My mother always told me I’d amount to nothing. I guess she was right. I take a drag on my cigarette as I stand outside the house of the most notorious criminal in the city. He just happens to be my best friend, my business partner. The guy who took me under his wing when I had nothing else to fucking live for. Some might say he’s the worst kind of criminal, but me, I’d say different.
This was never what I set out to do with my life, but it’s the path I was fucking forced on to. A path I don’t think I can ever get off. I’m in too fucking deep. It’s become a way of life. It’s become my life.
See, that morning I knocked on Izzy’s door, was the morning I no longer had a reason to stay on the right side of the path. She’d gone. She left to go live with her father. No goodbye, no explanations. No forwarding address.
She just left me.
Something she always promised she wouldn’t.
And when she did, she took my fucking heart with her.
“Hey, man, you coming in, or just gonna sit out here all fucking day?” The gruff voice asks me. I slowly lift my head, my hard, narrowed eyes meeting his.
“I’ll be in when I’m good and ready,” I say with a growl. I step off my bike, taking one last drag of my cigarette before flicking it towards the asshole standing in front of me. Hitting his jacket, it bounces off and lands just in front of him.
“Watch the jacket,” he grumbles, brushing down the front where the cigarette made contact. “You really are a fucking prick, Braxton. You have a damn attitude problem.”
I feel the thudding of my heart as it picks up pace. I slowly step closer to him, my face only inches from his. “Fucking attitude,” I roar. My teeth are clenched together so tightly, but my hand wanders to the inside of my jeans. I locate the handle of my gun, slowly pulling it from the wedged position inside my jeans. “You’re a pathetic, motherfucking rat,” I say with an exaggerated sniff.
“Fuck you, man, I ain’t no rat.” He pushes lightly against my hard chest, but it makes no impact. This guy is only half my size. I reach out, grabbing his jacket and pulling him in closer. I whip out the gun, pressing it against the side of his head.
“I guess you would say that though, wouldn’t you?”
“What the… what the fuck are you doing, man?”
“What? You’re surprised I’m holding a gun to your head? Huh? It’s about time you showed me some fucking respect.”
“Fuck you,” he spits back, “you haven’t got the fucking balls to pull the trigger.”
“You don’t know me very well, do you?” I say with a laugh. Releasing the hold I have on his jacket, I thrust my arm out, causing him to stumble back. I hold out the gun, pointing it directly at him before pulling the trigger. He lets out an almighty yelp before falling to the floor with a thud. I feel the warm spray of blood against my face.
“Fuck,” I sigh, wiping the shit stain’s blood from my face. I take a few steps forward until I’m standing over his lifeless body.
I swing my leg out, pushing his body out of the way and head to make my way inside. I stride down the hall and into the one room where I know he’ll be. His office. Rapping my bloodstained knuckles against the door before, I reach for the lever and push it open. I know he’s expecting me. I just hope he doesn’t have some chick jaw-locked around his cock this time.
“Yes,” he calls over to me as I slowly step through the door. His eyes widen at the sight of me, a small flash of a smile creeps across his face. “Braxton,” he sings as he steps up out of his seat, making his way over to me. He stops just in front of me, his eyes widening when he sees the blood splatter.
“What the fuck? Are you okay, man? What happened?” His voice is laced with concern.
“I’m fine,” I sigh, dismissing him with a wave. “That motherfucking rat, Torledo, pushed his luck one time too many with me. You might want to get someone to clean up the mess outside.” I take off my jacket and stride through to the adjoining bathroom, turning the tap and holding my bloodied hands under the stream. The water runs red as I frantically rub them together under the tap. I look up at my reflection, dots of blood cover my face. I splash the water upward, scrubbing my face until I can no longer see any evidence of what just happened. I grab the towel, drying myself before returning to the office.
“Get it moved and fast,” Carter orders to the three men at the door. They quickly make a move, closing the door behind them.
“I got it covered,” he says with a nod as I hold out my arms and embrace this man. Carter Mellano is a lot of things. A drug lord, a murderer and all round low life criminal. But he’s also the one that saved me. The guy who cared when no other fucker did. When she abandoned me with not so much as a goodbye.
“It’s good to see you, Brax. How have you been?”
“Good. I’ve been good,” I repeat, patting his back before stepping away from his embrace and sliding into the leather seat at the side of his desk.
“You look fucking good, bro.”
“I’m not sure about that,” I say with a shrug. “So, let’s talk business. What’s the latest, man?” I lift my feet, resting them on the corner of the dark wooden table. Despite his reputation, despite all the things he’s done, I feel at home with him. He’s the only person who knows what happened to me that night she went missing, and he’s the one person who has held me up ever since. He’s like the older brother I always wanted.
“I fucking need your help, Brax. I have a huge deal set up and I need someone I can trust involved. You are that someone.”
“Sure thing. You tell me who, what and where, and call it done.”
“Let’s talk over the details tonight. I have set up a meeting with all the crew that will be involved. After, we party,” he squeezes my shoulder as he rests on the desk in front of me. Parties are a regular thing at the Mellano house. Drugs, alcohol, and pussy on tap.
I give a quick nod of my head as I drop my feet and dig into my leather jacket for my cigarettes. “Smoke?” I say offering the packet out to him.
“Fuck cigarettes, let’s try something stronger. After all, we should fucking know how good the stuff is that we’re supplying.”
“It’s too early to be getting shitfaced,” I decline. “But I’ll take some of that expensive whiskey you have over there,” I point over to his impressive liquor cabinet. He walks over and takes hold of the bottle before slamming it down on the desk in front of me.
Grabbing it by the neck, I tilt back my head back and pour the amber liquid directly into my mouth. My lips never make contact with the neck of the bottle in fear of slowing the flow of whiskey. I gulp it down in huge mouthfuls until my throat burns like it is on fire, and the half bottle is now empty. But the burn is what I need the most. It’s what I crave to dull the ache that has never left me. The empty part of me that consumes every fiber of my being. I’m hollow inside. So fucking hollow.
“Fuck, Brax.” He chuckles, grabbing the empty bottle and launching it into the office trash can. “You’re gonna be fucking wasted, man.”
“Nah, I’m good. That was just enough to take the edge off.” I grumble as I step up from my chair. “I’ll be back at six, then we can get really wasted.”
“Business first,” he says with a tone of seriousness.
“Goes without saying.”
“Listen, Brax. I know shit is hard for you. But I really think it’s time you move on. Call off the searches. Stop trying to find someone that doesn’t want to be found. For all that we know she might not be alive.” I glare at him, unable to stomach the words falling from his mouth. I can’t allow myself to think that is the truth. That she no longer exists. Because in my heart, she still very much exists.
“I don’t mean that in a heartless, asshole kinda way. But you walk around like you are carrying this huge burden. It’s time to face fucking facts. She’s gone, man.”
“Fuck you, Carter. You have no idea how I feel or what I’ve lost, so cut the bullshit.”
The truth is Izzy is a part of me. She’s buried so far under my skin I can’t let go. I refuse to let go. It’s like she’s part of my soul and she took the damn thing with her when she left.
Pushing my hands into my jean pockets, I glare at him. Hard.
“It’s because I care about you, bro. I’d like to see you with a fucking smile on your face every once in a while.”
“Not gonna happen,” I mumble as I turn and make my way out. And that’s the truth. This girl is everything that was positive about my childhood. She features in every good memory I have of being a kid, and believe me, there weren’t many. I couldn’t forget her, even if I wanted to. “See you at six, man.” I throw the words loosely over my shoulder at the man who just forced memories of Izzy to the forefront of my mind. Memories so painful I have to force them out.
Memories that will haunt me forever.