Cy
This woman. Every little thing she does slays me. Even now, sitting on my bed with her in my arms as we watch some stupid movie, I don't know how I got so lucky.
I'm propped up against the cherrywood of the headboard with her tucked against my side. Her head is resting on my chest; one of her legs is draped over mine as I rub her back. We haven't said much. In fact, I haven't said anything since we left the bathroom. I climbed into bed and brought her with me.
There's no keeping out the thoughts of what happened earlier on the deck. I was too rough with her. I shouldn’t have pulled her hair like I did or smacked her on the ass. She said it was fine, but was it? Yes, she's told me she'll be honest, but maybe she didn't want to hurt my feelings. I had to refrain from hurting her in the shower, and it took everything in me not to. I wanted to fuck her mouth so hard. The way her sweet lips wrapped around my dick was so damn good. When I pulled out, I didn’t expect her to open her mouth. I'll never forget the sight of her on her knees before me as I let go on her tongue. All that holding back from pushing in too hard was worth it for the end result. My hand forms a fist with the shirt on her back. She tightens her hold on me.
"I'm not letting go," she says.
"I don't want you to." I take a deep breath and release it. "I'm not going to be easy to deal with. I'll try to push you away to save you from the pain. I don't want to suck you down into my world, Evie. It's a dark place."
She lifts her head. "I can bring the light with me."
"You're too good for me."
"No. It's the other way around. You don't see yourself like I do. You don't see how amazing you are. You have so much to offer the right person, Cy. I'm only grateful I can be her for now." She rests her head back down on me.
"For always."
"You don't know that." She stays facing straight ahead. "We've only just begun dating. It's all new. Who knows what's going to happen down the road?"
"I've known you for ten years, Evie. Us being a couple might be new, but my feelings for you have never changed. It might have looked like I hated you in high school, but it couldn't have been further from the truth. I craved seeing you every day. I was full of raw energy until I did. I was a stupid kid who didn't want his friends to see him crushing hard on a girl. I let them lead me toward the popular girls. I was so fucking off course."
"I doubt they led you anywhere. It always seemed like you were the one they followed."
"I wanted to be liked. I wanted the attention. People noticed me; they wanted to be my friend. I was a different person in school than I was at home. Hell, I was different on the outside than I was on the inside. It's no excuse. If I could, I would turn back the clock and change everything. I would never have treated you like I did."
She sits up to face me. "I'm not going to sit here and pretend the words you said to me back then didn't hurt, or that your actions were easily brushed off. I doubted myself all through high school. The only thing I had was decent grades, and Tasha, but we know what happened with her. Yes, you hurt me. Yes, it fucking sucked, but it was nothing compared to what you were going through." She leans forward and places her hand over my heart. "What I now know about you, God, you're amazing. Your heart is good, Cy. You care about others, even if you won't admit it. You're this man who had been dealt the shittiest card as a teenager, and now you're changing things. You're opening up to me and telling me how you feel. You're showing me there is this whole other side of you I never knew existed until that morning at your house."
"Am I changing, or do you just want to see the small amount of good in me? I fucking hurt you for years, Evie. As much as I care about you, I still fucking end up hurting you. Pain is pain, whether it's verbal or physical."
"Stop," she says harshly. "You don't get to tell me when I feel pain. What happened on the deck was nothing. It was both of us lost in the moment. I would have stopped you if you were truly hurting me. Did you ever think that maybe I liked it, too? That I liked you being rough with me?" I shake my head. No way can she want the kind of pain I could give her. I get off on the rough shit. The realization is what triggered my meltdown at her apartment door. All those other women, I don’t even remember how I was like with them. I would drink as a teenager. Most of them were fucked in a drunken haze.
"If I don't want you to do something, I'll tell you," she continues. "Believe me when I say, I have no problem speaking my mind. I'm not a quiet, sit in the corner, and take everyone's bullshit, kind of girl anymore. I'm strong, Cy. I can take what you give me."
"I fucking hope so, because I'm a ticking time bomb of fucked-up emotions and zero faith in myself. I'm going to be constantly worried about fucking things up with you. I'm going to worry about you wanting someone else. That I'm not good enough for you." I clamp my mouth shut. I didn't mean for all of that to come out. Shit.
"You don't think I doubt myself? That I don't wish I was prettier or had more friends? You think I don't sit around and wonder what I did wrong to lead such an isolated life? I go to work and come home. That's it. That's all of my excitement. Going on a date with Finn was the biggest step I'd taken in a long time. I keep to myself. I'm a fucking hermit. And every time I see a beautiful woman look at you, I'm going to wonder if you'd rather be with her than me."
I palm the back of her neck and bring her close to me but keep our faces apart. "How could you think I'd ever want someone more than you? All those women I would bring home every night; you know why they were there? It wasn't because I was in love with them. I didn't even like them. It was a defense mechanism––a way to bury my feelings with sex and keep Everett away. I thought about you all the time, Evie. Every motherfucking day. No woman will ever be able to hold a candle to you."
"I...I don't know what to say."
Instead of responding, I bring my lips to hers in a punishing kiss. My tongue sweeps through her sweet lips to explore her mouth. I want her to know I meant every word I said. I should keep pushing her away, but how can I do that when she has become the best addiction of my life? The one thing that won't make me worse, only better.
We break apart, both breathing heavily, wanting so much more but neither initiating. Maybe it's for the best. I don't want her to think I'm only after sex. Yes, I want to fuck her all night long, but I crave so much more than that. I want her words and her actions. I need to know I'm not just a charity case. Someone she is with out of pity. Although, in the back of my head, I know that's a lie. Insecurity isn't rational, though. It fucks with you to the point you start doubting everything good. Fun fucking times for sure.
Evie rests her head back on my chest as we continue to watch who knows what on television. My eyes start to feel heavy, the weight of everything that happened today finally taking its toll on me. I try to fight sleep; afraid I'll have another nightmare with Evie in it. With her in my arms, I fear she'll be in my dreams, and I'm not lucky enough to have a good one. No, that's not my life. Her hands tightening around my waist are the last thing I feel before I let sleep pull me under.
****
Having Evie in my bed is better than anything I could have imagined. I've wanted her here for so long. I grip her around the waist and bury my face into her neck to inhale her sweet scent. She stirs but continues to sleep soundly in my arms.
There's a knock on my door. My body instantly tenses up as my eyes open wide. I'm in my home—my childhood room. No, this can't be happening. She shouldn't be here. Not in my mother's house, not where he lives.
"You know the rules, Cy. No locked doors in my house." In his house. It was never his house. It was my mother’s and father's house. He's only here because she allows him to be. Although, why, I don't know. There isn't an ounce of good anywhere in him.
His fist begins to pound heavily on the door. "If you don't unlock this door right now, I'm kicking it open."
I shake Evie gently and whisper, "You have to get out of here. Please, Evie." I don't want Everett to hear I have someone in my room. Even though he's left me alone in the past when I've had women over, he also never looked at them the way he did at Evie.
She sits up and rubs her eyes. "What's going on?"
"It's Everett. You have to go out the window."
"I'm not climbing out a window.” He knocks again. “I'm also not afraid of him.” She stands up and goes to my closet. With the light turned on, she starts pushing my clothing aside, looking for something. "Don't you have a bat in here?" A bat? Yeah, I do, but why does she want one?
I stand and rush to the closet. "Please, you have to leave. He’ll want to touch you. Don't you understand that? I need you to go."
She spins with an aluminum bat in her hands as a grin appears on her face. "This will do just fine."
"What are you doing?"
"I'm not letting him touch you again, Cy. If he steps one foot into this room, I'm beating him upside the head with this."
"You can't do that. He'll call the cops on you."
She puts her free hand on her hip. "And say what? That I hit him in the head before he could sexually assault you or me? No, he won't be calling anyone."
Panic has my heart racing and my palms sweating. "I don't want you here, Evie. Please." He might leave her alone. What if he does and comes for me? I don't want her to see that. What would she think if she saw him have his way with me? If she saw how I don't even put up a fight against him anymore? There's no use. No matter how strong I got, he always overpowered me. He could tie me up and go for her. Bile rises in my throat as the thought of him putting his hands on her floods my mind.
Then the door flies open, pieces of splintered wood going in all directions. "I told you I'd kick the fucking thing open," Everett sneers. Then his eyes land on Evie. "Well, well, well. What do we have here? Did you bring me a gift, Cy? That's not like you. But who am I to resist such an offering?"
I quickly place myself in front of Evie, my arms spread wide as my hands shake to make sure she stays behind me. "You're not going to touch her," I barely get out. My voice is shaking as badly as my hands.
"You think you're tough?" he asks. "You think you're any match for me? Move aside. Now." He takes three long strides forward, stopping when he is a foot away from me.
Evie darts out from behind me, the bat raised in her hand like she's ready to hit a fastball. "You won't touch him again," she says through clenched teeth.
Then, before I can make a move, Everett shoots forward with speed I didn't know he possessed. He wraps his hand around Evie's throat, cutting off her air supply, and plucks the bat from her hand. He leans forward to run his tongue over her lips. Even in her current state, she tries to back away from him. He turns to me while still holding her by the throat. "She tastes good but not as good as you."
Oh, God, how did this happen? She should never have been in my room, and now he's trying to hurt her before my eyes, and I'm frozen in place, unable to move to save her.
Evie's eyes start to close a moment before Everett releases her. She crumples to the ground and starts pulling in deep breaths. Once she can catch her breath, she tries to stand. Everett raises the bat and hits her hard on her spine, her body bowing on impact.
"No!" I yell and lunge forward. I drop to the ground beside her and instantly curl myself over her to protect her as much as I can.
Everett doesn't hesitate and starts hitting me with the bat instead. "If that's the way you want it," he says. "But know that once I'm done, we're moving on to other things."
I choke back a sob as tears well in my eyes. It's not from the pain the bat is inflicting or the bones breaking because of the hits. No, I can take the pain. It's the thought of what's to come. I know all too well how that pain is worse than anything he can do with a bat.