I open my eyes only to see Brax’s hazel-colored eyes staring back at me. There is a look in his eye that I’ve never seen in anyone else’s. It’s the look of wanting, the look of love. Like I’m his everything. I open my mouth to say something, a smile tugging at the corner of my lips, but his mouth pressing against mine stops me. I melt into him, hoping that every morning feels as good as this one. Our hearts fused together well over six years ago and despite the time apart, the time where I was ripped from his life, they were always connected. As one.
His hand strokes my hair, then works across my back and grabs my ass. Pulling me closer, I wrap my arm around him. His arousal presses against my stomach and I can’t control the pool of excitement between my legs.
“Well, good morning to you too,” I tease, pressing just a little against his straining cock. “This is by far my most favorite morning, ever!”
“Fuck,” he says gruffly. “I can’t cope with your cuteness. And sexiness, and fuck, I just can’t cope,” he laughs, the kind of laugh that ripples through his entire body, vibrating against mine. I glance down at something that catches my attention. It’s a tattoo. I blink rapidly, wondering if my tired eyes were deceiving me. Three huge roses are tattooed on his impressive, right upper-arm. I hold my breath, my mouth opening once again to say something.
“It’s your name, baby.”
“You had my name tattooed on your arm. Like, for real?”
“Can’t get these fuckers at the damn Walmart,” he laughs, twisting his arm, glancing down at the black ink scribed into his skin.
“And the three roses,” I quiz, drawing my brows together.
“You, me and Travis,” he murmurs; his features are dark, a stormy expression creeps across his face.
“I like it,” I say sweetly, grazing the soft skin of my thumb across the tattoo. His jaw tightens, clenching as though he’s fighting back the pain. “You don’t have to hide it from me,” I say, gripping the sides of his face with my hands.
“I’m okay,” he says with tiny movements of his head. “I’m good.” He sucks in a noisy breath. “I wanted both of you with me forever. The three of us together.”
“It’s beautiful, really. I was just a bit shocked and taken aback that you actually have my name on your arm. A girl that you didn’t know would ever return. But you proved that I was with you all along.”
His palm caresses my lower back. “I hate that our worlds have been torn apart. I hate that there was nothing I could do to stop it happening. But I fucking swear, we will work through all of our issues. We will overcome our demons. Together. Me and you.”
“You are the best thing that ever happened to me. We can fight this. Together we can do this. One step at a time though. It will take baby steps. There will be tears and nightmares and things that will tear us to pieces. But together, we can do this if we have each other.”
“Fuck. I always knew you were kinda special, but Jesus, Izzy. You never fail to amaze me.”
“You’re pretty damn amazing yourself. After all, I owe you my life. I never thought I’d get out of there alive. He swore he would take me into the torture room.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” he growls.
“Harlan told me that I wasn’t the first. He’d gotten so frustrated with some of his captives that they went into the torture room and never returned.”
“Sick bastard. I want to rip the cunt to a thousand pieces for what he did to you.”
“What will happen? Will the police go there? What if they know it was me?” My own questions stir a million more in my mind. What the hell happens now? If they place me there that will surely put Brax in the frame. My mind flips from total ecstasy to intense anxiety as I think about the man I now know as Alvrez.
“I don’t know. I need to talk it over with Carter when he’s calmed down.”
“Millions! You lost millions because of me.”
“I couldn’t care less about the money.” He scoffs. “Nothing is worth more to me than having you here, safe, with me.”
“But still…” I blow out a controlled breath. “That’s life changing kind of money.”
“Not for Carter. That’s just a drop in the ocean, but he was hoping it was the start of things to come. Big lucrative deals with a new supplier. Doesn’t look like that’s an option now,” he says, lifting his brows. “Who was the psycho that saved us?”
“That was Helena. She was his first captive. She lives and works for him. Harlan told me she was besotted by him. She’d lived that life for so long that she didn’t have anywhere to go. She didn’t want to leave him.”
He nods his head slowly. “Hmmm… like Stockholm syndrome,” he says with a quick lift of his brow. “I wonder what made her snap?”
“Who knows? Maybe she’d been waiting all that time for revenge. Maybe she wasn’t as besotted as Harlan thought.” I say, sinking at the thought of leaving Harlan behind. Guilt is a funny thing. It stings and eats away at your gut. Although I didn’t technically do anything wrong, I’m not sure my conscience will allow me to think I did the right thing.
“Don’t worry,” he says, hooking his forefinger under my chin and tilting my head back. “Everything will work out just fine.”
“I’m worried about Harlan, Brax. I can’t explain why; I just feel bad. Like I didn’t do enough to make sure he was okay. I left him there to deal with the fallout of what happened. And I shouldn’t have.”
He pulls his brows together; his eyes narrow in on me. “Did he help you get away from that monster, Izzy? I know you said he helped, but helping would have been getting you away from the torture and abuse, not helping you feel okay after the fucker did what he did to you.”
I breathe in, the pressure in my chest building as I feel something like protectiveness toward Harlan. “You don’t understand,” I say with a heavy sigh, my shoulders falling forward. “You weren’t there, you don’t know what it was like.”
“You’re right,” he grumbles, pressing his thumb and forefinger against the bridge of his nose. “I’m not gonna pretend I have the first fucking clue what it was like, or what happened to you. But I ain’t gonna lie either. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You shouldn’t have been there and by doing nothing that makes him a fucking accomplice in my mind.”
“You killed two men. That makes you a murderer in my mind.” I snap, crossing my arms over my chest as the annoyance burns deep down in the pit of my stomach.
“I am,” he says gruffly. “And they’re not the only fuckers I’ve killed who deserved to have the air sucked from their motherfucking lungs.”
“What?” I screech, my hand pressed against my chest as I try to steady not only my thudding heart, but the sick that I feel rising. “You’ve killed more than those guys?” I stammer, throwing my arm out as I try to process what this means.
“I have, and I’m not ashamed to admit who I am. Do I like it? No, not one fucking bit. But this life that was thrown at me, the path that I’ve taken, just kinda spiraled out of control. I fought for everything, Izzy,” he says, dropping to his knees in front of me, reaching for my hands. I snap them back, confused about who Brax really is, and how much I actually know about him. The confusion is messing with my head and making me sick to my stomach.
“I fought for you. I fought for Travis. I mean really fucking fought for him, and I would have given my life in exchange for his. But I couldn’t fight hard enough to save him. Do you have any idea how that has affected me in here,” he taps his chest with a clenched fist. “I’m only human, Izzy. I crashed and fell down and completely fell apart when the two people I love were lost. I was lost. So fucking lost. A part of me died that day. I was a walking soulless boy.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, reaching out to him with a shaking hand.
“Carter saved me that day. The day we went searching for you.”
“Me? You were looking for me?”
“Yes,” he mumbles. “Stupid, I know, considering I had no idea where you were.”
I let my eyes slowly fall shut, my chest heaving as I try to take a deep breath.
“Trav couldn’t keep up with me and I was annoyed. I dropped my bike and ran back to him and started shouting. Like a fucking jerk. I was annoyed at him. That’s when he suddenly fell to the ground and I had no idea why. I couldn’t work out what had happened, but there was blood. So much blood.” He retells the story of that day and I tremble as I sit silently listening to him. “We worked out that he’d been shot, the blood pouring down his back, and we panicked. I sped back to my bike, but before I could get back to him, three guys were dragging him away from the side of the road and into the woods. I fought them Izzy. I tried, but I was a boy compared to them.”
Tears fall onto my crossed legs, his head is down and his eyes never meet mine. I choke back the emotion as he continues to replay that day.
“They shot him again while holding me back. He started to fade and all I could do was watch him dying.”
His words hurt me more than any torture I’ve had inflicted on me. This pain is different. It isn’t superficial, it’s raw, and it’s deep. My emotions ravage me on the inside, a mixture of pure rage and indescribable pain.
“Why, Brax? Why would anyone do that?”
He shakes his head from side to side.
“That wasn’t the end,” he mutters, sniffling as he runs his hand under his nose. “They made me watch.” His voice is low and so quiet I struggle to hear him. “They um, they held back his head, and um, cut his throat.” He chokes out, his hand covering his mouth as he jumps to his feet and races out of the room. I break down, choking on my own sobs that I can’t control. Tears stream down my face and I reach up, grabbing my hair and pulling it tightly. I don’t know why, maybe I hoped it would help.
“No,” I scream, falling back on the bed, my ears zoning in on the heaving sound coming from the adjoining bathroom. I sit up, sliding off the bed and standing on my shaky legs. Hearing what happened to Travis is horrendous, but to have been there, to have seen it and to have been helpless must be a million times worse. I have to be there for him. I shuffle my feet as fast as I can, resting and taking deep breaths when I reach the doorframe. “Brax,” I call out, taking a step closer and falling by his side. His muscular back is arched as his body contracts, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet.
“I’m here, Brax. I’m here.” I try to soothe him, rubbing my palm across his back. “I’m sorry you had to relive that.”
He lifts his head, shooting me a sympathetic look. He wraps his arm around my back, dragging me into an embrace. “It’s not something I ever wanted to have to tell you. I miss him,” he says before resting his head against my shoulder. “I’d give anything to bring him back.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I know.”
I sit on the cold tiled floor on my knees, comforting him, as he comforts me.
“You got away, though, right?”
“Yeah, Carter saw the bikes at the side of the road and heard the screams. He walked in and saw the devastation and took out the three guys. I ran from him at first, scared I’d get caught in the crossfire, but he came after me. Told me he wanted to help. And he did.”
“Wow,” I gasp, unable to believe that Carter could ever have done something so selfless.
“Yeah,” he sighs. “He took me under his wing because I didn’t want to go home. I slept under the tree for days because I knew my mom wouldn’t understand, let alone care about what had happened. I laid there, Izzy. For hours and hours. I cried, heartbreaking, traumatized tears. But he cared. He was the only person that seemed to understand. I pretty much lived with him and his father. They were good to me. Really fucking good. Even though he was part of this notorious, criminal family. Slowly but surely, I fell into their ways, their lifestyle. Fuck, he was like the big brother I’d always wanted, and I owed him my life.”
I nod, understanding why he’s become the man he is. Why he was led into this life of crime.
“They say everything happens for a reason,” I breathe out, taking his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. “If you weren’t working with him, you would never have been there yesterday. You saved me, Brax. You saved my life.”
“I can’t change who I am,” he breathes out, his breaths shallow and his eyes hollow. “I just hope you can accept me for the person I’ve become.”
“I want you, Brax. It’s really that simple.”
And it is. There isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be than here with him.