked-up part is that she isn’t mine and never will be, and the fact that he trusts Parker with his sister and not me bothers me. It has me wanting to give him a reason to trust me with her.
I know more than anyone that’s going to take a lot, because he knows my track record with women. He knows I’ve never been on a second date, or hell, even a first one.
It’s always been straight to the bedroom and then straight out the door.
But I can’t fight this feeling in my gut that she’s different than the rest.
She didn’t drop at my feet from the sight of me like most of the women I’ve met.
Hell, no. It took me pushing and teasing her to even get her to want to spend a little time with me. Usually words aren’t even needed when it comes to me getting what I want.
I look up and catch her zoned in on me as if she’s so lost in me she can’t look anywhere else. It’s like I’m the only guy out here, and I can’t deny that it has adrenaline pumping through me, working me up.
It’s not until Parker grabs her arm and leans in close to her that she finally shakes out of her zone and turns to face him.
Whatever he’s saying has her laughing as if it’s the funniest thing she’s heard.
The fact that he can make her light up like that has anger and jealousy swarming through me, because all I can think about is how he could possibly make her happier than me.
What the fuck am I thinking?
Giving a shit about a woman I’ve slept with isn’t something I do, and it wasn’t something I planned on doing anytime soon. Especially when it’s my best friend’s little sister.
So, why the hell do I want to break this guitar over Parker’s pretty face right now?
Every muscle in my body is tight as I continue to play, not missing a beat.
That is until Parker pulls Tegan’s chair closer to his and rubs his hand over her arm as if he has the right to.
It’s hard to miss the anger in my voice at the sight. It even has Tegan backing away from Parker and giving me an odd look.
She may be able to tell I’m pissed about her being so close to Parker, but fuck it. It’s been pretty obvious I’m not thrilled with their little date since the moment she showed up.
I’m not going to pretend that I approve of it.
At the end of my set, I stand up and take my guitar off, not missing the fact that Tegan slides a little piece of paper across the table to Parker.
With a clenched jaw, I set my guitar down and reach for the water beside me, pouring it over my face to cool off.
When I open my eyes again, Tegan is standing alone at the table, watching me hard.
She’s looking at me like she wants to come over and say something, but changes her mind and walks away instead.
That’s probably a good thing with the way I’m feeling right now.
My head is fucking with me tonight and what I really need is to hurry and get out of here before I can cause a scene.
When I make it upstairs to my office to change into a fresh shirt and a pair of jeans, Alexander is stepping out of his.
“Great performance, Man. I’ve never heard you sing Kaleo before. I’m impressed.”
I slip into my jeans. “I figured Kaleo would be a good choice for tonight.” I button my jeans and reach for my t-shirt, slipping it on. “Did your sister leave with Parker?”
“Fuck no,” he says quickly. “There’s no way in hell I’d let her leave with any guy after the first date. She went home to work on her book, alone. She mentioned sitting outside by the pool for a bit.”
Relief fills me, knowing that she at least didn’t leave with Mr. Perfect. “Good. I was going to kick your ass if she did.”
He steps into my office and crosses his arms as he watches me log out of the computer and reach for my keys. “I’d be kicking my own ass. Parker may be a good guy but that doesn’t mean I fully trust him with her. I just trust him more than I would most guys with her.”
I look up and lift a brow, already knowing what his answer will be. “Like me?”
“Especially you, Micah. Have you met you?”
“I’ve had the pleasure,” I mumble. “I’m sort of an asshole. I’ve never denied it. But only because I choose to be. I don’t have to be.”
“Dammit, Micah.” He runs a hand over his face and I can feel his frustration. “Don’t ruin our friendship over my sister. You’re not a long-term type of guy. We both know you’d get bored within a day. So, push my sister far from your dirty fucking mind before I have to kill you.”
“Hey, I didn’t say she was on my mind.” It’s bullshit and even I know it. “Just wanted to see if you still don’t trust me with her. That’s all.”
He doesn’t say anything as he watches me head for the door. He just moves out of my way.
That’s probably a good thing right now.
“I’ll be at Express if you need me. It may be a long night.”
“You look like you need to unwind a bit, so I’ll leave your ass be. We’ll be fine here. We’re going to have to learn to be soon anyway. Go to your place.”
He flashes me a proud smile that has me feeling guilty as shit about last night. “Thanks, brother.”
Before long I’m pulling up at Express, needing some time to play and think.
I grab a few beers and head up to the stage, taking a seat on the black stool.
It’s been a while since I’ve played my own music. I always told myself that the first time I play it for an audience will be on my own stage.
Not on someone else’s.
It’s crazy to think it’ll be happening soon.
Relaxing and thinking with a few beers has the music flowing. I’m sitting here, lost in my performance, when I look up and see Tegan standing in the doorway watching me with her small laptop clutched to her chest.
My heart speeds up at the sight of her, because I didn’t expect her to show up here tonight, but then again, I didn’t expect her to show up the other night either.
“As much as I hate to admit it to someone as narcissistic as you, you’re really talented. And music helps me write. I figured you’d be here playing and thought maybe I could write. I hope you don’t mind.”
I watch as she walks over to the table in front of the stage and takes a seat. She doesn’t say anything else. She just sets her laptop down in front of her and opens it, giving me a small smile. “And don’t get too cocky up there. It’s your voice that relaxes me and gets me lost in thought, not your good looks.”
I arch a brow when she looks up at me. “Are you sure? I can lose the shirt if it helps.” I can’t help the cocky little smirk that takes over when I catch her looking my body over, as if she’s trying to picture me shirtless. “And the pants too. Anything you want.”
“I think you losing your pants is the last thing we both need right now. So, how about you stay dressed for once.” She shakes her head, as if she’s surprised by my offer. “My brother is already giving me dirty looks whenever your name is brought up. Which reminds me . . .”
“What?” I sit forward and run a hand through my messy hair. “This should be good. Does this have anything to do with your hot date tonight?”
“It wasn’t much of a date. Trust me,” she says quickly. “It was all Alexander’s idea. My brother isn’t stupid. He knows how you are with women and he knows I’m a sucker when it comes to men who look like you. He’s trying to distract me.”
“Then why the hell are you here?” My words come out harsh, but it doesn’t seem to faze her like it would most women.
“I told you. For some inspiration.” She looks up at me, her eyes softening. “So, will you please play something? I don’t care what. I just need the words to flow and they seem to do that when I’m listening to music and also when I’m around you, even though I hate to admit it. So, what could be better than you playing music for me?”
I exhale and reach for another beer, tilting it back.
Tegan has no fucking clue how hard she’s making it to be a good friend to her brother.
She doesn’t get that I can’t be around her right now, but now that she’s here I don’t want her to leave.
Especially since she came here because she needs me.
It makes me want to be the hero in her damn book. Or maybe I want him to be me.
Either way, I find myself playing for her.
But I choose not to play my own music, because I’m not sure I’m ready for that just yet.
When she finally hears one of my original songs, I want it to hit her in the heart. I want her to feel my words so she can see why this place is important to me, because I have a feeling she’ll understand more than anyone else does.
Words are her passion too, and that’s another thing that has me so drawn to her when I shouldn’t be.
I play for close to an hour, neither of us breaking concentration.
It’s just the two of us, alone, in this room, lost in what we love to do. I find something oddly comforting about it.
We’re connecting in a way I’ve never connected with anyone before and I find myself wanting to learn more about her.
I set my guitar down and run to grab two more beers, placing one down in front of her, before I take a seat on the stool again.
“Tell me something about yourself.”
She looks up from her laptop and laughs. “What?”
I sit up straight, saying the words firmer this time. “Tell me something I don’t know about you. You tell me something and I’ll continue to play. Unless you don’t want me to, of course. I can stop anytime.”
She keeps her eyes on me while reaching for the bottle in front of her and taps the side of it, lost in thought. “Well, when I was five a neighbor’s dog bit a small hole in my face and I had to get six stitches. I’m pretty sure I cried for two days straight.”
I don’t like the feeling I get inside when I picture her as a small girl hurt and crying. All it does it make me wish I were there to protect her.
“Tell me something else. Something happy. I don’t want to picture you hurt while I’m playing.”
A small smile forms on her face, but she quickly hides behind her bottle as if she doesn’t want me to see it. “I don’t know. I used to write these cheesy love poems when I was like twelve and one of them got published in a book. I remember being so excited and thinking that someday I’d be a famous writer. That’s what made me want to become an author. It took me a while to get brave enough to self-publish one of my recent stories, but I finally found the courage last year and so far it’s the happiest I’ve ever been. I love everything about it.”
The proud look on her face has me smiling. “Has your family read your first book?”
“Oh god, no!” She turns red in the face. “I can’t allow them to read the stories I write. They’re . . . uh . . . I don’t know . . .”
“Dirty and erotic,” I answer for her. “That’s not something to be ashamed of, Tegan. Everyone loves a good dirty book once in a while.”
“Even you?” she asks.
I keep my eyes on her as I tilt back my beer. “Even me. Words are sometimes better than pictures, because then you can imagine the person you want to do those things to.”
My answer seems to have her squirming a bit in her seat. She’s likely getting where I’m going with this. Yes, I’ve jerked off to my fair share of erotic books and I’m not afraid to admit it. The thought that she likely has too has me hardening.
“Is that right?” She reaches for her beer and takes a quick swig. “When was the last time you read a book?”
I wipe my arm over my mouth, absorbing the excess beer, before tossing the bottle into the trash beside me. “The night I came into your room and helped you relieve a little frustration. You weren’t the only one needing a release.”
“How did I know this conversation with you would turn into something sexual?” She shakes her head and shuts down her computer, showing me that she’s done writing for now.
I jump down from the stage and grip the table, moving in close enough to almost kiss her, wanting to see what me being close to her does now that she’s had me inside of her. “Because everything turns sexual with me. You know this, yet you still came here, Tegan. We both know that was a mistake, yet I let you stay.”
Her breathing picks up against my lips and I know without further confirmation that my body still has the same effect on her as before. Maybe even more now.
Shit, how that turns me on.
But being the asshole that I’m supposed to be to keep her at a distance, I decide to push her and see if I can piss her off.
“How was your little date? Did he make you want him inside of you as much as I do? Is that why you gave him your number?”
“You’re so full of yourself, Micah.” She palms my face, pushing it away. “I’ve already had you inside me once and that was more than enough.”
“That didn’t answer my question.” I walk after her as she tries to get away. Before she can reach the door I back her up against the wall and brush my lips over hers, causing her eyes to close and her heartbeat to race against my chest. “Did he?”
“It’s none of your damn business,” she breathes. “We’re not supposed to give a shit what each other wants, so let’s stick to that. From what I’ve heard it’s something you’re good at.”
She opens her eyes, allowing them to lock on mine for a quick second, before she pushes me away and walks out the door.
I’m not sure why hearing her say out loud how much of a piece of shit I am when it comes to women has me all worked up, but it does.
I haven’t touched another woman since the day she walked through her brother’s door. Well, at least not since I sent Denise home as soon as I was finished with her.
“Shit.” I run over and grab my keys, not bothering to clean the place up, before I rush outside and lock up behind me.
There’s no way I’m letting her walk away from me in the middle of the night.
She’s barely made it through the parking lot before I pick her up and begin carrying her toward my truck. “Put me the hell down, Micah.”
Even though she continues to bark orders at me, I don’t set her down until I’m standing beside my truck. “I’m sorry I’m an asshole. We don’t have to talk on the way home, but I need you to get in so I can drive you.”
She looks me over, hesitating for a moment, before she climbs inside and slams the door shut behind her.
I guess being an asshole to keep her away is going to be harder than I expected, because I hate the way it felt just now watching her want to get away from me.
Everything inside of me was screaming to go after her, and that’s exactly what I did. Now I have to manage this drive home, pretending that I don’t want anything more than to kiss her and make sure she wants me and not Parker.
I want to be inside of her, reminding her of how it felt to have me take her.
Parker will never be able to make her feel the way I can, both mentally and physically.
He’s the good guy who will open doors for her and buy her flowers to make her smile.
I’m the asshole who will fuck her good and hard to show her how much I want her, and I’ll kick another guy’s ass for getting too close.
That’s exactly why I’m the one she should be staying away from.
A few minutes into the drive she looks over at me and speaks. I can tell from the tone of her voice that she’s trying to stay mad at me. “Why don’t you play any of the songs you’ve written when you perform? Or have you?”
“Just doesn’t feel right performing them anywhere other than a place I put a lot of heart and dedication into. I thought about playing one for the audience at Vortex during my first real performance way back, but the thought had me too anxious, so I chose a few random songs to get me through the night.”
“Understandable. Tell me about Sebastian.”
“You sure are asking a lot of questions for someone that’s pissed at me,” I say with amusement.
“Yeah, well, oddly I need to know. I’m not sure why, so please don’t make me feel like an idiot.”
“Okay.” I grip the steering wheel, because I hate talking about Sebastian’s problems. Mostly because he reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger. “He came into Vortex about two years ago, looking like a tween with an ID that said he was twenty-one. I took one look at the shit-job some idiot sold him and tossed him out on his scrawny ass. He kept coming back and eventually I started looking out for him because I knew no one else would. He’s seventeen going on eighteen now and I’m still kicking him out of the bar weekly. He’s got some balls. That’s for sure.”
“Where are his parents?”
“Not taking care of him like they damn well should be. The kid doesn’t even know where they are right now.”
“That’s sad and entirely messed up. No kid that young should have to be on their own.”
Just as expected, she doesn’t speak to me the rest of the ride back to Alexander’s, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t catch her looking over at me whenever she didn’t think I would notice.
It seems I bring out her creeper tendencies and I can’t deny that it gets me somewhat excited.
The fact that she feels the need to look at me whenever she can means that I’m most likely on her mind just as much as she’s been on mine.
Fuck me, I need to get out of here.
That shit is messing with my mind, and I’m two seconds away from pulling her into my lap so she can ride me long and hard to show her I’ve been thinking about her too.
And now that she’s showing interest in my bar and Sebastian it’s only messing with my head more, confusing me.
“Goodnight,” I say as she’s opening the truck door.
She’s about to jump out but stops to look back at me. “You’re not staying here tonight?”
“No.” I grip the steering wheel and give her a quick glance. “I’ll wait here until you get inside. Lock the doors so I know you’re safe.”
Without another word, she jumps out of the truck and shuts the door behind her, walking away.
Just as I do with Sebastian, I wait until she gets inside before I drive off and head to my small apartment.
It’s not much, but it’s the best I could afford while putting all my money into Express.
Once I get upstairs and pour myself a drink, I text Sebastian on the phone I picked up for him earlier today to check on him.
As soon as I get the confirmation that he’s home safe in bed, I allow myself the pleasure of drinking until I pass out, because I know that’s the only way I won’t make the mistake of changing my mind and ending up inside Tegan’s room.