Jaymes

The car comes to a stop and Derrick looks out his window. It all happens so fast that I follow his lead. The door is unlocked and then opened. We shuffle out and are whisked in a door on the backside of a hotel from what it looks like. Following a man in a suit, he speaks to Derrick as if I’m not even here. Despite my growing frustration, I remain quiet, but my thoughts spin on the matter. We’re brought into a dimly lit restaurant decorated in heavy blues and golds, booths and tables. It’s small and I catch the name, Hugo’s Cellar at the top of a wine list when we pass a waiter.

The waiter stops and offers us a booth in the corner. It’s dimmer than most of the tables and I like it. The place is busy but not overly so for being such a quaint restaurant. It feels intimate and it’s definitely romantic. “Are you romancing me?” I ask, sitting in the middle of the booth so I’m close to him.

“I am. How’d you figure it out?”

Shrugging, I wink. “Wild guess.”

The service is quick and attentive. We have wine in front of us within minutes of sitting down. I take several sips of mine before we just look at each other. It’s been five years, but he’s changed so much, the boy I once knew buried under masculine features. He was always fit and muscular, but now he commands his body instead of the reverse. His eyes tell of the life he’s led. Scarred fingertips from playing a guitar instead of illegal activity. “Your hair used to be lighter, dark blond.”

Smoothing it back, he says, “Yeah, it’s getting darker the older I get. One day I guess I’ll be salt and pepper.”

“You’ll look so distinguished.” The attention seems to affect him and he glances down. “What?” I ask, surprised he seems shy under the compliment.

His glass is pushed forward until it taps mine. “I can’t believe I’m sitting here with Jaymes Grenier.”

“I’m more than a name. I’m a real girl,” I tease like Pinocchio.

Deep blues drink me in and when they land on my eyes, he says, “You’re more than a girl these days.”

“Be careful. I might actually start to believe this is real.”

“Me too,” he whispers, looking away.

The waiter comes and takes our order and when we’re alone, I reach over and slip my hand under his. “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to sound cold when you wanted to talk. I just don’t want bombshells dropped every time we’re alone. We have so much more to say to each other. I do, for sure, but can it just wait until tomorrow?”

His fingers curl around mine and he brings my hand to his mouth and kisses it. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Then let me in. I only have the best intentions when it comes to you and Ace. I will never hurt you. I will help you in any way I can, but you have to trust me. I can see you’re hiding from me as if I haven’t loved you my whole life. As if I’d even know how to love anyone else. This may come off as a surprise to you. It does to me. But it’s also so obvious. I’ve never stopped feeling forever with you. We have a second chance. Please give me that chance.”

“Why do you even want it? Knowing what dating me drags you back into, why do you want to lower yourself when you’re so much better off without me?”

“Lower myself?” He shakes his head. “Is that what you think? That I’m better than you?”

“You are. You proved it.”

“Bullshit. Just like the bullshit reasons you gave me that day. I should have never believed you.” The words are bitter as he spews them. “I fell for your lies, but I was too dumb to see the truth.” When his tone softens, I dare look into his eyes again. “I see it now. I know what you did and I know you did it for me.”

He’s right. As much as I want to continue lying, I don’t want to lie to him. Not anymore. But what could I do to protect someone that I loved more than life itself? How could I make him save himself? “I couldn’t leave my mom behind.”

“You said that, yes, but I know there’s more to it. Your mom would have been rejoicing that you got out of that shithole, away from the gangs that were trying to take over.”

My wine has become the most interesting thing I’ve ever seen. Avoidance is a good tactic. I think . . . except when you’re the only two in the conversation. It gets very hard to distract him to another topic. His gaze is fixed. He’s definitely not letting me out of this. “What do you want me to say?”

“Admit the truth.”

“Remember when I said I will tell you anything and everything, just not tonight? Can we do that? Please?”

“Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m right. Just promise to tell me the truth.”

“Were you always this pushy?” I ask, nudging his knee with mine.

“Yes.”

“It’s all coming back to me now. Romance me. We will share all of our inner demons tomorrow. Just smile for me tonight.”

A smile pops onto his face. It’s fake and I laugh because he’s wonderful to try for me, even if jokingly. I finish my wine and the waiter is quick with a refill. Looking around, I remark, “This place is very nice. Thank you for bringing me here.”

“Remember how you used to make us sandwiches and we’d picnic in the back of the truck?”

“You gave me that guitar and we played together, making music under the stars.”

“Do you still play?”

The question makes me sad. Maybe one day it won’t, but knowing how hard he worked to buy me that guitar, I feel bad. “I haven’t played in a long time.”

“Just busy?”

I made a promise not to lie, but if I tell him Reggie took it, it will ruin what we have now. Does this lie matter in the scheme of things? His feelings are more important. I want him happy. “Something like that.”

“You should play and sing. You were always way more talented than me.”

I laugh. “Funny.”

“Not funny at all. The truth. If you had a guitar right now, could you still play?”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Maybe.”

“I can still play.” I take a gulp of the deep red liquid. “Probably.”

“Maybe we can play together sometime.”

“Maybe.”

Our food arrives. After three bites, I don’t talk at all. This steak is the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten. I catch Derrick watching me a few times, but I don’t even care how I look to him. I devour it and the side dishes. If I could lick the dishes, I would. When my dress feels tighter around the middle, I sit back and exhale. “Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.”

He chuckles. “So I feed you a good meal and now I get whatever I want in return?”

“Yep,” I reply confidently.

“I’m gonna take you up on that offer, Ms. Grenier.”

Rubbing my stomach, I bite my lip, then say, “I hope so.” My phone chirps with a text and I pull it from my purse. It’s Rochelle: Boys are having a blast. Hope you two are.

“Rochelle’s pretty great, right?”

Derrick nods. “She’s been to hell and back, but she’s come out the other side stronger, not by choice, but by determination. For her boys.”

I text her: Thanks for the update. Can Ace call me for a quick good night?

My phone rings within seconds. I slip out of the booth and answer it, keeping my voice down, “Hey buddy, is that you?”

“Hi, Mommy. We had pizza and strawberries.”

“Together?” I ask, walking toward the restrooms. I stay outside the door to take my call.

“Ew. No. The strawberries were dinner. Then we got pizza for dessert.”

Laughing, I love it. Hearing him makes me miss him. “Are you having fun?”

“It’s like whoa, the best time. Ms. Rochelle said we can watch Moana if we aren’t tired.”

“Are you tired?”

“No. Where are you?”

“I’m at dinner. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he replies and then yawns. “I’m good. I’m having fun.”

“You still want to stay?”

“Yes. We get waffles in the morning.”

“Sounds yummy. I should go, but I love you, buddy. Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams. Love you.”

Rochelle takes the phone, then says, “Hi, he’s doing great. How are you?”

“Great. Stuffed but great.”

“Good. Tell Derrick I’ll kick his ass if he steps out of line.”

I laugh. “What if I want him to?”

Now she’s laughing. “Well that’s something different entirely. I won’t keep you. Call or text me if you need anything.”

“Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome. Now go have some fun and don’t worry about Ace. He’s a great kid and in good hands. Good night.”

“Good night.”

I find myself leaning against the wall smiling to myself when I get company. Derrick in all his darkness sure is a sight to behold when he comes around the corner. “Everything okay with Ace?”

“Yes,” I say going up to him. “He’s having the time of his life.”

“That’s good.”

Fisting the front of his shirt, I turn us around until his back is against the wall and I’m firmly against him. “So am I.”

“That’s even better.” Lifting my chin, he bends down and kisses me. “Do you want dessert?”

“Hell yes, I want dessert.”

---

“Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have ordered dessert,” I moan, leaning my head back against the leather seat and closing my eyes in the SUV.

“Don’t fall asleep on me.”

“I make no promises. This food coma is intense.”

“Ten minutes and we’ll be back, but I was hoping to take you somewhere. Can you stay awake long enough for a quick stop?”

“How can I say no to you? I can’t.”

Five minutes later we’re dropped off on a side street. Derrick takes my hand and we hurry around the corner. “The Bellagio Fountains,” I say as if he didn’t know.

“Come on. It’s about to start.” We hurry over to a spot in the corner and he maneuvers me in front of him because of the crowds. His arms cage me in resting his hands on the railing. With my back to his front, I feel safer than I’ve felt in years. I love how much bigger he is than me. I love the way our bodies fit no matter which way we’re put together. A loud boom signals the start of the show reminding me of times that weren’t so safe . . .

“Get down,” Derrick yells at me.

I’m leveled to the ground, my cheek against the sparse grass in the park. Kids are still in school, but we decided to skip. I thought we’d be making out at one of our houses, but the second Reggie found out we were leaving after lunch, he was waiting for us at Derrick’s truck. “Looking good, Jamie. If you and Derrick don’t work out—”

“Fuck you,” I say, flipping him off.

Derrick is laughing, but I’m not. It’s been a few days since I’ve been alone with my boyfriend and I’m starting to think Reggie’s invading our party of two on purpose.

Reggie gets in the cab, but I stand outside waiting for him to get back out. “What are you doing?” I ask him.

“Let’s go. We’re meeting the guys at the park.”

“No, Derrick and I are hanging out.”

Derrick pounds the roof of the cab. “Get in before we’re busted skipping out.”

“Not until he moves.” No way am I sitting with Reggie in the middle.

“C’mon, baby. I’ll drop his ass off and it will just be us.”

“No.”

“Jaymes,” he says, his tone firmer.

I’m about to because I want the time alone with him. I also want to have sex with him. But then Reggie says, “Get control of your woman, Derrick. She’s making you look like an asshole.”

I slam the door closed and start back to school, but I’m quickly caught. “Hey, ignore him and come on.”

“Ignore him? He’s a fucker.”

“I’ll happily ignore him, but will you?”

“You’re gonna get us busted. Can we finish this conversation elsewhere?”

Looking back at the school, I’m surprised we haven’t been busted yet. “Fine, but we’re dropping him off first.”

When I go back to the truck, he still refuses to move, so I get in and keep to myself by putting my headphones on. If I was smart, instead of listening to EDM, I would have been listening to what Reggie was saying, the plan that was going down.

We get to the park and I move to let Reggie get out, but then he leans back in to talk to Derrick. Derrick’s jaw is tense, ticking on the side, something he only does when he’s stressed or angry. I’m guessing angry by the way he’s staring at Reggie. The engine is cut and I whip off my headphones. “What are you doing?”

“Five minutes. That’s all.”

“You’re kidding me?”

“Look—”

“You’ve got to handle her fucking mouth. The guys are talking about how pussy-whipped you are.”

I know what he’s doing. He’s trying to turn Derrick against me. I can argue with him, but in the heat of the moment, Derrick needs to decide if he’s choosing to listen to that asshole or if he’s going to treat me with respect.

Derrick says, “Shut the fuck up, Reggie, or I’ll shut you up. Don’t talk about her like that. Ever.”

My pride in the stand he took shines and I smile. So what if I’m grinning in gratification, he deserved to be put in his place. But then Derrick says, “I still have some business to handle. I’ll be right back, babe.”

He and Reggie walk across the park before I can convince him otherwise. “Screw them.” I head in the direction of my house. It’s only four blocks from here.

Rapid-fire shots sound out and I’m tackled to the ground before the loud boom sends woodchips flying around us. “Stay down,” is whispered in my ear. “You’re okay, baby.”

. . . I will never forget the weight of his body on mine from that afternoon. “You’re okay, baby.”

“What?” The water bursts into the air as Celine Dion is piped through hidden speakers.

“You froze, your body tensed, your eyes seem to be focused somewhere far away. Not here.”

“Yeah,” I reply. “Just a bad memory popped up.”

Derrick’s arms are around me, his body molded to me from behind. “It’s okay. We can go.”

“I’m sorry. I had a flashback to that time in the park around the corner from our houses.”

“God, Jaymes, what have I done?”

“Don’t. You’re not to blame any more than I am.” I take his hand and pull him out of the crowd. They are so mesmerized by the fountains and show that no one notices the star amongst them. We rush around the corner and find our car waiting for us. As soon as we’re safe inside, I say, “He’s ruined so much. Let’s not let him ruin tonight.”

“What do you want, Jaymes?” And then I kiss him. He’s responsive and embraces me. Our hands are frenzied and bodies anxious with anticipation.

Stopping to look him in the eyes, I reply, “You, only you.”