.
Alex silently sipped her tea as she listened to the conversation that went on around her and still wasn’t sure if what was taking place was truly real.
Justin’s home in St. James Square was more beautiful than she’d imagined it to be. It seemed the earls of the past had spared no expense in making the home rich with color, precious metal, and objects that showed the artistry of painters, molders, and the like. The room was well-aired and the furniture had not faded in the least.
Selina had told her there were eight bedchambers on the second and third floors, three sitting rooms, a breakfast room, a dining room that could fit at least fifty, and a music room that was usually cleared out for routs and parties.
But was what more astonishing than the house was the company.
Alex, the illegitimate daughter of a viscount and a woman they’d yet to find, had been invited to tea by Justin’s sisters, who were two of London’s most vicious girls, and they’d not insulted her once in the last hour that had gone by, not even when she'd spilled tea on her saucer. Lucy Ann had given her a look, but that had been all before her attention was pulled back into the story that Emma was spinning about her and Justin’s childhood.
It was clear that Lucy Ann and Selina were obsessed with anything that included their brother. Their eyes shined at his name as though he were their hero, and Alex soon discovered where he’d been spending his time when he’d not been with her.
Lucy Ann and Selina had told them all about the play that Justin had taken them to and how he’d hardly left their sides for the past two days.
The effect was simple worship from the girls, and when Emma and Alex had stood up for him in the park, it seemed to have an effect on them. Alex and Emma had stopped being their enemy and had become their friends. It seemed divine intervention that Michael had shown up when he did.
Alex had been shamed that she’d never thought to love him.
And it made her pause to think about what she knew about Justin.
From what she could see, he cared for his family. Along the way he had done enough to gain not only his sisters’ love but bring out their protective instincts as well.
He was also quite smart and very clever. The way he’d disbanded the newspaper writers that had gathered at the orphanage had amazed her.
She liked his humility as well. He was obviously uncomfortable with his sisters’ adoration. He’d cut in when he thought their words painted him in too much of a saintly light and kept adjusting himself in the chair whenever a story was told that was truly moving. He’d apparently been a very good brother at one point, and it was clear that he was moved by their affections.
And he was also a great kisser.
That, Alex would never forget, or the feel of his tongue as it touched hers.
Or the way he continued to look at her.
He looked at her like no man had never looked at her before, with determination and longing.
And just when she thought him engrossed in a tale, like the one of him, Emma, and a few other children slipping from their nurses to play pirates in one of the towers at his father’s estate, his eyes would swing to Alex and there they would settle.
Alex would never say that she was a mind reader, but she thought it clear that Justin wished to get her alone.
But that, Alex was not ready to deal with. She was glad that he was spending time with his family, but it still didn’t excuse the fact that he’d not written her in the last two days, especially when he’d seemed to have so much to say in the basement before getting cut off.
She looked away and put her tea down, then dared to look back in Justin’s direction only to find him gone. She nearly jumped when he appeared at her side, settling onto the couch as though he’d simply moved to get comfortable.
His eyes were focused on the story. He even wore a small smile, but Alex knew he was aware of her, because she was most definitely aware of him.
“We should hold a dinner here,” Selina said before looking at Alex. “Won’t you come?”
Alex opened her mouth, ready to give a firm no with enough excuses to fill a book, but one look in Emma’s hopeful eyes buried her words. Emma wanted to go and, moreover, attending a dinner given by an earl’s family would help establish herself amongst the ton. It would be a nice lead in to an extravagant ball.
Alex had only wanted to go to one event. That had been the plan and it had been a lovely plan, but perhaps one additional event wouldn’t hurt, would it? “I would love to—”
“Very good,” Lucy Ann said. “My sister and I will plan it immediately.”
Justin’s hand settled on the couch next to Alex’s. A moment later, his fingers touched hers.
She jumped when Lucy spoke. She was looking at Justin. “You don’t mind, do you?”
“Oh, please,” Selina said. “We’ve never hosted anything here.” She was sitting at the end of her seat with her hands placed over her heart as though in prayer.
Selina’s words reminded her of just how Justin had been before he’d sought her out. A man of the shadows. It made sense that the sisters had not hosted a party. Justin would have wanted his privacy.
Justin moved his hands to his thigh. “I would suggest we keep the guest list small.”
Selina, who wasn’t sitting far from her brother, reached out and gave his arm a squeeze. “Oh, thank you.”
He stiffened but then relaxed and nodded.
Lucy nodded and turned back to Selina and Emma.
Alex rose. “I completely forgot that my brother needed me for… something important. I apologize, but I simply must go.”
Selina smiled at her. “We’ll be sure to send you an invitation.”
Emma stood as well. “Tea was lovely. Thank you, both.”
The Padmore Darlings offered Emma smiles as they started toward the door.
“I’ll see you out.” Justin’s voice came from right behind her, and she could feel his presence as she walked, his steps nearly aligning with her own, and yet way more powerful.
They were at the door when Justin stopped her with a hand on her elbow and spoke to Emma. “I need to speak to Miss Smith.”
Emma turned at the door with her ready smile, but upon seeing Alex’s wary expression, blinked. “Oh, I’ll wait right here.” She took her bonnet from the butler and began to don it without taking her eyes off them.
Alex slowly turned to Justin. “What is it that you wish to discuss, my lord?”
He tightened his hold on her elbow and pulled her farther away from the door but not from the room. He also moved closer so that their conversation was not overheard, and Alex would have taken steps back if she could have gotten her feet to work.
“How are you?” His green eyes were as direct as his words, both lacking any of the tenderness he’d had just days ago.
“I’m wonderful,” Alex lied over her racing heart as she detached her elbow from his hold. “Emma will give me the skills I need to succeed come the ball, and once this Season is over, the ton will move on with their lives and so will everyone else.” She knew her meaning was clear when he narrowed his eyes.
But then they softened as he said, “About the other day. I… we were interrupted—”
“Which seems for the best.” Alex's stomach was turning to the point that she was glad that all she’d had for the last few hours was tea.
She thought it well that his sisters had welcomed her to tea and had even gone as far as to invite her to a party, but she knew better than to hope that they wished her as a sister-in-law. Justin was obviously close with his sisters and they him. She’d not come between them.
And worse was her feeling of dread at recalling Michael’s almost-proposal at the park. He’d been a mistake, and she was tired of making them. She may not have been responsible for the circumstances of her birth, but she was responsible for every action she'd taken thereafter, and she would not let a handsome face and great kisses sway her toward destruction again.
She’d been right when she’d said that Justin was a better man than Michael. He’d proved so on more than one occasion, but that didn’t mean he was the man for her.
She made a decision then to make herself clear on the matter. “I… believe it was for the best in the end.” Her voice was barely above a whisper as she met his startled eyes. “I don’t want a bigger role in your world than the one I already have. It’s fitting that you be nothing more than my escort.” Then she straightened and said, “I hold nothing you’ve said… or didn’t say… against you.”
He grabbed her arm again. “Alexandra.” He said her name like a song, as though he were reading from a poetry book from a great lyricist, saying her name how it had always been meant to be said. “You can’t mean what you just said,” he whispered.
Alex closed her eyes tightly. “I do.” It was better to end this now before it went further. “I don’t belong with you.”
“I don’t agree.” His words drilled into her mind and almost overtook her convictions, but she pressed on.
She opened her eyes and dared to keep them steady on him. “What do you gain from this?”
She watched his expression change and his face become blank, though his eyes seemed startled once more.
“What do you mean?” Justin asked.
“Alexandra,” Emma called. “We should be off.”
Alex looked at her by the door. She was nothing more than a feminine silhouette with the light coming through from behind, but she was sure Emma could see her as well as her anxiety.
“I should go,” she whispered to Justin. “Good day.” She turned away and walked briskly toward the door.
“Alexandra,” Justin whispered, but he didn’t stop her.
Alex saw his sisters emerge from the sitting room from the corner of her eyes but didn’t dare look their way. She grabbed her bonnet and was out the door before another word could he said.
Safe inside the carriage, she was glad when Emma left her to her thoughts, because Alex thought that surely she would cry if forced to explain what she was feeling at the moment.
She felt as though with every click of the horse’s hooves, she was making a mistake, that she should run back and tell Justin the truth.
But hadn’t she already begged a man to stay with her once?
She easily recalled the day Michael left.
It had been a wealthy widow who’d come to gather him and his things. She’d never left her carriage, but she’d met Alex’s eyes as she wept on the street, begging Michael to not leave. The woman hadn’t even batted her eyes at Alex’s sorrow. She hadn’t cared, as was the way of the ton.
She also remembered the way Michael had smiled down at her with amusement. Even then, she’d noticed how he’d begun to dress well but hadn’t asked him where he’d gotten his clothes.
Never before had she’d felt so put down by a look, as though she should have known better than to think that love could ever rival with wealth and power.
The woman Michal had left with had been a lady. Her name, Alex had never received, but she’d seen an emblem on her carriage as proof she’d been out of her depths.
She been out of them again when Justin had thought to propose. How lucky she’d been that his sisters had been there to set her straight, and how fortunate she’d been that Michael had saved her from a second disaster, forcing her to recall what had happened the last time she’d encountered the peerage.
She’d go to the party and the ball and then she’d return to her work at the toy store.