It’s been two months since Logan carried me out of that basement. I feel like I’m walking through life like a zombie. Adjusting hasn’t been easy. Some people look at me with pity, while others treat me as if nothing happened. I don’t know which is worse. Many things have changed since coming home from the hospital. As for Logan and me, we’ve been stuck in some sort of limbo.

The nightmares are few and far between. My stitches came out. The scars, although large, have started to lose a bit of the red angry appearance. Logan has been nothing but patient with me, even though I still haven’t shown him my scars yet. Sometimes I let the guilt eat at me. We’ve hardly touched each other in these past months. I know he has needs. There have been nights where he’s called, saying he’s working late, and I’ll wonder if he’s really working or if he’s hooking up with one of the club girls. I feel self-conscious all the time, and I let negative thoughts take over. Deep down, I know he wouldn’t cheat on me.

“You okay?” Sofia asks, plopping down on the couch beside me. “Yeah, I’m fine. Had my head in the clouds is all.” I insist.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I wave a submissive hand at her, “There really isn’t anything to talk about.”

I don’t feel like talking to anyone, I haven’t even been talking to my sister about my struggles with my body image.

“I know I’m just a kid, but you can talk to me. I see things, I know you’re having a tough time.”

I lean over, squeezing her hand. “I’m fine, really, you don’t need to worry about me.” I plaster a fake smile on my face to hopefully avoid any further discussion.

Turning her body to face me she continues, “Well, can I ask you a question?”

“Yes, of course. You can ask me anything.”

After a few beats, she begins, “Do you think one day a man will want to date me, to be with me? I mean once they find out what happened, will they think I’m ugly or damaged?”

Though Sofia hasn’t talked about it yet, I know she was raped, multiple times. Dr. Evans confirmed it in the hospital. My heart aches that she even thinks those things about herself.

“Sofia, a good man—the right man—will see you as nothing but the beautiful, amazing girl you are. What happened to you will not change that.” I say with certainty.

With a stern and serious look, she regards me. “If you’re so certain of that for me, then why can’t you believe those things about yourself?”

I go to open my mouth, but I have nothing to say. She’s right. I wear my scars on the outside, Sofia wears hers on the inside. Scars are scars, regardless if they are visible or not.

She stands up and heads upstairs, leaving me speechless.

That sneaky, smart girl. I shouldn’t be surprised. Sofia is slowly opening up to us. A few weeks after coming home from the hospital, Logan and I took Dr. Evans’ advice about getting her a therapist. She has sessions with Dr. Kendrick twice a week now. I’m amazed at Sofia’s progress. Logan and my sister have expressed on several occasions they’d like for me to schedule an appointment. Given the positive change I’ve seen in Sofia, maybe I should consider it. Maybe it’s time I dealt with everything I’ve been avoiding.

Deciding I can’t sit around and do nothing any longer, I grab my phone and shoot Lisa a text. I want to plan a graduation party for Alba. This is the distraction I need. I don’t even wait for her reply before I’m walking over to the kitchen counter in search of my car keys. If I know Lisa, she’ll be game. That woman lives for anything that involves cooking or parties. I’m also hoping to talk to Jake about going back to work.

“Sofia,” I shout up the stairs. “I’m heading over to the clubhouse, want to come?”

Peeking her head from around the corner she says, “Yeah, let me grab my bag.”

Sofia doesn’t go anywhere without her messenger bag Alba gave her, along with several books and a Kindle. Leave it to my sister to get her addicted to reading. Alba loves that she now has a book buddy.

I smile as she sprints down the stairs in a white baby doll dress, bronze gladiator sandals, and her bag slung over her shoulders. Logan has spared no expense when it came to getting Sofia anything she needs.

“I’m ready,” she huffs out breathlessly, once she makes it down the stairs.

“You didn’t have to rush, I would have waited for you.” I chuckle.

Returning my smile, she asks, “You think Alba will be there?”

Looking down at my watch I reply, “She’ll probably get there about the same time we do if we leave now. Let me send a quick text to Logan telling him to bring her to the clubhouse instead of home.”

This is her last week of school, followed by graduation in two weeks. Sofia has expressed how excited she is to get back to school. She’s missed most of this past year and will be a grade behind the other kids her age, but it doesn’t seem to bother her, she’s only focused on a fresh start.

We arrive at the clubhouse the same time Gabriel pulls up with my sister. Stepping out of my car, I walk over to where he’s parked.

“Hey, I thought Logan was picking Alba up today,” I question.

He leans against his bike, smoking a cigarette.

“Had some club business to take care of, asked me to pick her up,” he offers.

“Yeah, sure,” I mumble turning to walk away.

“Bella.” Gabriel stops me.

I come to a halt, refusing to look at him. I know I’m letting my insecurities show. It’s not like me to be this way, but lately, I can’t help it. I’m always worried that I’m not enough, that I’m not what Logan wants anymore. I drive myself crazy with all the thoughts that run through my head at times.

“You’ve got nothin’ to worry about with Logan.”

Turning my head slightly, I cut my eyes at Gabriel, giving him a nod.

When I step inside the clubhouse, I smile when I see Quinn sitting at the bar. “Hey, darlin’, come over here and have a drink with me,” he drawls.

Taking a seat next to him, he taps the counter getting Liz’s attention. “Get Bella something to drink,” he clips. Losing the sweet tone, he had with me moments ago.

Liz has been on thin ice with the club ever since we found out she was feeding information back to Cassie. She insisted she didn’t know what Cassie was up to, and the boys decided on giving her a second chance. Either way, I don’t trust the bitch.

Bringing his attention back to me, Quinn asks, “What brings you here today?”

“I’m going nuts, sitting around the house all day, so I came to talk to talk to Lisa about a graduation party for Alba. And to also talk to Jake about going back to work.”

“Really? You talk with Logan about that?”

“No, Quinn, I didn’t. I wasn’t aware I needed his permission.” I deadpan, crossing my arms.

“Hey, I’m on your side, sweetheart. Without you there I’m forced to eat day old pizza and shit. I’m literally starving, Bella. What I wouldn’t give for some of your fried chicken.” He says with his head tilted back and a dreamy look on his face.

Poking him in his rock-hard stomach, I laugh, “Yeah, you look like you’re wasting away Quinn.”

“Let me go talk to Jake. Hopefully, I’ll be back to filling your belly soon,” I jest.

I really do miss working. I can’t stand sitting around the house all day. I need to be busy doing something. I’ve always been busy either taking care of someone or working. I need to get back to work. Hopefully, that will be soon.

Rewarding me with his signature smile, Quinn says, “Looking forward to it, darlin’.”

Walking to Jake’s office I see his door is open, and he’s sitting at his desk.

“Hey, Jake.” I greet, tapping on the door.

“Bella? What you are doing here. Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. I wanted to come talk to you about coming back to work.” I say, taking a seat.

“Work? You think you’re ready for that?”

“It’s been two months, Jake. Seriously, you guys have got to quit treating me with kid gloves all the time. I’m ready, I promise. I wouldn’t have come to you if I wasn’t.”

“Well, you know you can come back to the garage anytime you want. We all miss having you there. Especially Quinn. The dip shit won’t shut up about not having a decent meal to eat. I swear kid, you’ve done spoiled the man.”

“Great! How about I start back Monday. Put Quinn out of his misery.” I chortle.

“Sounds great, Bella. Just one thing...have you talked to Logan about this?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” First Quinn, now Jake. What makes anyone think I should ask him first. I don’t need permission from Logan to go back to work.

He holds his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, I was only asking. Though maybe you should discuss it with him before Monday.” Jake suggests.

“I’m sure Logan could care less. I’ll mention it to him later, okay?” I say getting up from the chair. “I really appreciate you agreeing to me coming back, Jake.”

“Anytime, sweetheart. If I don’t see you later, then I’ll see you Monday at the garage.”

After leaving Jake’s office, I head in the direction of the room Alba has here. Turning the corner, I run straight into Logan as he’s exiting his room. I thought he had club shit to deal with, at least that’s what I had been told. I stand here looking at him and cross my arms.

“Hey, babe. What are you doing here?” he says looking a bit confused, and I’m sure he doesn’t miss the same expression, mixed with growing anger on my face as well.

“I came to see Jake. What are you doing here? Gabriel said you had some club business to take care of and that’s why you didn’t pick Alba up at school.” I say suspiciously.

“I did. Just got back. What did you need to see Jake for?”

“I’m ready to go back to work. I was making sure he was cool with it.”

“Go back? Do you think you’re ready?”

I swear I’m so damn tired of that question. Are you okay? How are you feeling? Do you think you’re ready? It’s my damn choice when I’m ready and what I do.

“I wouldn’t have told Jake I was ready to come back if I weren’t ready, Logan.” I can’t help the bitchy way the words come out.

“Don’t start, Bella,” he clips.

“Start what, Logan?” I feign like I don’t know what he’s talking about.

“This shit where you turn everything into an argument. I’m sick of it, and it stops now.”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

I do, and I hate that he’s calling me out on it.

“You’re always avoiding any real issue, Bella. So instead of dealing, you look for any reason to start a fight with me. Over stupid shit too. Like today. You knew going behind my back asking Jake to go back to work, without talking to me first...you knew that shit would start a fight. Only today, it’s not working. Today we’re dealing with our problem.” Logan declares through gritted teeth.

By the set line in his jaw and fire in his eyes, I know he’s done. There will be no more hiding. No more distance. He has had enough.

“Fine.” I snap. “I’ll go get the girls, and meet you at home.”

“No, they can stay here tonight. I’ll let the guys know, so they can keep an eye on them.”

Without replying, I brush past him continuing down the hall. There is no arguing with him when he’s like this.

When I get home, I decide to take a shower before Logan gets here. Since coming home I have avoided talking about what happened back in that basement. Talking about it is not going to make anything better, it’s not going to make the scars go away. He needs to understand what’s done is done. We can both talk till we’re blue in the face, but in the end, it won’t change a damn thing.

After stepping out of the shower and drying off, I realize I forgot to bring in a change of clothes. Wrapping my towel around my body, I open the bathroom door to go to my closet and grab my pajamas. I stop in my tracks when I notice Logan standing in the middle of our room, his eyes tracking my every move.

Once I retrieve my clothes, I try stepping around him to get back to the bathroom, only to have him block my path. “Logan. Let me get dressed, then we can talk.”

“No,” he says flatly.

“What do you mean, no? I’m not having a conversation with you in my towel.”

Shit. I know where he’s going with this and I’m not sure I’m ready for it. I KNOW I’m not ready for it. My whole body gets warm and I start to get the inside jitters. My hands are clammy, my breaths are quickening, and my pulse is racing. I am working up to a full-blown panic attack. I have avoided this very moment for months now, and he has let me.

“If you need to get dressed, you can do so in front of me, Bella. No more hiding.”

My stomach drops. He can’t be serious. I was prepared for talking. Not this.

“I’m not ready,” I say gripping the towel tighter around me.

“Yes, you are. You’re strong, baby. You just don’t know it.”

“Don’t tell me what I am. Stop trying to force me into doing something I don’t want!” I yell.

At this point I’m so worked up-so angry, my body is vibrating.

Logan is standing five feet in front of me, nose flaring, and a look of fury on his face. “I was there. I saw what that motherfucker did to you. I carried your bloodied, almost lifeless body in my arms, Bella!” he yells back, pacing the floor, pulling at his hair.

“Is this what you wanted to see?” I cry at him, dropping my towel to the floor, keeping my arms at my sides resisting the urge to cover myself. I’m facing my fears head on while battling the voices in my head to do the complete opposite—to run and hide.

“Tell me, Logan! You come in here making demands, like you have the right. Newsflash, this,” I say, pointing at my scars, “didn’t happen to you! It happened to me! I’m the one who was kidnapped! I’m the one who had that filthy motherfucker’s hands all over my body! I was the one who was screaming in pain while being sliced open!” I yell with tears rolling down my face.

“And it’s my fucking fault!” Logan bellows, cutting me off, pacing back and forth and running his hands through his hair.

“What?” I ask stunned, losing some of my anger. He’s mad because he thinks he didn’t protect me. I was expecting pity or a look of disgust. Instead, Logan is looking at me like he could care less about my scars.

He looks defeated, tired.

“It’s my job to protect you. If I had protected you better none of this would have happened.”

This whole time I’ve been so focused on my demons, I didn’t stop to think about how this whole fucked up situation affected him. He’s been battling demons of his own and I was too selfish to see it.

“It’s not your fault this happened to me. It’s because of you I’m alive.” I challenge.

In three strides, Logan is in front of me gripping my face in his hands. “It is my fault, Bella, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Starting right now. Starting by telling you how beautiful you are. I never want to hear you call yourself disgusting again.” he grinds out, “you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Your scars are a part of you and I love everything about you.”

Picking me up, Logan holds me as if I’m the most precious thing in the world. Carrying me across the room, he gently lies me down on the bed. “I’m going to show you just how beautiful you are,” Logan says, his tone a promise.

Starting at my feet he slowly kisses his way up, until he reaches the inside of my thigh. He places a gentle kiss on the first scar. The smallest one, but that’s the cut that nearly cost me my life. Next, he trails his rough calloused hands along the jagged scarring on my ribs. I feel another array of soft kisses, this time along the edge of my breast. I have no doubt he doesn’t miss the tremble in my skin, as I try with everything I am to suppress a sob. I feel the heat of his body hovering above me, but refuse to open my eyes. I’m scared of what I might see now that he’s seen me, touched me.

“Open your gorgeous eye for me, Angel.”

Fisting the sheets in my hands, I shake my head refusing.

“Yes,” he whispers softly, his mouth against my ear.

Opening my eyes, I’m not prepared for what I see—no, what I feel. Love, and I can’t hold back any longer. The pain I’ve been holding onto for so long is released through tears that are streaming down my face.

“Beautiful.” Logan softly repeats over and over while he continues to kiss and caress every inch of my body. It doesn’t take long for my sobs to turn into pants when he runs his tongue over my nipple, causing me to gasp. It’s been forever since I’ve felt Logan’s touch and I’m desperate for it. Rising off the bed I watch him rid himself of his clothes. “I need to taste you.”

Kneeling before me, he grabs my legs, pulling me to the edge of the bed. Spreading my legs, Logan peers at me. His eyes dark with desire before lowering his head. I moan loudly at the feel of his hot, wet mouth on my pussy. It feels so good I nearly come right then.

“Not yet, Bella. When you come, it’s going to be with me inside you.”

“Logan, please,” I beg.

“Please what, Bella? What do you want?”

I lower my head, looking at him between my legs, “I want you inside me,” I urge with fire in my voice.

When Logan stands, my mouth waters at the sight of his cock.

Climbing over me, he takes my legs and urges me to wrap them around his waist.

Leaning down Logan takes my mouth. I open to him, allowing his tongue entrance at the same time his cock fills me.

As he lazily moves in and out of me, placing soft unhurried kisses along my neck, and down over my collarbone I start to realize, the sex this time is different.

This time Logan is delivering on his promise. He’s making love to me and showing me how beautiful I am, that he loves me—ALL of me.