She showed up at my apartment with no warning at all. One minute, Lynn went out of town for the week. The next, a soldier in green fatigues showed up. The knock on the door sounded loud, and I opened it to find a woman standing there. Her stance was rigid and strong. “Mason?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said, searching her face. I didn’t recognize a single one of her features.

“I’m Charlie,” she said.

“Okay…” I replied slowly.

“I’m a friend of Lynn’s.” She lifted the duffel bag that lay near her feet. “Can I come in?”

I stepped to the side. She walked past me, her shoulder lightly touching mine, and sparks shot toward my toes. I stared up at the ceiling and counted to ten, breathing deeply.

“I’m home on leave,” she said. “Lynn said I should come here. She wanted me to meet you.” She set the duffel down in the living room, on the edge of the room.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you,” I said. It was a Sunday afternoon, so football was playing loudly on the TV.

“Is that the game?” she asked. She stared at the TV, her lips tipping up in a grin. “Got any beer?”

Hell yeah, I had beer. “Want one?”

She laughed. “To start.”

She followed me to the kitchen, where I took out a beer, popped the top, and handed it to her. She tipped it back and drained it all in one go. Then she burped, which made me laugh. “Got another?” she asked.

I popped the top on another and handed it to her. She climbed over the back of my couch and sat down. “You don’t mind if I stay for the game, do you?” she asked. She unlaced her combat boots and started to take them off, without waiting for me to answer. Then she unbuttoned her overshirt, leaving her in a white t-shirt. It was thin and it stuck to her curves. My mouth suddenly went dry, so I took a swallow of my beer.

“Of course not.” I walked around and sat down on the opposite end of the couch. She put her feet up on the coffee table and watched the game.

By the time it was over, we were both shit-faced. She laughed loudly, snorting when I made a joke. She’d turned so that her legs faced me, and I’d raised mine so that they rested on the outer edge of the sofa.

“So, how did you meet Lynn?” I asked.

“Her twelfth birthday party. I had to go because she invited the whole class. As it turned out, I was glad I did.”

“Why?” I took a sip of my beer. I loved all the little glimpses Lynn’s friends gave me into her past, because Lynn sure as shit didn’t talk about it.

“Her father showed up.” She shook her head. “It was a nightmare. Lynn was mortified.”

“What happened?”

“He was drunk. He slapped Lynn in front of everyone when she squirmed out of his embrace. It was frightening. He tossed the cake onto the ground and stomped it. I sat there and watched as Lynn retreated further and further into herself.”

“Then what happened?”

“Then Shelly showed up, and the shit show really started.” She laughed. “That girl can make an entrance like no one else.”

“What did she do?”

“She kicked him in the balls, knocked him down, and stomped on his face. By the time the police arrived, she’d blackened both eyes, threatened to chop his dick off, and completely emasculated him.” She snorted. “But after what he did to Lynn earlier that year, I thought he had it coming, and worse.” She shrugged. “The party was ruined. Everyone went home, even Shelly. I stayed for a few hours, and we talked. Been friends ever since.”

“What happened to her dad?” I asked.

“He was on parole, so he went back to prison. Best thing that could have ever happened for Lynn. He was gone and she was safe, at least until he got out again.” She got up. “You want another beer?”

She tripped a little as she went into the kitchen. “You okay?” I called.

“Yeah,” she called back. She came back with two beers, and pulled her legs back onto the sofa. This time, she spread my legs with hers and stuck hers in the middle.

“Um,” I said, rubbing my nose, pulling back a grin.

“Does this feel strange to you?” she asked, staring at my face. Her toes pressed against my balls, gently and softly, enough that I felt them. I got hard immediately.

“No, it feels good,” I admitted. “Tell me, why did you join the military?”

She laughed. “I craved order.” She dropped her voice down to a whisper. “And secretly, I crave having someone tell me what to do. Yell at me. Get in my face. It makes me happy.” She shrugged again. “That’s probably more than you wanted to know.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I like kink, Mason. Want to tie me up?” She looked excited, and that scared me. Scared the hell out of me.

“Um…no?”

“What’s the matter?” she said. “You afraid?”

“Yes.” There was no shame in admitting it.

She climbed up onto her knees and crawled toward me. “But you do want to fuck me.”

“I’d have to be dead not to.” I looked down at her, where she kneeled between my legs. Suddenly, she jerked her shirt over her head, leaving her in a perfectly serviceable white bra. I reached for her tits, because…tits. Hello.

“I like it rough,” she said, her lips against my mouth. “Can you give me what I need?”

“No,” I admitted.

She sat back. “Then I’ll find someone who can.”

No. No, she wouldn’t. It would be me or no one. “You would have to show me.” My voice got stuck on show me, and I coughed through it. “Show me,” I said again.

“Yes, Mason,” she said.

She followed me to the bedroom, the bed I shared with Lynn, and stood quietly beside it. “Tell me what to do, Mason.”

“Take off your clothes.” She frantically started to rip her clothes off until she was naked in front of me. She was curvy and perfect, with skin the color of honey and eyes that pierced my soul.

Forty-five minutes later, I was ashamed of myself. Guilt assaulted my conscience. I couldn’t believe I’d done what I did to her. She’d begged for it. Cried for it. Pleaded for it.

“Pull my hair, Mason. Bite me, Mason. Stretch me wide, Mason, so wide it hurts. I want to feel it for days.”

So I did. I did everything she wanted, because if anyone was going to give it to her, it would be me. Only me. But in doing so, I’d changed who I was.

I hadn’t cherished her body. I hadn’t loved her. I hadn’t pleased her. I’d hurt her. And inside my soul, I hurt because of it.

I looked down at her. Her lip was bruised where I’d kissed her too hard. She had bite marks on her inner thigh, and they came from my teeth. She’d asked me to pretend like she was unwilling, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t pretend like that. I didn’t have it in me.

Until I did. And that…that was what broke me.