So tell me, then. Is the love you feel for him stronger than whatever is holding you back?

Melanie’s question played over in my mind.

Yes! The word was in my head, where I was shouting it. But instead, I said, “I don’t know. These feelings are all so new to me.”

“I understand.”

“I never thought I’d feel love for a man. Not like this.”

“True love can be a little surprising when it creeps up on you. I should know.” She smiled.

“It’s not just the feeling that’s surprising,” I said.

“What else?”

“It’s…” I swallowed, embarrassment overwhelming me. “It’s the sex.”

“What about the sex? Are you not enjoying it?”

“Oh, no.” God, my cheeks must be red as a fire truck. “I’m definitely enjoying it.”

“Then what?”

“I’m… I feel like I’m no longer me when I’m with him. Like I’m losing myself. Like I want to lose myself. It scares me.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve been on my own since I was a kid. I’ve depended on no one but myself for seventeen years. And now all of a sudden I’m ready to give all that up? It doesn’t make any sense. Like last night…”

“What happened last night?”

“I…forced myself not to have an orgasm. Which I know sounds ridiculous. Orgasms are pretty amazing. Part of me can’t believe I went this long without them.”

“Why do you think you forced yourself not to have one?”

“I was afraid. It was like I wasn’t me anymore. We were becoming this Ruby-Ryan creature. I’m not ready for that.”

“I think you need to take a step back here and put this in perspective,” she said. “You have very little experience, so you have nothing to compare this to, but true love with the right person can definitely feel like you’re becoming one being. That’s part of what makes it so special.”

“So this is true love, then?”

“Only you and Ryan can answer that.”

I closed my eyes for a few seconds. I already knew the answer.

“Let me ask you this,” she said. “Did you dislike the feeling you were having? Of becoming part of him?”

“No.” I remembered the headiness, the nirvana of melting into his skin, his body. “I loved it. That’s what freaks me out. I don’t want to lose myself.”

“Ruby,” Melanie said, edging along the couch so she was closer to me. “I think you might finally be finding yourself.”

---

I finished the afternoon at work and then headed to the gym to do some kickboxing. I hadn’t said anything in my session with Melanie about the eerie text I’d gotten last night or the phone call I’d missed from an unrecognized number. Of course it hadn’t been traceable. The blues had been to my apartment and checked it out, assuring me it was safe. Still, Ryan had arranged for me to spend the night at a nearby hotel, and I wanted to go there. I just didn’t want to want to go there. Story of my life these days. I wanted to retain my independence, go to my apartment, prove that no one could harm me.

But I wasn’t invincible. If I knew anything, I knew that.

Melanie had said that maybe I was finding myself, not losing myself. I had gone to her for a reason—to become whole before I took more of a plunge with Ryan. Was it possible that taking such a plunge was part of becoming whole?

What makes you think you’re not already whole, Ruby?

I finished my workout and toweled off my face. Time for a quick shower and then…

The hotel.

---

A key had been left for me at the front desk, and I quickly ascended to the fourth floor to find my room. I opened the door and tossed my purse and overnight bag on a nearby table. The blues had been kind enough to pack for me, and God only knew what I'd find inside. Where was the bed? Shit, had he really reserved a whole suite for me?

Steel money. They certainly didn’t do things halfway.

I picked up my belongings and headed toward the door near the end of the small living area. I opened it—

I gasped.

Ryan stood there, fully clothed, his hair in disarray and a primal look of lust in his dark and blazing eyes.

“Get undressed.”

“Ry—”

“I said get undressed. I need you. Now.”

Something in me forced me to obey his command. That something that scared me. That something that made me feel I was losing myself.

Ruby, I think you might finally be finding yourself.

Was I? Truly?

Did I become any less Ruby Lee just because I wanted to obey Ryan Steel? Give him what he wanted? What he needed?

How did he know I’d come here? Was I that transparent? I’d nearly gone back to my apartment.

But I hadn’t.

And he’d known I wouldn’t.

How had he known? How?

“I’m waiting,” he said.

I shed my jacket. My fingers shaking, I unbuttoned my shirt and shed it as well. Then my bra. I bent down to untie my shoes and then kicked them off, toeing off my socks. I unbuckled my belt, unzipped my pants, and slid them off my hips along with my panties.

I stood before Ryan naked.

Naked and vulnerable.

Ruby, I think you might finally be finding yourself.

It was time to find out.