When I got out of the shower, Ash was making breakfast. Rather, she was burning my house down, because the smoke alarms were going crazy as she stood in front of the back door, waving smoke from the kitchen with a big cookie sheet.

She winced as I rushed into the kitchen. “Sorry,” she squeaked. I could barely hear her over the blaring alarms. I rushed to open all the windows, turned on the fan over the stove, and I took the cookie sheet from her, fanning it directly below the closest smoke detector. “Sorry,” she said again when the room got quiet. “I was trying to make breakfast for you.”

I stopped, took hold of her shoulders, and kissed her forehead. She nearly melted under my regard, and I lingered with my lips on her forehead until she went completely soft.

While I was in the shower, she’d applied her makeup, so she’d gone from fresh-faced to emo in minutes. It was always startling to see the transformation in her, but it did fit her. She was damned adorable when she was all made up. And if I said that out loud, she’d probably leave and never come back. She took a lot of pride in her evasion techniques, and I’d learned long ago that her makeup was a stealth move. She felt safer behind the layers of mascara and eyeliner. Out of all Lynn’s friends, Ash was the master of disguise. Or at least I’d thought that out of all Lynn’s friends Ash was the master, until I met Shelly.

Shelly was a study in contradictions. She wore high heels and pearls, and when she was angry, she had a noticeable Southern drawl. She’d grown up in the South, where Lynn’s grandmother was from. But under Shelly’s perfect exterior beat the heart of a killer. Lynn had never believed me when I’d expressed my concerns about Shelly. “She’s just protective of me,” she’d said.

Bullshit.

I stopped waving the cookie sheet and looked down to find Ash staring up at me, her head cocked to the side. “Penny for your thoughts,” she said quietly.

“Honestly, I was thinking about Shelly.”

She snatched the cookie sheet out of my hand and pretended to bash me over the head with it. I playfully ducked and ran away.

“It’s rude to think about her when you’re with me.”

“It’s impossible not to,” I admitted.

“I know,” she said softly. “She’ll come to see you soon,” she warned.

“I know,” I replied just as softly. I knew Shelly was coming. I just didn’t know when she’d arrive. I’d probably wake up with a knife at my throat one day, and I wouldn’t even see her coming. I shook the errant thoughts away. “What are you doing today?” I took out two bowls and poured us each a bowl of cereal. Ash sat down on a barstool next to me and picked up her spoon.

“I don’t know how you eat this stuff. It’s sugar soaked in milk.”

I shoved a spoonful into my mouth and talked around it. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

She laughed and took a bite. “It sort of is,” she admitted with a smile.

I nudged her shoulder with mine. “You didn’t answer my question. What are you doing today?”

She looked everywhere but at me.

I stopped eating, my spoon poised in the air. “What’s wrong?”

“Charlie’s in town,” she said quietly. She laid her spoon down and stared toward the window, but I knew she wasn’t looking out it.

“Charlie’s here?”

She nodded. “She’s on leave. She heard Lynn has been gone, so she came home. Just for the weekend.” She finally met my eyes. “Are you going to go and see her?”

I shrugged. “I guess. Where is she staying?”

“The hotel on First Street.”

I gently touched her chin and turned her face toward mine. “Hey,” I said. “What’s that face for?”

“I know you fucked her,” she said quietly.

I froze. “Jesus,” I hissed. “Does Lynn know?”

“If she does, she never mentioned it.”

“I don’t think she knows. Charlie wouldn’t have told her.” What Charlie and I did together was not something Charlie would talk about, not with anybody. It was too personal. It wasn’t something she would want anyone to judge. It was mine and hers, and no one else’s.

“You gave her what she needed?” Ash asked.

“I don’t think we should talk about this.” I finished my cereal in two bites and got up to put my bowl in the sink.

“Do you think Lynn would hate me if she knew?” she suddenly blurted out.

“If she knew we sometimes fuck?” She flinched. But I couldn’t help but wonder why she was having a sudden attack of conscience. “Are you worried about that?”

“Can you ever answer a fucking question without asking a different one?”

“Does that bother you?” A grin stole across my face and she shook her head.

“I’m being serious. Do you think that if Lynn knew…”

“You think she’d hate you.”

“I worry that she’d hate me, yes.” Her voice was small.

I chose my words with care. “I’ve always thought that what Lynn didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.”

She nodded. “I suppose.”

“So, you’re going to see Charlie today?”

“Yeah,” she said on a heavy sigh. “I’m going to see Charlie. She doesn’t come home often.”

“I can’t remember the last time.”

“You were thirty-two.”

“So, four years ago. That’s a long time.” Excitement prickled under my skin, although I tried to push it back.

“The first time you ever met her, what was that like?” Ash asked.

“She’s not like most women,” I hedged.

“You talk about women like we’re all pussies that are exactly the same.”

I jerked my head around. “I do not. I never have. Don’t you dare accuse me of that.” I caught her chin again, forcefully this time, and jerked her head so she faced me. She winced, but I didn’t let up. “I’ve never disrespected you.”

“You do,” she said quietly. “Every time you leave me and go back to Lynn.”

An ache began in my chest. “I didn’t know you felt that way.” A sudden and fierce melancholy pricked at me. “I’m sorry.”

“Maybe we should stop this thing we’re doing.” She glanced at me askance.

I stared into her eyes. “Maybe we should.”

“Maybe we should,” she whispered. She shook her head, like she was shaking cobwebs from her brain. “Lynn would be hurt.”

“Lynn will never know.”

“You can’t be certain of that. Even Shelly mentioned it last night.”

“Shelly mentioned what?” I stared hard at her.

She rounded her shoulders, folding into herself. “That I shouldn’t stay here while Lynn is gone. She says it’s asking for trouble.”

I nodded. “Tell Shelly thanks for her concern.” My voice was harsh and full of nothing but antipathy.

“You don’t want to piss Shelly off.”

I snorted. “So everyone tells me.”

“I should get my stuff.”

I followed her into the bedroom and reclined on the bed. “You’re coming back tonight, right?”

She shook her head, and my gut clenched. “Probably not.”

I sat up. “Why not?”

“I have a bunch of shit I have to sort out in my head, okay? I just need some space.”

I pointed to my chest. “From me?” That was absurd.

“Yes, from you. You make me question my moral judgment and I don’t like it.” Her voice was small. Tiny. Not like Ash at all.

“Will you check in and let me know you’re okay?”

“I’ll try,” she said with a nod.

“Ash,” I warned, my voice strong.

“I said I’ll try, damn it. I’ll try.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “Fuck,” she whispered. Then she stared into my eyes. “When I’m with you, I want nothing but you. But she’s my best friend. The moment I leave you, all the good things go flying out the window and I can only think about how hurt Lynn would be if she knew.” She walked over to me and leaned close to my face. “Kiss me goodbye like a good boy,” she commanded.

I let her touch her lips to mine, letting her be in control, until she tilted her head and went deeper. Then I pulled her to me. She pushed me back, her hands on my shoulders. “Call me if you need me, okay?” I said. “For anything.”

“What if I just need you to love me?”

My heart plummeted down toward my toes. “I do love you.” Surely, she had to know.

“But I’m not her,” she reminded me.

I shook my head. “No, you’re not her.”

She lifted her ratty old backpack onto her shoulder. “Peace out,” she said, flashing her first two fingers in a V at me.

Out of all Lynn’s friends, I had the best overall friendship with Ash. If she went away for good, she would take a piece of my heart with her.