LILY

Present time

I surge down the stairs and out the front door.

Loki doesn’t know what hits him when I slam into him.

I should be furious with him.

I should hate his fucking guts. I should want to add him to my list of revenge targets, but I can’t seem to bring myself to do it. Not today, at least.

“Jesus, Kiwi, knock me on my ass, why don’tcha.” His voice is meant to be hard, pissed off, but I can tell he’s just as happy to see me as I am to see him when he wraps his arms around me, lifting me off the ground. He squeezes the air from my lungs, and he doesn’t let me go.

Fine with me.

He’s all well-defined muscle, long brown hair, and sleeve tattoos and madness. “Why are you here?” I ask him softly.

He sets me back on my feet, then brushes the hair from my face with a gentle touch that sends my heart into its own orbit. “I got business with Sticks,” he tells me.

“He’s not here,” I inform him.

“I know, I saw him already.”

“Then why are you here?” I emphasize.

“You eighteen yet?” he asks and I blush.

I shake my head then look at my watch; it’s just after five in the afternoon. “Less than seven hours to go,” I tell him.

“Jesus, that’s too fucking long,” he groans.

“Why is my turning eighteen so important to you?” I ask with a little sass in my voice.

“Don’t worry about it.” He takes a step back. “You gonna make me dinner or what?”

I smile at him. “Come on.” Grabbing his hand, I lead him into the house. As I climb up the steps to the porch, I turn back slightly and the big bad biker dude’s eyes are locked on my ass. “Enjoying the view?” I ask with a sultry tone, or what I think is. He snaps to attention and comes with me.

I make Loki his favorite- roasted chicken with ranch potatoes and green beans. He stoically sits in the kitchen while I cook for both of us. Then as we eat, we talk about all kinds of shit. Everything from Roswell to my brother. The way he talks about my brother makes me miss him so much more. Loki knew him better than I did and I want to be angry at him for that. But then I remember that the two of them have something in common, the Wicked Angels.

The more he talks about my brother, the more pissed off I become that he doesn’t seem all that emotional about his death.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks.

I glare at him. “You killed him, for fuck’s sake, Loki. How the hell can you sit there like nothing’s happened?” I snap.

“Because I took care of business, I didn’t have a fucking choice,” he bites back. I can see the anger in his eyes.

I pull my eyes away from him and shake my head back and forth more than is necessary, trying to find my voice and hide the tears.

“Look, it’s club business, and you know better than to ask too many fucking questions, Lily.”

The use of my real name sends a slice of anger through me.

He never calls me that.

I realize arguing about this isn’t going to get us anywhere. I’m left suffering the consequences of ‘club business’ while he gets to hide behind it like it’s an iron curtain.

I turn to the sink and start washing dishes and loading the dishwasher.

All while I work, he doesn’t leave the kitchen, in fact he hardly moves unless it’s to grab a new beer from the fridge. I want to throw a knife at him, but a part of me is afraid I’m going to really hurt him. My reaction is irrational. I should want to hurt him, kill him, make him suffer. If he were suffering emotionally from what he’s done, it would be easier, but he’s not. So, it makes me want to hurt him that much more.

I close the dishwasher and start it before double checking I didn’t miss anything. I set the pans to soak in the sink before drying off my hands and turning to him. “You staying here tonight?” I ask.

“I’ve got more business with Sticks, so yeah, I’m staying here.”

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow,” I tell him, false anger in my voice, before I stomp up the stairs and into my room.

When he showed up, I abandoned all the clothes I had bought in the middle of my bed, so I shove them onto the floor before I strip out of my jeans and t-shirt in favor of short shorts and a tank top for bed.

I can’t wrap my head around what he’s done.

I can’t imagine it’s easy for him.

He killed his best friend for crying out loud.

Fuck.

I can’t wrap my head around why in the fuck I can forgive him so easily. I know Kellen wanted it that way, but fuckin’ A. I’m the one left behind, alone, without a family because of some fucked up ‘club business’ bullshit that no one seems to want to talk about. I basically handed them everything they need on a silver platter, the least they can do is let me in on the details of what’s happening, right?

I roll my eyes at myself.

That’s never going to happen.

At best, if I manage to weasel my way behind club doors, I’m a club whore. Unless, by some miracle, someone decides to make me an old lady, but even then, I’d be out of the loop regardless. Unless the Wicked Angels magically decide to start allowing women into their inner circle, my only hope is as a club whore. At least in that capacity, I’m capable of keeping my head down and my ears open. If someone claims me and I’m privy to information shared between the old ladies, which is like a gossip circle. Sometimes they know more than their men do, but still, it doesn’t get me any closer to Rooster.

I shudder at the thought of being a Roswell club whore.

The idea of being a whore, period.

My eyes land on the clock sitting atop the nightstand next to my bed. The minutes slowly tick by until it hits eleven fifty-eight. Two more minutes. Then it hits me.

Loki will return to Roswell, Kellen is dead, and my parents are gone. I’m all alone and I feel every bit of that loneliness as the clock ticks closer to midnight. No one should ever feel like this, regardless of how old they are.

I miss my brother most of all. I miss his smile, the way we laughed, the way we were just Kellen and Lily, brother and sister, surviving the loss of our parents. But now it’s just me.

Twelve o’clock strikes on my clock and I quietly wish myself happy birthday before rolling over and closing my eyes.

My eyes squint tight. Despite my best efforts, I hadn’t fallen asleep, when blinding light brings my eyes to the door. The light coming off the hallway is blinding me as I try and see who’s standing there. At first I think it’s my uncle come to check on me, though I didn’t hear him pull up. Then the figure shifts, and I can see better as his body blocks the light. The light illuminates him from behind, casting his face in shadow. “Loki,” I breathe. “What are you doing?”

He steps into the room, his boots hitting the floor heavily as he turns back toward the door and closes it.

He hasn’t answered my question, nor does he say a single word to me as he strips off his cut and lays it across the foot of my bed. His shirt comes next. My eyes adjust slightly to the change in light, and I can see the moonlit outline of his pecks and abs. “Loki,” I whisper as my body ignites with a desire I’m unfamiliar with. My clit aches to be touched as he pops the buttons on his jeans, followed by kicking off his boots. He slides his jeans down his legs then stands back up. His father’s dog tags clinking together and the sound of my breathing are the only noises I hear in the house. As long as I can remember, he’s worn his father’s dog tags. He never takes them off. I wonder if he’ll take them off now.

Through the dim light of my alarm clock and the moonshine coming through the window, I can see he’s completely naked. “Loki, what are you doing?” I ask again but my voice is weak, laced with an unwanted attempt at stopping him.

He walks over to the side of the bed, grabbing ahold of my covers before throwing them back, exposing my shorts and tank top clad body to him.

The bed dips as he climbs into bed.

In the next heartbeat he’s rolling over, holding himself just above my body. His father’s dog tags fall on my chest, right between my breasts. His proximity and warmth sends a wave of goosebumps across my flesh and hardens my nipples.

I catch the scent of beer on his breath, but it’s barely noticeable with the scent of musk, wind, the road and Loki.

A new thrill roars in my veins as I breathe him in deep. Committing his scent to memory.

He leans down and gently brushes his lips over mine. The sparks of desire ignite everywhere as he presses his lips to mine. They’re soft, gentle, and passionate at first, but then he fights to deepen the kiss by nipping at my lower lip. His legs shift, separating mine and then he’s between them, pressing his hips into my core, stroking along my center.

I gasp.

He steals his chance and slides his tongue into my mouth, flicking it against mine.

I moan when he thrusts his hips again, his cock stroking along my covered slit.

His kiss, the thrust of his hips and my labored breathing makes my head spin. I can’t stop myself from pulling away from the kiss to suck in a deep breath. When I turn my head to the side, he takes the opportunity to kiss along my jaw, down my neck, to my shoulder where he pulls the strap of my tank top down along my arm. His fingers hook into the top seam before he pulls it down, exposing my left breast. He wastes no time sucking my hard nipple into his mouth.

I moan again as he sucks and licks my pebbled flesh. I can’t help the flick of my own hips against his and he grunts. The vibration sends a new sensation through my nipple that roars through my body before settling in my sex.

Once he’s satisfied, he releases that nipple and moves across my chest to the other. He quickly pulls my tank down, exposing it and pulling it into his mouth in the same manner as the other. With his right hand, he pinches my left nipple between two fingers, rolling it around while he licks and sucks on my right.

I slide my hands into his hair, holding his head to me, keeping him in place as he flicks his hips again. His cock is hard, thick and long pressed against my slit and desire explodes. I suddenly need him inside me as fast as possible.

I let my hands slide down his neck to his shoulders and I push him toward my crotch, gently. I manage to mask the fact that my hands are shaking, or at least if he notices, he doesn’t say anything.

He grunts again but releases my nipple. His hand pushes my tank up toward my breasts so that he can kiss my stomach on his way south. My nipples are wet and exposing them to the cold air makes them pebble further and ache to be sucked again.

Loki reaches the waist of my shorts with both his hands and he tugs them toward my knees. He’s smothering me, making it impossible to move, but I manage a little leverage to lift my ass and he rips my shorts down just below my crotch. He has his eyes locked on the apex of my thighs. I fight the urge to cover myself up. There is a strange look in his eyes, but I can’t make it out because of the darkness in the room. Still, he’s says nothing.

The next thing I know, my legs are in the air, my ass is falling back to the bed and my shorts are hitting the floor. His hands creep in under my ass and he lifts me to his mouth. Loki’s tongue slides flat, hot and wet down the center of my folds. I cry out and my legs twitch when he sucks my clit into his mouth.

He slowly lowers me back to the bed.

His mouth never leaves my clit as he does. With his hands still under my ass holding me to his face, I slide my hand down my body, feeling the wetness left on my nipple. The light touch of my own fingers sends a ripple of goosebumps over me and my nipples harden again.

I reach out, putting my hand in his hair as his tongue starts flicking, sucking and nibbling on my clit. Wave after wave of pleasure rockets through me and I lift my hips against his mouth.

I feel a tingle and tremors course through my veins. My body locks down as something explodes out of me and I cry out his name.

Realizing it’s an orgasm, I start to panic a little, but Loki doesn’t stop sucking my clit, my legs twitch with each swipe of his tongue until his hand is between my legs. His fingers, callused and dry, touch my center. He spreads his juices along my entrance before he slides a finger inside me. I cry out again. He only dips his finger in a little, but it’s enough to make my legs quake again.

After a few small strokes in and out with his finger, he releases my clit from his mouth and sits up. I can barely see him as he wraps a meaty hand around his cock before he’s sliding it up and down my slit. I moan. “Loki, I…”

“Shh,” he says before he’s pressing into my entrance. “Fuck me, you’re tight as hell,” he groans as he pushes a little farther into me before pulling back.

I grunt as the pain registers.

He’s huge, spreading me wide open, but he doesn’t stop. I don’t want him to stop. I’ve been waiting a long time for this.

He continues moving with tiny thrusts in and out of my sex for a few more strokes, then his hands slide under my hips, lifting me up, giving him a better angle and once he’s satisfied, he pushes in hard and fast.

I scream as pain ignites in my body as he rips through my virginity and growls, “Fuck,” in anger. “Why didn’t you stop me?” He’s pissed, but he doesn’t pull out or push in farther.

“You wouldn’t let me talk,” I counter, tears stinging the backs of my eyes as rejection slides through me. He’s going to pull out, get dressed and end this. I feel it in my veins.

“You’re a fucking virgin,” he groans.

“Not anymore,” I mutter. He goes to sit up and pull out. “Don’t,” I say, wrapping my legs around his waist. “Finish it,” I tell him.

He shakes his head, but I clench my muscles involuntarily and it’s like an animal takes over and he starts thrusting in and out of me in little bursts. It hurts at first but then the longer his strokes get, the more rhythmic, the less it hurts and the more it starts to feel amazing.

A sensation similar to earlier starts to creep through my sex and outward through my body. I feel my muscles tighten around him and he grunts.

“Fuck,” he groans, this time the anger is gone. “So, good. So, fucking tight. Tight fucking cunt.” He starts pushing into me harder and faster. My orgasm builds again. It doesn’t take but a few more strokes before the pleasure overwhelms me and my orgasm takes over.

My inner walls clamp around his cock and he pushes into me hard and fast until I feel a hot rush inside me and he grunts out my name.

His body twitches with his orgasm.

He collapses on top of me, our breathing ragged and uneven. He presses his forehead to mine, but he says nothing, just lets his breathing return to normal while his cock softens and he rolls over, taking me with him as he wraps his arms around me, holding me tight. My back to his front. His hand comes to rest over my left breast, his fingers twitching slightly against the tight, sensitive pebble of my nipple.

After a few minutes, his breathing levels out and he starts snoring softly in my ear.

My heart explodes with something I’m not sure of. I’ve been in love with Loki for years. I’d always hoped he’d be the one to take my virginity. I snuggle into him a little deeper, his cock hardens between us, and I know I’ve gotten my wish. I follow him in slumber moments later, wrapped tight in his arms.

While it’s still dark in my room, I awaken to Loki’s fingers pinching my left nipple and his mouth wrapped around my right. I moan.

The next thing I know, he’s pushing back inside my sore, aching center, but within a few strokes the ache is gone, replaced by an overwhelming orgasm. He pushes into me harder and faster as if he’s reading my mind. I moan and cry out his name when my orgasm consumes me and he pumps in once, twice, three times before he explodes inside me. We fall back to sleep without words.

The sun is hot and pouring in my window.

I roll over, breathing deep, pulling in the scent of Loki on the pillow until realization hits me that I’m alone. Disappointment slices through me and I sit up. His boots, jeans and cut are gone; the only thing left is a black t-shirt, the same one he was wearing during dinner. Excitement fills me. There’s no way he left without his t-shirt. I head for the bathroom, but something on the bed catches my eye and I pause to look.

The reddish brown evidence of my virginity lingers on the sheets. A shiver slides up my spine as I remember him between my legs. Desire ignites and I swing open the bathroom door, only to close it again when I realize I’m nearly naked. My tank is askew and my shorts are nowhere to be found.

I look on the other side of my bed and nothing. “Where?”

Then I look out the window, the same one I saw him pull up through yesterday and his bike is gone. Sticks’ bike is in his place. My heart sinks into my stomach.

I find a pair of pajama pants in my suitcase and throw them on with a t-shirt after righting my tank top. I leave the t-shirt Loki left behind in my room as I head downstairs to find Sticks sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee. “Where’s Loki?” I ask him.

He shrugs. “Wasn’t here when I got home.”

“When was that?” I ask.

“About an hour ago.”

I look at the clock on the microwave- it’s six forty-five in the morning.

My virginity is gone.

Loki is gone.

It’s only now when I realize that I lost my virginity to a badass biker douche who couldn’t even face me in the morning. Or wear a condom.