CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX.
“Fuck.”
Jack didn’t use the profanity very often, and sure enough, it didn’t really help this time either.
Desiree was gone.
And despite the anger that he felt at her accusations, he knew it was his own fault for not coming clean. He knew Desiree was sensitive about cheating, after her own father’s less than stellar example.
With a heavy heart, he pulled himself up from the couch and returned to his bedroom, closing and locking the door, and the climbing between the sheets, where the scent of Desiree lingered. He put his head on her pillow, allowing his tears to fall. He’d lost her.
He heard the doorknob rattle, and Maureen’s voice came to him softly from the other side of the door. “Jackie? Can I do anything?”
“Just leave me be, Reen. I’ll be okay.”
But he wouldn’t be okay. Not until he had Desiree’s shining face in his hands again. Not until he could kiss her all over, apologize for concealing his shame from her, and make sure that she would be by his side forever.
He stilled with shock. Forever? Then he relaxed and a tight smile crossed his face. He wanted to be with Desiree forever. But he had royally fucked it up, and now he would be with her never.
He spent the rest of the day in bed, dozing sometimes, but mostly just staring out into space. Sometimes, the tears would well up in his eyes and when they did, he would tell himself that he didn’t deserve to cry, that he didn’t deserve the release of the tears.
Several times across the day, Maureen knocked at his door and asked if he wanted anything. He said no, but told her he would be up before the kids got home from school. He didn’t want them to notice anything was wrong. So, mid afternoon, he hauled himself out of bed with some difficulty and threw himself under the shower.
The scalding water seemed to wash away some of his depression. His thoughts started to turn, his naturally positive nature reasserting itself. Yes, he had lost her. How would he go about winning her back? There had to be a way.
Desiree was hardly a candidate for flowers and chocolates. She would not appreciate the gifts. So, what would work?
He was still pondering the question as he joined Maureen in the kitchen, still toweling dry his hair. He noticed a relieved expression cross her face, to be quickly replaced by a severe one.
“How many times did I tell you, Jack? How many times?” She lifted the boiling kettle from its hub and filled two mugs. The smell of coffee filled the air.
“I know, Maureen.”
“You are as dumb as dirt. What if you’ve lost her altogether?” She crossed to the fridge and pulled out the milk, dropping a little in each of the mugs and stirring them, before putting the milk back.
“I can’t have. There has to be a way to get her back.”
“Really? You know she’s as stubborn as you, right? I’ve been wrackin’ my brains all day, but I have no idea how to get you two back together.” She handed him a fresh coffee, taking the other one in her own hands. “She’s good for you, Jack. The two of you together? It’s magical and natural all rolled into one. I saw it from the first time I laid eyes on the two of you together.”
“Yeah, well, I’m workin’ on it.”
“You better work fast, little brother. Or you’ll lose her forever.”
There was that word again. Forever.
There was a scraping of the front door, and the twins came tumbling in, and school bags went flying as they threw themselves into the arms of their father and aunt.
“Hi Dad!”
“We stayed up all night!”
“No we didn’t Tom.”
“I did. Grandma let me.”
Marissa came in behind them, smiling and carrying their overnight bags. “Alright you guys. Pick up your bags and put them away, and we’ll see about a snack.”
“Yay!” The boys scrambled out of the grownups’ arms, scooped up their bags and ran to their room. Marissa rolled her eyes in Jack and Maureen’s direction and trudged after them, cautioning them to slow down.
Before Jack had finished his coffee, Faith was home as well, having caught the bus from school. She hugged Maureen first, then her Dad.
Jack was surprised when Faith frowned and said, “What’s wrong?” He didn’t realise his pain was so plainly written on his face. Or maybe it wasn’t, and Faith was just better attuned to him than most.
He gave her a tight smile. “Nothin’, chickadee. Nothin’ at all.”
“Aunt Reen? What’s up?”
Maureen chuckled. “That’s my girl.”
Jack was spared from answering with the ringing of the doorbell. He sprinted to the door, thinking, hoping, praying that it would be Desiree. He almost tore the door off its hinges in his hurry to open it.
It was Susan, looking even more immaculate than she had this morning. She swept past him, saying nonchalantly, “Don’t worry, I’m not staying. I just came to see my babies.”
Jack’s growled, “Our babies,” was lost in a flurry of movement from the kitchen.
“Mama?” Faith ran to the door, her beautiful blonde hair streaking out behind her as she cast herself into her mother’s arms.
“Faith. Oh my girl, you’re so big and beautiful now.” Jack took note of the tears in Susan’s eyes, but steeled his heart. Susan had chosen to leave them all. She didn’t deserve his pity. But with his daughter’s sobs, something caught in his chest.
Two other locomotives bulleted into Susan’s legs as the twins launched themselves at her as well, obviously having heard Faith’s cry.
“Mama!”
“You’re back!”
Susan let Faith go and bent down so she could hug the boys. Faith immediately turned to Jack, who beckoned her over to him and threw an arm around her shoulders. She wiped her eyes with her hand, the smile never leaving her face.
They boys both tried to talk to Susan at the same time.
“Where have you been? We thought you were gone forever.”
“I’m all growed up now, Mama. I’m going to daycare and everything.”
“I’m going to daycare too. I’m all growed up too.”
“Mama, come and look at my new toys Aunt Reen got me.”
Susan laughed, but Jack heard the strain in her voice. “Really, boys, I’ve just walked in the door. Can’t Mama have a sit down first?” She stood up, rolling her eyes at Jack. “They’re just the same, aren’t they. Little whirlwinds.”
Jack was unmoved. “No, they aren’t the same. They’ve spent the last eighteen months getting used to the fact that their mother isn’t around any more.”
“Dad,” admonished Faith quietly, but Susan waved a hand at them.
“No, Faith, he’s right. I should have been here. And I’m back now, if you’ll have me.”
Right then, Jack knew he was in some deep shit. His first instinct was to shout at her, explain exactly how hard she had made life for them all, and throw her back out on the street where she belonged. But how could he reject his kids mother, when they were obviously so overjoyed to see her? He was amazed. It was like the kids had forgotten the past year and a half, and had forgiven their absent mother as soon as she walked back in.
Jack knew he could never forgive her. He also knew that he didn’t love her. Perhaps he never had. Her moving back in with him could never happen.
But a little voice in the back of his mind asked, But is that the best thing for the kids?
Maureen strolled up to the group. “Well, look at what the cat dragged back in.” She didn’t bother to hide the animosity in her voice.
“Maureen.” Jack’s skin crawled at Susan’s super-smooth tone. She knew she had the upper hand here, where the grown-ups couldn’t skite at each other, for the sake of the children who were obviously delighted to see their mother.
“Can I get you a cup of coffee, Mama?” Faith took her mother by the hand and led her through to the kitchen, scowling at Jack and Maureen as she passed them. And while Jack felt thoroughly chastised by the look, he could see that Reen wasn’t moved. The boys followed their sister and mother, chattering constantly in their boisterous voices until Jack heard Susan say, “Boys! Keep it down a little won’t you?”
Jack looked Maureen square in the face, panic welling up inside. “What am I going to do?” he whispered.
“You’re goin’ to let her see the kids, then you’re goin’ to sit her down and spell out just how unwelcome she is here.” Jack could almost feel the fire from Maureen’s eyes. “And then, you’re goin’ to tell her to get a court order for visitation.”
“Didn’t you see how happy they were to see her?” Jack’s words held a note of despair. Even though he had worked so hard to keep his little family together and functioning when their mother left, as soon as she showed her face, all three of the kids abandoned him, preferring to go with her.
“She’s their mama, Jack. Of course they were happy to see her. But you wait and see. They’ll come back to you shortly, and you know Faith for one will want to talk the situation through. The boys, well, I reckon they’ll get tired of Susan jawin’ at them in quick smart time. She’s already started doing it.”
“You don’t think it would be best for the kids to have a mom and pop under the same roof?”
“Hell no. How could it be good for the kids to live with parents who can’t stand the sight of each other? You can’t tell me that would be comfortable for any child.”
Jack nodded. “So hold my nerve, you reckon? Wait it out, and wait for the kids to realise what she’s really like?”
“Definitely. I mean, the boys will probably still gravitate toward her, because she’s their mother and they’re too small to understand the implications. But Faith is smart enough to see through Susan.”
“But Faith has been missin’ her mama the whole time. She told me that sometimes she wanted to shout at her, but other times all she wanted was her mama there to hug her.”
“I reckon over the next few days, she’ll do both. Our Faith is a pretty switched on young lady. She’ll work out for herself what’s best for her. And if she decides that bein’ with her mother is the better option, I’ll eat my hat.”
“I hope you’re right, Maureen.”
“I am. And in the meantime, suck it up and make the best of things. That’s all you can do.”
She smiled and squeezed his arm before turning toward the kitchen, leaving Jack standing by himself.
The best of things. How exactly am I supposed to do that?