Chapter Four
Like the song says, what’s love got to do with it?
Rachel, exhausted from tossing and turning all night thinking about Marcello and his vague text asking for one more chance, placed a cup of coffee on the table in the den for her visiting mom. Marcello had left a deep ache in her chest ever since he’d left on Monday. She’d gotten through the same pain when he’d checked out before. She could do it again.
Should she text him back and tell him to forget it? Tell him they were really through this time?
She’d deal with it after her mom left. Pushing her hurt aside, she joined her mother on the floor next to the twins.
The puppies took that as an invitation to play and galumphed into her lap. They were sort of growing on her, even though she knew better than to get attached. “Mom, look how cute these two are. You need one.”
“Oh, no you don’t.” Her mother shook her dark-haired head. “I’m still getting used to having your father back home after all these years. That’s been a big enough adjustment for now.”
Rachel kissed the girl puppy on the head. She refused to name them but couldn’t resist cuddling with them. “I still don’t get how you can take Dad back after he cheated. Did you forget how badly he hurt you? I was there, remember?”
When Ian started to fuss, her mom scooped him up and sat with him on the couch. “People can change, honey. Look at you. A woman who never planned to settle down. Now you’ve got two beautiful babies, two puppies, a new home that’s just lovely, and a handsome man who wants to court you.” Her mother smirked. “Your sister called me this morning and filled me in.”
“Except Lori the optimist didn’t tell you the bad parts. Marcello and I are at an impasse. Again. Be right back.” She stood and jogged down the hall. The puppies loved to play chase. And they needed to go outside before the nanny arrived. She didn’t want to scare the woman away right out of the gate. “Come on, guys!” The puppies, tongues hanging out, ran for the back door.
After she closed the door behind them, hoping they’d play for a few minutes, she rejoined her mom in the den. She picked up Hannah and sat beside her mother on the couch. “How can you be certain Dad won’t cheat on you again? Won’t it hurt twice as bad if he does?”
Her mom took a sip from her mug as Ian’s eyes drooped. Her mom was a baby whisperer. She was the only one who could soothe the kids as well as Rachel could. Hopefully, the nanny would have the same effect.
After her mom set her mug down, she whispered, “How do I know I won’t get hit by a bus tomorrow? I’d like to think this time I understand the risks going in and have learned to enjoy the time we spend together.”
“I don’t know, Mom. I worry you’re making a mistake.” It had killed her to see her strong mother bravely battle her broken heart all those years ago. Eventually, Rachel had forgiven her dad, because that’s what her mom wanted. Rebuilding trust was a different issue. “If a guy cheated on me, that’d be it. No do-overs.” And yet, she was wavering about Marcello. But he hadn’t cheated on her. That she knew of, anyway.
Her mom’s right brow arched. “You’ve never stuck around long enough to give a man the chance to cheat. Or break up with you first. Until Marcello.”
She needed to change the subject. She wasn’t ready to talk about Marcello. “In all those years you dated other men, you never fell in love again? Not even a little?” There had to be better men out there for her beautiful mother. Ones who were faithful.
“Nope. I tried. But I never found anyone I loved as much as I love your father. I’d never settle for less than that.” Her mom leaned over the baby and laid a kiss on Rachel’s cheek. “Why the frown, honey? What’s really upsetting you?”
Her father had never remarried either. Were her parents soulmates? “I’m . . . just confused.”
A soft hand slipped under Rachel’s chin. Her mom tilted Rachel’s face, forcing her to look into her mom’s concerned eyes. “Confused about my love life? Or yours?”
“Both.” Her mom had been so strong after her father left. And had dated some very nice men who should have been perfect for her. What if Marcello had been Rachel’s only chance for love?
Even though she didn’t know if she was in love with him. How did a person really know for sure? There should be an indicator, like that thing that popped up in the bird when the turkey was done on Thanksgiving, so there’d be no chance of giving people salmonella—or making a mistake and marrying the wrong guy.
“Sweetheart. Sometimes you have to take a chance with your heart—”
The doorbell rang. Thankfully. She’d heard that lecture before. From her mom, her sister, her sister-in-law, even her love-dense brother, Nick. She stood to get the door. “That’ll be the nanny. Be right back.”
Hannah was still in her arms, watching intently. “Cross fingers the nanny likes adorable babies and cute puppies too.” When Hannah grinned as if she understood, it melted Rachel’s heart. Hannah had Marcello’s agreeable nature. And his gorgeous smile. How was she going to move on when looking at her children was like looking at their beautiful father?
Rachel opened the door to a woman with spiked red hair. She wore ripped jeans, biker boots, and a short black leather jacket. It was hard to tell how old she was. “Hi. You must be the nanny. I’m Rachel.”
“Au pair. Not nanny. That would imply longer term. I’m going to be actress when my English est better. My name est Ceilia.” Her heavy French accent made her name sound like Seal-la.
“Nice to meet you. Come in so we can talk about the job.”
Rachel stepped aside and let the woman pass by. “You can leave your bags here for now. Your résumé showed you’ve worked for a few celebrities?”
“Oui.” Ceilia glanced around as they walked to the den as if assessing the home’s value. “Est new, no?”
“Yes, I had it built last year. This is my mother, Linda Caldwell. Mom, this is Ceilia.”
Her mom smiled and held out a hand. “I’d get up, but he’s fast asleep. Nice to meet you.”
Ceilia nodded and shook her mom’s hand. Then she flopped herself into the leather side chair. “So, where would my rooms be?”
Hold the phone, goth girl. “We’ll get to that. First, I’d like to introduce you to my children. This is Hannah. And my mom has Ian. You mentioned wanting to be an actress? So how does that work here in Denver? Local theater?”
“No.” Ceilia shook her head. “I live in LA. The woman who interview say she has connections. I do this for a year, and I get a break from some big star. Don’t know who.”
Rachel glanced at her mom, who frowned before she asked, “But you enjoy working with children?”
“Oui.” Ceilia smiled for the first time. She was a beautiful woman under all the weird makeup. “Kids are great. And I’ve worked for many famous people, so I know discretion.”
The puppies whined at the back door, so Rachel stood to let them in while listening as her mom talked with Ceilia, who had an impressive résumé. But that one-year-actress deal didn’t sit right with Rachel.
She opened the door, and the puppies raced inside and straight for the den. They seemed to love to be with the babies as much as she did. They were amazingly gentle and polite around the kids, licking occasionally, but always careful not to step on them or hurt them when they were on their blankets on the floor. It was if they instinctively knew to be careful around the kids, and that it was only okay to roughhouse with adults.
When Rachel stepped into the den, Ceilia had her booted feet drawn up under her. “Nobody say dogs too, Rachel. I don’t like.”
“But they’re really very sweet. Maybe if you’d—”
“No. I can’t work with dogs too. It’s them or me.”
Rachel opened her mouth to say the dogs weren’t staying, but weren’t they? Marcello had given the kids the dogs because he loved his children, no matter how ill suited two pups had been. It might be the only reminder they’d ever have of him if things didn’t work out. She couldn’t give them away.
She glanced at her mom, who was smirking again. She’d known what the answer was going to be before Rachel had. “Then I’m terribly sorry to have wasted your time. I have to choose them.”
Ceilia blinked at her vacantly. “But I already have the job. They make me sign contract.”
Hannah squirmed and held her hands out to touch the puppies, so Rachel sat on the couch. The puppies dutifully scrambled over to get some love. “I have the final say. I’ll call and tell them it wasn’t your fault.” Why hadn’t Marcello mentioned the dogs to the nanny he’d chosen?
Anger tightened Ceilia’s lips. “My chances are gone? Just like that?”
“If you mean your chance to spend time with two great kids, then yes.” Rachel handed Hannah to her mom and then stood to show Ceilia out. The woman’s real motives were abundantly clear. “You didn’t want this job anyway. Owing someone in the acting business can lead to having to do things no woman should have to do.” Marcello’s clear disgust had shown through when he’d told her how actors were mistreated in Hollywood, all in the name of getting parts.
Ceilia pouted as she walked beside Rachel to the door, calling herself up a ride on her cell phone. “Who was this famous actor anyway? He no live here, obviously.”
Rather than take offense, Rachel smiled. Her new house wasn’t a palace in France or a governor’s mansion like Ceilia expected, but it was a nice home. “I’ll be sure they pay you for a month so you’ll have time to find a new job. Good luck.” Rachel stuck out her hand, but Ceilia refused to shake it.
She filled her hands with her suitcases instead. “Waste of my time.” She laid a case down, opened the door, and marched down the walk, her heavy boots clomping their way to the curb to wait for her ride.
It was cold, so Rachel called out, “You’re welcome to wait inside.”
Ceilia’s response was a rude hand signal.
Well, good riddance. She’d find her own nanny. One who wanted to be with the kids because she enjoyed their company. Not someone biding her time until getting her big break. What had Marcello been thinking?
She turned and walked down the hallway to the den. Probably time to pick out names for the dogs.
She rejoined her mom and the kids on the couch. “So much for that. I’ll call a service this afternoon and see if I can find someone else.”
“Good idea.” Her mom stood with the two sleeping kids. “Let me put them down, and then you can tell me about your date tomorrow night. Since when do people date on Thursday nights?”
Lori had a big mouth. Seemed her mother knew more than she’d been letting on. “It’s not really a date, that’s why.” The thought of actually dating again made Rachel’s stomach hurt. While Trent could be dating material, she wasn’t interested.
When her mom returned, Rachel added, “Lori showed me who she and Shelby had picked out for me, and I knew him. I went to college with Trent and his former wife Macy at State. Macy was one of my roommates in that big apartment we had sophomore through senior year, remember? Then we all went off to grad school and lost touch. I hadn’t heard Macy had died, so I asked Trent if he’d like to have dinner. As friends. To catch up. That’s all.”
“I’m sorry to hear about Macy. But are you and Marcello really over?”
“He told me to find someone else to help me raise the kids. That sounded pretty much over to me. Then he sent me a text apologizing and said he wanted to talk. I can’t take this back and forth.” Tears stung Rachel’s eyes, and that stupid lump was back in her throat. She hated to cry. It made her feel weak and vulnerable. She was trying to get back to her normal self. Strong. Independent. Not a babbling fool over lost . . . whatever it was it felt like she’d lost.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Her mom’s arms encircled Rachel’s shoulders.
She didn’t want a hug. She’d cry for sure.
Rachel squeezed her eyes closed and tried to think of something else, but her mom just held on tighter.
There was something nice about being embraced by someone who had no choice but to love you no matter what. Who did love her no matter what. It made her heart ache even worse.
She couldn’t hold back the flood any longer. The dam broke, and the first tear dripped onto her mother’s shoulder. “I’ll be fine, Mom.” Rachel hated the croak in her voice.
“You always say you’re fine. Even if you aren’t.” Her mother’s comforting hand slowly running up and down Rachel’s back made her want to cry even harder.
She finally gave in and snuggled closer to her mom. After she cleared the blockage away from her throat, she whispered, “I’d always hoped my kids wouldn’t have to come from a broken home too, you know? No offense.”
“None taken. I’d hoped that for you too. Especially you.” A soft kiss landed on the top of Rachel’s head. “You and failure have never mixed. But sometimes we have to fall and get back up before we appreciate the journey we’re on.”
“I suppose. But it still sucks.” Rachel accepted the tissue that appeared in front of her face and blew her nose. “Part of me wants Marcello more than air to breathe, and the other part is so afraid of being hurt again. I’ve just been feeling so tired and overwhelmed lately on top of it.”
“You’ve not been sleeping. That’ll mess with even someone as tough as you.” Her mom’s arms tightened. “You’ll make the right choice. You always do. And you have your whole family to lean on until you get your mojo back, or whatever it is you told your sister you’ve lost. We all love you, sweetheart.”
The lump formed in her throat again, so she just nodded. She should tell her mom she loved her too, because she did. Instead, she gave her mom a hard squeeze.
Maybe she’d needed that hug after all.