Chapter Five
David slept late, Chunky curled in the bed with him. The house was still quiet when he got up, but the kids weren’t used to being out so late, so he wasn’t surprised they were still sleeping at eight in the morning. He put on the coffee and put out food for Mo and the cats. Sipping from his cup, he checked on Cadbury, taking the time to clean the cage and refresh the bunny’s water and food. He left the rabbit to his own breakfast and grabbed his phone.
Locking himself in his bathroom, he dialed a number that he hadn’t called in a little over five years. It was probably way too late to call her, but he couldn’t wait any longer.
“Hello? Who is this?” Gina’s voice didn’t sound sleepy and he heard voices in the background, so some of his guilt eased.
“Gina,” he said.
“David?” Her voice was pure shock. “It’s been over five years, asshole. Where have you been?”
“In Maine,” he said. “You know why I had to leave.”
She sighed. “Hold on. Let me find somewhere private to talk.” He heard the background noise fade. “Okay. God, David, I can’t believe it’s you. Wait, did you say Maine? The kids said something about Maine when I talked to them last night.”
“They’re here. He’s here.”
“Fuck. Finally,” she said, groaning. “I can’t believe you left like that.”
“Gina,” he said, frustrated. “Do you know how much it hurt to see him every day and know that he belonged to you?”
“Yeah. That had to suck,” she said. “We just really missed you when you left. He’s there now, though. You giving him a chance?”
“Of course,” he said. “Like I could say no. They’re moving in with me.”
“But? You wouldn’t have called me if there wasn’t something wrong.”
“Is it really over between you two? He says you two were never happy, but it sure as hell looked like you were the perfect couple.”
“We are beyond over,” she said. “You know how my parents were. They wanted me married, with two point five kids. I did what they wanted for so long that it was actually a relief when I got pregnant with Sadie. Otherwise, I knew Sawyer and I wouldn’t have married. He’s a great guy, David, but the two of us just aren’t good together.”
David closed his eyes. He was ashamed, but he was so happy to hear they’d been having problems, even though it pissed him off. “Damn it, Gina. What about your kids? He has full custody. How can you be so casual about losing them?”
“Listen,” she said, voice full of emotion. “I haven’t told a single person this, not even Sawyer, but you’re going to be their new parent, so I want you to understand. I love them. I carried each of them in my body for nine months and have never regretted having them. They made Sawyer so fucking happy, and I wanted him to have that.”
“He adores them,” David said, nodding.
“Here’s the thing, though. I never wanted them. Never. I may be a selfish person, but I simply never wanted children. I can’t even blame it on work. Career or no career, it didn’t matter. I swear, it’s not just an excuse to do what I want. I’m not mother material. I had them for Sawyer and my parents.”
His heart hurt for the three kids sleeping in his house. He hurt for her too. “Gina, you did have them, though. You have a responsibility.”
“I know,” she said quietly. “I call them every week. I send them birthday and Christmas presents, and Sawyer and I both contribute to their college funds. I know I could do more, but honestly, I think it hurts them more when I do. I tried with Sadie, when she was little. I think that’s why she hates me so much. She thinks I stopped loving her. The boys know I care, but they see me more like a distant aunt.”
“I can’t fathom it,” he admitted. “I hear what you’re saying and I know every person is different, but I can’t fathom not wanting to see them every day.”
“That’s why you’re there with them, and I’m in France. I can’t be what they need. You can. I’ve never met anyone with a bigger heart than you, David.”
“You deserve happiness too, Gina,” he said, shaking his head. She had an emotional responsibility to them too, damn it. He did know her parents, though. They were pushy and controlling. It was so fucking complicated.
“I have my happiness,” she said simply. “I am very satisfied with my life, even though I do feel guilty about the kids. I truly do think my distance is better for them than if I tried to be someone I’m not. I’m not completely selfish. Mostly, yes, but not completely. It’s just that not everyone needs nor wants a family.”
“Okay,” he said with a sigh. “You and Sawyer are over. You don’t mind that your kids are mine now, and you know that we’re all living in Maine. I’ll send you our new address and you can reach me here. You’re welcome here anytime too. If you ever want to come.”
“I may take you up on that,” she said. “My parents haven’t spoken to me since the divorce.”
“Well, we’re here.” He hoped Sawyer wouldn’t mind him saying that.
“I missed you too, David,” she said. “I thought Sawyer would die when you left. He became a shell of himself. I knew why you had to go, before he ever did, but I still missed you.”
“I miss you too, Gina.” Their call ended and David felt a weight leave his shoulders. He hadn’t realized he needed that conversation, that certainty.
He worked on getting dressed, Chunky sitting on the bathroom counter, watching him in fascination. “Alright, Chunky,” he said. “It’s make up time. Should I go with a light and sweet look today or super seductive?”
“Meow.”
“You’re right. It is a Sunday morning.” He went with light and sweet and dressed in a teal, silk Calvin Klein jumpsuit he’d found on sale at Macy’s. The bright color contrasted well against his dark skin. He looked damn good.
“David?” Sadie’s voice came through the door.
“Come in, sweetie.”
She came in, yawning, dressed in her pajamas. She carried Cadbury in her hand and Mo followed her. The dog jumped on his bed and rolled around. Weirdo. “Last night was a lot of fun,” she said. “I’m glad we’re staying. When are you going to let Dad move in your room?”
“Soon,” he said. The teenager sprawled out next to Mo on his bed. She set Cadbury carefully on a pillow. David sat beside her. “I talked to your mom today.”
“Why would you want to do that?” She rolled to her side and propped her head on her hand.
“I was her friend too,” he reminded her. “I wanted to hear what happened from her. I needed to understand some things.”
“Like why she’s in France and we’re here?”
David eyed her suspiciously. “Can you read minds?”
She snorted. “Yes. You and Dad had best keep your thoughts clean.”
“I’m sorry for the things you’ll see and hear, sweetie,” he said, shaking his head. She just laughed. “Anyway, I did talk with your mom. She cleared some things up. You know she loves you, right?”
“Not like Dad and you do,” Sadie said.
“I don’t know what to say, Sadie,” he said. “I have this crazy, selfish theory, but… never mind.”
“What’s your crazy, selfish theory?” Her green eyes were sad.
“What if fate, kismet, or whatever made your dad meet Gina so that I could have you kids? Maybe I just screwed it up by leaving. I could have had all of you for five years now.”
Sadie smiled, eyes softening. “That’s not crazy. Mom will never be a real mother, but you will be a great dad. Maybe you’re right.”
“Sadie? She said she tried with you. What does she mean? When I met you all, Gina was never home too often.”
“When I was really little, I remember her singing me to sleep. We spent time together playing, and she was home more often. Then it just stopped. She just stopped trying.”
“You know that’s not your fault, right? She told me she wasn’t meant to be a mother.”
“I get it in here,” she said, tapping her head. “I wouldn’t want her to force herself to be someone she’s not. I don’t want that for anyone. It’s just hard to understand it in my heart. That’s why I like your crazy, selfish theory. I was just meant to be your daughter.”
David pulled her up and into a hug. “That’s the truth. You’re too smart and beautiful to be anyone else’s.”
They both froze, sniffing the air. “Is that bacon,” Sadie asked.
“Someone is making breakfast,” David said. His stomach growled and Sadie laughed. “That was Mo, not me.”
“Sure,” she said, rolling her eyes. They heard feet running down the hall. “We had better hurry. The boys will eat it all.”
“Wait. I need my shoes.” He ran into his closet and picked a pair of black heels, putting them on as he ran for the door, Sadie in front of him with Cadbury.
Sawyer scrambled eggs at the stove. He ran appreciative eyes over David, but toast and bacon were piled in the middle of the small breakfast table, distracting David from his hot boyfriend. The boys already sat in their seats, eying the bacon like starving wolves. Sawyer served up the eggs and everyone dug in.
David watched Sadie stick her tongue out at Ryder when he teased her about her hair while Harry snuck a piece of bacon to Mo under the table. Sawyer sat beside David, hand on his knee. In that moment, David knew that this was his family. This was his man. He hadn’t been able to hold back with the kids, but he had with Sawyer. He was scared, and he still was.
He thought back to his conversation with Shawn. He had told the young man that he had the chance to make some good memories. He didn’t know what was in the future, but he knew these four people would be there. That was enough to take a chance.
“Have you already unpacked, Sawyer?”
“Yeah. I had some time before the party last night.”
“That’s unfortunate,” he said, pouting.
Sawyer and the kids stared at him with hurt eyes and devastated expressions. “You don’t want us here?” Harry’s lip trembled.
“What? Of course I want you here,” David said, baffled.
“Then why is it bad that Dad unpacked?” Ryder sniffled.
“Oh, because he needs to move into my room. If he already unpacked, he’ll have to pack again.”
“We’ll move him,” Harry shouted happily. “It won’t be hard. You’ll see.”
Sawyer grinned at him. “I’m moving into the big room, huh?”
“I’ll make room for your things in my closet. Somehow. Are you sure you need all those clothes?”
“I can’t run around naked.”
“If he gets too, then we get too,” Harry said.
“No,” Sadie said. “God, please no.”
“Fine,” David said. “For Sadie’s sake, you can keep your clothes. As long as I get you, I can deal with less room in the closet. I guess.”
“I feel so loved,” Sawyer said.
“I really hope the twins are girls,” Sadie said. “I think I’ll need the reinforcements.”