.
Alexandra truly tried to remain in her room. At least, she did for the first ten minutes after Justin and Reuben left her in the hall. She’d gone into her room and had changed into her night rail and robe, then had braided her hair and sat in front of the small vanity for all of five minutes before departing from the room.
She’d checked his study first but, finding no one there. She went into the parlor and sitting room. She’d begun to think that everyone had gone to bed and the meeting had been very short before she heard voices coming from down a hall she only used when heading to the kitchen. It was the area used for servants, holding the laundry and storage rooms.
She saw a light glowing from underneath the door to the kitchen and threw it open.
The warmth of the fire touched her even through her robes, a welcoming sensation that spread through her flesh. The space was small, and she only had to look straight ahead to see everyone in the room.
Her brothers were there, standing around the middle counter along with Justin. The servants were gone except for one, and though Alex hadn’t been in Justin’s home for long, she didn’t recognize the maid. She was the only person sitting down, and when she looked at Alex, a strange expression came over the woman’s face.
In the shadows, Alex could not make out the shade of the woman’s eyes, and the bonnet concealed her hair, but there was something about the woman’s face that Alexandra found unsettling.
The woman stood, the noise of her stool scraping back the only sound in the otherwise silent room. The maid looked pained and then panicked before starting toward the door.
Reuben grabbed her before she could retreat.
Alex looked at her brothers and then at Justin. Their expressions were too masked to read. “What’s going on?”
Reuben turned the woman back around, but no one said anything.
She met everyone’s eyes again, including the maid’s, but now the woman wouldn’t meet hers back. A pinching sensation started in her chest. “What’s happening?”
Justin moved forward and took her into his arms, but it was Chris who spoke.
“Nash and I have been busy looking for your mother.” He was leaning against the counter, his fingers turning white as he pressed them into the hard surface. “We searched everywhere, looked in every great house that we could find, spoke with the staff, but never found her.”
“Or rather, we thought we hadn’t.” Nash crossed his arms and stared at the maid. “She was purposefully hiding from us.”
Alex’s head was leaning against Justin’s chest and pulling his warmth and strength as she spoke toward the woman who wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Are you my mother?”
The woman wrapped her arms around her small frame and kept her eyes toward the floor, but Alex saw her jaw work as though she were trying to figure out what to say. “I gave birth to you, but I don’t deserve to be called your mother.”
Alex tightened her hands on Justin’s shirt, unsure of the emotion that seemed to pound at her. The heat that she’d felt when she'd first stepped into the room seemed to drain from her, and she suddenly shivered.
Justin locked his arms around her. Alex looked away and closed her eyes. She should have stayed in her room, she now realized, because the woman who’d given birth to her didn’t even want to look at her. Had she never deserved the woman’s love? What was wrong with her? “I want to leave,” she whispered.
“No, you’re here now. It won’t end like this,” Justin whispered in her hair. Then he turned and spoke to the maid. “You’ll tell her what happened just as you told us.”
Alex shook her head. “I don’t want to hear it.” She looked up at him, pleading. “I don’t want to know.” She didn’t want to know that her mother didn’t want her, had been glad to get rid of her. She hadn’t even come at the possibility of getting money or fame. That was how much her mother hated her. “Please.” Her voice trembled.
Justin touched her cheeks and leaned toward her. ”It's not what you think.”
She didn’t believe him, and she didn’t want to have this conversation in front of her. She pulled her head back and started toward the door, but he caught her around the middle and turned her so that her body faced the maid. His arms went around her and gathered her so that her back pressed into his front, holding her firm without a chance to retreat.
She wanted to shout at him, crawl at him with her nails and kick free, but she remained still, not willing to embarrass herself in front of her… mother.
But why she thought she could, she wondered, for the woman still had yet to look at her again.
“Speak,” Chris said, and though he spoke gently, it was with authority.
The maid flinched and remained silent for long seconds before shaking her head. “I had to give her away.”
“Speak to her,” Justin said.
The woman seemed restless, obviously wanting to be there just as little as Alex did. She steadied herself on the counter and finally brought her face up to meet Alex’s, her expression hard. “I had to give you away. I had no choice.”
No choice.
“What do you mean? Did your employers threaten your position? Was money worth more—”
“That’s not what I mean.” The woman’s eyes softened, widened a little, and Alex saw they were a light shade of blue. She also noticed that the woman was pretty when she wasn’t glaring. She had delicate features. “I mean, he’d have hurt you if I didn’t.”
Alex stilled, but her heart was racing. A new tingling set over her skin. “You mean Lord Wint?”
“No.” The woman shook her head and lifted her hands. “I won’t say his name, but he knew whose child you were.”
“Who was it?” Chris hissed in a way that said he’d asked this question before.
The woman looked at him with wild eyes. “I’ll never tell you. Never. You can threaten me all you like, but I won’t utter his lordship’s name.”
“So, it was a lord?” Nash asked.
The maid looked away. “I have to go.” She started for the door.
Reuben blocked the door.
“Who was it?” Chris asked the woman again.
“No! It’s dangerous to even breathe it! You put her life in danger by knowing.” She pointed to Alex. “Now you leave me alone for her own good. Do you understand?” She was staring at Chris.
Alex was struggling to breathe as she listened to this debate. “Why?” she asked. “Why did he say you had to get rid of me?”
The woman looked at her and pain slashed through her eyes. “Because, had I come forward, your father would have taken us in and his lordship wouldn’t allow it.”
She seemed so sure of her words, knowing that Lord Wint would not turn his back on a child he’d created with a maid. “Did you know Lord Wint well?”
The woman swallowed and nodded. “I knew him.” She looked away. “His wife couldn’t… He’d have wanted you.” The woman hung her head then looked at Chris. “Now that I’ve shamed myself, can I leave?”
Alex reeled away at the knowledge that her mother was ashamed of her.
As she should be, since Alex was the product of infidelity.
“No,” Chris said. “Your daughter is in danger. You have to tell us who is after her.”
“He is only after her so long as you look for me!” the maid shouted back. “Don’t you understand? Stop looking for me and her troubles will go away.” Then she glared at Reuben. “Move or you put her in danger.”
“You keep her in danger by not saying his name,” Reuben told her.
The maid shook her head and said, “I’ll make sure he leaves her alone.”
“How?” Chris asked.
“I’m leaving London for good,” the woman said. Then she turned to look at Alex and said, “Besides, she’ll be untouchable once she’s a countess.”
Alex didn’t know why the thought of a woman she’d never known, who was ashamed of her and probably never wanted her, disappearing forever after only meeting her once was so unsettling.
“You’re not going to say the man’s name who threatened you, are you?” Nash asked finally.
The maid shook her head. “I’ll not risk her life.” She wouldn’t meet Alex’s eyes, and Alex realized that she’d not once said her name. Neither had she given Alex hers.
There were so many things she wanted to ask this woman, but her pride wouldn’t let her ask a single one. “Let her go,” Alex whispered.
The maid flinched but righted herself quickly.
Reuben moved from the door and the woman all but ran for it.
She wrenched the door open, and Alex held her breath as she watched her step through it.
But the maid paused and gripped the doorframe before looking back over her shoulder at Alex, then Justin, before meeting Alex’s eyes once more. “I always thought that woman mad for calling you a lady all the time while knowing what you really were, but maybe she always knew what you’d become.”
Alex frowned as her mind conjured up the only woman who’d ever called her a lady. “You mean Mary Elizabeth?”
The maid nodded. “That’s the one. I… also checked on you after the woman died. I wanted to see who’d taken over to see if you were well cared for.” She seemed to struggle with her next words. “I like what she’d do with your hair on Sundays.” She used her finger to demonstrate the braid that wrapped Alex’s crown before dropping her hand.
Alex choked on a sob and tightened her fingers around the arms that held her. Why had the woman looked in on her if she’d not cared? If she’d been ashamed of Alex? “You were there?”
The maid’s expression became hard again. “I’m only saying this because I don’t want you feeling poor with your wedding coming.” She looked away. “I never gave you anything. I wouldn’t want to think I didn’t… I wouldn’t give you troubles.”
She didn’t know what else to say, but as the woman closed the door and slipped into the night, Alex crumbled in Justin’s hold and wept for a life she’d never had.