Being woken by Bella screaming in her sleep gutted me. I reached out to pull her into my side, in the hopes she would calm down and rest. Instead, it has the complete opposite effect. She starts kicking, screaming, and flailing her hands everywhere.

“No-No-No!” She screeches.

She’s putting all she’s got into the struggle as I try to wake her up. “Babe. Wake up. It’s me. It’s Logan,” I plead with her. I grab at her wrists to keep her from scratching at my face anymore.

“Angel, it okay. You’re home. Come on, beautiful,” I whisper into her ear.

Her actions slow and her breathing calms. It’s not too dark in the room. The moon’s reflection off the waters has cast a blue-gray gleam over most of the bedroom. I start to see the subtle changes in her expression as she comes around. Hearing her gasp, I look down and see tears pooling in her eyes.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry,” she cries.

She has nothing to be sorry for. I understand all too well about having nightmares. I go to say something but don’t get the chance to respond.

“Your face,” she sobs, bringing her soft hand to my cheek, then running the tip of her finger over my eyebrow. “You’re bleeding.”

Still holding her, I kiss her forehead and I calmly ask, “Are you okay?”

I look over towards the door when I hear crying. I see Alba standing in the doorway. She brings her hand to her mouth. No doubt shocked by the commotion that was coming from the room. I hold onto Bella a few minutes longer to soothe her. I want to kill that motherfucker all over again, for what he put her through. I motion to her sister who has already taken a few more steps into the room. I catch a glimpse of Sofia peering around the door frame and tell her to come in as well.

“Would the two of you mind sitting with Bella, so I can go clean my face?” I ask them.

“Sure,” her sister says in a hushed tone. Sofia doesn’t speak, only nodding her head, yes. Both wearing concerned looks on their faces.

I slip my arms from around her waist and stand, making my way to the master bathroom, and close the door behind me. I’m exhausted. Between the plane ride home, helping the club and my father deal with some loose ends here in town, and now this. She had one while she was still in the hospital, but it wasn’t anywhere near the intensity.

I stand in front of the mirror. The scratches on my face aren’t that bad. I turn the water on, giving my face a good splash and collect myself before going back out there. I’m trying my best to understand and let her go at her own pace, but fuck if it isn’t frustrating as hell at the same time. Every little advance I’ve made towards her to help has gone ignored. If it involves talking about what happened or even helping her change her bandages she completely shuts me out.

I’m trying to help the woman I love.

I’m torn.

Do I watch her spiral down that rabbit hole or should I force her to let me in?

Walking back into the room I watch as Bella sips on some tea. It seems to calm her nerves, so I’ve made sure we have plenty of the herbal stuff in the house. Personally, I don’t like the shit. She likes it and that’s what matters.

Alba and Sofia hug her, telling her goodnight, before turning to me. “Logan, if you need anything, please come get me. I’ll do what I can to help,” her sister says.

I know she means well. I give her a nod and a look that I hope conveys I appreciate her, but this is my job.

They leave the room, closing the door behind them. I walk over turning the bedside lamp on and flip the overhead switch, turning those light off.

Bella reaches over, setting her tea down as I climb back into bed. She looks a little unsure and starts twisting the sheets in her hands. I reach over and pull her into my side. I feel her body tense for just a moment before melting into me, laying her head on my chest.

“I’m so sorry I scratched you,” she whispers softly.

I can feel the tears silently falling onto my skin and her warm breaths as they caress my flesh. I will my body not to react in the way it naturally does when I’m around her. The smell of her hair, the softness of her skin against my rough calloused hands...

Fuck.

Taking a cleansing breath, I gain some self-control over other parts of my body. “I’m okay, babe. Nothing to worry yourself with. Do you want to talk about it? The nightmare?”

“No. I’m tired. Could you just hold me awhile?” she asks in a soft, shaky voice.

“Yeah, beautiful. I can do that,” I declare, pulling her in tighter.

I lay there for the next couple hours, holding on to the best thing to ever walk into my life. Eventually I’m lulled to sleep, listening to her soft, easy breaths.

* * *

“Yo, Quinn,” I holler from across the shop.

I’m stripping down an old Harley that a customer salvaged from the boneyard. He came in last week wanting to convert it to a bobber style. It’ll be a nice-looking ride when I’m done with it. The guy is a Navy SEAL vet. He’s not looking for anything over-the-top, just a classic lookin’ smooth ride.

“What ya need, man?” Quinn fires back at me as he continues to work on a big twin that was brought in yesterday.

“I need you to close up shop this evening. I got some shit I need to do.”

“Not a problem, brother. Listen. The guys are throwing a party tonight. You comin’?”

Relaxing and having a few drinks sounds like a pretty good idea. The last few weeks have been stressful as hell. I’ve been bustin’ my ass here at work. Mainly because I don’t feel needed anywhere else. So, I come to work, staying late most nights, before heading home to shower and sleep. “Yeah, man, I’ll be there.”

Throwing myself into work is the only way I can deal with my stress and the pent-up tension. That, or drink and I’ve been doing my damnedest not to chase the bottom of a bottle lately.

I finish up my day, leaving Quinn to wrap things up at the shop. I step outside and mount my bike. I make my way out to my father’s estate. Nikolai, my brother, called me a couple days ago asking if I could ride out sometime. He wanted to discuss a few things with me but didn’t want to do it over the phone. I pull up to the gate and I’m immediately let through. I still can’t get used to the wealth my dad has. He made it quite clear on the plane ride to save my woman that ‘what is his, is now mine.’ The thought of having disposable money and endless resources at my fingertips is overwhelming. I’ve always worked hard to have what I’ve got. Nothing has ever been handed to me. For now, I’m happy with the way things are.

Nikolai comes walking out as I’m getting off my bike. “Logan, glad you came. I have lunch ready out back.”

I follow him through the house and out the back-patio door. It smells fuckin’ good out here. I span over to my left and he has the lid of a BBQ grill open, taking off some big ass ribeyes.

“Fuck, brother. I wasn’t hungry before, but now...”

Laughing he points over to a cooler sitting on the ground by the patio table and chairs. “Grabs us a beer. I’ll bring these over in a minute. I like grilling. It relaxes me. Makes me feel normal.”

After slapping the steaks onto some plates, he carries them over and sits one in front of me with a big ass bowl of seasoned fries. Damn. I’m not going to complain. Meat and potatoes. I can handle that.

“By normal, you mean pretending you’re not the son of Russian Mafia?” I pick at him, handing him a beer.

“Exactly. I was born into this life. I didn’t choose it. It can be very unsatisfying. Sometimes I want to be alone. Left to do as I wish. Not what’s expected of me, which brings me to what I wanted to discuss today.” He pauses, taking a bite of his food.

After taking a few bites of the steak, that would give Reid and Quinn a run for their money, I take a sip of beer. Nikolai continues with his conversation as I stuff some fries in my mouth. “I want to stay here in Polson, and I would like you to help me convince my—our father that it would be a good idea.”

Little brother feels like rebelling. I smile. It could be a very good idea or go very badly. Either way, everyone should get to experience life out from under someone’s thumb.

“You wanna stick around, huh? You got a plan on what you want to do while you’re here?”

“I was planning on staying here at the estate, but I was hoping to maybe look for some normal work. Something I could be proud of. Learn and feel accomplished at,” he boasts, with a look of determination and eagerness.

“Hell Yeah! I can get behind that. You wanna be your own man. I get it. I’ll do what I can to help you out.”

Raising his bottle of beer to me, with a big fuckin’ smile, he tells me. “Thank you, brother.”

We finish lunch with general conversation. Getting to know each other a little better before I head out. The sun is starting to set, so I pull out my phone, giving Bella a call. She answers on the first ring. I let her know I’ll be late again tonight. Mostly, I just wanted to hear her sweet voice say ‘I love you.’

It’s almost dark when I get to the clubhouse and park my bike. The party has just started as I walk through the doors, making my way to the bar. Gabriel is sitting in his usual spot, nursing a beer, as I pull up a stool and ask for one of my own, along with a shot of whiskey.

“Hey, brother, you doin’ okay?” Gabriel’s inquires in a low murmur while staring at me.

“Yeah, man. Just wanted to swing by and unwind for a bit.”

Nodding his head, Gabriel doesn’t say anymore. He gets up, making his way upstairs.

As I’m nursing my second beer and my third shot, Reid sits down beside me. “Logan, haven’t seen you hang out around here for awhile. You doing okay?”

If there is one person I can really talk to about some deep shit, it’s Reid. I’ve known him longer than any of my brothers. Hell, he practically is my brother. We grew up together. I take all this into consideration before opening my mouth. “Reid, man, I just don’t know what to do. She won’t open up to me. She’s pushing me away.”

I sound like a pussy right now. Fuck it. I take another shot. Enjoying the burn as it slides down my throat.

“Do you think going home to her drunk is going to help the situation?” Reid cautions.

“I can sleep it off here. Trust me. She won’t even care if I’m not there, brother. She has her sister and Sofia.”

I hear him sigh beside me. “Logan, maybe she just needs some time. Someone tortured her, mentally and physically. My guess is that she’s feeling lost, damaged, and possibly even unattractive. It’s not easy dealing with scars, of any kind. It’s taken me a long time to accept that my body is different. I still feel the need to hide it. In a way, I understand what she is going through.”

Fuck. He’s right. I drag my hand down my face. I’ve watched him struggle since the accident. Not only with losing his brother but his leg as well. He hides it well, always wearing jeans. He may understand where she’s coming from but I’m fighting the battle too. How the fuck can I be there for her when she won’t let me in? How can I help her to get better if all she wants to do is ignore the situation all together? I love her, but it’s hard to fight demons you can’t physically see. I can beat the hell out of anyone any day. Hell, even pull the fuckin’ trigger if I had to for her, but the ghosts...

“I don’t see her any different than I did before. She is still the same beautiful woman I love,” I say, frustration laced on every word... but it’s the truth. What I see hasn’t changed one bit.

“She doesn’t feel beautiful, and she’s not going to ever be the same, on the inside. Until she does, all you can do is wait. Be there for her when she does let you in.” Reid finishes, as he motions to Blake for another beer.

Releasing a breath, I raise my head, looking at my reflection in the mirror that hangs on the wall behind the bar. She doesn’t deserve to see me like this.

I clasp my hand on the back of Reid’s neck. “Thanks, brother. It felt good to talk with someone. I’m gonna head to the kitchen, make some coffee. I don’t want to go home shit-faced.”

“I’ll join you. I’m not feeling the party atmosphere tonight.” He mumbles.

It’s around midnight once I make it home. Reid and I bullshitted for a couple hours. Reliving some good times and sharing memories from our childhoods.

I’m too beat to shower, so I strip out of my clothes and climb into bed. Bella tenses for a moment as I pull her into me. The smell of her vanilla lotion soothes me, the touch of her skin as I wrap my arms around her quiets the noise in my head.

“I love you, Angel.” I quietly whisper in her ear.

“I love you,” she says in a sleepy voice, almost too low to hear.

* * *

I’m riding out to the lake today, to try and clear my head. The conversation I had with Reid last night is on a continuous loop and I’m finding it hard to concentrate on anything else.

I can’t get my mind to focus on anything but Bella, and the distance she’s putting between us, so I told her that I had club shit to deal with. I shouldn’t lie, but I need some breathing room and space to think.

She’s still having nightmares at least once a week, but refuses to talk to me about them. To top it off, she is still hiding her body from me.

“Fuck,” I yell into the wind while driving down the road.

Riding down the dirt road that leads to the lake my mom and aunt are buried, I notice a blacked-out SUV parked a few yards ahead. I roll to a stop and the driver’s door opens and out steps Victor, my Dad’s driver and right-hand man.

I kill my bike’s engine and put the kickstand down. “Victor. Is my dad in there?” I point to the vehicle.

“No. He is over there,” he says in a thick Russian accent, pointing to his right.

When I scan over in the direction Victor is pointing, I see my father knelt directly in front of my mom’s headstone. His palm splayed over the top, looking more like he’s using it to keep himself upright than anything.

Letting out a ragged breath, I make my way to him. As I get closer I notice the subtle shake of his shoulders, showing he’s having a moment. I hang back, letting the man collect himself.

Taking a deep breath and letting it back out he speaks without turning around. “I heard the rumble of your bike as you pulled up, son. I apologize for my current state, I could no longer stay away. I had to come pay my respects to the only woman I have ever loved.”

Walking up behind him, I place my right hand on his left shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. Letting him know that I understand. That I’m here for him. My gesture, though unspoken, is loud and clear. His shoulders slump and he hangs his head.

“Thank you, son.”

Standing a few seconds later, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gold coin, placing it on top of the headstone. I’ve heard about customs like this. Where people leave coins on the graves of loved ones. Greek mythology. It’s a toll of some sorts, also a sign of respect.

Turning towards me, my father appraises me. “You look tired, Logan. Is everything okay?” He questions.

Shit. I wasn’t aware I looked how I felt on the inside. I run my hand through my hair and rub the back of my neck, my muscles tight with tension.

“I’m good, Dad. Nothing to worry about.” I try to assure him.

“How is your woman, Bella? I’m sorry I haven’t been around much. I didn’t want to overstep my welcome by prying into your personal life. Is she adjusting well at home?”

We start walking towards the waterfront, stopping to take a seat on an old tree log. I contemplate sharing anything. “She could be doing better. The nightmares are getting fewer though,” I divulge.

“And you? How are you doing?”

I let out a long sigh before giving him a clipped, short answer, “Tired.”

“Yes. She is worth it though. Am I right?” My dad asks.

As exhausted as I am mentally over the whole situation, I can honestly say that my woman is worth it. I’m just hoping one day she will see her worth too. I plan on showing her unconditionally every day that she is loved. I won’t give up on her. Even if she wants to give up on herself, “Yes, she’s worth it.”

“You’re both strong. Give her your strength when she needs it and she will return it sevenfold. Women are much stronger than we could ever be. She will rise. Give her time.”

Time.

We both continue staring out over the clear waters that mirror the blue sky above, without speaking another word.

Both searching for answers. Both seeking comfort in the silence and solitude.