Someone was shaking me. “Dude, get the fuck up.”

My stomach turned with the motion and the liquor sloshing around in my stomach. “Leave me the fuck alone. Go away.”

“Fucker, Sophia was just here. She ran out.”

Sophia. My heart pounded in my chest, increasing the feeling of nausea that overcame my body. Someone’s body was wrapped around mine, and it wasn’t Sophia.

“What the fuck?” I sat up quickly, throwing her legs off of mine.

“What the fuck are you doing here and in my bed?” I asked her.

“Tom called me. He thought you needed to talk to someone. You were passed out when I got here, and I thought I would sleep until you woke up,” she said.

I felt like my world was ending. Everything unraveled while I lay here passed out. “Are you fucking crazy? That’s not okay. You can’t just crawl in my bed…ever. Fuck.” I shook my head painfully.

“Where’s Sophia?” I asked, panic lacing my voice.

I called her phone, but there was no answer. She wouldn’t pick up the phone. I learned that once about Sophia. I needed to find her. New Orleans was the type of city that could swallow a girl like her.

“I don’t know. I saw her jump in a cab,” Tom said.

“Which cab? Maybe I can find out where they took her.”

* * *

I couldn’t believe my eyes. A man had his lips on Sophia, my Sophia. My body moved on its own, and I was unable to stop myself. I grabbed the man and threw him to the floor. My fist connected with his face, crunching the bones. Blood splattered on my hand and arms as I wailed on him, unable to stop.

I didn’t look at Sophia as I beat this asshole to a pulp. I needed to destroy him as he had destroyed me, taking what was mine. Hands wrapped around me, pulling me off of him, but my arms continued to swing.

The man wiped the blood away from his face as he began to stand. “Dude, what the fuck?”

“What the fuck, asshole? You’re kissing my girlfriend with your hands all over her, and you’re asking me what the fuck,” I said, ready to beat him again.

“She asked me to,” he said with a smirk on his face, wiping the last bit of blood with the back of his hand.

“Just leave, take the girl, and get out of here,” the bar employee said.

I walked over to Sophia, her head resting on the bar. I scooped her into my arms as her head fell back, mouth falling open. She looked a wreck, and I’d been the sole cause. I carried her to the car and brought her home to my bed.

I couldn’t crawl into bed with her. Anger filled me, anger with myself and directed at her too. The good-girl quality of Sophia had drawn me to her. What she did tonight didn’t fit with her nature. I sat in a chair in the corner of the room and watched her as she slept. I prayed she would understand and forgive me. I had driven her into the stranger’s arms. I sat there all night, watching, waiting.

Morning light streamed through the window as I rested my elbows on my legs and placed my head in my palms. I sensed movement from the bed.

Looking up, I saw Sophia blinking, trying to clear her eyes. She stared at me but didn’t say a word. I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer. I needed to know and needed to move on. I needed us.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” I asked, my voice seething in anger.

“I could ask you the same thing,” she spat back.

“I find you in a bar, drunk, kissing a stranger, and his hands are all over you! You weren’t struggling to get away but seemed to be enjoying yourself.”

“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you, Kayden? I fucking don’t. I walked in yesterday to find you not alone. So don’t give me some bullshit about kissing a stranger,” she said, sitting up straighter.

“Nothing happened with her and me. I was already passed out when she got here, and she crawled in my bed on her own. I never even woke up until after you left, and the guys woke me up. They called her to come over, not me, thinking I needed someone to talk to. She’s a friend and only a friend. I did nothing wrong, Sophia. I didn’t touch her, let alone place my lips on hers,” I said, sadness filling me with the image of Sophia kissing another man.

“I don’t believe you! I saw your tangled bodies, naked in this very bed.”

“I told you already. I was passed out and never even knew she was here. Does she want me? Yes. Do I want her? Fuck no,” I yelled. “Nothing happened between us, but I clearly saw your lips on another man. You ripped my heart out. I never thought you would do that, Sophia.”

A knock sounded at the door, but we kept our eyes locked on each other.

“What?”

“Can I come in?” Tom asked.

“What the fuck?” she said, throwing her hands in the air.

The door opened slowly, and he entered the room, looking around and gulping loudly.

“Sophia, I need to explain,” Tom spoke to her, approaching the bed.

“Save it, Tom. I know what I saw,” she said to him, keeping her eyes pointed at me.

“I know what you think you saw, but it’s not what happened. Kayden never woke up. He has been passed out most of the week. The only time he was up was to find his next drink. I called her to talk to him. We all work together, and they’ve been friends for years. I thought she could get through to him. I didn’t know that she would end up falling asleep in his bed,” Tom stated.

“You really think I’m going to believe that?”

“It’s the truth. I was trying to get him on track, for you, Sophia. I never thought she’d take advantage of the situation. When I arrived home from work, Kayden was already passed out cold. She showed up and went into his room. He didn’t do anything with her. He loves you and wouldn’t cheat on you,” he pleaded with Sophia.

“Thanks for telling me, Tom. Kayden and I need to discuss last night if you don’t mind,” she said.

“I am being honest with you. He needs you, Sophia,” Tom said as he stood up and moved toward the door.

I’d remained silent while Tom spoke. My eyes never left hers, conveying hurt and anguish. She dropped her head into her hands and began to cry. I had fucked everything up.

I said nothing and didn’t move to comfort her. We both did wrong, but I needed her to speak to me first.

“I was mad at you for drinking so much and pushing me away. I hate myself for running away and into the arms of another man, but you need to know what last night did to me.” She looked up at me, into me, through me. “You’d been absent and drinking. I thought you had been drinking and fucking your way through your days and nights. I’m such a whore for kissing that man in the bar.”

“Sophia, I can’t believe you’d think that of me. I’d never. I’m sorry I allowed the alcohol to consume me, become my lifeline.”

“I’m sorry, Kayden. I don’t know what else to say,” she cried into her palms.

“Sophia,” I said, moving toward her. I sat on the bed and pulled her hands away from her face. “You thought I fucked the girl in my bed, and you were upset. I’ve been acting like a total asshole.”

“You had me out of my mind. I was so worried about you, and then I found you in bed with someone else. It was an image I just couldn’t get out of my brain.”

I wiped the tears away from her face. “I will always be faithful to you. I’m yours, and you’re mine. No matter what you think you saw, I’m not a cheater. I’m a one-woman man. I will not share you either.”

“I wasn’t thinking clearly last night after having so many drinks. I’m sorry.”

“I know what that’s like, trust me,” I said with a smile. “We’ve hurt each other, Sophia. I hurt you with my drinking and not being there, and you hurt me by allowing someone else to kiss you. If it weren’t for my behavior, you wouldn’t have allowed another man to touch you.”

“Never. I should have stayed and fought with you, for you.”

“You should have hit me or yelled…anything other than running away and into the arms of another man.”

“I’ll never do that again. I have never loved another soul deeper and harder than I love you,” she said to me.

“I love you, too, Sophia,” I said, kissing her lips. I undressed and crawled under the covers with her. I needed to feel her skin against mine.

I’d never been so utterly in love with a person. I wanted her, and more importantly, I needed her. I felt that the bottle was my only friend, holding my hand, helping me through this journey. It was easy to fall back on bad habits that had been there to console me in the past. Alone in this apartment, booze became my only friend and solace. I shut Sophia out and nearly paid the ultimate price.

I could almost touch the strain between us. Our actions had caused a crack that needed to be mended.

I kissed her with all the emotion and love I felt in my heart. I needed to be inside her, remind her of my love. I made love to Sophia, face-to-face. I looked into her big brown eyes and never looked away. I needed the connection with her. She was mine, and I was hers.

We spent most of Saturday inside holding each other and made love once.

“Please, promise me you won’t drink like that again, Kayden,” she asked in a pleading voice.

“I’m sorry,” I responded. I didn’t know if I could hold true to a promise like that, and all I could do was apologize.

“You scared me. I’ve missed you the past week. I don’t think I could do that again,” she said sternly.

“I used to have a drinking problem and sought help after my arrest, but I have it under control.”

“I had no idea,” she said sadly.

“That’s because I never mentioned it. I don’t usually say, ‘Hey, I’m Kayden, and I’m an alcoholic.’ I had it under control. I don’t usually drink so much… I’m just so depressed about not working. My life is falling apart,” I replied with sorrow in my voice. Sophia was my one bright spot, but I couldn’t focus on her, and the darkness was outweighing the light.

“Please try not to drink…for me. Be constructive. You’ve spent days drunk and passed out. You should have been using that time to fight. Promise me, Kayden. Your life isn’t falling apart. I’m still here. Don’t forget about me,” she said harshly.