Dante
“I’ve never had sex on a train before,” I suggest jokingly.
Our own private compartment in first class is certainly big enough, with plush upholstery that would lend itself perfectly to the occasion. I’m only being half-serious, trying hard to get Nicole out of whatever funk she’s in. I certainly don’t know what brought this on.
“I’m not in the mood,” Nicole replies in a flat voice.
She’s got the box with Luciano next to her and is staring at the sleeping bird.
“There’ll be plenty of opportunity for that in Rome,” I say and touch her knee, leaning forward. “Just like Venice; it’s a very romantic city.”
Wink, wink.
I study her face closely, but it’s as if the sun has suddenly hidden behind the clouds. She has been closed off to me ever since this morning.
I know I need to give her time and space, but I’m also torn.
Maybe there is something I can do to break this spell, and I want to at least keep trying.
Our high-speed train is taking us in less than three hours from Rome to Venice. Right now, we’re just pulling out of picturesque Padua with its ancient arcades and city walls. I try to get Nicole interested in the world beyond the window, but she’s staring into space without taking any of it in.
“Nicole, have I offended you?”
She shakes her head. “No.”
“It’s only three days. Everything we’ve left behind in Venice will be waiting for us when we return.”
“I know.”
“And look! Luciano looks content, like he’s enjoying the trip so far.”
And it’s true—the baby pigeon has been a model traveler.
She gives me a weak smile now, far from what she has given me these past days.
I’m concerned, but I trust that eventually, I’ll draw her out again. I’ve managed to make her come out of her shell just yesterday in ways I couldn’t have imagined. We’ve had amazing sex on top of the bell tower, and it was all thanks to her trust in me and a daring confidence in herself she hasn’t shown before.
“I know you’ll love Rome,” I try again. “I’m sure the city will inspire you. The history, the architecture, the art. We can go to the opera; it’ll be wonderful. The acoustics are supposed to be breathtaking—shivers down your spine, goosebumps on your skin.” I try appealing to her sensual side.
She seems trapped in a loop of bad thoughts.
She draws a sharp breath.
“It’s just…” she begins, then sighs.
I gesture for her to go on, hoping she’ll open up to me.
“It’s just that everything was—is moving so fast. And here we are, adding more to it, speeding off to Rome.”
“I just want it to be fantastic for you,” I offer.
“And it is, Dante,” she says, and I get a glimpse of the old Nicole.
But she clearly remains trapped in whatever spiral of thoughts is going on in her head, and I can’t draw her out or get her to share.
I meant every word of what I said this morning. Things have moved very fast indeed, and I can only begin to understand the alternating emotions she must have been going through. From the anticipation of marrying Ryan and then being deeply disappointed by him to the new heights of pleasure we’ve reached together—what a ride.
Whenever she’s ready, I’ll listen to her when she tells me what’s bothering her. I’ll help her through it as best as I can. In the meantime, I’ll be the loving husband I know she deserves.
I excuse myself from our private compartment and head toward the dining car. I could just call one of the waiters for service to our seats, but I’ll take the stroll to the dining car as an opportunity to give her some space.
I order water, juice, and coffee for us. When they arrange everything for me through a tablet, an idea pops up in my head, and I ask for a pen and pad.
Back in our compartment, I see Nicole is holding her phone in her hands. I set down the drinks, but I don’t want to press her into telling me if she’s trying to reach someone.
Maybe it’s Allison. It’s only natural that she’s missing her best friend.
It must be easier for Nicole to talk to her than me. Or is she missing Ryan?
She can’t be thinking about that asshole! It would explain the sudden gloomy mood, but that time of her life is over now. He’s no longer here to treat her like shit.
Instead, she has me. Can’t she see I’m totally different from Ryan?
I curse myself in the inside for having been so insistent on seeing Rome. I just know that she’ll like it there. I had wanted to push her to new experiences.
I didn’t mean to rush her off.
When the train rolls through Bologna, I pick up the pen and pad.
“Here, I thought you might wanna pass the time with a couple of sketches,” I say.
“Thanks…thanks, Dante.”
“We’re getting there. Only one more stop in Florence before we reach Rome.”
“It’s okay,” she says.
To my delight, she doesn’t discard the drawing materials. Instead, she places the pad on her lap. She opens the pen and keeps the cap poised between her lips.
It’d be the most enchanting image of her, lost in thought, dreamily looking out the window, waiting for inspiration to come—if I didn’t feel so locked out of the scene.
I was hoping that, if she didn’t want to talk, she’d at least feel the need to express herself visually in some way. But instead of her inner workings coming out in a sketch, all she does is doodle absentmindedly when she finally puts pen to paper.
Before the journey comes to an end, I make one last effort.
“Nicole, let’s play a game.”
“Is this a sex thing?” she asks with a doubting look.
“No, not at all. Just twenty questions. We take turns asking each other a question and answer truthfully. Any question.”
She hesitates. “I don’t want to talk about myself right now, please.”
“Not a problem. Then you just get to ask me.”
“Okay, Dante,” she exhales.
She smooths her clothes as if this were a formal interview and begins.
I’m ready to answer anything and bare my soul to her. She remains polite and distant, as if we were complete strangers. She stays off any sensitive subjects, just asks about my time at animal rescue, my arts degree, how many countries I’ve seen.
I can see this idea is also not working, but we get it over with. She sighs with relief as she gets to twenty.
Honestly, I’m also glad when we finally pull into the main station in Rome. A new city, new surroundings, new sights—Nicole will change again here, I hope.
I already have a place in mind for dinner for us tonight.
“Welcome to Rome,” I declare, helping her off the train.
Then, I hail us a taxi. I hold the cab door open for Nicole, and she gets in mechanically.
“Hotel Tiberinus,” I tell the driver, and we’re off.
Our luxurious hotel named after a Roman god is only a stone’s throw from the station, yet we already passed many important sights on the way. I rattle them off one by one, not sure what else to say.
“It’s like traveling back in time,” I tell Nicole, who remains unimpressed. “This is Esquiline Hill, one of the seven hills the city was founded on, according to legend.”
I point out the Basilicas along the way that I remember from the guidebook.
“Of course, none of them are as important as the Vatican,” I add, “which, we absolutely must see.”
“Uh-huh,” is all I can get out of her.
Damn, what is making her so tight-lipped?
As we round the Colosseum, I tell her, “Wait till you see the view from our room. It’s overlooking the Colosseum. ‘As long as the Colossus stands, so shall Rome’,” I quote.
“This is where the gladiators fought, isn’t it?” she asks.
“Yes,” I say, glad that she seems interested.
But Nicole only nods, and I feel defeated, as if I’ve received the thumbs-down gesture from Caesar himself.
The taxi pulls up in front of the hotel Tiberinus, and I get us checked in.
“You’ll have to be more careful here in the city,” I warn Nicole as we’re riding up in the elevator to our suite.
She raises an eyebrow at me.
“Rome, the capital, is different from Venice. I’ll be here to protect you, of course. But this is already the southern part of the country, and you have to watch out more for crime of any sort. There are definitely bad guys about there in the streets who try to hold up unsuspecting tourists. Keep an eye out and watch your stuff all the time, both day and night. In fact, I think it’d be best if we only go out together. So please, don’t wander off by yourself, okay? I want to know you’re safe at all times.”
I just want to show her I watch out for her and want to protect her, but she seems to scowl at my warning.
This is not going as planned.