Chapter Four
Three days after the party, a new week had started and Allen had been talking with Edward and Carmen. They wanted to see the boat again, and Edward was keen to visit Jonathon. Allen walked into Roman's office and sat at his desk to talk with him about another trip to the boat with the Senator.
"Allen, you've done great work with him and I appreciate it. I think if you continue to help him the way you are, he may very well buy that boat from us. I do want you to know, though, that Denise is headstrong about spending time with Edward and Carmen as well. She's bent on being Carmen's new best friend," Roman told him with a sorry sigh.
Allen glowered slightly. "I know. They left the party because Carmen was so annoyed with Denise."
Roman nodded. "Yeah, I figured that. I think you should know that Denise is planning to have a dinner on the boat with them. You aren't the only one contacting them. She's been hard after them to meet up with us again, and we're going to have to work with her to make it happen."
Allen bit his lip and shook his head. "That's why..." he said softly, as if he was realizing something.
Roman tilted his head and looked at the man before him curiously. "That's why what?"
Allen looked up at him. "That's why they have been torn between seeing the boat again and waiting on it. I think Edward is the one who is bent on getting to the boat, but Carmen is delaying their visit because she doesn't like Denise. I don't think she wants to see her again."
Roman leaned back in his chair and sighed. "She better not ruin this for us." He rubbed his forefinger over his lip thoughtfully. "Listen, let's do this. Plan a lunch on the boat for Edward, Carmen, Jonathon and us, and have all of the details ready to go. Tell Edward that we're going to have a meeting here at the office and ask him to bring Carmen.
“Don’t tell him that it's on the boat until the morning of the lunch. Then we say that we have moved the meeting to the boat at the last minute. Then maybe we could have him there with his wife and my wife won't find out about it in time to join us."
Allen sat up straight and clapped his hands together. "Perfect! I'll get right on that." He left Roman's office, and Roman hoped that his plan would work. He called Janine in and she sat down in front of him to talk with him.
"I wanted to ask you how things are going with Cami? Did you find a place for her? Is she getting taken care of?"
He had been texting Cami now and then, and he had talked to her on the phone once since she was in his office. He was trying to navigate the waters of reformed friendship with a woman who was his lover and consequently the mother of his child, and it was awkward at best for him.
Janine grinned. "I did find a place for them; they're moving in this week to a condo and I got her a nice car and some pieces of furniture that she didn't already have. I put an appointment in your calendar to go with her tomorrow to open bank accounts, and I have your accountant taking care of all of her bills."
Roman nodded and smiled at her. "You're the best, Janine. I really appreciate it. Thank you."
Janine stood and walked to the door, then turned and looked at him. "You are a lucky man to have Cami and Emma in your life, however they are in your life," she said and winked as she walked out. He knew it was true, and he felt a warm happiness spread through him just thinking about them.
The next day he picked Cami and Emma up from their hotel and took them to the bank. He opened checking and savings accounts for them both, as well as some investment deposit accounts, adding a healthy amount of funds to all of them.
Cami was quiet and relieved. She felt as though he didn't need to do as much as he was doing, and she had told him so. He absolutely wouldn't take no for an answer, and it was honestly a great weight lifted from her. She agreed to it, and was truly grateful for everything he had done for them.
They would be moving into their new home the next day, and she was excited for that.
She was anxious to have all of the transition between Los Angeles and San Francisco finished soon, as it was beginning to wear on her. She could tell that it was wearing on Emma as well. Everything around them seemed like it was constantly changing and unfamiliar, and she wanted a stable environment for Emma.
They finished at the bank and Cami asked Roman to come up to the room at her hotel so he could feed Emma. He jumped at the offer, anxious to help with his daughter, and a half hour later, they were walking into Cami's room at the hotel.
He looked around at her room, pleased. "I see Janine had you moved into one of the suites here. This is nice. I'm glad you're in a bigger place. I couldn't stand to think of the two of you in the smaller rooms for an extended stay." He walked from room to room. It was essentially an upscale apartment, by all rights. She went to the kitchen and pulled a small bag of breast milk from the freezer, and began to warm it up. "I like it here. It was really nice of you to help us with this suite, but I am ready to be in my own place again." She laughed and shook her head. "I'll miss the maid service, though. It's nice not having to do the sheets and towels."
She winked at him over her shoulder and for a moment, his heart turned over in his chest. The light in her eyes and the glow of all her inner happiness warmed him so much when he was with her. It was like a night and day difference from the world he was so used to, every day.
He did his best to keep thoughts of his time with her out of his mind, thoughts of their intimacy, the feel of her arms around him, her lips pressed to his, and her body connected to his. Those thoughts had to be pushed away. So did the feelings that bubbled up in him when he spent too much time looking at her beautiful face or listening to her soft sweet voice and her lilting laugh.
He walked over to the sofa and sat down with Emma, who smiled at him and patted his face with her little hands. Cami brought him a blanket and helped him situate his daughter in his arms. Emma was excited to be fed and wiggled quite a bit as he lifted her bottle to her mouth. She took to it hungrily and they stared at each other as she ate.
He could not take his eyes from her, loving her beautiful face and incredible sweetness. She drank quickly at first and Cami tried to help Roman slow her down, but she was anxious to eat, and her appetite didn't slow until she reached the end of the bottle.
Cami took it from him and said, "She needs to be burped now. I'll go get you a burping cloth." She got up from the sofa to take the bottle in the kitchen and Roman picked Emma up and laid her on his chest, rubbing and patting her back.
Just as Cami was coming back into the room, Emma threw up all over Roman's shirt, and though Cami rushed to take the baby from him and hand him a towel, it was too late by the time she got to him.
He groaned a little and laughed, and Cami bit her lip. "I'm so sorry!" she said, taking Emma and cleaning her up. "Sometimes she eats too fast and then it comes back up. Poor thing." She got the baby situated and nursed her from her breast just a few minutes longer, as Roman looked on, watching them incredulously.
"It's okay. I'm not worried about it." He shrugged, and he tried to clean it up. Emma fell asleep at her mother's breast, and Cami put her down in her little bed and then walked over to Roman, who was failing at cleaning his shirt.
"Come on,” she said, waving him into the kitchen. "You'll need to get that rinsed quickly."
He followed her into the kitchen. She dampened a cloth and handed it to him, but he only seemed to make it worse as he rubbed away at it, and finally Cami shook her head and said, "Take your shirt off. I'll wash it for you. Come on, before it dries."
He paused a moment, looking up at her from the mess all over the front of him, and hesitated before unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off. She looked away from him as she filled the sink with warm water and soap. She took his shirt and washed it out for him as he stood there watching her.
Roman was unaccustomed to having anyone take care of him, and it was refreshing to him. Standing near her was more than refreshing; it was warming, almost as if he was standing in sunlight on a cool day.
She soaped up his shirt well and then wiped her hands on a towel and looked down at the shirt sitting in the water in the sink. "We'll let it soak for a few minutes, just to be sure. Then I'll rinse it out and blow dry it for you."
He nodded and she turned to look up at him. Her thoughts vanished from her mind as she stood beside him, looking at him standing there with no shirt on, so close to her. His brown eyes were holding hers in a steady gaze, and her heart flipped over as the scent of him took her back to their time on the boat together.
"Thank you for spending this time with me and letting me help you take care of her," he said quietly, watching her. His eyes were focused on hers, but it felt like he was being pulled into her, and he didn't want the feeling to stop.
"Sure," she answered in a similar soft tone. "You were wonderful with her." She smiled a little at him and his eyes dropped to her lips. His heart began to speed up and he could feel blood rushing through him.
"I'm really sorry about your shirt, though,” she almost whispered, feeling the air between them warming considerably.
He shook his head imperceptibly. "It's no big deal,” he replied, his eyes moving from her lips back up to her eyes again.
They gazed at each other for a long moment, not breathing, their hearts beginning to pound and he felt as if gravity was pulling him further in toward her. He let it. He began to lean toward her face, close to her mouth, but just as he was about to reach it, she drew in a sharp breath and turned her head away.
"Can I get you anything? Would you like a drink?" He closed his eyes and turned his head from hers, breathing deeply and trying to slow everything in him down just a little.
"Water would be nice." he said, his mouth feeling a bit dry. He looked toward the living room and took a deep breath. Nothing he did slowed any part of him. She pulled a glass from the cupboard and filled it, and turned to hand it to him, just as he turned to take it from her.
His fingers closed over hers on the glass and heat spread from their fingers to each other. She held her breath and felt her chest tighten sharply. His eyes were locked on hers again as he took the glass from her and drained half of it before setting it on the counter.
She meant to look away from him. She tried, but his body was so close to hers, and she knew just how it felt to be in his arms, to taste his kiss, and to feel him deep in her. The knowledge of all of that kept her rooted to the spot, and locked on him.
Her steady gaze inflamed him considerably and as he set the glass down on the counter, he knew before he touched her that there was just nothing for it, no way he could be so close to her and not reach out to her. He lifted his hand to her cheek and a tiny gasp escaped her lips as he stroked his thumb over her skin.
She turned her face slightly toward his open palm and let her lips brush his thumb, her mouth opening slightly as she did so. It was enough to send a shockwave through Roman, and he didn't think at all, but only reacted as he turned her face to his, placing his other hand on her cheek and lifting her chin.
His mouth caressed hers softly at first, barely touching her skin, and she gasped again and closed her eyes. He pressed his lips gently against hers and kissed her, feeling as much amazement with her as he had on the boat. Her tongue touched the edge of his lips and she kissed him back, slowly and sensually as he drew her nearer to him.
Cami's hands closed on his hips and moved up his bare back as he opened her mouth with his and kissed her deeply. Fire began to spread between them, and everything inside them rushed and crashed as they wrapped their arms around one another and held on tightly in passion's embrace, tasting their lover's kiss and losing themselves in the pleasure of it.
An ache began to spread in Roman's groin and he felt himself grow hard with need. It was no time at all before Cami felt his body solid with desire against her, and she drew in a sharp breath as he pressed himself firmly to her and moaned.
Neither of them had been intimate since they were last intimate with each other, and between the long period of time without physical affection and the memories of their long past passion burning brightly in their hearts and minds, their bodies were ravenous for what they felt together.
Her hands wandered from his strong back to his muscled chest, and then she slid them up around his neck and held him close as his hands moved to her waist and pulled her tight against him. Their hungry kisses wanted more than just lips, and they moved their mouths over each other's cheeks and necks. Roman's tongue and teeth left a slow and torturous trail up her neck and to her ear before reclaiming her mouth again.
They drove each other further and further into heated passion and their hands began to touch and feel each other in need. Roman pressed her against the counter and moved his hips firmly against hers, making a soft cry of pleasure escape her as his hand curved over her hip and squeezed her.
She burned with need for him, and her heart beat wildly against her chest, pushing blood through her veins with such force that it drowned out the sound in her ears and the sense in her mind as it warmed her body from her core.
Roman felt as if he hadn't breathed for the whole year he'd been apart from her, and now he was suddenly high on the oxygen of being in her arms and holding her so close to him.
"Cami..." he whispered her name as his lips moved over her skin and his body yearned for hers. “God, I want you!" he said, almost helplessly.
She opened her eyes and pulled her lips from his, looking up at him with need and pain in her eyes. "Stop... Roman, please... we can't do this." She tried to make herself stay back, but then she leaned in and kissed him once more and it ignited the flames in her again.
He kissed her hungrily for a long moment, and then he pulled away from her and whispered hoarsely, "No, you're right... we can't do this." He looked as if he was in pain as well, as he forced himself to take a step back from her, letting his arms fall away from her and closing his eyes to the feel of her hands as they slid down his chest and stomach, and then left his body.
He backed away until he was leaning against the counter opposite her. They stood and stared at each other, their chests heaving breathlessly as their bodies tried to slow down.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to..."
She nodded and looked away for a moment. "I know... me, too. I was going to keep things completely platonic between us, but you were just... so close... and it's just..."
He waved his hand between them. "No apologies. None. We both were taken up in a weak moment; probably just the situation and our proximity to each other... it was just an oops. We know we need to be careful around each other and just try to build on our friendship and leave this kind of thing... alone,” he said, with a sorrowful tone.
She nodded. "I agree. We have a daughter to raise together and none of us can afford to be confused about what we are doing or how we are doing it. We'll just be more careful in the future. That's all." She managed a small smile at him and he returned it.
"Okay," he replied, watching her and wishing in his core that they hadn't needed to stop.
She turned and pulled his shirt from the sink and let the water drain away, then rinsed it off. He walked into the living room and stood beside Emma's little bed, looking down at her, as Cami walked past him and took his shirt to the bathroom. He heard the blow dryer come on and run for a long while.
He didn't know how they had fallen back into each other's arms the way they had, but he knew for their delicate situation to work, it could not happen again. Cami, running her hair dryer back and forth over his shirt, was thinking precisely the same thing.
She got it mostly dry and brought it out to him. He thanked her and pulled it back on, buttoning it as she turned away from him, and busied herself with Emma's diaper bag.
Roman closed the last button and reached for Cami's shoulder. He turned her and she slowly looked up at him, confusion and a hint of sorrow touching her eyes.
"It's going to be okay. We're just in a strange situation, that's all. We'll work through this, and we'll do it together. No apologies and no worries. We have a beautiful daughter that we created, and we are going to raise her as loving and devoted parents, and as really good friends. We can do that for her and for each other." He smiled at her.
His confidence and kindness unraveled the tangled knot of stress and emotion in her stomach, and she wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head on his chest.
"You're right. We can do this. We'll figure it out." She smiled a little again and then let him go. "Thank you so much for all that you've done for us and all that you are doing. It's so appreciated."
Roman nodded and took her hand, walking to the door with her. "It's absolutely my pleasure."
He hugged her tightly again and then with one last longing look in his eyes, he turned and walked out of the door, closing it softly behind him.
He went home and went inside the house, only to walk straight into Agnes who looked at him with hawk eyes from head to toe. "You look like hell. What have you done to your shirt?"
Roman was in no mood for dealing with his mother-in-law. "I spilled something on it earlier and tried to wash it out." He began to walk toward the staircase to go to his room, but she kept talking to him.
"You know, you're a lucky man to have a wife like my daughter in your life to help you out. You certainly couldn't do anything without her. It's a good thing she's such a smart and beautiful woman, or you'd never get a chance to meet anyone like that Senator she brought in for you.
“You're damn lucky to have her. If you were half the man you ought to be, you'd show her some appreciation for everything she does for you." Agnes snapped at him and he stared at her as she turned and headed out of the front door.
"Please don't come back," he whispered to the closed door. He couldn't believe she thought her daughter was the reason that the Senator was even involved with them in the first place. He continued up the stairs to his room, showered, and changed his clothes.
He was sitting outside by the pool later that evening when Denise walked out to talk to him. She sat beside him in a lounge chair and looked at him with consternation.
"I can't get Carmen to call me back. I know it's because you offended her at the party and now I have to work extra hard to get back into her good graces again!" She scowled at him.
He lowered his brow at her. "Why don't you leave her alone and wait for her to call you?" he asked, certain that Carmen would share his thoughts and suggestions.
She shook her head adamantly. "No! I don't want her to think that I don't care if we're friends. She has to know that I mean business and that I'm her best friend."
Roman shook his head and looked away from her.
"I've decided to go another route to get to her, and that's to go through Edward. Maybe he can help her understand that I'm serious about our friendship." She glared a little.
"She ought to consider herself lucky to be friends with me, after all, she was just his nanny; she was just hired help and she was screwing him on the side, so he felt obligated to her and he married her. I can't imagine why; she's not even white like him. Most of the other ladies in society are just nice to her because she's the Senator's wife, but me... I really mean it.
“I'm trying to be friends with her and support her, even though she's just really a nanny and from a lower class of people. You would think she'd be grateful to me for sacrificing myself like that for her, and she would want to spend some time with me. How else is she ever going to shine?"
Roman stared at his wife in disbelief. "You're kidding! You think she's married to the Senator because he felt obligated to her? He loves her! It doesn't matter what color her skin is, Denise, all that matters is that they fell in love!" He felt anger building up inside of him and compounding with every passing moment.
"What are you talking about, saying that she should be lucky to have you as a friend? Wasn't it you who was just saying recently that we needed to be friends with them so other people would look up to us and see how important we are? It sounds to me like you already feel that important and you think she should be looking up to you for social importance!"
Denise scoffed and shook her wild red curls. "That's not what I'm saying at all! You're putting words in my mouth like you always do! By the way, Mother told me how awful you were to her when you came home this afternoon, and you think that you've done all the work bringing the Senator in for business and to buy that stupid boat! How dare you! You know damn good and well that it was me that did all the work with them and brought them in!"
She stood up in a huff and stormed off muttering about how ungrateful he was and how she could do so much better than him any time she wanted to. The door closed behind her and he leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
He was trying to remember why he married her at all, and then visions of her as they had been when they were hot lovers came back to him and he remembered exactly why he had married her. Then he knew that the biggest reason he had married her was no longer a factor, and he searched, without result, for a reason to still be married to her.
The following day he was elbow deep in work at his office when he realized he’d left a flash drive with some files he needed back in his office at the house. He tried to call Denise to ask her to bring it to him but she didn't answer her phone. Though the Senator was their most significant client at that time, he was by no means their only client, and Roman realized he'd have to run and grab the file himself. Just as he was picking up his keys, the phone rang at his desk and he picked it up.
"Hello?" he answered.
"Roman, it's Cami." Her voice came through the line and it felt like a soothing wave of warm sunshine to him. He sat back down and couldn't help the broad smile that spread over his face.
"How are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm good! We both are. Your daughter is playing with some of the new toys you bought her. She loves the giraffe, by the way," Cami said, smiling and thinking how nice it was to pick up the phone and talk to him whenever she wanted.
"Great!" Roman said happily, thinking of Emma smiling and laughing at the little squeaker giraffe he'd gotten for her. "What's going on?" he asked lightly.
"Well, Emma is going to be meeting her new pediatrician here in San Francisco the day after tomorrow and she's also going to get some shots. I thought you might want to come with us." Emma did not like shots, and Cami thought it would help to have Roman there to cheer her up.
Roman jumped at the chance to do his daddy duty. It was a delight and pleasure for him to be able to be involved with her as much as he could. "Yes! Absolutely. Just text me the details and I'll be there. Oh, and please tell Janine so she can put it in my calendar, too."
Cami smiled. "Okay, I will. Thank you, Roman, it means a great deal."
He nodded, thinking of them both with a light and happy heart. "I'm glad to do it. I'll patch you through to Janine." He transferred the call and Janine picked it up. Roman reached for his keys and hurried out to his car.
Thoughts of Cami and Emma filled his heart and made him smile as he drove through the city to his house. He wasn't looking forward to the doctor giving Emma shots, but he knew they were necessary, and he vowed to be there for her anytime she needed him. He couldn't think of many more times a baby needed more comfort than when getting shots.
A while later, he pulled up in front of the house and saw a little green car in the driveway. He frowned slightly, wondering why it was there and he headed to his office to get the flash drive. He had it tucked into his pocket and was just about to leave when he heard Agnes on her cell phone, complaining about something and he knew he wouldn't be able to get to the front door without going past her. He gave it a quick thought and decided to go through the back of the house and around the grounds to the front, to get to his car. It would take an extra couple of minutes, but he was glad to sacrifice those to avoid his mother-in-law.
He slipped quietly through the house and out of the back door. He was just walking past the pool house when he heard people inside it and he stopped in his tracks. There shouldn't be anyone in his pool house. He walked over to the door and opened it, stepping inside and stopping dead in his tracks when he saw what was going on.
Roman was standing at the door that opened into the living room area of the pool house, and in the center of the room was a folding massage table opened up and laid out, and beside the table was an armless chair. And seated on that chair was a young muscular man with long black hair. His body was bare except for his shorts, which were sitting in a pile at his ankles as he leaned back at an angle on the chair.
Sitting astride him, wearing nothing at all, was Denise, her hips rocking wildly over his, her fiery red curls bouncing with abandon as she rode him, and her hands clamped to the back of the chair behind his head. The man's hands were grasping her hips, holding her down onto him, and his mouth was filled with the tip of one of her massive breasts.
Because of their loud moaning and raucous sex, they had not heard him come in, nor did either of them see him until he had almost reached them.
"What in the hell do you think you're doing?" he shouted as he got close to them. They both stopped moving instantly and turned in a flash, staring at him. Denise hopped off him, leaving him sitting in the chair, nude and fully aroused, staring in shock at Roman.
"Get your damn clothes on and get the hell out of here now!" Roman yelled at the man.
"Armando!" Denise called out, reaching her hand toward her lover. "Hurry! Before he does something awful to you!"
Armando jumped up swiftly from the chair and reached down to his ankles, yanking his shorts back up over his hips to his waist. He glanced momentarily at Roman, his eyes wide with fear, and he quickly folded up his massage table as Denise ran to Roman and stood between him and Armando.
Roman looked down at her in disgust. "I'm not going to do anything to him except call the police to arrest the trespasser on my property if he doesn't get the hell out of here right now!"
Armando had his table folded and was edging along the wall past Roman toward the front door in record time. He vanished and Roman had a feeling the little green car would be gone when he got back to the front of the house.
He turned and looked at his wife. "What in the hell do you think you're doing?" he repeated, yelling at her.
She shook her head and held her hands up to him. "Nothing! It was nothing, he was just massaging me and it got a little... uh... it just sort of happened, but it was just this once and nothing like that has ever happened with anyone else before, ever!" She nodded and stood there nude before him.
He was thoroughly disgusted, but he knew in his heart that he had no room at all to pass judgment on her. She didn't have a child outside of their marriage. Something that her friend Amanda had said to him at the party when she tried to seduce him, came back to him then.
Roman took a step toward her, his eyes sharp and piercing as he watched her face. "I heard from one of your friends that we have an open marriage. I heard that you sleep around quite a bit. Is that true? Are you seeing anyone outside of our marriage? Are you sleeping with other men?"
She paused for a long moment, looking as though she was carefully weighing her answer, but then she shook her red curls and said softly, "No, of course not. No. It's like I said, it was just this once. We didn't even really do much, it just happened right when you came in."
He looked at the floor where the massage table had been and then looked back up at her. There were three used condoms lying there, and none of them had been the one that Armando was wearing when Denise hopped off him.
"Just this once, huh?" he asked in disgust. "Don't ever do it again."
He turned and walked out of the pool house, leaving her standing there speechless, looking after him.
He got back into his car and drove to his office with a million thoughts and feelings rushing through him. She'd been screwing her masseur. It obviously wasn't her first time with him. No man goes around with four condoms in his wallet.
Armando had known he'd be busy with her for a while, and if Denise had provided them, that meant that she had a box of them there at the house. Condoms were something she didn't use with him because they never had sex anymore, and when they had been intimate during their early years of marriage, she'd been on the pill, so they didn't use condoms then, either.
There would have been no reason for her to have a box of them at the house, unless she regularly had lovers there. Whatever the truth of it was, it wasn't their first time together. Roman was thoroughly sickened by it, and more than anything, he wished that he could have found out some other way than by catching them in the act, because he knew he would never get that memory or scene out of his head, and it was one he wanted to forget as soon as he saw it.
He wondered if Amanda had been right, and if Denise had been screwing around with other men for a while. She wasn't going to tell him, so that only left him wondering, and angry with her.
He realized that he couldn't get angry with her or try to chastise her in any way, because of Cami and Emma, and it filled him with doubt and regret that he was in such a sham of a marriage.
It stayed on his mind all afternoon as he worked, and when he went home that night, she met him in the foyer and asked him to talk with her. At first, he didn't want to, but then he knew that if he was going to have to ask her to understand about Emma, he was going to have to take as much as he gave. He followed her into their library and closed the door behind them.
They sat across from each other on the chairs in the large room, and Denise started talking to him right away.
"Roman, I'm sure today was hard for you, but we need to work this out." She looked at him with wide eyes and some emotion that closely resembled fear and panic.
Roman wanted to yell at her. He wanted to be angry with her and shake her, he wanted to express his confusion, hurt, and anger at her, but all he could think of was how he was going to tell her about Emma, and he knew that he had no right at all to any of what he wanted to do.
"How long has this been going on, Denise?" he asked quietly, trying to keep his emotions in check.
She shook her red head adamantly. "Just this once!" She spoke in a rush.
He leveled his gaze at her. "Denise, I'm not stupid."
She fidgeted with her fingers in her lap. "Well, maybe one other time."
He turned his face from her and sighed loudly. "We aren't going to get anywhere with this conversation if you don't start telling me the truth,” he said in a monotone.
Denise rolled her eyes and slumped her shoulders.
Roman looked directly at her again. "How long have you been sleeping with the masseur?”
She bit her lip. "A couple of years," she answered quietly.
He was shocked. He stared at her in amazement. "Were you sleeping with him while you were still sleeping with me in my room?"
She paused and then shook her head. "No."
He felt almost certain that she was lying.
Roman leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "Are there others? Have there been others?"
She shook her head again. "No!" She said it too quickly.
He stared into her relentlessly.
She sighed. "Yes."
Roman didn't look away or flinch at all. "How many?"
Denise continued to chew on her lower lip. "Just... a few."
He shook his head slowly. "Anyone I know?"
She shook her head. "No one you know, really."
He leaned back into the sofa and sighed. "Why?" He eyes were steady on her.
"I don't know. It just kind of happened, I guess."
He shook his head, wondering again why they were still married. "Perhaps we should think about just ending this marriage. You don't love me, you don't want to be with me, and you're obviously interested in other men. I can't imagine there's any reason at all why we should stay together." Roman rubbed his hands over his forehead and closed his eyes for a minute as a headache began to form at the front of his head.
She almost jumped off the sofa toward him, stretching her hands out in front of her, waving them at him. "No! No, Roman, I don't want to do that! I want to stay here with you and be your wife. We need to try to work on things! We need to try to save our marriage! I just made a mistake!" She got off her sofa and rushed over to him to sit beside him.
It had been ages since she was so close to him and he turned his head sideways and looked at her a little awkwardly. "Why should we save it?" he asked with a wary sigh. "It doesn't seem like it's worth saving."
She leaned close to him and wrapped one arm around his shoulders, laying her head on his arm. "We had a good marriage, when we first got married. We could have that again, baby, we could work it out! I don't want a divorce. I don't want to leave this house, or leave you." She set her hand on his knee and began to rub it gently.
He looked sidelong at her again and wondered what she was up to. It made him feel a little guilty that she was talking about fixing their marriage and all he could think of was what purpose she had behind it.
He looked down at her hand massaging his knee and his thigh and almost wanted to pull her hand off him.
"Remember when we were first married?" she asked, looking up and him and smiling. "It was so good. We were in love, we were constantly with each other. You couldn't get enough of me!" She grinned at him.
He did remember. He remembered quite clearly, and he knew that things hadn't been that way in a very long time. He sighed. "I don't think we could ever get that back again."
She reached her hand further up his thigh to his groin and was about to start massaging him there when he grasped her wrist and pushed her hand away from him.
"Don't do that. You were with another man a few hours ago. The sight of you screwing him in my pool house is still fresh in my mind." He stood up and ran his hand through his hair, as his headache continued building steadily.
She stood up and went to him, placing her hand on his back. "Roman, please, let's just try to give this another chance. Let's work on it. Our marriage is worth working on!" She pleaded with him.
He turned and stared at her. "Our marriage wasn't worth anything a few hours ago when you were romping with your masseur. Why do you suddenly want to save it?"
"Because I love you and I love being your wife and I don't want to lose what we have! I just made a mistake, that's all!" She clutched both her hands at his arm, trying to get his full attention, but he turned away, his head distracting him and his heart heavy.
"A mistake? For a couple of years? With who knows how many men?" He turned his head and looked over his shoulder at her.
"What is it that you want to save? We don't even share a room anymore. I don't even feel like we're friends anymore." He walked away from her. "It just seems like it's a lost cause. Like we're a lost cause. I don't feel like there's anything between us worth saving."
Denise rushed to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him from the back. "Please! Please, please give it some thought. Let us have another chance! I'm sorry, I just slipped up, but I don't want a divorce. Let's work it out, please!" She hugged him tight.
It had been so long since she had hugged him or given him any affection that it just felt surreal to him, not warm or meaningful to him at all. He pulled away from her and shook his pounding head.
"I don't know what we're going to do. I can't see a reason for us to be together and you apparently don't want to see us apart." He sighed deeply again. "I've got to get out of here. I've got a lot to think about."
He pulled her arms from around him and walked out the door, picking his keys up along the way. She called out to him as he left, but he didn't turn to look at her. He got into his car and drove without thinking about where he was going or what he was doing.
He was no saint, he knew that; having a child outside of marriage made him no better than her, but he couldn't imagine what reason she may have for wanting to stay with him. She didn't love him, and if she did, he certainly hadn't felt it from her at all in any recent memory.
Cami and Emma crossed his mind as they frequently did. He didn't know how he was going to explain Emma to Denise, or how he was going to keep things platonic with Cami. They'd said they would work on it together, and he felt like maybe they could, but being with her the way he was when he kissed her, it was overwhelming for him.
It was powerful and passionate, and it was nothing like his marriage at all. He didn't want to have an affair and a mistress. He didn't want to have a little secret family on the side. He wanted an honest and straightforward life that he could be proud of and grow into his old years with.
He just didn't see that happening with Denise. What would he do, be the ignorant fool for the rest of his life? Play second fiddle to a long string of lovers and secret affairs? How would he ever be able to trust her again? Then again, how could he ever ask her to trust him as well? It was a two way street. Maybe they were both broken. Maybe they both needed to find a way, either completely apart, or find a way back to one another again.
Her hand on his thigh had reminded him of how things used to be when they were first married. They were so hot for each other. They almost never kept their hands off each other. They were always together, they always had fun and loved being around one another, and then the years had tapered their love to a standstill, and now here they were.
He was fairly certain that the passion they had once shared could not be regained or recovered. He didn't want her as he used to want her, once upon a time. He was sure that she didn't want him the way that she used to want him.
What nagged at him the most was the curiosity of her wanting to stay married to him. Why? What good purpose could their continued marriage possibly serve? He wondered about it, turning the thoughts over and over in his mind as he parked the car. He looked up and realized he had driven to the marina without even thinking about where he was going. He climbed out of his car and looked at all of the boats floating serenely before him.
He might not have meant to go to the marina, or perhaps he had meant to subconsciously, but however it had happened, he knew the best thing for him to do right then was to get out away from all of his worries and lose himself in the billowed sails of a boat.
He locked his car and headed down the dock to one of his smaller boats. In a matter of minutes, he had the boat ready to go and was maneuvering it out into the bay. The rush of the wind in his hair and the salt on his lips seemed to steal away all of the confusion and pain of the day. Each passing moment gave him more peace and serenity. He sailed out over the deep blue waters, past the glistening city, and smiled in wonder that the city could seem so serene from a distance.
Roman guided his boat further out from the city and beneath the beautiful towering red pillars of the Golden Gate Bridge. He made a wish for himself as he crossed beneath it from the bay into the ocean. He wished that everything in his life would find a way to the best possible outcome. The wind whipped around him and he pushed the little boat further out into the beginning of the Pacific where it washed up on California's golden shoreline.
His boat was a sturdy little vessel and it slipped through the waves as he sailed along, and the land behind him grew smaller and smaller. He saw porpoises arcing out of the waves and playing at the front of the boat, racing each other and splashing sea spray over the hull. He laughed at them and breathed in relief. It was good to laugh. It was good to feel so free and released from the stress that had been binding him so tightly.
Roman watched the porpoises and played with them, and then he watched incredulously as a pair of whales slapped their tails down in the water and breached lightly near him. He was so drawn in by them and enraptured with his encounter that he didn't see the wall of fog that closed in around him until it was too late to get out of it. He pulled on a life vest and with his navigation instruments, began to sail the boat back toward the coastline.
He sailed slowly and carefully, but as he was going along, completely shrouded in fog, he felt anxiety building up. His navigation instruments seemed to falter, and he felt his stomach twist in a knot. Roman was trying to get them to work again when a loud bang sounded and the boat jolted sharply. He lost his balance and fell to the floor as the boat rocked and swayed in the growing waves. He'd hit something, but the fog was so thick that he couldn't see what it was.
He was going to check the boat for damage when he heard a noise that made his stomach fall to his feet. It was the sound of rushing water. He opened the cabin door and was panicked immediately. A geyser of seawater was rushing into the cabin from a hole in the hull of the boat. There was no way to stop it from sinking. He closed the door and radioed immediately for help.
There were two boats that responded and he prayed that one of them would get to him before it was too late. He zipped his keys, wallet, and phone into a waterproof pocket on his jacket and tried to keep the boat as much afloat as possible as it tossed and wrestled in the waves.
The front of the boat began to dip into the water and fear raced through his every vein. His muscles tightened and his heart felt as though it would pound out of his chest. His stomach twisted at the sight of his little boat as it gave way to the mighty sea, but there was nothing at all that could be done about it. He radioed again and both boats responded that they were en route and trying to locate him.
The fog was like a blanket, covering him so thickly that he could barely see the front of the boat anymore, and then suddenly there was no front of the boat, there were only cold waves of steely gray that washed up to the wheel he was holding tightly to, and suddenly he had to make a decision.
He had to let go of the boat or go down with it. Roman clambered to the topmost part of the railing at the back of the boat and dove from it into the waves that crashed around him.
The water was like a solid wall of ice knocking the wind out of him and cutting at his skin and muscles. It thrust him back and forth in the current and all he could see were shades of light and dark green as the ocean swallowed him. He saw a glimpse of his boat as it sank beneath him and vanished into the black void of the sea. He struggled to keep near the surface of the water, gasping for air when he could get it and trying to stay afloat without using too much energy. Waves washed over his face and salt water filled his eyes, nose and mouth, time and again.
His body grew stiff and cold and he began to feel heavier and heavier, and it became too difficult to try to stay afloat. His life jacket kept him near the surface, but not always immediately above water. He thought he saw a light in the distance and he called out, yelling as loudly as he could and moving his arms, but his muscles were so cold and so tight that he wasn't able to move them much at all, and his voice seemed lost in the wind and waves.
Light began to fade around him, and he felt as though the easiest thing to do would be to close his eyes and slip away from it all, and a few moments later, that's just what he did.