Kristy slams down a napkin on the bar between my hands. She draws her hand away from the napkin revealing an address written in blue ink pen that’s beginning to bleed since a bead of water is soaking through it. I pick it up off the counter and look at her, my eyebrows crinkled.

“Four days. Be there,” she demands, a hard look in her eyes, warning me not to argue with her.

“And where is here exactly?” I ask, shaking the napkin to ensure no more of the address fades due to the water invading the ink.

“Wedding.”

“Wedding?” I try not to sound surprised by her omission, but I know she heard it from the death glare she’s throwing me. “I thought that wasn’t happening for a while.”

She pouts, not something someone who’s getting married tomorrow would normally do. “I’m compromising, okay? Give and take. Apparently, that’s what people in a relationship do.”

“Okay.” I shove the napkin in my shorts pocket and wipe down the bar.

She sighs, looking at me pointedly. “I need you there.” She moves closer to me. “And you need to start living again.”

I give her a small smile, discarding the dirty rag behind me. She’s right, and she wouldn’t be Kristy if she didn’t demand me to move on. I don’t blame her, though, because it’s been over a month. “I wouldn’t miss it,” I assure her.

“Quick, simple, easy,” she says. I’m not sure if she’s trying to reassure me or herself.

“Is this what you want?”

She tilts her head, glancing off to the side, evading my eyes. “Yes.” She finally looks at me. “I want to marry Jason.” She beams. “Plus, this means I can get a head start on torturing him for the rest of our lives.”

“Don’t you already do that?” I chuckle, and Kristy’s eyes widen at the sound.

I can’t remember the last time I laughed. My lips curl up as my hand grazes my neck.

She shrugs. “Yeah, but I’ll step it up a notch as soon as we both say, ‘I do.’”

She walks away, heading toward Monica, who is attempting to balance ten drinks on one tray. Kristy takes two drinks in each hand, lightening Monica’s load as she sets the tray down on a vacant table.

I get back to filling drinks and putting clean glasses away, but it isn’t long before every hair on my arms stands on end, my body coming alive with awareness while my back is turned away from the front door.

I peek over my shoulder, my eyes landing on what my body already knew–that Hudson had traipsed through the door. It’s funny how one person can ignite something in you that no one else ever has–passion, exhilaration, ambition.

He somehow managed to flip a switch in me–a switch I had long forgotten about. He turned me on to living. Isn’t that weird? Somehow, I forgot to live–for me. I forgot what I wanted and needed and simply lived for my mom, until he came around. Then I remembered, and all those things came flooding back. I realized I wanted more–to be more, to do more.

Funny thing is that I have yet to do more. But what I have done is push him away, shove him into a box in my mind and tried to forget about him because let’s be honest, there is no way I’m ever forgetting him. Because he brought me to life when I was merely floating through every day like a ghost, lost in time.

As he stalks toward me, I want to give in to him again–to let us become something more than teetering on the edge of a beautiful relationship, ready to blossom into a lifetime of memories if only given the chance.

I’ve never been good at taking a leap of faith. I’ve always been the girl who saw life for what it was–disappointing. I think it might be time to finally jump and enjoy the fall, hoping I land among the clouds.

Mom wanted me to have a life, and I can see something more with Hudson in the future. I just have to push myself off the ledge.

He weaves through the tables, keeping his eyes trained on me the entire time. I feel it–his gaze. His eyes boring holes into me as he holds me in place, not allowing me to move until he sits on the barstool directly behind me. He raises his eyebrows, and I finally turn around and take a cautious step toward him.

“What can I get you?” I ask, my eyes still trained on his.

“Water,” he answers, and I find myself savoring the sound of his voice. I forgot how much I love the sweet sound–smooth as honey and addicting.

I fill a cup with water and slide it to him. “Ever gonna tell me why you only ever order water at a bar?” I let my hair fall forward, cascading around my face.

“Easy.” He leans forward, invading my space, and my attention flicks to his lips briefly before moving back to his eyes. “The night Chris’s mom got pregnant, I was drunk. I realized I only make stupid decisions when I drink, so I stopped. Plus, I don’t feel comfortable drinking with Chris around. I need to be at 100 percent in case he needs me.”

“I get it,” I say easily.

I understand because sacrifice comes easy for me.

“Does that mean you’re going to start charging me now that you know I’ll never order anything else?” His lips tip up in to an easy smile.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve paid every time you’ve been here even when I told you not to.” I laugh under my breath.

His eyebrows raise as his eyes soften. “You’re right.” He chuckles, taking a gulp of his water, licking his lips when he sets the glass back down on the bar. He clears his throat, and says, “I needed to see you. I couldn’t keep myself away any longer.”

Space. I’m not so sure I need it anymore, but I don’t tell him on the off-chance I decide I still do. “I’m glad you’re here.”

But I have to wonder if he’ll still be waiting when I’m ready to infiltrate his life again. How long can someone who loves you sit by before they give up on you? How long will it take him to think I’m a lost cause?

Kristy materializes next to me and throws her arm around my shoulder. “Look who showed up. The man who has turned our Jade here into a new woman.” I groan, wanting to shrink away or at least run and hide as my cheeks flame.

“Nah, I just made her realize her full potential. I was just along for the ride.”

I trap my bottom lip between my teeth as my eyes track over his brown hair and gorgeous face. He did bring me to life when I felt like all hope was lost, and he fell in love with a girl who was at her lowest.

Love…there’s that word again.

He scans my face, and I can see the love he’s hiding from me. I rejected him, walked away. But what he doesn’t know is how deep I’ve had to bury my feelings for him while I chipped away at the mountain that loomed over me. Now that it’s almost gone, everything I felt for him before is starting to bubble to the surface.

“You comin’ Saturday?” Kristy directs her question to Hudson, and I land my elbow in her side. “What?” she hisses.

“I’m afraid I’m not in the loop on whatever is taking place Saturday, but I think I’ll pass.”

“Your loss.” She saunters away, clearing a few tables that were just vacated, and my body sighs with relief, grateful she’s not here to cause me further embarrassment.

With only a few customers left in the bar, I walk around and sit on the stool next to Hudson, giving my feet a rest. “She’s getting married Saturday.” I answer his unvoiced question.

His eyebrows crease as he glances over at Kristy, who is aggressively wiping down a table. “Really? Never would have guessed.”

I shrug, not knowing how to explain Kristy to him. She’s a mystery, even to me.

“How have you been?” he asks, grasping a strand of my hair before dropping his hand like he didn’t mean to touch me.

It’s my fault he feels that way. I threw up a thousand barriers between us, and now we don’t know how to act around each other.

I bob my head. “Better.” It’s the truth.

“Good.”

I twine my hands in my lap to keep them to myself. “I, uh, don’t think I ever told you, but my lawyer got the charges against me dropped.”

His eyes shine as he looks down on me. “I’m glad it worked out.”

It seems like it’s the only thing in my life that has worked out.

“How are you and Chris?” I ask, wanting to know if the little boy I fell in love with is doing okay.

“We’re doing good.” He scratches the side of his jaw. “Chris quit baseball, and he joined the chess team.”

I smile, imagining Chris becoming the number one chess player at school. “I bet he loves it.”

Hudson beams. “He does. He still wants to teach you to play.”

My face falls at his words. I didn’t just leave Hudson; I left Chris, too. My heart sinks, knowing I left a little boy who already lost his mother. He didn’t deserve for me to desert him.

I search Hudson’s face, seeing the struggle hidden in his irises. I drop my gaze to his hand that’s clutching the side of the bar. I don’t know if it’s hard for him to be near me or for him to keep me so far away when I’m sitting across from him. Either way it makes me feel like shit.

He doesn’t deserve this and neither does Chris. Two rays of light in my life that I let slip away. I’m such a fucking idiot.

He stands from his stool and shifts on his feet. “I’ll see you around?”

I nod and watch as he walks out the front door, and I sink on the barstool, wondering how I’m going to fix everything that I let fall apart.