CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Journey
“It’ll be okay.”
Nash kept saying it over and over, but I didn’t know how that could possibly be true.
In this moment. In these Jimmy Choo shoes I was still wearing. It didn’t seem possible that anything could ever be all right again.
This was what I got for stepping outside the little world I’d built for myself and Jaz. What had I really expected? That I would sign a sex contract with one man while also sleeping with another and I’d come out unscathed on the other side?
The echo of footsteps caught my attention, then the soft click of a door. Lifting my head up from Nash’s chest, I looked around. Grant was gone.
Of course he was gone.
Here I was in his living room, being comforted by his best friend who… har de har har… I’d been screwing.
Why would he stay to witness this?
“You care about him, don’t ya?” Nash asked, pushing my hair back from my face.
I couldn’t speak. Only nod. I cleared my throat when pain flickered over his expression and added, “I care for you too.”
“I know, honey. It’s the kind of person you are.” He looked down the hallway, in the direction of Grant’s bedroom. “Go to him.”
My face crumpled, and I covered it with my hands. “What if he hates me?”
He pulled my hands away and lifted my chin. “I don’t hate you, right? So why would he?”
When I just stood there, uncertain of what to do, Nash sighed and took my hand.
Like a puppy, I followed him, my heart pounding faster and harder as we approached the door of Grant’s bedroom. The place I’d made love with him Friday night.
Nash didn’t knock. He just pushed the door open and pulled me inside.
Grant didn’t move from where he stood at the expansive window, his hands deep in his pockets as we approached.
“Man, we need to talk,” Nash said, placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder.
In what felt like slow motion, he turned, his eyes lingering on me before moving on to Nash. “I’ll step away. You two deserve to be together.”
The breath rushed out of me, like someone had punched me in the stomach. I felt dizzy and reached out to hold on to something before I fell. That something turned out to be Grant.
“Aw, hell no, you two,” Nash said. “That’s not how this works. If anybody needs to step away, it’s me. I—”
“Fuck no,” Grant barked. His arm tensed under my hand, and he pulled me against him when I swayed. I was just so dizzy. I’d never fainted in my life, but I was coming really close to it now. “It should be me.”
“Hell, no, man. I see how you look at her.”
“Because she’s fucking beautiful. I see how you look at her too.”
“Stop,” I breathed.
“Listen, you asshole,” Grant growled. “You know how I feel about relationships and—”
“Blah de fuckin’ blah,” Nash retorted. “Contracts and all that shit only go so far. I—”
“Stop,” I said louder. Then louder. “Stop.” The last was closer to a scream. “Just stop!”
Grant’s hands tightened on my arms, but I pushed away. Pushed away from them both. “Me. It’s me. I need to leave.” I looked at Grant, and my lungs seized, making it painful to inhale. “I…” I looked at Nash. “I…” I looked back at Grant, and the wracking sobs hit me like a tidal wave. “I’m so sorry,” I said through the tears.
Blinded, I turned to leave but was pulled back and into the muscular body of Grant. I knew his touch, his scent so well. He was at my back when Nash came to my front. Both of their hands were on me, comforting and soothing. And it felt so good. So very good.
Nash lifted my chin and waited until I looked at him. Grant’s hands moved to my belly, stroking up and down. Nash looked up, over my head and to his friend. A silent communication seemed to pass between them because Nash nodded some silent understanding.
“You don’t have to choose,” he said and leaned down to kiss me. “We’re both right here.”
Strong hands turned me, and I looked up into Grant’s face. He wiped away my tears, his dark eyes so soft I nearly started crying again. “That’s right. You can have us both.”
His kiss was so soft, so unexpected that I clung to him, pressing my lips to his. His hands cupped my face as other hands stroked down my arms.
Those hands stopped at my wrists and journeyed back up to my shoulders while Grant’s tongue twisted around mine. The straps of my dress were moved to the side and lips pressed against my skin.
This was wrong.
And it was so very, very right.
My dress fell to my feet, and I stopped thinking.
And only felt.
Closing my eyes, I accepted Grant’s tongue again as his kiss deepened, his hands moving into my hair. “So sweet.”
A tongue on my shoulder, tracing a path to my neck. “Let us take care of you, darlin’. Let us make you feel good.”
Hands came around me, cupped my breasts, squeezing my nipples as teeth came down on my ear. And still I kissed Grant, his mouth slicing over mine as Nash’s hands moved lower.
“You don’t have to do anything but let us take care of you,” Grant said against my mouth before sliding his teeth along my jaw and to my ear. Goose bumps rose on my arms.
This had to be a dream. A fantasy.
But as my panties skated down my thighs, leaving me only in my shoes, I remembered how very real this was.
Like anything that was too good to be true, I knew it wouldn’t last. So, would it be so very bad to simply enjoy it, especially since just a few seconds ago, I’d been so sure I’d lost it all.
My breasts were covered again, and I was unsure of who the hands belonged to. And it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that we were together.
Grant kissed down my neck, to my chest, tonguing my nipples on his descent. He kissed my belly, my hipbones, the patch of curls. Lower. On his knees now, he licked me, and my legs wobbled. Strong hands held me up and one of them plunged into my hair, twisting the strands around his fingers until he was able to crank my head to the side. Nash kissed me with so much hunger, it was enough to devastate me. How could I survive that kind of hunger?
As Nash plunged his tongue between my lips, Grant plunged his tongue into me much lower. I keened, but the sound was lost in Nash’s mouth.
As he sucked and licked at my clit, Grant’s hands slowly glided up my calves and past my knees. His fingertips lightly stroked the soft flesh of my inner thighs, sending little lightning bolts over the sensitive skin.
Nash’s kiss deepened, my head turned at a nearly impossible angle to accept his crushing lips, and I held on to Grant’s hair, feeling drugged from all the sensations.
The grip on my hair loosened, and Nash’s lips moved along my jaw to my ear and down my neck to my shoulder. Each vertebra felt the press of his lips as he moved down my back. When he was on his knees, he nuzzled the skin of my ass with his nose. I startled when he opened me up back there to his exploring tongue.
“Fucking perfect,” Nash said from behind me.
“A goddess,” Grant said from in front.
I threw my head back, one hand on each of their heads as they bracketed me, pleasing me with their hands and mouths.
Fingers move between my legs, scissoring me open.
A tongue breached the tight muscles of my anus, and I nearly collapsed at the sensation.
Grant moaned, sending vibrations into my clitoris, and it was all too much. Too much.
I couldn’t survive more.
But when Nash added a finger into me back there, I knew I could.
Knew I wanted to.
I panted, inhaling great gulps of air as they took me apart, lick by lick. Stroke by delicious stroke.
And when my legs began to tremble, my core tightening, my eyes rolling back in my head, I embraced my first orgasm, knowing it wouldn’t be my last, and every cell in my body exploded, causing a chain reaction of ecstasy that went on and on.
Behind me, Nash pushed to his feet and went into Grant’s bathroom. Before I could protest his loss, Grant moved up my body, kissing my stomach and breasts along the way.
Nash came back with a wet washcloth, wiping his hand before tossing it onto the bedside table. Embarrassment flooded me as to why he needed it, but the emotion faded when he began to undress.
As if they could read each other’s minds, Grant opened a drawer and tossed condoms and a bottle of lube onto the silky duvet. Then he was behind me, guiding me in Nash’s direction, who grinned wide as he sprawled backwards on the bed, his fat cock pointing straight into the air.
“Come here, my wicked little lady. I’ve got something for you to ride.”
I laughed, and the burst of sound relaxed me further as I took his hand and crawled onto the bed. He handed me a condom, and I ripped it open before carefully rolling it on. Hearing movement behind me, I looked over my shoulder to see Grant removing his clothes, his eyes dark with intensity.
Hands on my hips lifted me, and I refocused on the smiling Nash as he lowered me on his sheathed shaft. “That’s right, baby. Use me. Take whatever you want.”
When I was fully seated, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, my clit grinding down on his pubic bone. I got a moan from Nash with my efforts.
Something cool and wet dropped onto my back, and I lifted up to find Grant pouring the lube onto me.
I swallowed hard and turned as far as I could to meet his gaze as he smoothed the oil into my back and ass. “New experiences, Journey. All at the same time.” He pulled my head back and kissed me. “Enjoy the ride. I’m going to watch for a while.”
Nash bucked underneath me in response to his words, and I was pulled back to him as I fell forward, landing with my hands on either side of his head, his cock splitting me wide open.
“Hi, darlin’.”
I smiled and leaned down to kiss him. “Hi.”
Then the teasing and tenderness were over as he bucked up and into me again. “Ride me, Journey. Like your life depended on it.”
I looked over to where Grant had moved to stand beside us. Who knew? Maybe it did.
Gazing from dark to light, I looked back down at Nash and swirled my hips, leaning forward so that my clit rubbed his pubic bone each time. Then I begin to use him in earnest, pushing up and sliding down, over and over.
His jaw tightened, and his fingers linked with mine, giving me support to lift and drop. I closed my eyes, relishing the feel, the stretch, the passing of his cock over my delicate tissues.
“That’s right, darlin’. Feel it. Let it take you. Soar.”
I did, flying from the tallest of cliffs, screaming as the orgasm hit me. Nash pulled me down and our lips collided together as he continued to buck into me.
More oil was poured onto my backside, and one hand rubbed it into my flesh while the other moved to the back of my neck, holding me down.
Nash’s tongue explored my mouth, as fingers explored my ass, circling the tight pucker of muscle there.
“Relax, baby.”
Exhaling into Nash’s mouth, I attempted to do as Grant said, even as my every muscle wanted to tighten. When his finger breached the entrance, I groaned. But it wasn’t from pain. Not exactly. With Nash’s thick cock inside me, the entrance of Grant’s finger increased the internal pressure, filling me up.
And I knew there was more to come.
As much as I was nervous about this, I was excited about it too.
I wanted to know. I wanted to know the feeling, whether pain or pleasure, or both.
Grant withdrew his finger, his knuckle skimming along the overly sensitive nerves, and with that motion, I got a glimpse of why people liked sex this way. Ripples of pleasure shot through me, but then they stopped as he penetrated me again.
In. Out.
Pain. Pleasure.
When he added a second finger, the feeling intensified by large degrees.
Nash’s hands moved to my face, and I looked into his blue eyes. “Breathe, darlin’. You’re gonna be flyin’ again soon.”
I tried as Grant twisted his fingers, scissoring me, stretching me wider. Getting me ready for this new experience, all while Nash soothed my shoulders, kissed me, thrusting into me, giving me pleasure from below.
When Grant withdrew his fingers, I felt the loss. Then anticipation swam in my belly as the condom package hissed open, and he was there, hands on my hips, his cock at that vulnerable entrance.
Looking over my shoulder, I wished I could see, but the angle was all wrong. I wanted to watch his eyes as he took me like this.
As if he knew what I was thinking, he stepped away, but a moment later was rolling a full-length mirror to the foot of the bed. “Better?”
I smiled, tears pricking my eyes. “Thank you.”
From the way he smiled back, I knew he knew I was thanking him for many reasons.
In the reflection of the mirror, I watched him move behind me again, his cock touching me. Nash slowed his pulsing hips, keeping me still.
“Take a deep breath,” Grant said, and as I inhaled, he pressed forward, causing me to cry out.
Nash linked his fingers with mine, and his head also turned to watch the three of us in the mirror.
The reflection was so sensual, so erotic. And it was also humbling. These big, beautiful men had chosen me to pleasure.
Grant moved, and a white-hot flare of pain seared through me, and I dropped my head to Nash’s neck, biting my lip to stop from screaming.
What the hell?
Why did people like this?
The novels had it wrong. There wasn’t a burst of pain and then wild and crazy pleasure. This was crazy. Just plain crazy.
Tears spilled from my eyes and onto Nash, and I was ready to shout at Grant to stop, beg him to stop, scream at them both to leave me alone.
I was too full.
From Nash.
From Grant.
I was being torn in two.
“Look at me, Journey.”
With more effort than it should have taken, I opened my eyes and met Grant’s gaze in the mirror. His face was twisted in agony too. Agony of a different type. An agony opposite of mine.
He wanted this, but I knew he would stop if I asked. That knowledge allowed me to relax, and as I did, the pain lessened as if by some miracle.
“That’s right, baby.” Grant smiled, smoothing a hand up my spine. “Let me in. Trust me. Accept me.”
Accept him.
When I stopped fighting, it became easier, and he slid the rest of the way home. He didn’t stop until his thighs touched my ass.
“Do you know how beautiful you are?” he asked.
I looked at myself, tried to see what he saw. Red-faced and sweating profusely didn’t look very beautiful to me. But it was enough. Knowing he viewed me that way was enough.
“Grant’s going to lead this, darlin’,” Nash explained, kissing my cheek. “His movements will affect our movement. Don’t fight it. Let us please you.”
When Grant began to move, it was with microscopic bursts of his hips at first. When they grew longer and more powerful, my eyelids fluttered, especially on the out strokes. It was like a completely new set of nerves were engaged each time he withdrew.
In caused pain, and it also moved me up Nash’s cock.
Out caused pleasure, and it also impaled me on the man beneath me.
Oh.
I was impossibly stretched, impossibly full of both men.
And I was impossibly crazy about both of them. And so very grateful to be here with them like this.
My world narrowed down to the mirror in front of us. The pain became secondary to the fingers on my skin, the touch of their lips. Their encouraging words.
As Grant picked up speed, pushing us all toward the edge, Nash groaned beneath me, gritting his teeth. He was close, I knew. So was I.
He moved his hand until it was between us, and oh god, found my clit.
“Ohh…”
“That’s right, darlin’. Use me. Use us. Grind. Bite. Whatever you need.”
No matter the situation, Nash always made me smile.
Meeting Grant’s eyes, I reveled in his intensity.
His nostrils flared, and he picked up speed again, plunging into me over and over until pain and pleasure became one.
My orgasm built like a tidal wave, growing and strengthening with each stroke.
Nash’s thumb brushed over my clit, and I threw my head back and wailed. The tidal wave consumed me, taking me under. I couldn’t see. I didn’t know if I’d closed my eyes or my vision had just completely grayed out.
Nash cursed, his hands clenching me so hard I knew I’d have bruises. I collapsed on him while he came, no longer able to hold myself up.
Completely shattered, I could do nothing but watch as Grant found his release, his head thrown back as he roared.
When he collapsed on top of me, the only sound was our harsh breaths filling the room. Sweat coated our bodies, sealing us all together as I was trapped in the middle of a human sandwich I never wanted to leave.
Very slowly, Grant rolled off and pulled me with him. After tossing the condom, he turned me until I was facing him, pressing his lips to mine.
We didn’t talk. Not even when Nash curled up behind me, his hand coming around to cover my breast.
This was my haven.
These men.
As I closed my eyes and surrendered to sleep, I hoped it wouldn’t become my hell.