Chapter 10

Ash

The soft hay cushions our bodies, but I feel like I’m on cloud nine.

I can feel Drew underneath me as I lean my head against his chest and listen to his heart beat rapidly through his shirt. His fingers gently smooth my hair as we take a moment to catch our breaths.

I’m so comfortable around Drew; I feel safe in his arms. I can’t imagine being like this with any other man—especially not King Fergus.

Fergus is attractive, sure. He’s not the physically strong type, but he can hold a room. Though, if you take that away...

There’s an energy about him that I simply don’t trust. When he looks at me, I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. It’s almost as though he’s not looking at me, or he’s not seeing me; I don’t know how to explain it.

And that’s not even taking into account his obvious disdain for my ‘dirt poor’ country. If he’s not willing to see past what he views as valuable, then I can’t imagine how his attitude toward my nation—or me—is likely to change.

I know for sure that he’s nothing like King Andrew, and that I’ll never be able to feel for Fergus the way I do for Drew.

“Drew,” I murmur, keeping my voice low, so no one outside the stables will hear us.

“Yes, Ash?” He continues to stroke the hair out of my face and holds me tight in his arms.

“Let’s go further. I want to sleep with you properly.”

I feel Drew stiffen underneath me. Though he’s only silent, thinking for a few moments, my heart pounds against my chest and makes it feel like lifetimes.

“I can’t. I’m sorry, Ash, but we can’t.”

There’s a heavy sense of regret in his tone.

I know that Drew is speaking to me now with the mind of a king and a political leader, not the mind of a man naked in his stables with a princess in his arms. But that still doesn’t stop me from wanting to convince him.

“But I want you. I want to be with you.”

“And I wish I could be with you.”

I sit up to look at him, and I bite my lower lip.

Drew’s tone is so soft, and it’s almost as though he’s speaking to me like I’m a child. He doesn’t want to hurt my feelings, and I’m not going to let him see me cry.

Even though I kind of want to.

Okay, I really want to.

“I wish I could stay with you like this forever, Ash, but we can’t. We can’t sacrifice the future of our nations and peace for the sake of our lust.”

He’s right, but that doesn’t take away any of the pain.

I sigh, and Drew kisses me on the head gently.

“I’m sorry, Ash. You’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met.”

I can’t stick around and listen to this. My heart’s slowly breaking, and I don’t think I can bear to listen to Drew’s sweet, soft words while it happens.

“Do you hear that?” I ask, pretending to hear something outside.

“Hear what?”

“We should get moving—get back to our lives.”

I tear myself away from Drew and pick up my clothes from where they had been tossed before. I dress quickly; I can’t bring myself to look at Drew as I straighten out my dress.

“Aisling.”

Drew speaks my name, and I pause for a moment, my hands lingering on my buttons.

“I’m sorry. I wish it could be different.”

I can’t see the look on his face, but I can feel his remorse.

The pressing, unavoidable futility of our short-lived relationship hangs in the air all around us, and I have to get out of here.

“But it can’t,” I bite out in reply.

I don’t mean to snap at Drew like that, but the words leave my lips before I have a chance to think about my tone.

“Ash...”

“I have to go. I’ll see you around, King Andrew.”

I finish with my buttons and sweep out of the stables, leaving Drew in the hay. I don’t dare to look back.

I lied, of course; I don’t have anywhere to be. So, instead, I all but run through the corridors, sweeping up the stairs and past the servants, until I reach my bedroom and slam the door shut.

Dramatically, like a true princess, I throw myself down onto the bed—or rather, I take a few steps forward until my knees begin to give out. I fall into the mattress as my chest heaves with sobs. Salty tears drip down from my eyes and dampen the sheets beneath me.

Why do I have to marry Fergus?

Drew is also a king. Marrying him would bring equal prosperity to the kingdoms and secure an alliance; arguably, it’ll secure a better one! If I’m to be a political pawn and used for securing peace, I’d rather secure peace with a man who also treats me like a person.

I feel pathetic. This isn’t like me. I’m not the girl who cries over boys she likes and boys who reject her.

But I’ve never really liked someone the same way that I like Drew. To feel like that about someone and then to throw it all away...it’s not fair!

There’s a quiet and timid knock on my door. I hold my breath to silence the sound of my tears, but I feel as though it’s too late. The knocking happens again, and when I make no response, I hear a familiar voice through the door.

“Ash?”

It’s Gwen.

I take a few seconds to think for a moment more—can I bear to let her see me like this? I’m a mess, all over a guy. But she understands what it’s like; she knows what I’m going through—except she got a happy ending.

But I’d rather be with Gwen, who will at least be sweet and understanding, than wallow on my own. At least, if I’m with Gwen, it’ll look like I’m too busy to be forced to meet Fergus or keep a brave face around Drew.

I don’t want to see a man again—at least for a couple hours.

“I’m coming.”

I climb off the bed and try to wipe away the tear tracks on my cheek. Putting on a brave face, I open the door, and I see Gwen standing before me.

“Oh, Ash...” she trails off, taking in the sorry sight of me.

“Hey, come in.”

I open the door wide enough for her to enter, and we walk back to the bed. She perches on the edge of the mattress, and I throw myself down next to her.

“Ash, honey, I don’t mean to be rude, but you look terrible.”

Gwen leans toward me and reaches out to take a strand of hay from my hair, tilting her head to the side in confusion. I watch the cogs in her mind turn, until she realizes what happened.

“Why did I have to fall for him, Gwen?”

“Because he’s hot as fuck?”

“Yeah,” I say with a sigh and look at the ceiling, blinking away more tears. “He’s hot as fuck.”

“And he’s super kind and sweet, and he actually seems to like you and care about you as a person and a princess.”

“I get it, Gwen. Drew’s perfect.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” Gwen smiles sheepishly and places her hand on my leg. “He’s not perfect though, is he? Because if he was perfect, he’d find a way for you to be with him...”

“It’s not that easy though, is it?”

“I know. I was trying to make you feel better.”

“Now, I have to marry Fergus.” I sigh and look at her. “I don’t even like Fergus—let alone love him!”

“Yeah, I think Fergus is the type of guy only a mother can love, you know?”

I sigh heavily and shift closer to Gwen.

Despite how petite she is, she wraps her arm around me, and I lay my head down on her shoulder. We look out toward the door, sitting in silence for a short while.

“I’m gonna be married to a man I don’t like. And a man who doesn’t like me.”

“Hey,” Gwen says quietly, as though she’s half-talking to herself, “you might not.”

“What choice do I have? I need to do this for my father and for my kingdom.”

“Well, Edward and I...”

“This isn’t really like you and Edward, Gwen. The marquis wasn’t going to offer your kingdom stability.”

“Edward and I,” Gwen presses on, her voice a little bit harder and more determined than before, “managed to find our happy ever after in the span of, like, two days.”

“So?”

“So, you have another three days!” Gwen lifts my head up, so she can look into my eyes. “Drew might have told you no this time, but do you think he’s really going to settle for that?”

“But the alliance...”

“Love finds a way, Ash. Trust me.” Gwen smiles at me, and the twinkle in her eye tells me that she really believes in what she’s saying.

I want to believe her, too.

“You’ve got to stay strong.” Gwen smiles at me. “King Andrew isn’t going to let you go without a fight, and I, personally, am rooting for Fergus to get punched in the face.”

I laugh, and the image of Fergus on the ground lifts my spirit slightly.

Perhaps Gwen is right.

I love Drew. He’s the man I want to be with. I just have to stay strong.

Love will find a way.