~Jives~
I couldn’t believe I was even there.
I went there because I couldn’t get my thoughts off her. Over the last month or so, I’d worked desperately on the alien relations to make sure that everything would work out for us. Apparently, Remi was super happy with the whole pregnancy thing, and he won’t shut up about it. But, it also meant that he wasn’t working on his duties, which meant that everyone else had to pick up the pieces, myself included.
I was busy with that, and because it took me until late at night to deal with everything, I rarely had the time to talk to anyone. It was strange, because normally I was fine being alone, but for some reason this whole Remi situation put me in a bad mood. I wanted to talk to Tracey, even if it was just to check up on her.
When I could finally get away from the office, with all the fires put out and the building going strong, I made my way over to her studio. It wasn’t because I missed her or anything. Maybe I did, but I didn’t want anything special. I just… wanted to make sure that she was okay. I had a lot on my mind, and she was a part of it.
When I got there, I knocked, and she answered. She seemed almost scared to see me, but I did understand why. I bet she thought I was an apparition or something.
“Oh! It’s you,” she said.
“Is that a bad thing? If so, I’ll leave,” I told her.
“No, it’s totally fine! I just wasn’t expecting you. Since it’s been a little while and all,” she said.
I felt a bit embarrassed for being so cold, but I soon followed suit. We were both then inside, the tension between us as thick as it could be. I felt a bit nervous.
I didn’t know what I wanted when it came to Tracey. On the one hand, I did like her a lot but, on the other, I didn’t know if this would turn into anything. Tracey was a nice woman, but I didn’t know if a human would want me. I never even really thought I’d find someone worth mating with.
Remi would go on all the time about that, but I always blew him off. I don’t know, it just never seemed to be something that interested me. Rather, I focused on my work. But, as of late, it was starting to get to me. I wanted to see her, even though I didn’t understand why.
“So, what’s up? It’s been a little while,” she said.
“I just wanted to check in on you. I hadn’t really heard from you since the whole thing with Brad. I’ve been quite busy. Remi has baby fever and his wife is just barely holding on, so I’ve had to deal with their mess,” I told her.
“I figured. I’ve been okay. Just been working mostly. I’ve got to thank you, because you’ve helped me with inspiration,” she said.
I looked at her with confusion. “How? I just wanted to help,” I said.
“Well, you did a lot more than merely helping. You managed to get me back in the groove to paint again. I’ve had a huge creative block for a long time, and you helped out a lot,” she said.
I blushed. “It was nothing. Just trying to help,” I muttered.
“Well, you did a lot. Thank you,” she replied.
I could see the look in her eyes, the look that she wanted something more. I shook my head though, immediately speaking. “I know what you want Tracey. You want something from me,” I said.
She looked a bit surprised. “Well, I did paint this for you. Consider it a thank-you gift,” she told me.
She gave me the piece, and as I examined it, I realized the beauty of it.
“Wow. You’re quite the artist,” I told her.
“Thank you. I’m glad that you think so.”
I looked at it, seeing the beautiful colors. It was a picture of the ships as we flew on by. I had a feeling that she liked them, since they were so detailed.
“I never thought you’d be one to enjoy alien ships like this,” I said.
“I didn’t either, but there’s just something inspiring about you guys. I feel a lot happier, like the channels that I used to create art have opened up, and the deluge of creativity can finally flow out,” she said.
I smiled; hearing her explain her creative flow making me smirk. “That’s quite an interesting way to describe it, you know,” I said.
“Yeah. I know it’s embarrassing, but I am happy about it. I truly am,” she told me.
“Good. I am as well,” I replied.
There was an awkward silence. For the first time, I didn’t really know what to say. A part of me wanted to clear the air on the whole tension thing. As I was about to say something though, she spoke.
“So what brought you here today? Besides me?” she asked.
I tensed. I didn’t know how to put it nicely.
“Well, I wanted to check up on you. There was a lot that went on, and I’ve been working day and night. That’s all,” I said.
“Oh. I see.”
I could clearly taste the disappointment in the air. I then spoke, quickly changing everything.
“If you’re wondering what my feelings are about you, I’m going to be honest right now. I don’t know. I had no interest in fraternizing with a human until you came along. And it’s just… I’m worried. I don’t know what to feel, how to say it, or anything. I’ve never been able to figure out what I’ve been feeling recently. But there is that part of me that wants to take this chance, even though I’ve told myself time and time again not to associate with humans,” I said.
I felt like I crushed her dreams as I said those words. But, I didn’t tell her immediately I wasn’t interested. She seemed to understand though, and soon she spoke.
“I see. You’re afraid of commitment, of moving forward. Because I’m a human,” she said.
“That is correct. I’m sorry if that comes off as harsh, but I’ve never explored these feelings. I’ve been worried about this for quite some time. The last thing I want is to see you upset, but I also don’t want to give you this idea that I know exactly what I want. I don’t. I’ve always been dedicated to my work, to helping this world, to maintaining the best relationship between aliens and humans that I can. I’ve always been about diplomacy. But now that I’m around you, I’m considering expanding it,” I told her.
“Really?”
“Yes, Tracey. I’m not saying I want to go further than friendship right now, but I will say that the idea of friendship doesn’t scare me, nor does being companions make me worry. I don’t want a mate though. I don’t have the time or the energy to take care of one currently. I’ve got so much going on, and frankly… I don’t know, I’m still nervous about this,” I told her.
She didn’t seem upset, even though I thought that she would be.
“Well, let’s just be friends then,” she said.
“Just friends,” I said.
“Correct. It’s not the end of the world. Trust me on this, I totally get it. I don’t even know if I’m ready for a relationship or anything serious myself. I feel better though, knowing your intent. It’s just… nice hearing you be so honest. I’ve missed your voice,” she told me.
I tensed up. Was my voice that interesting?
“Well, thank you. I promise I will protect you and help in any way that I can. But yes, let’s take this slow. If you want, we can even go out tonight and hang. Just as friends,” I said.
“You’re off?”
“Fortunately. I wanted to get away from the office. It was driving me insane,” I told her.
She nodded. “Then let’s do it. I can take you to this great coffee shop. After that, we can go watch a couple shows in the park,” she said.
I agreed with a nod. “Fine by me,” I replied.
She finished putting her stuff away, and I placed the picture in the ship. I felt a bit nervous, knowing what I was about to go into. Would this work? Would we really be able to maintain friendship? I don’t even know, but there was that part of me that felt a thundering in my heart, a sort of strange desire to protect her, but also a desire to be something more.