Chapter Thirteen – Our Daughter
Carly
Watching Blake take Natalia from my arms and cradle her against his big, strong chest stole every ounce of breath I possess. He mimics the rocking motion I was just doing like a professional, as if he’s done it for years. Hell, I don’t know anything about this man. For all I know, he has kids at home somewhere. Though, that doesn’t feel right. I sense that Blake is hiding something, but a secret family isn’t it.
When she appears to fall back to sleep, I get her crib and blanket ready. He follows my lead and walks over, placing her gently down on top of the mattress with such delicacy, you’d think she were a rare china doll. His big exhale of breath when she’s completely down is the only indication that he’s as affected by this situation as I am. He turns those questioning green eyes on me, and I know that our conversation has only just begun. I quickly cover up Natalia with a blanket and head towards her bedroom door, Blake in tow.
Neither one of us speaks as we walk into the kitchen. I head straight to the cabinet above the fridge and pull out the first bottle I can reach. Grabbing two small glass tumblers from the other cabinet, I turn my attention to Blake for the first time since we exited Natalia’s room. With a firm nod, he takes the bottle from my shaking hand and pours two fingers in each glass. Without a word, he slams back the glass, gulping down the dark liquid in one big drink. He adds just a little more to his glass and finally turns his attention to me.
I shake my head yes, confirming what he already suspects. You can’t look at those green eyes and not see it. Still without words, we slowly make our way towards the couch. I take one side while he falls down onto the other. Sipping the alcohol in my glass, I feel the burn slide down my throat, instantly warming my stomach. I just pray that it actually stays down now. Between the alcohol and my nerves about the pending conversation, I’ll be lucky to not throw up all over the damn place.
“You’re sure?” he finally asks, piercing me with those stunning green eyes that haunt my dreams and consume my days.
“I’m sure.” The confirmation registers quickly. Blake gives me another nod and takes a long pull from his glass. “I didn’t know how to contact you. Hell, I don’t even know your last name. It was supposed to be one night, right? We both knew the terms.”
“One night turned into a hell of a lot more for you,” he says with a pointed look. Gone is the shock of finding out he’s a father. The look he’s giving me now borders on pity, like he’s just now registering what my last two years have been like. Blake clears his throat, never letting those eyes waiver. “What’s her name?” he asks.
“Natalia.”
He closes his eyes as the single word washes over him. “She’s stunning,” he finally says as he opens his eyes.
“She is.”
“She’s you,” he whispers, adoration clearly written on his face.
“She looks like me, yes. She has a personality completely of her own, though. She’s bossy and demanding and won’t take no for an answer. She actually reminds me a lot of you. Or at least, what I can recall of you,” I tell him with a small smile. His soft laughter fills the room as he offers me his first smile since our reunion earlier this afternoon.
“I don’t even know where to begin, Carly,” he says as he sets his tumbler down on the end table. The only light in the room is the small lamp on the sofa table behind the couch.
“Me neither. When I woke up alone that morning, I thought that was it. The end of our story. And while that might have been the end of our time together, it was in no way the end of the story. About a month after, I started to feel nauseous all the time. I had just started my new job for Reid, and at first, I associated it to the stress of a new job. When it wouldn’t go away, I finally told Tara about my suspicions. She brought over a home pregnancy test and it was confirmed later that evening.”
“We wore protection, though. I mean, I’m not trying to be a bastard here, but I wore a condom.”
“Yeah, you did. But I guess it didn’t work. It’s the only thing I can think of, Blake. I hadn’t been with anyone for months before that night, and I haven’t been with anyone -” I instantly stop, realizing I am about to reveal a little too much.
“You haven’t been with anyone, what?” he prods, the intensity in his eyes burning brighter than the Las Vegas lights.
“It doesn’t matter. The point is that I know she’s your daughter. During that time of my life, you were the only person I’d been with. I’ll still submit her to a DNA test, though. I’m sure you’ll want one,” I say before taking another sip of the alcohol in my glass. “Though, you can’t exactly deny those green eyes.”
“No shit. I’ll consider the test. You know, I saw her a week ago when I delivered your car. She touched my face with those slobbery hands, and I felt…I don’t know. Something. A pull to her.” Blake takes another drink from his glass, returning it to the table. “So, tell me about our…daughter,” he asks, stumbling just a little on the word.
“My pregnancy was easy, I guess. Besides a little nausea in the beginning, I didn’t have any troubles. My mom was with me the entire time. She’s been my rock since I was a little girl. She’s all I’ve ever really had,” I confess, looking down at the glass I’m still clutching in my hand.
“So your dad wasn’t around?” he asks, sitting up straighter, searching my face. Ah, my elusive father.
“No. I was led to believe that he passed away when I was five years old,” I tell him and watch as he visibly relaxes with my admission. His whole body seems to release tension that he was holding as he slumps down in the couch and closes his eyes.
“I’m sorry you were led to believe that. It must have been quite the shock when you found out he was alive.”
“You have no idea,” I confess. “If you and that scary dude hadn’t walked in, I’m not sure where that conversation was headed.”
“What do you mean?” he asks, leaning forward now with his elbows on his knees.
“I don’t know what I mean. I just found out my father was alive, that my uncle and my mother have both kept it from me, and that the father of my daughter, who I haven’t seen in two years, works for him. It’s a lot to process, you know?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“What do you do for my dad?” I ask, concerned about his involvement in the business I’m starting to question.
“I’m a shop foreman for the auto repair place,” he says, not giving me any more information. He’s being evasive, this I can tell. But I just don’t know how much more I can handle right now.
“Why do I feel like there’s more to that?” I ask, trying to gage his reaction.
“Carly,” he exhales deeply and looks down. Moving with the quickness of a cat, he is off the couch and squatting before me, between my legs, before I realize what’s happening. He takes my hands firmly in his, pulling them against his chest. “Carly, I need you to trust me. I know you don’t know me well, but you need to know that I will always have your best interests and that of our daughter’s at heart. I have things I can’t tell you right now, but I promise you that soon I will be able to fill in all the blanks and answer the questions I know you want answered. But, right now? I can’t. I need you to trust me. Can you do that?” he asks, searching my eyes with a fierceness I can’t even process.
I look back at him, and I can practically feel the honesty seeping through his pores. He has secrets, this much he has already confessed to, but there’s something more. Something deeper. He wants to tell me, but he can’t. I can either ask him to leave and go on with my life, maybe sharing our child every other weekend, or I can put a little faith in him and wait for the right time where he can tell me what the hell is really going on. It doesn’t take me very long to come to a decision. Hell, I already knew the answer. “I trust you,” I whisper. I don’t know why exactly, but I do.
Blake’s eyes visibly relax and his hands tighten around mine. He pulls them to his mouth and I feel his breath fan against my skin for the first time in a very long time. He places a gentle kiss on my knuckles, heat spreading through my body like a wildfire. His eyes darken as he keeps them trained on my face. My breath quickens as I spread my legs ever so slightly, just enough to allow him to slip between my knees a little easier. He keeps his eyes locked on mine as he slowly leans forward. The feel of his rougher lips against mine sends me soaring. It feels as good as it did that night two years ago, and instantly, I crave his mouth on other places a little lower on my body.
Blake doesn’t deepen the kiss, though. Instead, he places his forehead against mine, just sitting there, as our labored breathing mixes together. “God, have I missed your lips.” His declaration renders me speechless.
After sitting like that for several minutes, he finally pulls back. “I should head out. You’re probably exhausted after your day, and I’m guessing the baby still wakes up at night.”
“Yeah, she gets her days and nights mixed up still. She could be waking up any moment and won’t go back down until God knows what time,” I tell him with a small smile. Even though this is a difficult time to get through, especially as a single mom, I wouldn’t trade these days for anything. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t kill for just one single uninterrupted night of sleep every now and again.
“She does?” he asks with a smile. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here to help you.” With each declaration he makes, I seem to be pulled deeper and deeper into the trance that is Blake.
“Yeah, she’s a bit colicky so nights tend to be long around here,” I say.
“Can I help?” he asks, his hopeful eyes back on me.
“It’s okay. I’m used to it. You should take advantage of your sleep while you can,” I reply with a chuckle.
Blake shakes his head from side to side. “No, I need to help, Carly. I can sleep on your couch. I promise not to be a bother, but can I stay? Just for tonight? I need to be here when she wakes up next. I don’t know why, but I just can’t leave right now.” How in the hell am I supposed to say no to that? Other than the fact that I don’t know him at all. He could be a serial killer or something. Am I really considering letting him sleep on my couch tonight? Under the same roof as my daughter?
And then the voice in my head speaks up. Our daughter.
I trust him. I don’t know why, but I do. I know he’s a good man deep down. I can feel it now as true as I felt it that one night we shared years ago. The night we created the life that is sleeping in her crib on the other side of that bedroom door. “Okay,” I whisper.
Blake flashes that handsome smile once more and places a kiss on my forehead. Standing up, I walk into my bedroom and retrieve an extra pillow from the bed. “The bathroom is right there,” I tell him, pointing to the closed door. “Nat is mobile now and will head straight to the bathroom if you don’t keep the door closed.”
“Got it,” he says as he pulls the afghan from the back of the couch. “Anything else I should know?”
“Oh, there’s plenty, but I figure we’ll just give you a crash course here in a bit when she wakes up,” I say with a laugh.
He rewards me with another killer smile. “I can’t wait.”
I take the glasses from the living room and place them in the kitchen sink before making sure the deadbolt is engaged and the lights are off, leaving the small lamp behind the couch on for Blake. Realizing that there isn’t anything keeping me in this room any longer, I turn and head towards my bedroom.
“Carly?” he asks, stopping me before I can head into my bedroom.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you,” he says, standing in front of the couch with his hands on his lean hips.
“You’re welcome,” I reply, gripping the doorjamb to keep myself upright. I give him a small smile before stepping into my quiet bedroom. I stop myself suddenly and take a few steps back out into the hallway. Blake is in the same place, looking down at the floor as if in deep thought. Quietly since I’m standing in front of Natalia’s door, I say, “Blake?” His eyes find mine immediately and I feel the impact of his gaze clear down to my painted toes. “What is your last name?”
He opens his mouth but stops himself. I can see the confliction on his face. “It’s Crisp,” he finally says. I give him a quick head nod before turning and stepping into my room.
I always sleep with the door open so that I can hear Natalia easily. Tonight, knowing that Blake is in the living room, I’m not sure that keeping my door open is a good idea. Not because I’m afraid or because I don’t trust him. No. I’m afraid that I don’t trust myself.