GWEN WOKE WITH a start and realized it was still quite dark. A heaviness settled over her and it worried her. She was wrapped tightly against Andrew, the heat from his body warming her. He grumbled in his sleep and kissed her shoulder. She knew he wasn’t quite yet awake, or he’d follow up the kiss with one on the back of her neck and then whisper his love as he did every morning.
She presumed her worry was due to Charity’s aloofness of late, and with her missing dinner and dancing, it caused even more worry. Her best friend had been unusually stoic over the past two months. Whenever Gwen asked her if all was right, Charity would smile and wave her hand, saying she was simply tired. What worried Gwen the most was that Charity wouldn’t talk to her. They usually told each other everything. Closer than sisters, they’d grown up on neighboring farms and knew everything there was to know about each other.
Andrew and Gwen had stayed the night at Andrew’s sister and brother-in-law’s home next door to Charity, instead of heading back to the Paxtons’.
Andrew kissed her shoulder, then her neck. “I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you too,” Gwen said.
He kissed her neck again. “Why are you awake, beautiful? It’s early.”
She rolled over to face him, smiling as she rubbed his stubbly cheek. “I’m worried about Char.”
“I’m sure she’s fine.”
“I don’t know, Andrew. She’s distant. It’s not like her.”
“She might be tired. She’s still doing charity work during the week, right?”
Gwen nodded. “Yes.”
“Then she’s probably just working too much.”
“I hope so.”
“You’ll have some time to speak later. We’re joining them for lunch.”
Gwen sighed. “It’s not the same. We rarely have time alone anymore.”
“You’re both married now, sweetheart. You have other priorities.”
“Yes, I’m well aware of my priorities, Andrew.” Gwen threw the covers off and slid out of bed.
Andrew flopped onto his back and ran his hands through his hair. “Gwendolyn. Come back to bed.”
“I think I’d rather go for a walk.”
“At five o’clock in the morning?”
“Yes. At five o’clock in the morning,” she snapped.
He sat up and swung his legs off the mattress. “I’ll come with you.”
Gwen made a rush for the adjoining room, used mostly for those needs of a more personal nature, and kneeled to retch into the bowl in the commode. She sat back on her knees and looked up at Andrew, standing in the doorway, a lit candle in his hand. “I don’t really want to go for a walk.”
He smiled. “I know, sweetheart.”
“I’m sorry I’m such a shrew.”
“You’re with child, Gwendolyn. Strong emotions are normal during this time.”
“Wrong answer, Andrew.”
“I’m sure it is.” He held his hand out to her. “Come back to bed.”
She let him pull her to her feet and guide her back to the bedroom.
“Do you feel better?” he asked, blowing out the candle.
“Well, I no longer feel the need to vomit, if that’s what you’re referring to.”
Andrew settled his hands on her shoulders. “You will not bait me into a fight, Gwendolyn Simmonds. No matter how hard you try.”
“Oh? Is that a challenge?”
He kissed her forehead. “Come back to bed. You and the baby need rest.”
“What about Charity?”
“Char is probably asleep. There’s nothing you can do at this time of the morning.”
“What if something terrible has happened?” she asked as she washed her hands and rinsed out her mouth.
“Then we’ll work it out.” He held the covers so she could climb into the large bed. “Later.”
“But I’m worried now, Andrew,” she pointed out as she got back into bed.
“I’m aware of that. You wouldn’t be Gwendolyn if you didn’t worry. But the fact remains, it’s still dark outside, and nothing can be done before sunrise, so you might as well try and rest before borrowing trouble.”
“Why do you always have to be so logical?”
He climbed in beside her and pulled her close. “It’s my job to be logical. If we were both emotional, I think we’d destroy the world.”
Gwen couldn’t help but laugh. “Perhaps you’re right.”
“Charity will be fine, sweetheart. She’s one of the most resourceful and resilient people we know. Whatever might be going on, she will sort it out. She always does.”
Gwen sighed and snuggled closer to Andrew. When she woke again, it was to find Andrew already gone from their bed. She glanced at the clock. She’d managed another two hours of sleep, but still felt exhausted, and the heaviness still lingered in her heart.
She climbed out of bed and made her way to the commode. When she stepped back into the bedroom, Andrew stood at the foot of the bed with a tray in his hands. “Breakfast?”
“I thought you’d already gone to the Fords’.”
He set the tray on the end of the bed. “Without making certain you’re feeling well?”
She smiled. “I’m unused to your devotion.”
Andrew raised an eyebrow. “That wounds me deeply.”
Gwen giggled. “I apologize.”
He smiled and laid his hand on her stomach. “How do you feel?”
“Better. Just tired.”
“Perhaps you should rest today.”
“I can’t just stay in bed every time I’m tired, sweetheart. If so, this pregnancy’s going to be a very long one.” She kissed his cheek. “Plus, I need to check on Char.”
“Well, have something to eat and we’ll walk over together. Jamie sent a note saying they were having breakfast at the Maddens’ this morning.”
Gwen ate quickly and then Andrew helped her dress. Arriving at the Maddens’, they were escorted to the dining room, and found Richard and Charity were both missing from the meal, among others. “Where is everyone?” Gwen asked.
Jamie smiled as he stood, Clayton and Christopher following suit. “Quincy and Victoria have gone for a ride, Emma and Hannah are up with the babies, they’ll be down shortly, and I believe Richard is at the arena.”
“Our cousins are at the Fords’,” Christopher said. “As are the Powells.”
“Where’s Char?”
“She hasn’t been feeling well,” Sophie said. “I believe she’s still in bed.”
Gwen frowned. “Does anyone mind if I check on her?”
“Of course not,” Sophie said.
Gwen headed upstairs and down the hall to Richard and Charity’s suite of rooms. She let herself into the small room they used as a private parlor and made her way to the bedroom door. She knocked, but no one answered.
“Char? It’s Gwen, dear. May I come in?” She heard a whimper and then sobbing, but Charity still didn’t answer. “Charity? I’m coming in.” She pushed open the door and gasped. Charity was on the floor, curled up in a ball and sobbing. Gwen rushed to her. “Charity, what’s happened?” She saw with horror that Charity’s nightgown was soaked in blood. Much more than what one might expect from a woman’s monthly. “I’m getting Michael.”
“No!” she groaned, grasping her abdomen.
“Yes.” Gwen rushed from the room and to the top of the stairs. “Andrew!” she screamed.
Her husband sped into her line of sight. “What’s happened?”
“Get Michael. Something is terribly wrong with Char.”
Sophie started up the stairs. “What’s happened?”
“I don’t know—I’m not sure,” Gwen said.
Confident Andrew would take care of everything, Gwen led Sophie into the bedroom and they knelt beside Charity.
“Oh, Char,” Sophie whispered, before standing and heading back out of the room.
Gwen stood and dampened a soft cloth. She knelt beside Charity again and laid it over her forehead.
“I can’t,” Charity rasped.
“Can’t what, dear?”
“Lose another one.”
“What have you lost?” Gwen asked gently.
“Babies,” Charity sobbed. “I’ve now lost two babies.”
“Oh, my darling friend.” Gwen couldn’t help the tears from welling up.
“I am a complete failure.”
Gwen took the cloth and wiped Charity’s brow. “You are not. Don’t say that.”
Sophie returned with towels and she and Gwen worked to get Charity cleaned up and in a better position for Michael to examine her. Charity was in a great deal of pain, so moving her was impossible.
Michael arrived twenty minutes later and within minutes of him, a frantic Richard, wet from the snow, flew into the room. “Char?”
“Help me get her onto the bed, Richard,” Michael directed.
Richard gently lifted his wife, cradling her against his chest, and carried her to the bed. His worry and panic was written in the tight features of his face, but he said nothing as he kissed her forehead and settled her against the pillows.
“You’ll need to leave,” Michael said.
“I’d rather not,” Richard said.
“It’s all right,” Charity whispered.
He cupped her cheek. “Are you certain?”
She nodded, tears streaming down her face.
Michael ushered Richard out of the room. Sophie stayed, but Gwen was also banished.
“I’m sorry, Gwendolyn, but I need someone less emotional,” Michael said.
Clayton and Jamie stood in the small parlor and the devastated look that Richard gave his brother was enough to make Gwen want to cry. Gwen felt like she was imposing, but Charity was the sister she’d never had, and no one would have been able to force her from the room, even if they tried.
She heard the click of the parlor door and couldn’t stop the stream of tears as her husband entered the room and pulled her into his arms.
“Shhh,” Andrew whispered as he stroked her back.
“Gwen?”
Gwen turned to the sound of Sophie’s voice.
“She’s asking for you,” Sophie said.
Richard moved toward the door, but Sophie shook her head. “Richard, you’ll need to stay here for now. I’m sorry.”
He dragged his hands down his face and nodded. Gwen followed Sophie into the room and over to Charity’s bedside. Charity’s face was white, her lips dry and chapped. Gwen tried not to show her worry. Michael sat on the bed and examined Charity... down there. Gwen could feel the heat in her cheeks.
“Is Richard still here?” Charity whispered.
“Of course he is,” Gwen assured her, taking her hand. “He’s in the parlor.”
Charity licked her lips and squeezed her eyes shut. “Does he hate me?”
Gwen sat on the edge of the mattress and leaned down. “There is nothing you could ever do to make him hate you, dear. None of this is your fault.”
Tears leaked down Charity’s temples and Gwen wiped them gently away with a handkerchief.
* * *
“I’ve never wanted a drink more than I do right now,” Richard said as he paced the small parlor.
“I bet,” Jamie commiserated. “What happened?”
“She was pregnant, but...”
“Is she miscarrying?” Clayton asked.
“It would appear so,” Richard said. “This is the second time.”
“Second?” Clayton asked.
Richard nodded. “She became pregnant a month after we were married.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it’s a private matter,” Richard said.
“We would have been here, Richard. We could have helped.”
Before Richard could respond, the door opened and Michael stepped into the parlor. “The bleeding has stopped.”
“Is she all—will she be... ah... is she in danger?”
“No. She appears fine, all things considered. I’ll check on her tonight, but she’s to stay in bed for the next few days. She must rest, Richard.”
“And the baby?”
“I’m sorry, son.”
Richard nodded and forced his pain away. The desire for whiskey growing heavier by the second. He felt a hand on his shoulder and shrugged it away. He didn’t know whose it was, Jamie or Clayton’s, and he didn’t care.
He brushed past Michael and into the bedroom. Sophie was gathering discarded towels and sheets, while Gwen smoothed the blankets over his wife. “Leave us.”
Gwen glanced at him in trepidation.
“Now,” he pressed.
If the women didn’t do as he requested without argument, he didn’t think he’d be able to keep his frustration in check.
“It’s all right,” Charity said and squeezed Gwen’s hand.
Gwen kissed Charity’s cheek and followed an unusually quiet Sophie from the room. Richard closed and locked the door, pulled off his boots, and made his way to the bed, stretching out beside Charity. He could no longer control his agony and felt tears stream down his face.
“Richard?” Charity wiped his tears away. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I should have tried harder.”
“What are you talking about?”
She burst into tears. “I’ve lost another baby. I should have done something... anything. I understand if you want to leave me.”
“What are you talking about?” He wrapped his arms around her and gently pulled her against him.
“I can’t be the wife you need.” She settled her cheek against his chest. “I’ve failed you.”
“Oh, Char,” he whispered. “I need you to understand something.” He lifted her chin so she could see him. “Never think you’re not enough. I love you. If we never have a child, I will still love you. Nothing will ever stop that.”
“But you want a family.”
“You are my family.”
“But I made you cry. I lost our baby.”
“Yes, it’s sad we lost our baby, but the thought of losing you is far more terrifying.”
“It is?”
“Of course it is. Why didn’t you tell me you were in pain before I left?”
She bit her lip. “I didn’t want it to mean what it meant.”
“Please promise me you will never do that again. If Gwen hadn’t found you...” He couldn’t finish his thought.
“I’m sorry.”
“Promise me, Char.”
She played with a button on his shirt. “I promise.”
He kissed the top of her head. “I can’t lose you, Charity. I wouldn’t survive it.”
“Yes you would.”
He shifted so they were face to face. “No. I. Wouldn’t. If anything happened to you, nothing but whiskey would keep the demons away. And that didn’t go very well the first time. I don’t ever want to go back to that life. You saved me.”
She blinked and Richard couldn’t help but smile. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Her whole being soothed his frazzled nerves and her look of surprise at his confession was heartwarming.
“I’ve never heard you speak so deeply,” she said.
He stroked her cheek. “It’s unfamiliar, I admit. But I need you know how I feel. I watch James with Sophie and even my brother with Emma, and they speak in a way that’s strange to me, but I also see their wives are confident in their marriages. I want you to feel the same way. I’ve done a piss poor job being a decent man, but you changed that. Without you, I am nothing, Charity Madden.”
“Really?”
He nodded and she burst into tears again. He pulled her close. “Oh, sweetheart, what have I said?”
“Nothing and everything. I love you. More than you could ever know.”
“I love you, too.” He smiled and smoothed her hair away from her forehead. “I will endeavor to tell you how, much more often.”
“I truly thought you’d leave me.”
“I’d sooner cut off my arm, sweetheart.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Well, please don’t do that. I quite like your arms.”
“Oh?”
She nodded. “They’re very muscular.”
“And you like that, huh?”
“I love it. Especially when they’re wrapped around me. I feel safe.”
“You are safe.”
“I know.” She kissed him. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For loving me and for not being angry.”
“I’ll never be angry,” he said.
She raised an eyebrow.
“About this,” he clarified.
She burst into tears again and he pulled her closer. Her sobs were interrupted by a yawn and then hiccups as she tried to calm herself.
“Sleep, sweetheart.”
“Will you stay?” she mumbled.
“I need to change and speak with James, but I won’t be far.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Richard waited until he was sure she was asleep before sliding from the bed and stepping into the parlor.
“She’s sleeping,” Richard said. “But I believe she is doing much better.”
“How are you?” Jamie asked.
Richard gave him a tight smile. “Better.”
“Good. Topper’s assisting with the horses. You’re free for the next two days.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“What can I do?” Gwen asked.
“Nothing at the moment,” Richard said. “But I’ll ask Charity when she awakens. I know your presence was a comfort to her. Thank you for that.”
“Of course.”
“Let’s give them some space, huh?” Jamie said.
“Shall I send up a tray?” Clayton asked.
“Yes, please,” Richard said. “I’m going to stay with her for the rest of the day.”
The small group left and Richard closed the door and fell to his knees. His prayer was a desperate combination of praise for saving Charity and begging that God keep his wife safe. Richard added a small request for a child as well. Charity wasn’t the only one who wished for an addition to their family, although he’d meant what he said about her being enough.