Jaymes

Sadness overtakes his small frame. His shoulders sag and his sweet little brown eyes are aimed down. I want to say something, but I’m not sure what and I don’t want to embarrass him by correcting him in front of the others. “Ace?”

A tiny hand rests on my knee, and when we look into each other’s eyes, he whispers, “Don’t be sad, Mommy.”

Neil taps him on the shoulder. “Tag. You’re it.”

They take off running and I’m left with the shame of what I’ve caused him.

I fought.

I didn’t fight hard enough, but if I had stopped Reggie, I wouldn’t have Ace.

“Jaymes?” My attention shifts toward my name. Derrick is a few feet away with the others. All three are staring at me, expecting something from me. A hand is held out and a gentle smile welcomes me. “I want you to meet my friends.”

Friends. Friends from a life I know nothing about.

I stand, and join them.

“This is Jaymes Grenier.” Pride is heard in the introduction as Derrick wraps his arm around my back. “Dex Caggiano, our drummer, and this is Rochelle Floros. Rochelle keeps the band running from our brand to our image and everything in between, including helping to organize the tour.”

They’re holding hands, but reach to shake mine before finding each other so effortlessly again. I don’t think I’ve ever seen two more beautiful people. Rochelle asks, “How old is Ace, Jaymes?”

“You can call me Jamie.”

She glances to Derrick and smiles with a raised eyebrow. “These guys seem to have an affinity for full names. I don’t know what it is, but I just kind of love it, so Dex and I will call you Jamie, and leave Jaymes for Derrick.”

It’s funny what you learn when you finally open your eyes. I had forgotten, it always just felt right hearing my full name from him. Derrick even called me Jaymes when he was Rebel and everyone else called me Jamie. It seems the habit is rampant among the band. Or do all rock stars prefer the formality of birth given names? It’s not important, but I still like the way it feels special that only he calls me Jaymes. “Ace is five. Are those your sons?”

“Yes. Neil and CJ. Sorry for the invasion. They tend to make themselves right at home wherever we are. I guess that’s what all this traveling over the years has done.”

“It’s fine. Neil was very nice. He introduced himself and CJ to us.”

“That’s good to hear. He usually does most of the talking. CJ owns being the baby of the family, from tantrums to his curiosity, so sometimes he forgets his manners. I think he’s been hanging around Dex too much,” she teases, wrapping her arm around him. His arm comes around her shoulders as they tease. The conversation is lost as I witness the way he holds her so casually and comfortably that it makes me wonder if Derrick and I can ever get back to that place.

Not if Reggie has his way. Fortunately, I find some comfort that he isn’t brave enough to come to my mom’s house. It’s not just me he’ll be messing with, but my mom as well.

Damn it. I had managed to put him out of my mind, to take the trip, promising myself to get lost for a while in happiness and live in a fantasy world for two days. I don’t think it’s going to be possible. Not with the dark clouds of guilt hovering above us. Looking up at Derrick, his innocent gesture, his want to be with me and mine for him puts all three of us at risk. I need to talk to him this weekend.

“So what do you think?”

My eyes flash to Rochelle’s. Staring dumbly at her, I ask, “What?”

The group laughs, except for Derrick, who looks concerned. He steps in to save me. “Jaymes flew for the first time today. She and Ace had never been on a plane or to Vegas. It’s a lot to take in.”

Running my hand through my hair, I push it back. “Yeah, it’s exciting too. I’m so grateful Derrick did this for us.”

Rochelle’s expression is kind with trustworthy eyes. I’m comfortable around her, something I’m not used to being in my regular life. Are rich people genuine or am I being played? She says, “We came up here because Dex needed to talk to Derrick about the show tomorrow night. Why don’t you show me around the fancy suite.”

“I haven’t seen much of it. We can take a tour together.” Giving the guys privacy, we walk to the windows. I’ve not gotten to really look at the view. I helped Ace pinpoint a few things, but standing in silence in front of these large windows, I feel like we’re on top of the world.

It’s not silent for long. The boys are running from one end of the suite to the other chasing each other and giggling. I love the sound of their happiness and fun. CJ is acting like a total goofball, cracking jokes as he chases them. Rochelle says, “He loves to play. He’s the happiest kid all the time and will do anything to make someone laugh. He’s a lot like his father.”

Dex and Derrick have moved to the dining table and both have their phones out. Music is playing and they appear to be breaking down the song, note by note.

“I’m a fan of their music, and I’ve heard great things about Dex.”

Rochelle looks my way. “Dex isn’t their biological father, but he is their dad. For CJ, he’s practically the only one he’s ever known.”

Doing a double take, I look at her thinking of Ace. Reggie. Derrick. “I don’t mean to pry—”

“It’s not prying.” She goes on to tell me how Dex stepped in when she needed someone most. How he was the one who was there for her and the boys. We stroll from room to room, stopping to take in the view from each.

Her story resonates with me, giving me hope that maybe we’ll be out from under the dirty thumb of him, and accepted openly and cherished as part of a family. Ace deserves a family and a man who is a true role model.

And I want that too. A man in my life for me. It’s as though I’ve hidden myself for years. Busy as a mom, as a daughter, as a student and a worker. Life has been about working what feels like twenty-four seven. I’ve survived. But not necessarily lived.

“Jaymes?” Walking back into the living room, Derrick and Dex are standing there looking more like the cats that ate the canaries than brooding rock stars.

I go to him. I wrap my arms around his middle and embrace him. In front of Dex. With Rochelle watching. With the kids running circles around us and weaving between the furniture, I hug him, so tight. “Yes?”

Strong arms envelop me. “Will you go on a date with me tonight?”

He doesn’t even whisper it. Just asks like that for everyone to hear, and my heart is his all over again. That simple. Before I answer, Rochelle drags Dex over to the windows and thus starts the worst game of not-eavesdropping I’ve ever seen played. Tilting my head up, I grin, my pants practically charmed right off me from the sweetness of his question. “I would love to. I have to warn you though, Ace doesn’t eat in fancy restaurants so we might want to keep it kid-friendly.”

“Not with Ace, though I’d like to take him to do some stuff while you’re here. Tonight, just you and me.”

“He’s five, Derrick. I can’t leave him here by himself.”

“I actually offered to watch him,” Rochelle says, “I was thinking since I have my boys here and they’re all getting along so well that maybe Ace could spend some time with us. Maybe even have a sleepover.”

How are these people so nice? “Who are you and how did I get so lucky to meet you?” I joke.

Derrick’s playful jealousy is showing when his arms tighten reminding me he’s here. “Hey, what am I?”

“A dream come true. I’d love to go out with you, but he’s never had a sleepover before.”

Rochelle offers, “Of course no pressure. The boys have been getting along so well that—”

Derrick adds, “Only what you’re comfortable with.”

“He spends the night with my mom sometimes. It’s not like I have to be there every night, but he needs to feel safe. That I’m okay and he’s okay.”

“Do you want to talk to Ace?”

“Yes. Let me talk to him and see how he feels about it.”

It’s so hard to let go when being in his arms is my favorite place to be, but I pull myself off of him and find Ace and the other boys jumping on the beds in his room. “Jump to me, buddy.”

When he lands in my arms, I crouch with a grunt, setting his feet on the floor. “You’re getting so big, Ace.”

“Derrick told me if I keep eating healthy stuff and exercise I’ll be bigger than you when I grow up.” I kneel down so I’m eye level, but he continues, “He said I might even be as big as him one day. That’s gigantic.”

“You’re growing fast. I think he might be right. So, I can tell you really like Derrick.” He nods, his eyes glancing between me and the other boys, anxious to get back to playing. “I like Derrick, too.”

“I know, Mommy. Grandma says when you weren’t single that you weren’t single with him.”

As much as I want to be irritated at my mom for talking about Derrick and me with Ace, I’m struggling to muster the anger. Technically, what she said is true and the only time I’ve ever lied to Ace is to protect him from Reggie. I’m not going to lie about Derrick. Not to Ace. “Yes, we used to go on dates. That’s when two people like each other and hang out.”

“Like we do.”

I smile. “Yes, like we do. So tonight Derrick wants to hang out with me and Neil and CJ’s mommy thought it would be fun if you could hang out with them, maybe even have a sleepover.”

“Whoa. Yes,” he says, jumping up and down. “Yes. Yes. Yes. Please. Please. Please.”

“I thought that might be your answer. I’ll let them know.” I stand and he’s about to dive back on to the bed, but I grab him and hug him tight. “I love you, buddy.”

“I love you.”

He’s so wiggly to get back that I let him loose. Standing there, I watch for a minute as the boys play, daring each other to jump off and land on their feet. “Be careful, guys.” When I return to the others, I point at Derrick. “I’m all yours.” Smiling to Rochelle and Dex, I say, “They’re all yours. You sure it’s okay?”

“Totally. We’ll have a great time.”

“Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome. We’ll let you guys settle in and come by around six for Ace. Does that work?”

“He’ll be bouncing off the walls until then.”

“I hear ya. With this wild crew, Dex is teaching them drums and guitar, so he’s heading to the stage to let me nap. I have a feeling we’re going to have a busy night.”

“I think so, but I appreciate it so much.”

“No problem at all,” she replies.

Minutes later, they’re gone and Derrick and I are left standing there. It’s eerily quiet, so we sneak back to the bedroom where the kids were playing and find Ace zonked out on the bed. Derrick’s hand is pressed lightly to my back, and I lean my head against the doorframe. This just all feels so good. So . . . right. That same right Derrick was talking about. We’ve already fallen into a little bubble of comfort and I don’t know if I should go with it or be leery.

My shoulders are tense and his hand slides up, massaging me. He says, “Let him sleep. If I know Neil and CJ, which I do, he’s going to need all the energy he can store.”

Quietly, we go back to the living room and keep walking. It’s been driving me crazy not to kiss this man. As soon as we enter the master bedroom, I grab him and press him to the wall. My lips are on him, my body against his Rock. Hard. Body. “We can stay in tonight,” I suggest, hopeful.

“Ha. My oh my. I kind of like you all wound tight.” He slips out of my grasp and backs toward the bed. “Call me cruel—”

“Cruel.”

He snickers. “I’m thinking I might tease you a bit tonight. Wind you even tighter.”

Stalking toward him, I cock an eyebrow. “That would be cruel. You shouldn’t be so mean.”

“I’m mean now? Hmmm . . .” He taps his chin. “C’mere, baby.” I rush into his arms. With a kiss to the top of my head, and while stroking my hair, he whispers, “Let me take you. Wine and dine you good and proper and then we have the whole night to do all the dirty, fucking sexy things you want to do. How does that sound?”

“Sublime. Where have you been all my life?”

“Right here waiting for this moment with you.”