Chapter Eleven
Chaz paced his living room. He looked fleetingly at his empty bed and the door that still stood ajar. He’d left the rumpled sheets just as they were when Zuri had left. He’d meant to change them but he hadn’t. He’d slept on the sofa just as he had on the nights before, only now he knew Zuri wasn’t in the room next door.
He wondered if she’d gotten the packages. What had she thought? Maybe she’d just packed the items away and sent them back. Maybe she’d thrown them away. He wouldn’t blame her. He’d been cold and indifferent. He didn’t deserve a thought from her. So why did he want her to think of him? Why did he care so much?
Chaz walked into the room and picked up the pillow with a dent still intact. He lifted it to his face then quickly tossed it back on his bed.
He turned to his closet, crouched, and pulled the metal box out easily. He walked it to his kitchen table and opened it.
There she was, Rebecca. He pulled out the picture and held it out for a long time
He was living in the past. Living for and with a person who could no longer experience his love.
“You’ll always be a part of who I am. I will never forget you,” he spoke to her picture. Rebecca smiled back at him as he put her photo back in the box. He took the metal box out of the house, walked to his shed and planted the metal box on a ledge next to his tools. He couldn’t throw her away even if he wanted to, but he realized that he couldn’t live with her at his side any longer either.
Chaz looked at his motorcycle. There was something light in him. For the past seven years, almost eight, he’d been held in place by his memories. He’d lived with the ghost of a woman and he too had become a ghost because of it. Now, with Zuri he’d felt something light within him and a purpose flowing through the veins of his life.
Moving his motorcycle upright he climbed on it. The engine roared to life. He looked back at his house, the empty bed, the sheets that still smelled of Zuri, and he knew he was making the right choice.
The night was inky but he felt the curves of the road before he even reached them. His heart hammered out a beat, the air pushed him on and the moon watched. His body felt alive. He was alive. He’d been living the closed existence of someone already in the grave, but he didn’t have to live that way any longer.
He had a choice and now he was choosing. He was choosing Zuri.
He was thankful for the long drive. He felt high on the overwhelming burst of emotions and he didn’t want to let that feeling go. But he also knew that confronting Zuri might force him to.
There was no guarantee that Zuri felt the same way. He’d pushed her off, turned her down, been cold and mean. It was actually likely that she would ignore him, or at least that she would turn down his baggage.
How could he have been so closed off to her? Every time she’d given him a chance to open himself to be more, he’d closed it down and cut it short.
The closer he got to Tiana’s house the more he began to believe that Zuri would turn him away. But regardless he knew that he had to try.
His hands felt slick with sweat as he pulled into Tiana’s driveway. It was late and he cut his motor at the top of the drive, walking the rest of the way to the door.
He raised his hand ready to knock but the door opened with a swift movement in front of him.
“Ava? You found her?” Zuri came out into the light. She was wearing her pajamas, her hair tousled, her wide eyes looked expectantly at him.
“No,” Chaz said quickly, not wanting to give her false hope. “I didn’t find Ava. I’ve been looking everywhere, following the man that took her. I sent some men south to talk to the port authority, I think we have something on some unusual shipping activity from Eastern Europe but…I haven’t found her yet.”
He felt himself going on and on when a few simple words would have sufficed easily. It was possible that he was avoiding what was coming next.
“Oh,” Zuri said, visibly deflating. “I thought…you being here in the middle of the night…I just thought…”
“I came for you.” Chaz said the words with deliberation. He felt a vulnerability in his words that he hadn’t exposed to anyone in the last eight years. He was so used to playing his hand close to the chest, keeping himself locked away. In a flash he realized how easy that existence was, it wasn’t real, but it was protected, safe. He swallowed and forced himself to say the words building inside of him, “I don’t want to live without you.”
Zuri stared at him dumbfounded.
“What?” She shook her head a little as if she had not heard him right.
“I don’t think I can live without you, I want you to come home with me.” He held out his hand but Zuri just stared at it. She looked to his hand then looked up at the man. She backed into the house and closed the door.
Chaz stared at the closed door, his hand still outstretched. The reality of what had just happened slowly sinking in. He put his hand down and turned around. He’d known this was a possibility but it still felt like a sharp slap. He walked slowly away from the house. Each step felt like he was walking through wet cement.
When he got halfway down the driveway he heard the door behind him again, then footsteps. Zuri was running toward him. She was dressed and had her bag slung over her shoulder. She bobbed up and down as she moved. Chaz thought for a moment that she was an optical illusion. Then she was right in front of him. Her breath came in short spurts and she was smiling.
“I’m coming with you,” she said breathlessly. She was smiling and Chaz felt such tenderness and joy that he wanted to grab her up and swing her around. She was wearing the woolen sweater he’d sent her and he touched it softly. “Come on then,” the words bubbled out of her and she walked briskly to where his motorcycle sat.
He felt the pressure of Zuri’s body the entire ride home. He could feel her breathing against his back. The air on his face was sharp and he found himself noticing things, appreciating things, he’d never paid much attention to before.
When they pulled in, Zuri hopped off the motorcycle.
“There is something else I need to tell you,” Chaz said as they approached the house.
“So tell me,” Zuri looked at him carefully. Did she think he was about to take it all back? Say it was all a practical joke? Or maybe she thought he had been hiding information about Ava.
“Come in.” He opened the door and let her inside. She draped her bag over the back of the sofa and followed him into the kitchen. He made them each a cup of tea then walked her out to the deck. The moon was large and imposing. He looked up at it and off into the trees and woods.
“What did you want to tell me?” Zuri asked. She leaned into the wooden railing, clutching her mug of tea close.
“It’s a little complicated.” He tried to clear his mind out. He had to find the right way to say what he wanted to say, clearly and without abstraction. “And, it’s a little awkward.”
“Ok,” Zuri said easily.
“I don’t know how much you know about bear shifters.” He looked to Zuri.
Zuri paused and crunched her brow together, “Why don’t you tell me what it is you want me to know about bear shifters and I can tell you if I know it.”
Chaz felt a flood of heat rise to his face. This was going to be harder than he thought.
“Bear shifters…well, when we choose a mate…when two people…”
“—have sex?” Zuri asked, guessing at his insinuations.
Chaz nodded and gulped. “Yes. There is a mate bond that is established between the two people. It isn’t like normal sex. It’s…more permanent.”
Understanding crossed over Zuri’s face. She opened her mouth a little but didn’t say anything. She nodded slowly and looked out into the trees as her mind moved over this new information. He was tempted to add in more but decided to just leave her with the facts and let her take her time over it.
“So—” Zuri turned her head to look at him, “if we have sex, we are bound to each other forever?”
It sounded a lot more serious when she said it like that. Chaz frowned. There was no way she was going to agree to anything like that now. He’d been ridiculous for even thinking it. That kind of commitment came after years with a woman as wonderful as Zuri.
Chaz nodded, “So you understand why we can’t…” He let himself drift off, not wanting to sound crass. He felt upset with himself and he turned to go inside. A cold shower was probably in order for the evening.
“Hey,” Zuri said quickly. She set her tea down on the wooden rail and placed both of her hands on his shoulders, moving him so he was facing her. “Where are you going?”
Chaz was stunned by her movements and couldn’t think of anything to say. He stared at her open face, his hands hanging by his sides.
Zuri peered into his eyes. She shifted her body toward him, leaning her face close to his. When her lips touched his lips, he still didn’t want to get too involved, thinking it would have to stop soon. Her lips were soft and warm. Maybe she was just kissing him goodnight. He felt the softness of her brush over his lips. Her hands moved to his stomach and chest.
Chaz resisted for only a moment more before he gave over to longing and need.
He wrapped her body with his arms, pulling her close to him. He burned for her so acutely it scared him. The deep rooted need was something he hadn’t felt in so long. She felt soft and perfect. His hands gravitated to her hips and he let his hands slide along the long curve of her body. He felt her body beginning to respond to his touch. Zuri shivered in the night air but he knew it wasn’t the cold that made her body quake.
Electricity blossomed between them and he reached for her, lifted her into his arms. Their bodies were pushed together. Their kisses deep. A new understanding grew between them, something different from the first time he’d almost been swept away in her. She understood who he was and she wanted him anyway.
He walked her back to the bedroom. Zuri’s legs clung to his hips. His hands roamed the expanse of flesh he’d been needing, wanting for so long. He lowered her down onto the bed.
Chaz peeled back the sweater, every inch of him needing to be closer to her flesh. His fingers moving slowly over her body. He lifted her shirt and Zuri raised her arms. She pushed the extra cloth away, an unwanted skin.
His lips moved over her chest, the soft brown flesh finally revealed. She unclasped her bra and ripped it off her own body, throwing it beyond the bed. Chaz pulled one plump nipple into his mouth.
“You don’t know the thoughts I’ve had about you,” she whispered into his ear.
Chaz bit down gently on her nipple and a moan issued from Zuri.
“So tell me,” he said as he looked into her wide eyes.
“Or maybe I’ll show you.” She reached down and unbuttoned her pants. Chaz pulled them loose from her body, pulling her panties with them in one tug. He looked over the sea of rippling skin. He wanted to swim in her curves, to feel her all around him.
Zuri pushed him back and pushed his jacket to the floor, her fingers grabbed at his shirt and he pulled it over his head and off his body as her hands unfastened his pants.
“Come here,” she said in a breathless voice.
He came to her.
“Kiss me here,” her finger pointed to a spot on her neck and his lips moved over her skin. His fingers roamed to her breasts, to her nipples and he pulsed his fingers over them.
The quiver that ran through her body turned him on even more.
“I’ve thought of this…of you inside of me, for so long,” she whispered.
His mouth trailed a path from her neck down between her breasts, to her belly button, and below.
She gasped. His mouth moved over her, urging her on, shaking any last resistance that might stand between them.
He was hard, ready, anticipating her.
She opened her legs and Chaz moved on top of her, letting himself slide in as he watched her face. She was slick with desire, her body as primed as his. The look of hunger, lust, need, and fascination that came from her eyes felt like a cold quenching liquid that he hadn’t known he’d needed.
“I need you,” he growled to her. His body was strong and tense over hers. He moved inside of her, watching her face for direction, watching to see what she liked best, where she felt the most pleasure from his movements.
Zuri looked up at Chaz. The heat of his body clung to her. She couldn’t stop her hands from roving the map of his muscles. She wanted this. Needed this. She had known immediately that there would be no waiting. His power over her was too strong. She was defenseless against him and she loved it.
His cock was huge and filled her completely. The power of his movements, of his body, touched new places inside of her. Her body responded without hesitation. She needed no instructions, this was instinct, pure desire, and more.
Her breath heaved and her chest rose. Chaz dipped his head down to taste her lips again. His body slid against her clit. She could feel the building pulse growing inside of her, ready to burst free. She was slippery wet and he moved in and out of her easily.
She tipped her hips up and pushed herself closer underneath of him. She felt a freedom to explore and move. She let her body guide her, her hands clutching at Chaz’s strong back and hips.
“Oh god,” she said as his body ground down against her clit again and again. She was seeing colors on the edges of her vision. The sensations were so powerful there was no room for insecurity, no room for her to analyze. Her insides ached for him, she opened her legs wider, urging him on, sweeping her hips in a half circle underneath of him.
Her body pulsed with burning pleasure. The rising feeling inside of her grew in intensity. She could barely breathe. She looked to Chaz, saw his dark eyes glimmering into hers. She saw the desire, the need in him and she opened her mouth. She wanted to call out to scream, to throw everything inside of her out to sit exposed in front of him.
“I love you,” he said before she was able to reach for the words. She smiled into his mouth and kissed him, hard. Zuri’s teeth pulled on Chaz’s lips. She wanted to devour him. Her hips lifted one last time as every nerve of her exploded into a thrilling sensation of ecstatic pleasure. She gasped just as Chaz sucked in a tight breath above her.
They came at the same time. Their bodies clenching and exploding in tune. Her body spasmed and shook with the loss of control. She was no longer her own being. She was no longer the same woman.
Zuri was still shaking with pleasure as Chaz dropped down next to her on the mattress.
She looked at him, breathless, her mouth smiling.
“What?” His eyes were kind and adoring, he placed a finger on her lower lip. He trailed his finger slowly down her chin. “What are you smiling about?” He lifted onto his forearm, his body still glazed in sweat.
“Nothing,” she exhaled shakily, “just that I love you too.”