LILY

“If anything goes down, I want you to do it.” It’s Kellen talking. I’m sitting on the stairs, out of sight from the kitchen. Loki is here having beers with my brother.

“Do what?” Loki’s sultry voice reaches my ears.

“To be the one…”

“The one what?” Loki asks.

“The one to kill me.”

Twenty or so minutes pass and I can’t stop staring at the monitor attached to the camera in the kitchen, the one where my brother lies dead.

The airlocks disengage.

With each passing minute, the fear and sadness turns to rage and to what I’m going to do next.

“You can’t do anything if you don’t get moving,” I tell myself.

I take one more look at my brother. For about the umpteenth time, I swear his chest moves. But then I remind myself that he was shot three times in his chest and there’s no way he survived that.

“Damn you, Loki.”

The faded memory rattles around my mind again. “Just because you wanted him to do it, doesn’t make it right,” I mutter.

Kellen knew this was coming.

He knew he was going to die.

His behavior earlier. The argument we got into about what I’m supposed to do if anything happens to him.

Not to mention the weird behavior over the last few weeks. Just a couple weeks ago, Kellen showed up with a car for me. A nearly brand new Nissan Altima. I didn’t understand at first. Especially considering his excuse had everything to do with his contingency plan if something happened to him. I blew it off, thinking he was just being overprotective and overly paranoid.

I didn’t need the car. He taught me how to drive a motorcycle before I learned how to drive a car so I could have just taken a bike instead. If he’d been smarter about it, he could have pawned it off as a graduation present, but instead he made sure to go over the contingency plan with me one more time.

Coupled with the erratic behavior today, the going to the backyard into the woods.

It explains everything.

“Oh, my god, the woods,” I all but shout.

What did he put back there? I ask myself.

“Only one way to find out,” I mumble as I reach for the door knob on the safe room and let my fingerprints disengage the lock. I pull the door open. It’s eerily quiet outside the safe room. At least inside I had the buzz of all the monitors and the visual of seeing the rest of the house to keep me company. Out here, there’s nothing. I’ve spent many nights alone in this house while Kellen was gone, but never have I felt this alone. That alone was temporary, this is permanent. Tears streak down my cheeks.

I swipe them away with my fingers. I need to focus. I’m running out of time. I need to get out of here before they come back to finish the job. Loki, that old man, other club members, doesn’t matter who, but they’ll be back here soon enough to verify my brother is dead. Once that’s done, they’ll destroy the house and all the evidence they’ve left behind. They’ll stop at nothing to cover their tracks and keep the heat off the club.

A shiver of fear slices through me at what they’ll do if they catch me. Keeping myself alive long enough to get out of here is more important than anything. My brother didn’t die tonight so I could die too. He died to keep me safe.

I turn for my room and go to work.

There’s not a lot of time.

Heading straight for my closet, I grab the three suitcases I keep in there. Again, another present that leads me to believe Kellen knew this was coming a long time ago. Though the suitcases came from Loki and not Kellen, I suspected Kell had everything to do with it when Loki gave them to me. I brush it off as I toss the largest of the three on my bed, opening it. I start emptying drawers, grabbing clothes, shoes, everything within reach that I want to take with me. I don’t take time to decide on anything, I just toss it all in there.

I fight the urge to cry several times in the process, but then I start to think about why Kellen didn’t send me packing this afternoon, when there was time. Why did he keep me around to see that shit?

Because you’d have never left. The voice in my head is right. I wouldn’t have left. There would have been nothing Kell could have said to me to make me leave. He knew that, I know that. He knew that I had to see this for myself. He also knew it would save Loki from having to track me down and explain it to me.

With each passing minute, each item tossed in a bag, my mind and body succumb to the numbness it so desperately needs to get through this.

When we’re faced with disaster, we, as humans, have a natural inclination to fight or flight. Right now, I’m running with flight because I have to. To honor my brother’s wishes. The fight will come later.

I don’t know how much time passes while I’m packing because I wasn’t paying attention to the time. I just know that exhaustion threatens to overcome me as I look around my room. Compared to a few minutes ago, it’s practically bare. I zip up the suitcases, my backpack and another bag that I used for all my bathroom stuff. I toss my backpack on my back, the bag crisscross across my chest and grab two of the suitcases. I take them down to the garage.

A sense of relief washes through me when I realize I don’t have to go through the kitchen. It’s taking everything I have not to go in there. I know if I do, I will turn into a blubbering mess and I will never get out of here before they show up. Seeing him, up close and personal, will be my undoing and right now, I need all the strength I can manage to get out of here.

I put the suitcase next to the car Kellen bought me. In hindsight, I understand why he bought me the car. Sure, I can take a bike, but I’d have to leave all this shit behind, leaving behind further evidence of my existence. He hasn’t been protecting me this hard for me to destroy it now.

If anyone comes back here and starts tearing apart the house looking for whatever they think Kellen stole, they won’t think much of my room as it is and Kellen’s bike will still be here. If I take his bike, it will look suspicious. He’s dead in the kitchen, after all.

I load my suitcases into the trunk of the car. My eyes narrow on a bag that’s already in the trunk. I want to open it, figure out why it’s here, but I ignore it. Once my stuff is inside, I run back upstairs, grabbing the last suitcase and the final thing from my room.

I round my bed and kneel in front of the nightstand. I reach under it and pull the metal box from its resting place. There’s a keypad on top of it and I punch in the code. 5 6 5 4 and the lock clicks open. I lift the lid and take a look at the purple and silver plated Glock 22 from its resting place. I pop the clip, it’s full. Pull back on the slide and it’s loaded. I double check that the safety is on and I tuck it in the waistband of my jeans.

Kellen taught me how to shoot a year and a half ago. There was never an argument from me. I wanted to learn, so he taught me. Then I started kicking his ass on the range and he regretted it, but he never stopped taking me.

I fight the urge to let the numbness slide away by closing the box and tucking it under my arm. On my way out of the room, I grab my last suitcase and haul it down to the car. It’s the biggest one and it won’t fit into the trunk with the other stuff, so I go to the driver’s door and open it. I unlock the back door. I press the button before my eyes land on a white envelope sitting in the driver’s seat. On the outside, in my brother’s script, is my nickname, the one given to me by Loki when I was three- Kiwi.

“Fuck you, Kellen,” I growl and put the letter in my center console. I know better than to read it now.

I need to get into the backyard before I leave.

Before they get back.

I go through the back door, the same one Kellen used earlier today when he disappeared into the garage. Stepping into the backyard sets off the security light over the door, but it won’t last long. I pull my phone from my back pocket and turn the flashlight on to illuminate my way. I go through the same two trees Kellen came out of earlier and follow the barely visible footpath.

It’s overgrown now from lack of use, but it’s the same path Kell and I would take whenever we went into the woods to hide from mom and dad.

The walk seems much longer than I remember as a kid but eventually I reach the small clearing and the dilapidated building we once hung out in. It was our little secret, our own little clubhouse.

My heart squeezes in my chest.

I open the door and shine the light inside.

The floor we once sat on is gone. Replaced by a dirt floor that’s littered with broken down hunks of wood from the old floor. The dirt looks like it’s been disturbed with an area free of floor debris and a rather large boot print smack in the middle of it.

Using my flashlight, I look around the building for a shovel and I find a small garden one in the corner. I grab it and start digging through Kellen’s footprint. I don’t get very deep before the rusty shovel scrapes something.

I flip the shovel over and use the handle side to poke around until I find the edges of whatever’s buried down here. Once I have it, I flip the shovel over and dig around the outside. It’s about the size of a briefcase. I toss the shovel aside and put my hands on the side, prying it up.

Within a few seconds, I’m pulling up a steel briefcase. With my flashlight, I look it over. There’s a padlock on it and on the handle, is a bag that’s tied to it. I tug on the bag and it comes free. I put my fingers in the bag and pry it open.

Inside is a very large bank roll of what appears to be all hundred dollar bills. Around the bills is a piece of paper that has my name written in Kellen’s handwriting.

Freeing the letter from under the rubber band, I unfold it to find a letter from my brother. With my flashlight pointed at it, I read:

Hi, Kid,

I’m sorry you’re finding this letter like this, but what’s done is done. Time to move on; time to get away from Roswell. You know what to do, where to go, now go. Do it. On your way, take this to Uncle D. He’ll know what to do with it.

Love,

K

P.S. Don’t be mad at Loki, I asked him to do it.

“Motherfucker,” I growl at the piece of paper. The numbness fades just enough to allow a few tears to escape my eyes. I take a few deep breaths, hoping the numbness will return, but it doesn’t.

I don’t know how long I stay in the building but gradually the numbness I needed to get moving returns. I stand up and leave the last remnants of my brother behind. I’m traveling back through the trees and I’m almost to the backyard when I hear a motorcycle coming down the road.

“Fuck, fuck,” I growl and start running toward the house. My heart is racing in my chest. They’ve come back to finish the job and I’m still here.

I stop for a second to listen further. When the bike switches gears, the noise drops out completely. There’s just one. Thank God, I can handle one.

I switch the briefcase to my left hand and reach into my waistband as I approach the tree line of the backyard and free my gun. They crossed a line tonight. I will stop at nothing to make sure I’m safe. It’s the least I can do to honor my brother.

As the bike draws closer, the noise louder now, but still not quite at the house, I set the briefcase down and fish my phone from my pocket. Unlocking it as I remember the app my brother installed a few months back when I got the phone. The app is tied to the cameras in the house. Kellen set up alarms and alerts on both his phone and mine that would let us know if someone entered the house. There’s also access to the live feeds. I’d never needed it before now.

I wait for the cameras to load on the screen and find the driveway one just as the motorcycle engine draws closer to the house.

As soon as the bike comes into the camera’s line of sight, I close my eyes and shake my head before tucking the phone back in my pocket.

I grab the briefcase before I take off for the house. I know I won’t make it inside before he does, but I’m hoping like hell to corner him somewhere, somehow.

I head straight for the back door of the garage. My only other option is the kitchen door and I’m not about to go in there. I shouldn’t have trusted Loki to declare my brother dead. He shot him after all, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. I will lose it again.

Once inside the garage, I throw the briefcase on the floor of the backseat and gently close the door before I pull my phone back out of my pocket. I start checking cameras, looking for him.

He’s in the kitchen.

He’s looking over my brother with sadness in his features and the tears for his pain spill from my eyes. Using the back of my hand, the one with the gun still in it, I wipe my tears from my eyes so that I can see the picture more clearly. “Lily?” I hear him ask. “Can you still hear me?”

“Yes,” I breathe.

Loki turns, leaving the kitchen and I switch to the living room camera feed. He goes up the stairs and turns toward my room and stops outside my bedroom door. I watch the sense of relief that washes over his features as he realizes that I’ve packed up my room. He doesn’t yet know that I’m still here.

He moves from my room to the safe room door. I’d closed it after I left, but he places his hand on the knob. I watch the two green lines light up next to the door. The lights are recessed in the wall and covered, so until they light up, you can’t see them. “He has access?” I ask myself. Another sense of relief can be seen in his taut features. He looks up into the hallway camera and nods, but he doesn’t smile, no, he looks almost disappointed. Did he come back to kill me too?

He goes back down the hallway and then down the stairs, through the living room and instead of returning to the kitchen, he turns toward the garage door.

Shit! I jam my phone back in my pocket and spread my legs, taking my stance and pointing my gun toward the door.

All I can really hear is my heartbeat in my ears as I wait for Loki to come to the door. I won’t shoot first, I need answers. I need to know why he killed my brother.

I watch the knob turn and finally the door opens revealing Loki standing there, staring at me.

He puts his hands up. “Don’t shoot me, Kiwi.”

My nickname sends my heart into panic mode. “Why?” I breathe; it’s all I can manage.

“Why are you still here?” he counters.

“I was just leaving when you showed up,” I tell him, and my voice cracks with fear and sadness.

“What would you have done if it wasn’t me?” he asks as he steps down into the garage.

“Exactly what I’m doing right now. Only difference is, I’d have pulled the trigger first, asked questions later.” I reaffirm my stance and cock the gun.

“I did what I had to do to protect you,” he tells me with his hands still in the air. “To protect Tryke. Please understand that.”

A stray tear streaks down my cheek.

“I remember. When he told you that you had to be the one to do it?”

He cocks his head at me. “You heard us?”

I nod. “I’ve heard a lot of things over the years, Loki. I’m not the dumb naïve little girl with pigtails anymore,” I remind him.

He shakes his head. “No, no you’re not, Lily, you’re a woman, and you deserve far better than this. So now you have a choice. Kill me now and run, or get in your car and get the fuck out of here before anyone else shows up.”

“There are two choices in life. You can let it go and move on or you can do what I’m going to do.”

“What’s that?” Loki asks.

“Get revenge,” I breathe.

Loki lets a small smile spread across his lips as he comes within striking distance. “That’s my Kiwi,” he tells me as he snatches the gun from my hand and the next thing I know, I’m scooped up in his arms.

My world shatters as I collapse into a ball of tears in Loki’s arms.