“Congratulations,” Melanie said to me. “You’re the first patient I’ve seen in this office in weeks.” She smiled. “It feels good to be back here.”

“I’m glad my uncle dropped the medical malpractice lawsuit against you,” I said.

“You and me both. But there’s still so much to figure out about Gina and her death and how it all relates to…well, to your father.”

My father. Everything always came back to my father.

“But you came here to talk to me professionally. I appreciate your trust in me, Ruby. I truly do.”

“Talon and Jonah say you’re the best.”

She laughed. “They might be a little bit biased.”

I hoped she could hear the sincerity in my voice. “I’ve heard in great detail from Ryan how much Talon has changed for the better since he started seeing you. And I know the whole story of how he suffered at the hands of my father and the others. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think you were the best therapist in the state. I appreciate you seeing me on such short notice.”

“Not a problem. I’m not officially back until next week, but I was here getting the office ready. Are you hungry? I know this is your lunch hour. We can order something in.”

“No. I’m fine.” I gripped the arms of the forest-green leather recliner upon which I sat. Was this where Talon had sat? Where Gina had sat?

“All right. What can I help you with?”

Where to start? I fidgeted a little. “I need to become…” Shit, Ruby. Just say it. “I need to become whole, Melanie. I don’t know exactly where to start, but that’s where I need to end.”

“What makes you think you’re not whole just as you are?”

I couldn’t help a laugh. “Are you kidding? I was a virgin until age thirty-two. I’ve been dressing down for over a decade to keep men from noticing me. Even that didn’t stop some of them, but I was able to scare them off.”

“So you’re not a virgin anymore then?”

“Surely you’ve heard all about what happened in Jamaica.”

She smiled. “The Steels don’t kiss and tell, but of course I had a hunch.”

Heat burned my cheeks.

“Don’t be embarrassed. I’m proof enough that no one can resist the Steel men.”

That got a smile out of me. “So you resisted at first?”

“I did. But we’re not here to talk about me.”

True. And I was paying her. Or rather, my insurance was. “I’m finding out some things about myself that…surprise me. Even disturb me a little.”

“What things?”

I inhaled and let my breath out slowly. Here went nothing. “I’ve been afraid of men for so long. I really took a big chance with Ryan, and I never expected it to turn into something.”

“Has it turned into something?”

I nodded. “I love him. And what’s even more unbelievable? He loves me.”

“That’s wonderful! And just to reiterate what I said on the phone, everything you say in our sessions is completely confidential. I won’t go running to Jonah with this news.”

“I know that.” Melanie was a consummate professional.

“So what are you finding out about yourself that troubles you?”

I fidgeted some more. “I’ve always been attracted to men. I just never let it go anywhere. I didn’t want them to be attracted to me.”

“That makes perfect sense, considering what you went through with your father.”

I’d told Melanie weeks ago that my father had attacked me but that I’d escaped before he could rape me. “I get that. I do. But then I look at people like Talon. Gina. Colin Morse. The people who weren’t lucky enough to escape. I don’t know how Colin is dealing with things since it was so recent, but Talon and Gina didn’t swear off the opposite sex.”

“How anyone else handled a similar situation really isn’t relevant. People are individuals. We all handle things in our own way.”

That didn’t make me feel a whole lot better.

“At any rate, you seem to have come out of your shell quite a bit. You’ve lost your virginity, and you’ve fallen in love. Those are very special things.”

“I know that. And I want to be with Ryan. More than anything, actually. But there are a few things holding me back.”

“What?”

“First, my father. I haven’t been able to bring him to justice. I feel like a failure.”

“You’re not a failure, Ruby. Your father has eluded everyone. Not just you.”

“I know that. But still… I have to see him behind bars before I can do anything else.”

“Says who?”

“Says me.”

She smiled. “So before you can have a relationship, you need to make sure your father is captured.”

I chuckled. “When you say it like that, it sounds really stupid.”

“It’s not stupid. But it is irrelevant. Why would you want to punish yourself for things your father has done?”

“I don’t.”

“Sure you do. You said yourself that your father being at large is keeping you from delving into a relationship with Ryan—a relationship you say you want.”

“Yes. I want it. I just don’t want to want it.”

“Relationships with other people are what make us human, Ruby. It’s no sin to want that.”

“I know that. I just mean…I never thought I’d want it.”

“I never thought I’d be pregnant at forty. Things change.” She smiled.

“This is a little different from that.”

“I know. But things do change. People change. Maybe you’ve changed. And if you have, that’s okay.”

Was it? “This was never part of my plan for myself.”

“Plans change.”

“Yes, I know. Maybe I’m not explaining this right.”

“You’re explaining it just fine. But there’s one thing you need to truly accept.”

“What’s that?”

“You are not responsible for your father’s actions. You never were.”

“Of course. I know that.”

“Yes, you know that. But part of you is taking the blame, and that’s why you feel so personally responsible for all of his victims and personally responsible for getting him put away.”

“It’s just…”

“You can’t be held responsible for your DNA. You and Ryan have that in common.”

We did. I’d never actually thought of it in those terms. “He seems to be dealing with it better than I am.” Then I shook my head. “I’m sorry I said that. I can’t belittle what has happened to his life. He’s having a hard time. It’s easier for him sometimes than it is for others.”

“Sounds like he’s reacting normally.”

“He is. It gets to him sometimes. He still blames me a little bit, I think.”

“Yet he told you he loves you?”

I smiled. “Yeah. He did.”

“Then either he doesn’t blame you, or even if he does, the love he feels is stronger than any other feeling he has about you. That’s a good thing.”

“I suppose.”

“So tell me, then. Is the love you feel for him stronger than the things holding you back?”