Somehow, I ended up standing on Hudson’s porch. It’s one in the afternoon, and I have no idea if he’s home, but I didn’t know where else to go. I was tired of staring at the ceiling after my phone call, and I didn’t want to think about how Mom kicked me out of her room anymore.

I rap my knuckles against his door three times and wait, shifting on my feet.

The door swings open, and Hudson’s face lights up when his eyes meet mine.

“Hey,” he says, leaning against the doorjamb dressed in jeans and a snug green t-shirt.

“Do you ever work?” I tease, running a hand through the ends of my long hair.

He laughs, and I love hearing it. It might be one of my favorite sounds–only second to his voice. “I just got home ten minutes ago. I had an early shift.” He gestures behind him to the pile of blankets on his couch. “My mom stayed the night to make sure Chris got to school.” He crosses his arms and grins. “I could ask you the same question.”

“Funny,” I say. “Are you free?”

“It just so happens I am.”

“Wanna go somewhere?” Anywhere but here.

“Are you asking me on a date?” he asks, amusement lacing his voice.

“I sure am,” I quip.

“It’s about time. Let me put my shoes on.” He steps back inside and lets go of the door.

I take a seat on the steps, waiting for him to join me. I have no idea what we’re going to do, but I might need to figure that out before he comes back out here. But I don’t get the chance before his door is slamming behind me.

“What are we doing?” He sits down next to me, resting his elbows on his knees and looking at me with an infectious smile.

“I didn’t really have a plan,” I confess. “But what’s got you so cheery?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Nothing in particular. Just woke up in a good mood.”

“How ‘bout the park in the neighborhood?” I ask him, knowing he’ll have to get Chris from the bus soon.

“Great idea.” He stands and turns back to his door, slipping in and out before I have a chance to question him. With his skateboard and a helmet in hand, he jumps off the stairs and extends his free hand out for me to take. “This is going to be fun,” he says with a glint in his eyes.

I eye him with skepticism. “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.” I stare at him, amused as he tugs me off the wooden steps.

“It’ll be fun,” he promises.

I stare at his skateboard thinking, there’s no way I’m racing him again.

“I don’t know about that,” I say, rocking back and forth on my feet.

He holds out the helmet to me, waiting for me to take it. “What do you have to lose?”

I look up at him, and his eyes scan my face, searching for whatever is holding me back. I don’t think he’ll find it, though, because I don’t have the answer to that myself.

I watch as his hair blows in the wind, his chocolate eyes mesmerizing. My hand twitches at my side, wanting to feel each strand on his head for a second time.

What do I have to lose?

“Nothing.” I take the helmet from him and place it on my head.

His lips curl up as he jerks his head in the direction of the park.

As we walk down the street, he twines our hands, and they fit together like they’re two halves of a whole. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t mean much because it does. Somehow, he has wormed his way into my life when I wasn’t expecting him to–when I didn’t want him to. I didn’t invite him; he just tagged along for the ride, seeming to think he belonged in the space next to me.

A simple touch from him sets every one of my nerves on end. He reminds me of what it’s like to have more. He gives me something I never thought I’d have again–hope. Hope that has fluttered in my chest and awakened from hibernation, and now it’s gnawing at me, begging to be set free, to believe in myself.

He doesn’t need to try to put a smile on my face or make me happy. He just does. And it’s scary as shit and exciting all at the same time because every second I spend with him, I fall a little more. It’s not love, but I like him a hell of a lot more than I ever thought I would.

I peek at him from the corner of my eye.

It’s normal to be scared, right? Because I’m terrified that falling for him will be my ruin just like it was for my parents.

Kristy and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us terrified of turning out like the people who raised us.

Hudson drops his skateboard on the ground, drawing my attention. “I’m going to teach you how to skateboard.”

“What if I already know how?” I throw back at him, placing my hands on my hips. He looks at me knowingly, and I concede. “Fine, I don’t.”

“That’s what I thought. First lesson: you are going to fall…a lot.”

“Way to instill confidence in me.” I drop my hands from my waist. “You’re not a very good teacher.”

He waves me off. “I’m the best. I just wanted to warn you, but once you find your balance, you’ll be fine.” He steps closer to me and buckles the helmet under my chin. “Safety first,” he whispers before placing a chaste kiss on my lips, leaving them tingling from his touch. “Give me your hands, and place your left foot in the middle of the board.”

I put my foot on the board, and it wobbles a bit, throwing me off balance. I grab his hands tighter, ensuring he’ll go down with me if I fall.

“I’ve got you,” he assures me. “Now use your right foot to push, but not too much because I don’t want you to take me out.”

“Funny,” I say sarcastically.

I push off, but instantly, I lose my balance, falling toward Hudson and gripping his shirt like my life depends on it.

He holds me, making sure I don’t hit the ground. “Try again.”

And I do try again, about twenty times, and each time I fall, he catches me.

When we were racing, he made skateboarding seem effortless, like it was second nature to him. It’s definitely not as easy as it looks.

“You’re terrible,” he laughs.

I purse my lips at him. “Gee, thanks.” I wobble on the skateboard, struggling to find my balance.

“Let’s take a break,” he says, guiding me back to the ground and pushing the board away.

He leads me over to the lone picnic table, sits on top, and lays down, letting his feet rest on the bench where his butt should be. He pats the empty space next to him, and I climb up on the table to join him.

I play with the hem of my shirt with one hand as the other rests under my head. “Tell me about the girl you loved.”

He turns his head toward me, his gaze staring past me. “Chris’s Mom?”

“Yeah,” I whisper.

He exhales, the sound heavy as his chest deflates. “We were together for a year before she got pregnant.” He closes his eyes like he’s imagining she’s still here. “Her hair was fire red, and her eyes were brown with flecks of gold.”

I envision a girl with wind blowing through her hair as she stands in a field of flowers. I bet she was beautiful.

“She had a smile that could light up any room, and she could make anyone feel like they were worth more than a thousand diamonds.” His eyes open, full of unshed tears.

I press my lips together and fist the hem of my shirt in my hand. I sense he needs this moment–this memory–so I listen, keeping my mouth shut and hands to myself.

“When I found out she was pregnant, I told her I’d never leave her side, and I would be with her through everything.” His mouth curls up. “I made countless trips to the grocery store to buy her whatever she was craving at the time, and I was at every doctor’s appointment with her.” His face falls as he turns away from me. “But in the end, I couldn’t save her.”

And now he’s scared he’s going to lose everyone around him. I understand why he would put a wall around himself.

Losing the people you love hurts, but not everyone leaves–some people pick you up when you fall.

I unfist my shirt and find his hand, squeezing it, letting him know I’m here.

He looks back at me and smiles before he turns his attention to the sky.

I can’t fathom what it was like for Hudson when Christina passed away. A child and grief to manage at the same time. It couldn’t have been easy, and I admire him that much more for making it as far as he has.

I turn my head, staring up above me like Hudson.

“Look, there’s a dragon.” He points toward the sky at a drifting cloud.

I study the cloud, but I don’t see a dragon. “It looks like a cat.”

“No, it’s breathing fire. Cat’s don’t do that,” he argues.

I laugh because wouldn’t that be funny to see a cat breathing fire? All I see is a cat with pointy ears and a long tail. Several other clouds float by looking like nothing more than a big cotton ball, until there’s none left. No clouds, only the clear blue sky with the sun beating down on us.

“What do you think is up there?” I don’t realize I’ve said it out loud until he squeezes my hand, shifting my attention to him before I avert my gaze.

“I always think of Hercules. The cartoon where all the gods are in the sky, watching over us, keeping us safe. I imagine that’s what heaven is. A place where you go when you die to watch over everyone still living.”

I’ve never thought of the afterlife. I wasn’t raised going to church or to believe in a certain God. In a way, I’m thankful because I was able to form my own beliefs–to make my own decisions where higher power is concerned. But I never thought twice about what else was out there, but now that my mom is dying, I’d like to believe she’s going to a better place. I want to believe that she’ll be happy.

“I like that,” I whisper, holding his hand tighter. “I hope you’re right. I hope when my mom is gone she’ll be watching over me, making sure I don’t screw up more than I already have.”

Maybe Mom will be keeping an eye on me while she’s standing next to Christina–two women who left their children behind too soon.

Hudson rolls over to his side, scooting closer to me. “You won’t screw up.” His hand travels the length of my face, splaying across the back of my neck with his thumb on my cheek.

I will, but I let him think that I agree with him as he stares down at me, watching me like I’m the answer to everything. I’m not the answer. I want to be the answer to whatever he needs, but I’m not–not when I don’t have the answers to my own life.

He leans in closer, brushing his lips against mine, but not kissing me. “She would want you to be happy, and I don’t think you are.”

“I could be,” I say, my lips grazing his, “with you.”

The words fade off into the distance as he scans my face, deliberating if I really meant what I just said. I do mean it, and it’s scary because I’m clinging to him more than I ever have anyone before. It’s not because any day my mom could die, leaving me alone. I’ve practically been alone since this all started. That’s not what this is. I can handle myself. I can make it on my own, but Hudson makes me want to get through this with him. He makes me want to lean on him–to find support and comfort in him.

His thumb trails across my cheek bone and my eyes flutter, threatening to close, but I keep them open, gazing up at the guy who is stealing pieces of my soul.

It’s dangerous and terrifying because when you start to depend on someone, either they let you down, or you destroy them, but right now, I don’t care about that. I don’t care about the future. All that matters is now.

His mouth seals to mine, eliminating every barrier between us, and just like that, the last screw falls out of the steel walls around my heart, landing on the floor along with the walls that kept me guarded for so long.

Unprotected. Vulnerable.

Everything I have is laid on the table for him to take–for him to break.

I cross my arms, standing next to the steps that lead to my front door. “Thanks for today.”

As I place my foot on the bottom step, Hudson stops me, running his hand down my arm.

“Come meet Chris,” he suggests, standing next to me on my porch.

“What?” I ask with a quiver in my voice. I’m not sure that’s the best idea. If I want to do this thing with Hudson it has to happen at some point because Chris is his kid. I’m not a complete idiot, but I’m…well, I don’t know what I am besides nervous as shit.

“I have to get him off the bus. You don’t have anything to do.” He raises an eyebrow, waiting for me to argue, but I don’t. “You did come to his birthday party and not say a word to him. I think you owe him an apology.” He smirks, and I want to stick my tongue out at him, but I resist the urge.

“He doesn’t know who I am,” I argue.

“He does.”

“But I’ve never met him.”

Hudson steps closer to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me flush against him. “I’ve told him about you.” He places a kiss on one cheek then the other.

“Why?” His body goes rigid from my question, and I instantly feel bad for asking.

“Should I not have?”

“That’s not how I meant it,” I backtrack, trying to make myself not sound like a total bitch. “I mean what would you have told him?”

He relaxes slightly, looking at me in that way that means he’s not seeing anything else besides me. “I told him that I met a girl who is a game-changer. A girl who makes me feel whole.” He kisses my forehead before letting me go and taking a step back. “I tell him that you’re going to be around for a while if I have anything to say about it, and that you aren’t very polite.”

“Hey,” I scoff, swatting at his arm.

He laughs as he takes a step back, and I take one toward him. “But if it’s true…” he trails off with a smirk on his face. I move closer to him, but he moves away again, and I scowl at him. “Catch me if you can.” He wiggles his eyebrows, walking backwards.

I place my hands on my hips. “I’m not four, Hudson.”

“Hmm,” he taps his chin, “could have fooled me.”

My mouth drops open, and I run toward him, but he takes off, running ahead of me faster than I ever could. Damn his long legs. I keep running behind him because he deserves to be whacked on the arm for insulting me.

His pace slows, and I speed up, reaching out my arms, snagging the back of his shirt and jerking him to a stop. He whips around, wrapping his arms around me and twirling me in the direction we were running. He drops me to my feet, and a giant yellow bus drives up to the front of the neighborhood.

He leans down and whispers in my ear, “You can turn and leave if you want, but I hope you’ll stay.”

The vibration from his voice sends tingles shooting through my body, every one of my senses alive with his body pressed close to mine. I bask in the feeling, not just the sensations assaulting me, but the simplicity of this moment.

Carefree. Blissful. Light.

It’s like I was walking around life, going through the motions but never actually living, never experiencing the things around me. Until him.

I’m grateful I let him slip through the cracks–that I let him in when my head was screaming at me to stay away.

“I’ll stay,” I whisper. He tightens his arms around my waist, and my hands grip his forearms.

I feel the smile grow across his face against the side of my head. He places a swift kiss on my cheek. “Ready?” he asks as the bus stops in front of us with a loud hiss.

“I am.”

The corner of my mouth tips up as I sag into him, enjoying the hint of cinnamon that invades all my senses.

It means more than he knows because I finally figure it out. I’m ready for something that makes my heart sing, and my days a little brighter. I’m ready to take a leap of faith with Hudson–to throw myself into something I’ve never had. A friendship. A relationship. And maybe even a love greater than I’ve ever known.

A swarm of kids vacates the bus, rushing past us as they head to their homes. They laugh and joke around, making me smile at their innocence.

Chris steps off, and Hudson abandons his position behind me, stepping toward his son. Hudson holds his hand open at his shoulder, and Chris jumps up, attempting to high five him and failing miserably. I chuckle under my breath.

Even if I didn’t know which kid was Chris, I could figure it out because he is an exact replica of Hudson. They have the same brown hair, chocolate eyes, and brilliant smile. Minus the size and age, they are one in the same.

“I want you to meet someone,” Hudson says, stopping with his hands on Chris’s shoulders in front of me. “This is Jade.”

“I’m Chris. Nice to meet my dad’s girlfriend. He talks about you all the time.” He smiles, several teeth missing from his grin.

My cheeks heat from embarrassment, but I don’t try to hide it. “It’s nice to meet you.” I bend over and hold out my hand, waiting for him to take it, except he never does. I stand there awkwardly with my hand stretched out between us, wondering what I’m supposed to do.

Chris steps closer to me, Hudson’s hands falling away from his shoulders, and he wraps his arms around my neck, giving me a hug I didn’t expect. I reach my arms around him and reciprocate his embrace as I stand there dumbfounded by this little boy.

He pulls away and stares up at me through long eyelashes and those same hypnotizing chocolate eyes. “You want to help me with my homework? Dad says I have to do it before I can play.”

I peek up at Hudson, and he nods his head with an amused smile on his face. “Absolutely.”

Chris takes my hand in his and tugs me along with him as we begin to walk back to their home. “When I’m done, we can play checkers.” He glances over at me with furrowed brows. “Do you know how to play?”

“I’ve played a time or two.”

“Good.” He beams, stealing a small piece of my heart I didn’t know I had left to give.

My heart split in half. One piece stalking behind me, chuckling under his breath, and the other half firmly latched onto my hand.