three
Declan
“Holy shit, Baxter!” I exclaim the second we’re in my room. There are boxes everywhere from our move, but the first thing my mom did was make the bed, so that’s where we sit.
“Your mom is going to be pissed if she hears you cussing,” he points out with a know-it-all grin.
“Yeah, I know, but dude … Holly Ryan lives next door to me!”
“Um, actually, I think you live next door to her. She’s been here longer.”
Shaking my head at his ridiculous correction, I jump up from the bed and peek out my window, which has the perfect view into Holly’s bedroom.
“What is it about her you like so much anyway? I mean, she’s got braces and acne like every other girl in our grade.”
Sometimes I don’t understand him; he never gets excited about girls the way I do. He’s right about Holly, too. She’s sort of in this ugly duckling phase right now, but that just means she’ll turn into a swan later. Right?
“She’s nice, Bax.” Shrugging, the heat creeps into my cheeks.
“So is your mom, but I’m not all out of breath and blushing over her.”
“Totally not the same, and why did you have to take it to my mom?”
He laughs. “Aside from the fact your mom is the town MILF and completely single?” In less than three seconds, I’ve got Baxter pressed up against the wall by the throat. “Uncle,” he gasps, and I ease off a bit.
“Don’t ever talk about my mom like that again. I’m not playing, Bax, I will hurt you.” Baxter is small for our age. He’s a preppy dresser and hates playing sports but kicks ass on video games. There’s just something different about him, but like Holly, he’s nice and has been my best friend since third grade. We moved to California to be closer to my mom’s family after my dad left us. Meeting Baxter was one of the only good things to happen that year.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and I release him. “I know you’re protective of your mom, and besides, she’s not my type.”
Finally. Now we can talk about girls. “What is your type? If it’s not my mom, and it’s not Holly, what the hell do you go for?”
“Um … dark hair and light eyes?”
“Like Sage …”
“No, not like Sage.” His eyes dart around my room, looking anywhere but at me. Eventually, he sighs and looks me in the eye. “I’m gay, Declan.”
Holy shit!
I’ll never forget the fearful look in his eyes as long as I live. I mean, I get how telling someone something like that could be scary, and I did just have him pressed up against the wall, but …
“Okay … so definitely not like Sage,” I reply, taking a seat next to him.
His mouth opens and closes like a guppy until he finally finds his words. “You’re not angry with me?”
“Why should I be? Are you angry with me for liking Holly?”
“Maybe, but I know I shouldn’t be,” he whispers, sadness filling his eyes.
Leaning against the wall, we’re quiet for a bit, and I know whatever I say next is going to be something Baxter will never forget. I’m guessing the night you come out to your best friend is something that would be unforgettable, so I decide to take a line from my mom’s playbook.
“Dude, I’m proud of you. We’ve been best friends for six years and I’m sure that wasn’t easy to say. Do your parents know?”
He nods. “Yeah, my mom said she’s known since I was three, but she was just waiting for me to feel comfortable enough to acknowledge it myself. I told them last year.”
“Well, think of it this way … we’ll never fight over girls.”
He laughs until he’s almost crying. “Definitely not.”
“Here’s the thing … I know I’m hot, and you can totally crush on me if you want to, but it would be a waste of time. I’m not gay.”
“I know, and what sucks is I am sort of crushing on you. I’m sorry if that’s TMI.”
“You’re my best friend, Bax, and always will be. Once we find you a boyfriend you won’t even remember why you ever crushed on me in the first place.”
Turning to me, Baxter holds my gaze. “You’re really not pissed? You’re still going to be my friend?”
“Why the fuck wouldn’t I be? Who you like has nothing to do with what kind of friend you are. Is that why you didn’t tell me last year?”
“No, I didn’t tell you because I was still kind of letting it all settle. Now that we’re going into high school and I’m not worried about my family freaking out anymore, I wanted you to be the first to know. Keeping secrets from my best friend sucks, and I didn’t want that barrier between us anymore. But I’ve read horror stories online about kids who lost their friends because they’re gay. People they never thought wouldn’t have their back. I guess I was afraid things would change between us.”
Poor Baxter.
“Sorry, but you’re stuck with me and all of my hotness.”
“Fuck you, dude. Don’t let it go to your head or anything. You’re not the only hot guy on my list, just the one I have the most access to.”
“Who else is on your list?”
“Uh, isn’t this weird for you? You don’t need to feel like you have to talk to me about this kind of stuff.”
“You going to stop letting me talk to you about girls? Especially about Holly?”
“No, but this is different. It’s not—”
“Don’t you dare fucking say normal,” I snap at him, and he blushes.
“I was going to say it’s not common.”
“It’s not uncommon, either, Bax. What kind of gay are you? You have just as much right to love who you want as I do. I just don’t want you wasting your time loving someone who can’t love you back the way you want them to. Do you understand?”
He nods. “When did you become such a gay advocate?”
I shrug. “My dad’s brother is gay. I haven’t seen him since my dad split, but you know how my mom is. She’s all about equality and treating people right.”
My mom sticks her head in my door at that exact moment. “That’s right, and what else do I always tell you two? Looks aren’t as important as how someone treats you. Inner beauty is much more attractive than outer beauty.”
“Yes, Mom.”
“Yes, Mrs. James,” Bax echoes.
“Baxter, I’m proud of you for finally telling Declan.”
Baxter’s jaw drops.
“Mom! You knew and didn’t tell me?”
“Don’t be angry, boys. After you came out to your parents, they came over and had a talk with me. They wanted to be sure it wouldn’t be an issue for Declan and me. They were trying to protect you and wanted to be sure when you did feel comfortable talking to us about it you’d be in an environment where you’d be accepted. You’re like a son to me, Baxter. You’ll always be accepted in our family.”
“Thank you, Mrs. James.”
“You’re welcome, but your mom is outside, so it’s time for you to go. Thank you for helping us move today.”
“I was happy to. I’ll be back tomorrow to help finish. Later, Dec.”
“Later.”
After the front door closes, my mom sits next to me on the bed. “I’m proud of you. I’m sorry I eavesdropped, but I was about to tell Baxter his mom was on her way when I heard his confession.”
“He’s still Baxter, Mom, there’s nothing to be proud of.”
“Sweetie, you know that’s not true. Your best friend just confessed he has a massive crush on you and you handled it with amazing grace and acceptance. You’re growing up to be a remarkable man.”
“Unlike my sperm donor.”
She sighs and pats my thigh. “We all make mistakes. Someday you’ll make one of your own. What defines you as a person is if you learn from them. If you can right your wrong, even better. Your father falls into the other camp and never seems to learn from his mistakes. It doesn’t make him a bad person, Declan, but it does make him one I can’t be in a relationship with. Your father loves you, but he doesn’t know how to be a parent. I hope someday, when he learns, you’ll let him in with an open heart. His sins against me have nothing to do with you.”
I don’t even need him in my life anyway. Mom is the best example of humanity I could ever have.
“Thanks, Mom. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Declan. Don’t stay up all night making googly eyes at Holly.”
“Mom!”
“What?” She crosses her arms and leans against the door.
“She doesn’t even know I exist,” I mutter.
“Then figure out a way to become her friend, we can all use one. Once you’ve established a friendship with her, you can see if you still like her that way.”
“Maybe. Goodnight, Mom.”
“Goodnight, Declan.”
After my mom leaves and closes the door, I take off my shirt and start digging through boxes looking for my pajama bottoms. When I stand again, the lights are on in Holly’s room and she’s staring straight at me. Her mouth drops, but she moves to her window and opens it.
There’s no fence blocking this part of our yards, and her window is only about six feet from mine. Popping off the screen, I sit on my windowsill with my feet hanging over the ledge.
“Hey, I’m Declan.”
Surprisingly, she pushes her screen off and mimics how I’m sitting. “Yeah, I know, we go to school together. I’m Holly. So … uh … you live here now?” she squeaks out, and it makes me laugh.
“Yup, we’re your new neighbors.”
“Cool.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes, each of us swinging our feet. “Sage is coming over tomorrow and we’ve got a pool. You should come over with Baxter and swim.” She smiles and then quickly covers her mouth.
“Why are you covering your mouth?”
“I hate having braces. If I don’t want to see them, I’m sure you don’t, either.”
I shrug. “Who cares? Like, half our class has them … it’s not a big deal.”
“Ugh, it is to me. Luckily, I’m getting them off in three weeks.” She leans back inside and pulls a calendar from her desk and shows me. “I’m marking off the days. I can’t wait to have them off. You’re so lucky you don’t have them.”
“I guess I’m weird. I think they’re kind of cool, especially all the different colors and stuff. I was sort of bummed when the dentist said I didn’t need them.”
She cocks an eyebrow at me and looks me over. “I think we’re going to be good friends, Declan.”
“Holly!” her dad yells from inside.
“Oops, gotta go! Come over tomorrow, two o’ clock. Bye, Declan.” She spins around on her windowsill and hops back into her room before I can say bye. I’m left sitting by myself, smiling. I think I just became Holly Ryan’s friend.
We moved into our house almost three weeks ago and since then, Baxter and I have become inseparable with Holly and Sage. We’ve been swimming almost every day and Holly’s dad, Sean, has even been teaching me how to barbecue. I think he’s hot for my mom, though, and I’m not sure exactly how I feel about that.
Holly’s mom isn’t in the picture. I’m not sure why, but she doesn’t seem too sad about it. Her dad is the principal at the elementary school down the street, but he’s not stuck up and stuffy.
“Declan, are you going out for any sports?” Sean asks when we’re all sitting at the table for dinner.
“Yeah, I’m on the football team. We’ve been on dead period, but practice picks up again next week.”
“What position?”
“Long snapper mostly, and wherever else they put me.”
“Well, we’ll have to come see you play. Sally, will you go to all Declan’s games?” he asks my mom, turning the attention to her.
“I hope to, but it depends on my shifts at the hospital. I’m supposed to be on nights from now on so it shouldn’t be an issue.”
Sean’s brows bunch together and he wipes his mouth. “Who stays with Declan while you’re at work?”
“He used to stay with my parents, but he’s old enough now to stay by himself. The house has an alarm, and I’m only a phone call away.”
Sean nods politely but doesn’t say anything. I can’t tell if he thinks she’s a shitty parent for leaving me alone or not. Hopefully not; my mom is a great mom.
Dinner passes quickly, and Baxter walks Sage home afterward while Holly and I clean up. Sean went to my house to help my mom get into the attic, so it’s just the two of us for now.
“It sucks you go back to football next week. The past few weeks have been fun,” Holly says, passing me the leftover burgers to put in the fridge.
“Yeah, they have. Hopefully, we’ll at least have some classes together when school starts.”
“Are you nervous?” she asks, leaning against the counter.
“Nah, it’s just school. Are you?”
“A little bit?” she answers shyly. “The school is so much bigger, and my dad expects greatness.”
“Is he hard on you?”
“Sort of. Mostly overprotective. Ever since he and my mom split up, I think he’s worried she’s going to come steal me or that I’m going to act out like she did.”
“Why did they split?” She hesitates, and I feel like a jerk. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me, I shouldn’t have asked.”
As I turn to get the trash, she grabs my wrist. I like the way her skin feels against mine and I turn around. “It’s okay, just kind of embarrassing. My mom is a drug addict. Getting her next fix was more important than raising her kid.”
“I’m sorry.” I lace my fingers through hers and squeeze.
“It’s okay, I barely remember her. She left for good when I was five. Sometimes she tries to reach out, but my dad never lets her talk to me. I think that’s why he doesn’t like leaving me alone.”
I move closer, and she looks up at me with those pretty, green eyes. Before I lose my nerve, I kiss her—just a quick brush of my lips over hers. I want to do more, but not now. When I pull back, her cheeks are pink as she brings her fingers to her lips.
“What was that for?” she asks quietly.
“I’m going to ask you out next weekend because I like you, with your braces or without them. I just wanted you to know they don’t matter to me.”
“You can’t ask me out.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not allowed to date until I’m sixteen.”
You’ve got to be kidding me.
“Are group dates or outings allowed?”
She chews on her bottom lip. “I think so. I’ve gone to the mall and movies with friends before, as long as he knows where I am.”
“All right then, problem solved. We’ll do a lot of group outings just the four of us.”
“Sounds fun.”
The front door slams, and I release her hand quickly and grab the trash bag so I can take it out on my way home.
“Goodnight, Holly. Goodnight, Mr. Ryan,” I call out on my way out the back door.
“Goodnight, Declan,” they reply in unison.
I know I’ll see Holly in a few hours. After her dad goes to sleep and my mom leaves for work, we sit on our windowsills and talk for hours. I’ve never been able to talk to a girl like I talk to her. There’s something about Holly Ryan that makes everything easy. Some girls only want to talk about clothes or their friends, but Holly isn’t a typical girl, which is good because I think typical is boring.