January moved into February and things got busier by the day at the Lanestrong Events outpost in California. Evy was throwing herself into work, talking to everyone, trying to find loopholes where she could save money and other things she might be able to get cheaper than what had originally been calculated.
It was half past six that day and no one else was in the office any longer. She sat at her desk—which now was a real, heavy desk because she’d replaced her sticks and plank structure— and glanced up, grinning. They’d occupied the entire space in front of her little room, and since so far no one had complained, she wasn’t worried about it.
The elevator doors binged and she stood, curious. She wasn’t expecting anyone and knew better than to stay seated and hope it was just a mistake.
“I tell you,” Tessa’s voice echoed across the space.
Hilary, Leila, and her best friend seemed rather cheery.
“Call it a day. We have a plan,” Tess announced and Evy took a deep breath, but Hilary didn’t even let her get that far.
“It’s been a few days since you and Tank became a couple and we didn’t get the gossip. We didn’t get anything. Give us something good. Man, please. Come and have a girls’ night with us,” Hilary pleaded.
“But—”
“You came to see your best friend. So see her,” Hilary muttered and Evy glanced at Tessa. They hadn’t talked much when it wasn’t about work because Tessa made sure she got home in time to put Johnny to bed. There was something going on, and Evy knew it, but she hadn’t found the time to talk to her best friend about that, either.
Maybe that evening was the best chance.
“Oh, and you need a plan for Valentine’s, because I’m taking off,” Hilary then announced while Evy closed her laptop and then stood.
“But that means I need to find a way to watch Leila while I work,” Evy complained, eyeing Tessa.
“Don’t look at me. Jazz is planning a day for us. Ela is keeping Johnny for the day and the night, and no, I don’t know what he is cooking up,” Tessa said before Evy could say anything at all.
They crossed the wide space and walked around filled tables before calling for the elevator. “Are things okay with Jazz and you?”
Tessa sighed, biting her lip for a moment. “His nightmares have increased again. Will has him telling everything he remembered from that day, over and over, because he hopes to make Jazz see it’s not his fault. He was cleared. He knows that, but there’s part of him that still thinks he could’ve saved more people. So the guilt shifted. It’s been a tough few weeks, or rather nights. He’s perfectly fine during the day, but he cannot control what he dreams about, and he pulled away, not letting me close. We’ve been fighting about him not holding me at night. In fact, he partly sleeps on the sofa because he worries with the nightmares the flashbacks could return.”
“Have they?” Hilary asked, subdued, as they stepped into the elevator and then made their way to the cars.
“No, they haven’t, but that doesn’t mean he holds me. He’s terrified of hurting me. It’s almost like the hospital all over again.”
Evy watched how Tessa tapped her hand onto the roof of Hilary’s car. “Come with me?” she called out and Tessa arched a brow, exchanging a glance with Hilary.
“You’ll be okay?”
Evy acted as if she hadn’t heard the question, mainly because Tessa was her best friend.
“I will, yes,” she assured Hils and then crossed over, sliding into the passenger side while her daughter was in Hilary’s car in the car seat.
“I’ve never spent as much time in a car as I do here,” Evy muttered and Tessa laughed.
“When I came back here after Jazz and the award ceremony I felt as if I lived in the car. I was going to work, going home, trying to get information, things like that. Then Jazz returned and it was home, work, the hospital, home, hospital again. I cannot tell you how annoying that was, but trust me, once your life settles down too, you’ll find a routine. After all, at some point you won’t have to go around and talk to everyone and their mother in person anymore.”
She winked and Evy nodded.
“So, you and Jazz?”
“You heard me.”
That Evy had done. “He loves you so much, he’s worried about touching you?”
Tessa’s brow furrowed. “Not at all. When he’s awake his in full control of himself, but during the night… I considered calling Will and asking if whatever they were doing is necessary, but I didn’t. I’m hoping for Jazz to just come to me and tell me.”
“What did Ryan say?”
Evy wondered if the doctor and her best friend still met up. She’d taking a liking to the guy, like someone who’d take in a lost puppy.
“He says it’s normal, and that there might be a lot of relapses on the way. However, he promised to talk to Jazz again. Maybe he has, which is probably why Jazz is so secretive.”
There was something in Tessa’s voice that made Evy doubt that. “Or…?” she prompted.
“Or it was the fact that two nights ago I broke down crying, telling him I missed waking up next to him, missed being surrounded by his warmth. He held me forever, and promised me he loved me more than ever before, but I just couldn’t calm down anymore. Tank came by that night, and I don’t even know why, but he saw me and… I don’t know. He requested a guys’ night, so we decided to do ladies’ night as well. He didn’t tell you?”
Yes, Tank had mentioned going out with Jazz, but Evy had been preoccupied.
In fact, she was most of the time now and knew it was taking a toll on pretty much everything, but with the charity gala drawing nearer, everything else just faded into the background.
“He did. He didn’t mention though why. I mean, I didn’t think they needed a reason, so I didn’t ask.”
Tessa smiled, resting her head back. Now that Evy knew something was going on, she had to admit she saw the exhaustion on Tessa’s face.
“He’s picking me up later, so I can drink,” she explained.
“Which means they are going to have a guys’ night without drinks?”
Tessa furrowed her brow. “You were there Christmas, weren’t you? Jazz doesn’t really drink anymore. Maybe a glass of wine, or one beer, but more than that? No. Hasn’t since he returned. Probably since before that even.” Tessa started to grin then. “And just because you seemed to have missed it, Tank stopped drinking, too.” She wiggled her brows much-saying.
Yeah… no, Evy hadn’t noticed that. “Why?” She didn’t think nightmares haunted him.
“Because of you. He worries he could have alcohol in when something happens or you need him. He’s just… I don’t know, always ready to drive, I guess. Plus, with your daily trips around to check everything and shop and whatnot, he knows he rather doesn’t want to have alcohol in his blood. He’s changed so much.”
Evy couldn’t say that, but that was because he’d been sweet with her no matter what. Not even when the others had complained about him being an ass had she ever thought that about him.
“He admires you, Tess. For the way you are with Jazz, the way you treat him and everyone else, the way you try to smile through it all. No matter how he acts around you, you’re practically a sister-in-law to him.”
Tessa smiled. “It wasn’t what I meant, but rather the outlook he has on life, and he changed because of you… and because of Leila.”
Evy laughed. “Sometimes I think he only wants me for my daughter.”
Tessa’s smile vanished as fast as it had come. “You know, he only told Jazz about his parents after he told you. Like you unlocked it in him. Jazz was hurt about never having known that Tank’s mother lives in town, but I guess we understand now. At least a little. So I think with Leila he feels responsible to show her men can be nice, too. To prove to himself that he’s different than he ever thought. I love seeing him with Johnny, but don’t ever tell him that.” Tess winked and Evy laughed.
“My lips are sealed.” And they would be. Some things needed to be kept between them—and some things didn’t need to be said at all.
* * *
Tank eyed his best friend, but Jazz didn’t seem exactly forthcoming. It was weird being worried about Tessa, although Tank knew a crying Tessa meant an unhappy Jazz, and that was the last thing he wanted.
McCole’s was almost empty, but then it wasn’t a surprise really since it was a Thursday night, not quite the weekend.
“Remember when we sat here and you asked us to help you preparing the surprise because you knew you needed Tessa to agree to marry you?” Tank started and watched how Jazz started to peel the label off the beer he most likely wouldn’t even drink.
“Of course. It’s not been that long.”
“You loved her so much, you could not see yourself without her in your life. You wanted to make everything right for her,” Tank reminded him.
Jazz nodded. “She’s my world, Tank. I cannot exist without her, and nothing has changed since the night I planned to ask her the question.”
“A crying Tessa isn’t a happy Tessa,” Tank pointed out unnecessarily.
“No shit, Sherlock.”
“Want to tell me what it was about? She didn’t just cry quiet tears. She broke down completely.”
Jazz winced and then smirked. “Emotional talk, huh? Are you sure you’re ready for that?”
Tank laughed shortly, blushing. “I know, and no, I mean, yes, I am. It was different when Tessa was here first. I was different. I thought emotions sucked. I didn’t realize considering you my best friend already put me knee-deep in emotions, because I hated her for being around you and keeping your mind occupied. I couldn’t understand it—until I suddenly did. And now I know how rare the thing between Tessa and you really is.”
Jazz arched a brow in question and Tank wasn’t the least bit surprised. “Look, after you, I watched other couples, and no one looks at each other the way you two do. Seriously. Tessa would give everything to make sure you’re all right. But you aren’t, are you?”
Jazz finally lifted the beer to his lips, but before tipping his head back, he lowered it again. “I miss the asshole-you. The one not having an opinion about relationships besides tap that pussy and move on. The sessions with Will take a toll on me, okay? Am I happy about the way things are? No. Did seeing Tessa like that break me? Yes. But if I’d hurt her, Tank, during one of those nightmares…”
“Stop the sessions for a while. I know Will will understand. Everyone will. Besides, there was one person you never hurt, no matter if it was a flashback or a nightmare or whatnot. It was her, Jazz. You cannot physically harm her, no matter how out of it you are. She was your fucking medicine during the time you were at the worst. You need her close for that reason.”
“I’ve been sleeping on the sofa for ten days now.”
Tank did a double-take. “You did what?” How could he when he’d worked so hard to not be away from Tessa? When Jazz had everything he’d ever wanted in the palm of his hand?
“I love her. I do, and she knows that, but I cannot sleep at all if I’m next to her because I worry I could hurt her.”
“Dude, that’s bad.” And he hadn’t thought it would be like that. “Whenever you two were around…”
“Again, I love her and we’re a couple, and we’re happy a lot of times, but I miss her during the nights. I’m staring at her after she falls asleep and long to be by her side, but I don’t trust myself with her. I talked to Ryan about it, and I know she did, too. I’m not letting her go, and I’m going to make sure she knows that. I try, every day. But that fear…”
“You know what I’ve come to realize since getting serious with Evy?”
Jazz shook his head.
Tank cleared his throat, wondering how best to phrase what had been on his mind for the last couple of days. “I think if you have a good woman, the right woman, you always feel as if you can only disappoint her. It’ll be hard work every damn day, because we’re never worthy of them. Never.” He felt his voice break and yet knew it was true.
Jazz smirked, looking down, and Tank wondered what he’d said. “Share?” he demanded.
“You’re right. I’m just surprised you’re talking like that. I’ve seen you around women and I’ve seen you around Tess, and I know you stand up for her when it’s necessary, but…”
“Being tender and soft with Evy is easy. Always has been. Around others it’s still… whenever I see Hilary I feel like saying all the asshole-y things.”
Jazz laughed. “Because she reacts so well to them. You like riling her up. I’m not surprised. You’re like brother and sister.”
“I respect the hell out of that woman. She takes in whoever needs it and is selfless and still doesn’t take shit from anyone. And I also respect the hell out of Tessa because she doesn’t give up. Ever.”
Jazz chuckled. “Careful, Tank, you almost sound like one of us now. You know, one of us pussy-whipped guys,” he teased and Tank shrugged.
“I want to. Being the idiot was much more fun when you didn’t know what was on the other side, so… But who knows, maybe before long I’m being back to being me.”
And damn if that thought wasn’t sobering and painful.
“What?” Jazz asked in disbelief.
“Before I tell you about that, promise me to make sure you crawl back into that bed, Jazz. Tell Will. I’m serious. You can’t—”
“I’m not leaving her or letting this tear us apart, Tank, okay? It was just a bad couple of weeks and I’ll do everything I can to make sure we’ll be happy again. So, you and Evy? You just started dating. I mean, what could possibly be off already?”
A lot, Tank thought. “She didn’t once… I mean… Forget it.”
And he knew Jazz wouldn’t. Of course not, because he had opened that can of worms. But it was one thing talking about emotions, and a totally different thing talking about sex—or the lack thereof.
“I’m not. You just ripped me a new one because I’m not treating Tess right in your mind, so give me the chance to do the same.” Jazz nudged, bumping him with his shoulder.
“That first day? When we weren’t a couple yet, we kinda… It was the only time we had sex, okay? And, well, I’ve been worried about it, because doing it with some girl in a bar is different than making love and all that shit.”
“Making love and all that shit,” Jazz echoed, humor in his voice.
Tank groaned. “Shut up, seriously. I mean I thought she would… we would… it hasn’t happened. After the night I told her about my mother, we haven’t even been alone anymore. She is absent-minded most of the time, and I don’t think she is still so happy to be with me.”
He hated feeling so insecure. Never in his life had he been in a position like that and as much as it hurt him, he couldn’t help but think that maybe his mother hadn’t been too far off.
Jazz stayed quiet for a moment and Tank wondered if he considered saying things like he had told him so or whatever.
“It was a shitty time to get together with her, Tank. You knew that. We all did. I mean, the gala is soon, and everything around it takes arranging. You’re currently doing exactly what she needs you to do,” Jazz finally stated.
“And what’s that, Sherlock?”
“You’re taking care of her daughter.”
It was true. Tank had taken to bringing the little one along whenever he could, and signing papers, reading things and whatnot he could do with Leila by his side.
“I wonder if Evy would allow me to see the girl even if—”
“There’s no even if,” Jazz instantly interrupted. “A woman like Evy doesn’t do relationships lightly, Tank, and about the sex… Did you ever consider that it would have to happen either in Hilary’s house with her down the hall, or at the base, where she’d have to leave afterward because she has a child? I wouldn’t exactly want that.”
Yes, Tank understood that, but he couldn’t deny that he wanted to be close to her again. Or for the first time, in the right way.
“I don’t care, as long as it’s a bed,” he replied.
“Oh Tank, you cannot only think about getting her… Holy shit, are you saying you’ve never had sex in a bed?” Jazz asked and Tank wasn’t the least bit surprised it had taken a few seconds for his implications to sink in.
“You don’t exactly convince women that you never want to see them again if you take them home. Plus… It wasn’t about making them feel comfortable, you know? I just didn’t… I…”
He gritted his teeth, interrupting himself, waiting for judgment to rain down on him, but all Jazz did was sigh.
“Damn, your mother did a fucking number on you. I wish I could meet that woman. I have a few things to say to her.”
Tank sure as hell hoped that meeting would never happen.
* * *
Evy leaned back on the sofa, her belly full and her mind pleasantly content. It was crazy how much your body could relax whenever someone forced you to it.
“So, you and Tank,” Hilary asked, wiggling her brows. “We need to know it all. He makes sure you come first, right? And he does foreplay, right? Right?”
Evy blushed up to her hairline. “I’m pretty sure you never asked Tessa those questions back with Jazz.”
Hilary shrugged. “I didn’t need secondhand sex back then.” Of course not, after her boyfriend had just cheated on her.
“And you do now?” Tess asked, surprised.
Hilary shrugged. “I just need to know he’s treating her right and that all that practice was worth it,” she answered honestly.
The thought of Tank with another woman was like a stab to the heart, although she knew he no longer did that.
And frankly, she trusted him fully.
“We haven’t done it.” Not quite the truth, but they didn’t need to know more, did they?
“I’m not surprised. And now, Hils, put on the first show, whichever one you picked,” Tessa ordered, clearly trying to help Evy out, but somehow she wanted to talk about it. She wanted to do the girls-talk.
“I just hardly have time. With us being at the venue or in the office, I just don’t see… I don’t know where to take time. And I hardly see Leila at all. The only time I have is in the evenings and I cannot always leave and…” She shrugged. God, she missed being close to him, as if she hadn’t done anything else for years. “I—”
The doorbell rang and the women exchanged confused glances. “Are you expecting anyone?” Hils asked and Tessa got out her phone, shaking her head then.
“Jazz will pick me up, but he promised he’d call first, so it’s not for me,” she announced and Hilary stood, sighing.
“With you girls there are always surprises. Always! Ugh.” She went into the hallway and the other two waited, wondering who it could be.
“You are?” Hils’ tone was cautious and worry settled in Evy’s stomach.
“I’m Thomas’ mother,” came the reply, and both Tessa and Evangeline stood.
“I don’t think you have anything to do here,” Hilary announced.
Evy heard the other woman clear her throat. “I can imagine Thomas’ girlfriend doesn’t want to see me. She probably already knows—”
“She knows what?” Evy interrupted, rounding the corner. Tank’s mother was pretty, the steely eyes just like her son’s, but since Evangeline knew the true extent of her ugliness, she wasn’t impressed.
“He’s out in a bar. I just wanted to talk to you to apologize because I know the way he is is partly my fault.”
“He is in a bar with my fiancé,” Tessa injected, her voice cold. “Ms. Michaels, how did you find this house? Stalking is a crime; you know that, right?”
“That voice…” Tank’s mother’s brow furrowed and then her expression lit up. “TR… No wonder my son thought he could do a relationship if he’s friends with America’s most famous romance radio host.”
Most famous? Certainly not, Evy thought, wondering why the woman was the way she was. The hatred and nastiness glittered in her eyes.
“I’ll have you know, TR, I didn’t have to stalk. I looked up Miss Jackson’s company after having met her at the Aquarium, and on the website it says where her—”
“How do you know where I work? I didn’t tell you at the Aquarium,” Evy interrupted, worried.
“Tank did, child,” the woman replied, as if she was surprised Evy hadn’t figured it out herself.
Anger surged through Evy. Why would he do that when he told her explicitly he didn’t like his mother?
“I repeat, stalking is a crime, Ms. Michaels. Tank did not tell you that. And whatever you thought you wanted to tell us, or had to tell us, we don’t want to hear it. Have a good night.” Tessa wanted to close the door, but Evy wasn’t done.
“How did you get this address? It’s not on my company’s site.”
“No, but the doorman in the office told me where you live after I told him I’m practically your mother-in-law and—”
“Leave,” Hilary said now.
Finally anger marred Ms. Michaels’ features. “He’s cheating on her. Of course he is. He is not into relationships. He—”
Tessa had slapped the woman before Evy had time to even get angry. “Thank you for your visit, and should you ever come here again, we’ll call the police.”
This time her best friend closed the door and then rested her back against it.
“How could you, Tessa?” Evy raged.
“How can you possibly believe her after everything we know about her? Everything you know?” Tessa snapped and Evy shook her head.
“I don’t believe a single damn word.” She really didn’t and it surprised her because she’d never trusted anyone the way she trusted Tank. Crazy, if one thought about it. “However, you slapped her, Tess. What if she comes back with assault charges?”
Tessa smiled and Hilary spoke before she could. “Then we have two eye-witnesses who saw Tessa being attacked first. She just defended herself,” she said easily and then walked away. “Supernatural?”
“She found me here. I mean, I knew the doorman wasn’t the best, but—”
“She stalked you, Evangeline. However, we’ll figure that out. Anyway, let’s go and watch the show. I’m just gonna use the bathroom and then I’ll be there.”
Evy nodded, her heart heavy and longing for Tank even more than she had been whenever she had a minute to herself. It worried her, the lengths his mother had gone to find her, and they definitely needed to have a talk about how dangerous he considered his mother, but first and foremost she wanted to hold him to assure him she’d always believe him.
* * *
Jazz’s phone started vibrating between them on the bar and Tank groaned when it lit up with Tessa’s beaming smile.
“Honestly? She cannot even manage without you for a few hours?” he snapped, not really angry at Tessa, but pissed because he hadn’t gotten a message from Evy.
As if she didn’t think about him.
He’d considered texting her earlier, but then didn’t want to be that guy who bothered a girl. Then again, if he didn’t, they’d probably never have any contact anymore besides seeing each other at the office.
“She wouldn’t call if it weren’t important,” Jazz promised, picking up. “Hey beautiful! I—”
He trailed off and Tank was about to take a sip of his beer when Jazz’s brow furrowed and his eyes turned to Tank. “We’ll come over. We’ll be there soon.” His best friend’s expression lightened up suddenly and he laughed. “Very funny. Love you, too. See you in fifteen.”
He hung up, pointed at the beer, and asked, “Are you gonna drink that or can we abandon it?”
“We’re not ending your guys’ night because Tessa misses you,” Tank complained and Jazz shook his head.
“No, we’re ending it because your mother showed up at Hils’ house to tell your girlfriend you’re cheating on her.”
Tank blinked, and then blinked again, sure he must have misheard. He wasn’t even sure which part to address first.
“Did Evy believe her?” And why shouldn’t she? He wasn’t sure if he’d have dismissed the notion easily if had he been in her shoes.
Jazz gave him an outraged glare. “She did not. However, Tessa thinks you should still drop by. It’s not exactly comforting to know your mother found her. Especially because she made up some bullshit story. Evy seemed to have believed it, but Tessa said she doubted it. So let’s go. I don’t even want to know how it is with three scared women in one house.”
Tank stood, on auto-pilot. They were there with two different cars and he could drop by his mother’s place and see what the hell she’d been thinking.
“What exactly did she say?” Even to his own ears his voice sounded wooden.
“Tessa didn’t say. She just told me your mother tried to bring out that line, but that’s why we’re going back now and you can ask Evy.”
He’d longed to see Evy after work hours, but certainly not like this, because of someone trying to split them up.
They left the bar, the beers taken care of before they’d ever gotten them, and outside Jazz held him back. “You get in the car with me. You can pick yours up later. I’ll even drop you off here again, but there’s no use going to your mother’s place now. If she was just at Hilary’s she cannot be home unless she lives in the same neighborhood.”
Tank felt the questioning glance on him and shook his head. “No, not around there. Actually almost half way across town.”
And damn, Jazz was right. She wouldn’t be there yet and he longed to hold Evy.
Figuring protesting wouldn’t get him anywhere, he slipped into the passenger side of Jazz’s car, not surprised to see pictures of his best friend and his fiancée on the dash. Tessa’s perfume, too, lingered in the air, and there were toys everywhere. The truck looked like a family car, and the way Jazz grinned, observing the mess, Tank knew he knew it, too.