My legs bounced up and down almost frantically. In their nervous movement, a random rhythm was found. It matched the beating of my pounding and wildly racing heart.
If the bouncing of my knees were not enough to show my anxiety, then my hands showed it clearly. My trembling hands rested on my lap, my fingers clenching tight, and then unclenching around the fabric of my dress.
It wasn’t a surprise that I was slowly going crazy with tension.
After all, I was sitting at the piano, waiting for Alessio to make his appearance.
It had been two nights since I last played the piano. The last two nights, it was Alessio hoping that I would come to the piano room and play for him. And now, it was me waiting for him.
Was he going to come? Or was he angry at me? Was he going to make me wait, like I did to him?
With each passing second, I was growing more alarmed at the thought that Alessio wasn’t going to come.
What was he doing right now?
Did he receive my note?
The flower?
Did he smile while reading it? Was he happy about them?
Or did he ignore them?
My lips turned down in a frown at the thought of him refusing my gifts. But then I shook my head. “Stop it, Ayla,” I muttered.
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I heard a sound at the door, and my head snapped toward it.
There he was. Alessio.
He was standing tall, his hands resting on the door as he struggled with his breathing. It appeared as if he had run all the way here. There were beads of sweat dotting his forehead, a few strands of hair clinging on his skin as his eyes fixated on mine. His breathing was almost frantic, his eyes presenting a wild look as he walked further inside.
I saw him swallow nervously several times, his throat bobbing up and down with the movement. Alessio walked to his sofa chair, which was directly in front of the piano.
Taking a seat in his usual spot, he extended his legs forward in the exact same position he would take every single night while I played the piano.
We didn’t say anything. There was only silence.
But the silence between us was enough. It was always enough. We only needed each other’s presence, our eyes on each other. Words were never needed to express what we were feeling.
So I kept my eyes on him, and he did the same.
Blue to green.
Taking another deep breath, I tried to relax my tense shoulders, and I placed my trembling hands on the piano keys. My touch was light, barely even touching. My fingers softly moved over the keys, and my mouth curved up in a small smile.
I missed this.
Not just the piano, but this moment between just Alessio and I.
I missed him. His presence, his smile, his twinkling bluish steel-colored eyes. I missed everything about us.
So I played.
While we never took our eyes off each other, I played to him like I did every night. I played for us.
The music flowed, cocooning us in its warmth. A sweet, gentle melody. Something I had learned while I was trying to escape the darkness that Alberto would always throw me in.
It always brought me peace, but in this moment, I wasn’t doing it for me.
I was doing it for Alessio, hoping it would bring him peace and ease the pain I had caused him.
I didn’t have much to give him, so I gave him the only thing I had. The only thing I knew I had. Something I had treasured close to me for years.
After playing the song once, I played it a second time. My eyes caught Alessio’s shoulders dropping as he started to relax in his sofa chair. A breathy sigh escaped past his lips, and the pained expression on his face slowly started to fade away, until he was staring at me with soft eyes.
I melted into his stares, my heart accelerating as I took him in.
As the song came to an end for a second time, I paused, my fingers laid gently over the keys as I breathed. Alessio stayed still, and he waited for my next move.
Slowly pushing the bench away, I stood up and walked around the piano until I was standing in front of it, facing Alessio. There was nothing between us. I just had to walk a few steps and I would be in his arms.
And that was exactly what I did.
One second I was standing away from Alessio and the next, I was right in front of him, standing between his spread legs. My knees touched his sofa chair as I looked down at him.
My eyes moved over his hard, muscled chest and then down the length of his arms until they landed on his right hand.
He was still holding the flower I had given him.
A single white peony.
His fingers were wrapped around the stem like he never wanted to let go. But even then, his hold looked almost gentle, as if he was scared to ruin the delicate flower.
I choked back a sob as my eyes moved to his other hand.
He was holding the note I had sent him before coming to the piano room. I knew what it said. I had stared at it for hours before finally having the courage to send it to him.
Please come to the piano room. I want to play for you.
That was what it said. Simple words, yet it meant a lot to both of us.
Glancing away from his hands, I looked into his eyes again. Without giving it another thought, I sat down on his lap, settling myself sideways and leaning against his chest.
I felt Alessio’s shocked breath, and then his arms were around me, so quick that it took me by surprise. He crushed me to him and buried his face in my neck.
My name was barely a whisper against his lips, but I heard it. I felt it. Placing my head on his shoulder, I wrapped an arm around his waist.
We were both silent for a few moments. Alessio kept his face buried in my neck, and I felt him place a soft kiss there before tightening his arms around me.
“Ayla,” he started, but I squeezed his waist, stopping him.
“Just let me talk, okay? I need to say something,” I replied.
“Okay,” he readily agreed. “Whatever you want, Ayla.”
Moving my head from his shoulder, it forced him to shift away from my neck too. I sat up straight on his lap, our faces a few inches apart. My hands came up to cup his cheeks, my fingers rubbing gently over the slight stubble.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Alessio’s eyes widened, and he quickly shook his head. “No. Don’t—” But his flowing words were stopped by my finger pressed over his lips.
“No, listen to me, Alessio. Please, just let me get this out, okay?”
He sighed and gave me a sharp nod, his fingers digging into my hips. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I was angry and hurt, and I wanted you to hurt. I’m still angry and hurt from what you did, but I can’t hurt you. It torments me to think that you were in pain because of me.”
Alessio made a strangling sound. He brought his hand up his face and placed it over mine. I looked at his stunning face, my heart thumping at how beautiful he was, even when he looked so tired and forlorn.
“I get why you did it,” I continued. “I get why you thought I was the spy. It makes sense, so I don’t blame for you not trusting me before. These last two days, I kept thinking if it were possible that whatever we had was a lie. I was and still am scared.”
Rubbing my fingers over his lips and then tracing his nose, my fingers continued their way up under his eyes. “I can forgive you for that.”
I paused and then swallowed hard before uttering the next words. “But I don’t think I can forgive you so easily for what happened with Sasha.”
Alessio opened his mouth, but I shushed him again. “Even if you didn’t have sex with her, you still touched her.” I choked on the last words.
The thought of Alessio touching another woman was gut-wrenching. I might have been lying too. I was keeping a big secret from Alessio, I was just as guilty, but I couldn’t accept the fact that Alessio had touched another woman.
“The thought of you touching another woman—the thought of you being with someone else so easily, it’s painful, Alessio. I don’t think I’ll get over that soon. I might forgive you for the rest, but it’ll take me time to forgive you for touching Sasha.”
“Ayla,” he whispered brokenly, his eyes filled with guilt. “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t know the whole story. The only thing I know is that you touched her. I have my reasons why I don’t want you to explain,” I murmured, my fingers brushed over his eyebrows, my whole body tingling like it always did when I was touching him.
“Because if you explain now, I will doubt you and your intentions. My judgments will be clouded by my anger and hurt. And I don’t want to ever doubt you.”
I cupped his jaw again, and he leaned into my palm, nuzzling into my touch. I felt my heart crack and then slowly piece together at the show of affection.
Leaning forward, I placed a sweet kiss on the tip of his nose. I felt Alessio sighing almost contentedly.
“I have thought about this for so long. You have showed me so many times that you care, Alessio. You helped me, stood by me, and made me strong. You never gave up on me and never left me in the darkness, even when I was so stupidly stubborn. When I think about everything we’ve been through and everything you have done for me, I think I can forgive you. I will eventually forgive you.”
“And that’s all I need. I just need your forgiveness, Ayla.” The words were spoken low and almost fiercely.
Giving him a tentative smile, I continued. “When it’s time for you to explain, I want to be ready to believe you. And for that I just need some time to get over this anger and stupid hurt that’s filling my heart right now.”
“How much time? How long do you need, Ayla?” he asked, his eyes wide with caution, layers of desperation clouding his expression.
“Just a few days. That’s all I’m asking.”
After those words were spoken, we fell silent. I leaned my forehead against his, and we breathed. My hands went to the back of his neck, my nails softly dragging up and down the skin, just the way I knew he loved. He slowly started to relax, his tensed muscles loosening under my touch.
“Being away from you hurts, Ayla. It’s painful.”
My eyes snapped open at his words, and I quickly blinked away my unshed tears. “I’m sorry.”
“But I don’t want you to be sorry,” he interrupted quickly. “You have every right to be angry and hurt. I fucked up bad. This mess we are in right now is my fault. So I understand. If I saw another man touching you, I would probably kill him without a second thought.”
At his words, I remembered the scene that took place yesterday, when Viktor had kissed me. Alessio had snapped and went ballistic at the sight of Viktor touching me.
“So I don’t blame you, Ayla,” he said. “I’ll give you however much time you want. Just please don’t take too long. I don’t think I can wait for a long time.”
Alessio paused before confessing softly, his next words taking my breath away. “I need you.”
I need you too, I wanted to say.
“Okay,” I agreed before placing my head on his shoulder again. Alessio wrapped his arms around me, holding me close.
“Where will you sleep?” he suddenly broke the silence that we were both basking in.
“In my room. I don’t think I can sleep in our room without touching you. I can’t bear having any kind of distance between us,” I replied dejectedly, hating the thought of sleeping without him.
“I don’t think I can sleep in our room without you, either,” he confessed, his fingers tracing random patterns on the length of my bare arms.
Pushing my head up, I looked at Alessio, my gaze searching his in question. “Our room will stay empty until you are ready for me to explain. When you are ready, we’ll meet in our bedroom,” he explained, his bluish eyes holding me captive.
That sounded perfect. “Okay,” I agreed again. Alessio sent me a small smile and quickly gave me a peck on the lips.
I pressed my forehead against his and closed my eyes again, letting myself feel his arms around me. I let this moment make its way into my heart, holding it closely there. I absorbed his warmth for one last time, knowing that it was almost time for me to go.
After a few minutes, I leaned back and Alessio’s eyes turned sorrowful. “I have to go now,” I whispered.
Alessio nodded, and I slowly got off his lap. His arms fell to his lap, and a shuddered breath left his body, an agonizing expression passing over his face.
Giving him a final glance, I turned to walk away, but a hold on my wrist stopped me. Looking down, I saw that Alessio’s hand banded my wrist, refusing to let me go. I faced him again, and he stared up at him, his eyes glistening in the light.
“Don’t take too long,” he ordered gruffly in an authoritative way that made my toes curl. His voice was hard, demanding, and held a clear warning.
I couldn’t help but smile before nodding.
He still didn’t let go of me. So, this time, I answered verbally. “Okay.”
When he was satisfied with my spoken answer, his fingers unwrapped around my wrist as he let me go.
I walked backward a couple of steps before turning around and leaving.
Entering my room, I closed the door and got straight in bed. After taking my sleeping pill, I burrowed deep under the soft comforter and closed my eyes.
But sleep didn’t come as fast as I expected.
Instead, all I could think about was Alessio.
My body was tingling and warm under the comforter. Even though Alessio wasn’t holding me any longer, I still felt him on my skin. It was as if he branded me, letting me know that I was his.
And there was no denying it.
I was his.