Chapter Seventeen
Rone sighed again as he toweled off. Despite the amazing orgasm Kate had given him in the shower—which wasn’t on purpose, he reminded himself—his entire body still ached with need. That was because of the hunger growing steadily inside him again, he was sure. Though the feel of her soft little hands on him fed it some, it had also awakened his Beast. And it wasn’t the pleasure that she could give to him that he needed to quell the fierce, driving force inside him.
It was the pleasure that he could give to her.
All Wulven Kindred had a very special bond with their mates—a relationship which helped them control the Beast that lived within. For the Beast thrived on sexual pleasure—the pleasure of the Wulven’s female. In order to keep the wild being inside him in check, a Wulven needed to make his mate come often and hard.
If only she would have let me finish her—oh, Kate! Need to feel you coming in my arms so fucking bad, baby!
But that wasn’t all he needed, Rone had to admit to himself. Giving Kate an orgasm with his hands and fingers might quench the hunger momentarily but the effects wouldn’t last for long. What he truly needed was to taste her. The sweet taste of her pussy honey, straight from the source, was the only thing that would help to keep his Beast from coming out.
And if the Beast came out, it would want to do much more than just taste Kate—it would either kill her or breed her with the rough lust of the animal it was. And there would be nothing Rone could do to stop it.
Rone shivered when he thought about it. He hadn’t had an uncontrolled change in years—not since before he’d met and joined with Kate. How well he remembered the early days they’d been together! When he had finally stopped resisting his attraction to her, they’d had an open and frank discussion of his needs, the Beast within him, and the only way he could control it. Kate had been uncertain at first but by then they had been dating for months and she’d been willing to try and give him what he needed—to be the kind of mate a Wulven had to have in order to keep the raging Beast within in check.
Now, of course, she had forgotten all of that. She had no idea how precarious their situation was. After being helped by the priestess in the Sacred Grove, Rone had felt more or less in control of himself. But now, following their intensely sexual experience in the shower, he could feel the hunger growing exponentially and the Beast moving restlessly inside him. It needed to feed…needed to taste the sweet nectar that flowed between Kate’s thighs. Or rather, Rone needed to if he wanted to keep it in check.
But I can’t, he reminded himself. It took months to convince her to let me taste her before—months before I knew we could be together because she was willing to spread her thighs for me and let me lap her sweet pussy whenever and wherever I needed to. But that’s all gone now—we’re back to square one as she puts it.
He didn’t have time to start at square one, though. Not if he wanted to keep Kate safe from his Beast. He could feel the hunger growing every minute and the closer he got to her without being able to satiate that burning drive to pleasure and taste her, the more danger she was in.
Have to try and stay away from her. Get away to keep her safe, he thought. But how? They were locked into this damn bubble together and there didn’t seem to be a way out. What in the Seven Hells was he going to do?
Calm. Be calm. He took a deep breath and tried to send calming messages to his Beast. Relax. Be at ease. Be at peace.
Within himself, he felt the Beast growl once more and then subside…for now. He wondered how long the slight reprieve would last…
“Rone?” He’d been studying the tiled floor of the fresher area as he tried to get hold of himself. Kate’s soft, high voice made him look up.
“Uh-huh?” He tried to keep his voice sounding relaxed and normal but he could hear a hint of the Beast’s growl deep in his chest as he spoke. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Yes?”
“Are you okay?” She was looking at him with a worried expression on her lovely face. “You seem…upset about something.”
For a split second Rone considered telling her the truth. Considered telling her about his Beast and what it needed—telling her how much danger she would shortly be in if she didn’t allow him to taste and pleasure her.
But he didn’t want to do that. Didn’t want Kate to feel pressured into doing anything. He loved her, damn it! He didn’t want to scare or coerce her. Just as he had in the beginning of their relationship, he wanted to woo her. To bring her to him and let her open herself to him slowly.
But back when they’d first met, they hadn’t been mated. His Beast had never tasted her honey and developed a craving for it. An addiction—that was what it amounted to. And like a hungry junky too long without a fix, the Beast was craving Kate. It had been over six solar months since Rone had held her in his arms…since he had tasted her and made her come.
It had also been six months since they had held each other and joined together in the Breeding Chair. Rone missed that too—missed it desperately—but it wasn’t as necessary as tasting Kate to keep the Beast in check. Damn it, if only she hadn’t had that bad experience in college that had turned her off being tasted! He wondered, not for the first time, exactly what had happened to her and why it had made her so shy of spreading her thighs for a male’s tongue…
“Rone?” she said again and he realized he was taking too long to answer her question.
“I’m fine,” he said shortly. “Just fine, baby. Come on—let’s see if we can find some clothes to wear. I don’t want to run around in a damp towel the whole time we’re stuck here.” Which wouldn’t be long, he hoped.
They went to the closet area Rone had found beside the sleeping platform and looked through the clothing that was hanging on the old-fashioned Earth type wire hangers.
“This really is like my apartment in college,” Kate remarked. “We had a closet just like this but it was jammed with all kinds of things because it was basically our only storage. And…” her voice trailed off as she lifted one of the hangers. “Okay, this isn’t the same,” she remarked flatly.
Rone had a look at the garment hanging from the wire hanger and had to bite back a groan when he imagined Kate in it. It was a tiny little black lace body suit with holes cut in the front where her breasts would go and a long slit down the center of the crotch. Rone could picture his mate wearing it, her plump, pink nipples poking out of the front and the soft, swollen lips of her pussy on display down below…No—can’t think like that! Have to keep control of yourself, he told himself sternly, striving to banish the image.
“Okay, not wearing that.” Kate muttered, putting the black lace body suit back quickly. She reached for another hanger and pulled out a red see-through bikini that looked to be just her size.
“What the hell?” she muttered, shoving it back into the closet too. “Who picked the stuff in here—a clerk from an X-rated lingerie shop?”
Rone cleared his throat. “Uh, I’m sure there must be something else for you, baby. When I grabbed the belt off the robe in here, I saw lots of things that looked like they were your size.”
“Well, there doesn’t seem to be much now—for either of us,” Kate pointed out. “I don’t even see the robe you were talking about.”
Actually, Rone didn’t either. In fact, the only thing hanging in the closet that seemed to be his size was a pair of long black satin sleep trousers.
“Huh,” Kate muttered as he pulled them on. “Well, they fit you all right and at least there’s no hole in the crotch. How come you get something normal to wear while everything in here for me looks like the wardrobe department for a porno?”
“I don’t know.” Rone shrugged. “Look again—there has to be something you can wear.”
“There’s this, I guess.” Kate was looking at another outfit doubtfully. It appeared to be a short, silky white nightdress with a lacy hem. It had spaghetti straps and the material was extremely sheer but it also had a white silk robe to go with it as well as a pair of white lace panties.
“That seems nice.” Rone tried to keep his voice neutral. He hoped Kate couldn’t guess that he was imagining her in all of the sexy outfits she kept holding up. He was trying not to but he couldn’t seem to help himself.
Kate sighed. “Well, there doesn’t seem to be much of anything else that isn’t completely indecent. So I guess this is it.”
She took the outfit back into the fresher and in a moment she reemerged wearing the silky white gown and robe.
Again, Rone had to hold back a groan. The white silk of the fabric molded itself to her breasts and the material was so thin he could clearly see outlines of her pink nipples, pressing against the fabric. The white lace hem fell at her upper thighs and barely covered the little panties that went with it. The white robe covered her shoulders but when Kate tugged at it, it somehow refused to meet over her full breasts.
“Well, here I am.” She gave him a nervous smile. “It’s not as good as your basic black but I guess it’ll have to do.”
“It’s beautiful—you’re beautiful,” Rone said hoarsely. She looked so like she had on their Joining night it took his breath away. She’d been wearing an outfit very like the white lace one she had on but that one had been emerald green.
“Oh, well…” She gave a self-conscious little laugh and touched her hair which was a riot of golden red curls around her head. “I did find a blow dryer where there wasn’t one before so at least I don’t look like a drowned rat.” She frowned. “And my clothes—you know the ones I wore here? Are gone. It seems like things appear and disappear around here without warning.”
“I suppose so,” Rone murmured. Despite his promise to himself to leave her alone and keep his distance from her, he couldn’t help stepping forward to take her by the shoulders.
“What?” Kate asked, a bit defensively when he looked her up and down.
“Nothing.” Rone sighed. “It’s just…this little outfit reminds me a lot of what you wore on our Joining night.”
“It does?” Kate bit her lip. “I’m sorry—does it bother you? I guess I could change only…I’m not exactly sure what I could wear…”
“No, it’s fine. It’s lovely and you look gorgeous in it, baby,” he assured her. Letting her go, he took a step back. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s okay.” Kate smiled, obviously trying to keep things light. “You know what? I’m starving. I think I’ll see what’s in the fridge. You want something?”
“I’m not hungry.” Except for the taste of her. But he couldn’t say that out loud. Instead, he went to the small couch and sat down, intending to watch something on the viewscreen.
Or he tried to sit down, anyway. Instead, he fell right through the solid-seeming piece of furniture.
“What the—?” He landed with a thump on his ass on the carpeted floor in front of the couch. “Ow! What in the Seven Hells?” He swore loudly and Kate came rushing over.
“What happened? Did you hurt yourself?”
“No. I tried to sit down and I couldn’t,” Rone growled.
“You couldn’t? What do you mean you couldn’t?”
“I mean I fell right through it somehow. Like it was a hologram.”
“You fell through it?” Kate patted the back of the couch. “It seems solid enough to me.”
“You try sitting on it then,” Rone challenged her. “I’m telling you, there’s something wrong with the damn thing.”
“Okay.” Kate came to stand in front of the couch with the backs of her legs pressed against the edge of one broad, blue cushion. She lowered herself gingerly until her bottom was just touching the top of the cushion. For a moment Rone thought it would hold her with no problem. But then, just as he had done, Kate sank right through the couch and landed with a thump on the floor in front of it.
“Be careful!” He tried to grab her but couldn’t reach her in time.
“Ouch!” Kate glared mistrustfully at the innocent looking couch. “What the hell is wrong with that thing? It feels fine until you try to put your weight on it and then it dumps you!”
“Wait a minute…” Rone ran a hand through his hair. “I think we’re forgetting what Madam Shadow said again.”
“Oh, right.” Kate’s eyes widened. “She said we wouldn’t be able to sit unless we were touching.”
“Want to try it again?” Rone held out a hand to her.
“Sure, I guess.” Shyly, she took his hand and Rone interlaced their fingers. They went to stand in front of the couch again and looked at each other.
“On three,” Rone told her. “One…two…”
“Three,” Kate said with him.
This time, Rone sat down with much more confidence, certain they had solved their problematic seating arrangements.
But once more, he fell through the couch and Kate fell with him, uttering a little scream as she did so.
“Here!” Rone grabbed for her and managed to catch her in his lap at the last minute, keeping her from hitting the ground a second time. “Are you okay, baby?” he asked anxiously, looking at her flushed face and tousled hair.
“I think so,” she said cautiously. “I think…oh! Oh, Rone, I’m stuck—look!”
Once again they had landed in front of the couch only this time Kate was in his lap instead of on the ground. But when he looked to where she was pointing, Rone saw that her left leg was caught in the couch. Not just wedged between the cushions though—actually, physically caught in the frame of the couch as though she was growing out of the dark blue fabric of the small piece of furniture.
“Gods!” he exclaimed. “What…how…?”
“I don’t know but I’m completely stuck—I can’t move an inch. Quick—put me off your lap!”
Rone did as she asked. As soon as they stopped touching, Kate was able to pull her leg free.
“Whew!” She breathed a sigh of relief. “That is so weird.”
“It’s one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen and I’ve been all over the universe,” Rone admitted.
“Well…” She shifted uncomfortably. “I, uh, guess we know what we’ll have to do if we want to sit here and watch anything.”
“We do?” He raised an eyebrow at her.
“Uh-huh. Clearly holding hands isn’t enough. I guess I have to be literally sitting on your lap for this stupid thing to support us.”
Rone frowned. “You could be right. Do you want to try one more time?”
Kate shrugged. “Why not? We’ve already landed on our asses twice. Might as well go for three.”
“No, you only landed on your ass once—the other time you landed on me,” Rone pointed out, smiling at her.
She giggled. “Sorry if I crushed you.”
“As tiny as you are? You couldn’t crush me with your sweet, curvy body if you tried.” Grinning he stood and swung her up into his arms. He loved holding her like this, cradling her close to his chest.
“Oh—Rone!” she gasped. “Put me down!”
“Not until we figure this out,” he said firmly. “Just relax, Lalli. You know even if we fall, I’ll catch you.”
“You…you will?” Suddenly they were looking into each other’s eyes and Rone realized that she was close enough to kiss. Gods, how he wanted to taste her lush, sweet mouth again! He couldn’t help remembering the long, slow, passionate kisses they’d shared while they were joined together in the Breeding Chair. When his cock slid slowly in and out of her wet, willing pussy and her sweet little tongue explored his mouth at the same time. Penetrating and being penetrated…joined together as one…
“You know I will. I’ll always catch you,” he murmured. Kate’s mouth came even closer and for a moment he was certain they were going to kiss. He could almost taste her sweet lips when she suddenly turned her face away.
“Come on—let’s see if we can figure this out,” she said with a forced sounding laugh. “And then I want to check out the fridge again—I really am starving, you know.”
“Okay.” With an inward sigh, Rone sank down to the couch.
He was waiting to fall through at any minute but, to his surprise, as long as he was holding Kate, the blue cushions supported him firmly. In fact, he thought he’d never felt a more sturdy piece of furniture—it barely even creaked when he lowered his full weight onto it. Which was saying something considering he was even bigger than most Kindred were.
“Oh…” Kate looked down in surprise. “It worked!”
“It worked,” Rone echoed but he had eyes only for her. He loved having her on his lap but it was a kind of sweet torture. He could feel her little panty-clad bottom resting right against his aching shaft through the thin material of his sleep trousers and it felt so damn good. Her sweet, fresh scent filled his senses and his mouth watered to taste her. Though his erection had gone down after the pratfalls they’d taken while trying to get seated on the couch, he could feel it swelling now in response to her nearness. Gods, how he wanted her back—all the way back the way they used to be…
“Um…” Clearly Kate could feel his shaft swelling as well because she shifted uncomfortably in his lap, which only made the situation worse.
“Yeah, baby?” Rone’s voice was a soft growl and he couldn’t help the need in it.
“Well, I guess now we know what works,” she said weakly. “Maybe…maybe I should go check the fridge now and see if I can make us some supper.”
“Maybe.” Rone said, but he didn’t release his hold on her. She felt too good in his arms—he wanted to keep her close just a little while longer.
“I…um…” Kate’s hands were resting lightly on his shoulders and she was looking into his eyes, seemingly unable to look away.
“Kate,” he murmured softly and pulled her gently down for the kiss he needed so desperately.
“Oh,” she said softly but she didn’t resist when he took her mouth with his.
Rone was gentle at first, not wanting to scare her. He pressed his lips to hers with infinite tenderness, tilting his head so that their mouths met at just the right angle. Then he felt Kate wind her arms around his neck and he deepened the kiss, parting his lips and pulling her closer, wanting so damn badly to taste her again he could barely breathe.
Kate seemed hesitant at first but then she kissed him back, pressing even closer so that he could feel the warm crush of her full breasts and tight pink nipples against his bare chest.
Rone groaned and ran his hands up and down her sides. He could feel her curves beneath the thin white gown, could feel the rapid beat of her heart as she pressed herself against him.
Then Kate shifted on his lap. She’d been sitting with both legs to one side and leaning in to kiss him. Now she readjusted so that she was straddling his hips, the better to face him and kiss him more deeply.
Rone heard a strangled sound rise in his throat when he felt the press of her warm, soft pussy against his aching shaft. Deep inside, he felt his Beast stir restlessly.
Mine, it growled. She should be mine! Now!
Rone felt it stretching, trying to get free. It wanted Kate—wanted to taste her sweet pussy, wanted to push the thin, barely-there strip of fabric away from her luscious mound and sink deep inside her tight little cunt. Wanted to—
This isn’t safe, he told himself, feeling the Beast rise even more. We need to stop—this isn’t safe!
Mine…MINE!
No! Though it hurt to do it, he somehow managed to break the kiss and push Kate gently but firmly off his lap.
“Rone? What—?” She began but the moment they stopped making physical contact, the couch gave way again and Rone felt himself falling.
Kate overbalanced and fell too, giving a little scream as they both hit the floor.
“Ouch!” She gave him a look that was wounded and uncertain. “Why did you do that?”
“I’m sorry.” Rone put his head in his hands, trying to calm the Beast raging inside him. “So sorry, I just…I couldn’t anymore.”
“Couldn’t what? I thought you wanted to…to kiss me.” She was panting. “I mean, you started it.”
“I know,” Rone said harshly. “But I shouldn’t have.”
Still trying to get control of himself, he rose and shook his head. Calm, he had to be calm and controlled and centered. He had to put the Beast back in its box and not let it out again…
“I guess I shouldn’t have either. I’m sorry,” Kate said softly.
Looking down, he saw the hurt expression on her face.
“Kate, it’s not what you think,” he said, feeling horrible. “It’s just that…that…”
But how could he explain to her? How could he let her know she was in danger every time they got too close, too sexual? It wouldn’t have been a problem if her memory had come back and they were truly together again. He’d had these times in the past when the Beast tried to force its way out—usually during the time of the full moons’ convergence back on his home planet.
For some reason the lunar cycle affected his Beast, increasing its power greatly. But all he had to do was tell Kate that the hunger was growing and affecting him strongly and she would stop what she was doing and find a place for them to be alone. Only when he had his face buried between her thighs and was lapping her sweet cunt, driving her towards orgasm would Rone feel the Beast retreat, satiated by the pleasure of his mate.
But now he had no way to tame it—no way to slake the hunger that grew and grew. No way to leash the Beast that roared and raged inside him.
“Just that what?” Kate demanded, looking up at him.
“Just that I’m sorry.” Rone shook his head. “So sorry, baby.”
Then he turned away. Maybe some time spent alone in the fresher would help calm him down. But how much longer could they go on this way? How much longer could he let the hunger build before the Beast broke free of its prison and did something Rone would regret forever?
* * * * *
Kate watched him go, not certain what to think. What had happened just now? She’d been doing something she probably shouldn’t—letting herself kiss him. But it wasn’t the same as letting him touch her in the shower, she argued with herself. And she hadn’t heard that strange voice in her head, urging her on. It had just been an impulse to give in to the kiss and it had been one of the most amazing kisses she’d ever had. It seemed Rone was into it too—so why had the big Kindred pushed her away?
It’s just as well, she told herself. The Knowing had given her a clear warning earlier that she was in danger so it was better to stay alert. But in danger from what? Surely not from Rone himself. He’d saved her life over and over and searched the universe for her obsessively until he found her when she’d been taken from him. Surely he wouldn’t hurt her. Would he?
Then where was the danger coming from? Was it because they had gone into the shadow instead of staying in the light as the Knowing had warned her to do? Did the danger have something to do with Flame and Frost? Or was it some outside influence that was being exerted over both of them? Kate had no idea. She only knew she was achy and unfulfilled and very, very unhappy.
I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of this!
She got off the floor and dusted herself off. She wasn’t very hungry anymore and would have liked to roll into a ball on the couch and just watch something mindless on the viewscreen but she couldn’t. Couldn’t do anything without Rone in this stupid bubble apartment, apparently. And now it seemed like he didn’t want anything to do with her.
For lack of anything better to do, she went to the kitchen area anyway and started looking through the fridge. It was stocked with all kinds of things but Kate didn’t really feel like cooking something elaborate. What she was really in the mood for was comfort food.
“Grilled ham and cheese sandwiches it is,” she muttered, pulling out some lunch meat, butter, and sliced cheese. “Now if there was only some bread…” Turning around she saw a loaf of bread sitting on the kitchen counter where there had been nothing before. Kate frowned. “Huh.” Experimentally, she said aloud, “Now if only I could have a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and a bra…”
Nothing happened. Kate even went to look in the closet, thinking that what she wished for might pop up there instead. But there was nothing but the other two outfits she’d rejected for being too sexy to wear.
Sighing, she went back to the kitchen area and found a frying pan. Rone had said he wasn’t hungry but she made him a sandwich anyway. Maybe when he cooled down some, he would feel more like eating.
In no time the sandwiches were toasty and the cheese was melted. Kate dished them onto plates with a blue flower pattern just like the ones she and Mimi used back in their Tampa apartment and sliced each one on the diagonal.
Though she’d lost her appetite earlier, the warm scent of the buttered bread and melted cheese made Kate’s mouth water. She was about to lift one diagonal of sandwich to her mouth when she remembered Madam Shadows words about not being able to eat unless she was fed by her lover’s hand. Had that been it? Something like that, anyway. She didn’t want to try to take a bite and have the sandwich jump out of her hand and land on the floor.
Sighing, she put the sandwich down and went to knock on the bathroom door. But just as she was lifting her hand, the door swung open to reveal Rone standing there with a slightly calmer look on his face.
“Oh!” Kate put a hand to her heart. “You startled me popping out like that! Would you like to come eat something?”
He shook his head. “I’m honestly not very hungry. Sorry.”
“Well, you’re coming anyway.” Kate grabbed him by the hand and towed him towards the kitchen. “Because I’m hungry and I can’t eat unless you feed me.”
“Oh, that’s right. Forgive me.” He came with her willingly enough and Kate led him to the counter and showed him the sandwiches. His eyes lit up—which was saying something since they were already glowing. “Oh—you made grilled cheese sandwiches! My favorite!”
“It is?” Kate asked. “I, uh, didn’t know.”
“You made it for me the first time I came back to your domicile.” Rone’s eyes went misty with memory. “We were caught out in a rain storm and we were both soaking wet. It was only our third date, I think. When we got back inside your place, we were soaked to the skin. You changed clothes but you didn’t have anything big enough for me to wear. So you wrapped me in your grandmother’s quilt—the pink and gold and green one she made for you—and fixed me this.” He gestured at the plate. “You called it ‘comfort food.’ Told me your mother used to make it for you on rainy days when you were little.”
“Wow…that’s so sweet.” Despite herself, Kate was charmed by the story. She could just see it in her mind’s eye—the big Kindred wrapped in her favorite quilt and munching on the gooey, crunchy sandwich, trying grilled cheese for the first time and loving it.
“It was then that I knew,” Rone said quietly, picking up a slice of the sandwich.
“Knew what?” Kate asked, opening her mouth as he held it to her lips.
“Knew that I was falling in love with you.” His voice was soft but his eyes blazed. “I’d been trying not to, you see. You were so small, baby—so delicate. I was afraid I’d hurt you—afraid we wouldn’t be right for each other. But at that moment I knew I was falling and I couldn’t help it. Didn’t want to help it anymore.”
“Oh, Rone…” Kate pushed the sandwich gently away and looked at him. “What’s going on?” she asked softly. “What just happened back on the couch? Why…why did you stop?”
He shook his head and looked away. “Please don’t ask. I can’t tell you…not now.”
“It’s just…” She looked down at her hands. “I thought you wanted me close.”
“I do, baby. The problem is, I want you a lot closer than you want to get right now.” There was a soft growl in his voice that sent a shiver through her.
“So what…if I won’t give myself completely and go back to the way…the way you remember us being before, then you don’t want me?” Kate asked, challenging him.
“No—it’s not like that. It’s…” He shook his head. “I can’t explain it. But I do want you. Kate. Please, look at me.” He lifted her chin gently when she wouldn’t and Kate looked unwillingly into his eyes. “I don’t just want you—I need you,” he breathed, holding her gaze with his. “And that’s all I can say right now. So please, can we just eat? Before your delicious sandwiches get cold?”
Kate sighed. There was sincerity in his piercing blue eyes. Clearly something was going on with him but he didn’t feel comfortable discussing it yet. Well, she supposed she could wait. After all, he wasn’t the only one sending mixed messages. She felt like she’d never been so mixed up and confused about a man in her life and yet she still felt drawn to the big Kindred. Drawn in a way she couldn’t remember being drawn to anyone else.
“Okay,” she said lightly, picking up half of a sandwich. “Open wide.”
Rone opened his mouth obligingly and ate half the sandwich in a single bite.
“Mmm…” His eyes rolled up in his head as he chewed and swallowed. “Just as good as I remembered. Gods, I’ve missed your cooking.”
“And you said you weren’t hungry.” Kate eyed the decimated sandwich skeptically. “Also, I thought you said we shared the cooking.”
“We do. But there are some things you make I just can’t seem to get right. This is one of them.” He took another bite from the sandwich she held. “I always burn them for some reason.”
“You have to watch them,” Kate said, taking a dainty nibble from the half he was holding out to her. “The second side gets done way faster—”
“Than the first side. I know.” He grinned. “You’ve told me that again and again but I somehow always forget and end up with a half burned sandwich.”
“No burning the sandwiches on my watch.” Kate popped the rest of the first half into his mouth. “This is my specialty.”
“I know. I’ve missed it so much. Missed you so much, baby.”
His gaze was so intense, Kate had to drop her eyes. Forgetting herself, she picked up the second half of her sandwich and tried to take a bite without having him feed it to her. Her teeth clicked together hard and she gasped as she bit her tongue.
“Ouch!”
“Are you okay?” Rone looked down at her anxiously.
“Fine.” Kate put a hand to her mouth for a moment but she wasn’t bleeding. “Just bit myself when I tried to take a bite.” She shrugged ruefully. “I forgot I couldn’t manage without you.”
“I never forgot I couldn’t manage without you,” Rone said softly and she knew he was talking about more than just the meal they were sharing.
“Well…” Kate gave him a shy smile. More and more she was feeling drawn to him, despite their weird circumstances and the warning her Knowing had given her. Now that the fear toxins were gone, she could understand what her past self must have seen in the big Kindred.
“Here.” Rone held out the sandwich to her. “No need to go biting yourself when you made such delicious sandwiches for us to eat.”
Kate smiled at him and took a cautious bite. This time her teeth bit into the crisp bread and melted cheese with no problem. As she chewed, words suddenly rose to her mind.
“All that I have, I take from your hands. All that you take, I give from my heart,” she murmured.
“What?” Rone looked at her, his eyes widening. “What did you say?”
“I don’t know.” Kate shook her head. “Just something that came to me. Why—do you know it?”
“Do I know it?” He put down the sandwich and looked away for a moment, blinking his eyes fiercely.
“Rone…?” Kate looked at him anxiously. “Are you okay? Do those words mean something to you?”
“They’re from our vows—they’re what you said to me at our Joining ceremony.” His deep voice was slightly choked but then he took a deep breath and looked at her. “Do you remember any more?”
“Sorry but no.” Kate shook her head. “I’m really sorry I said them if it upset you so much.”
“No—don’t you see? It proves that your memories are still down there somewhere,” he said earnestly. “Just waiting to be brought back.”
“But brought back how?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” he said in a low voice. “Maybe just like this…doing things together that we used to do. Sharing a meal…me telling you about our past.”
“Maybe.” Kate gave him a shy smile. “I do enjoy it. I mean—this is nice, you know?”
“I love spending time with you too,” Rone murmured. “There’s no place I’d rather be than here with you now, Lalli.”
Kate opened her mouth to ask once and for all what “Lalli” meant but just then a bored sounding voice echoed through the little apartment bubble.
“Attention: this is your pre-sleep warning. You have two solar minutes to attend to your night time rituals. After that, Lights Out will be in effect. Thank you.”
“Oh!” Kate looked around, as though she could find the source of the voice just by listening. “Lights out?”
“Apparently it’s almost bedtime here.” Rone yawned. “Actually, it has been one long damn day.”
“It certainly has,” Kate agreed. “But, um, what about sleeping arrangements?”
“Well…” He frowned. “I guess we’re meant to share the bed. But if you’re uncomfortable with that…”
“No,” Kate said thoughtfully. “No, it’s okay with me.” Even a day ago she would have been made uncomfortable with the idea—horribly so. But she was beginning to know Rone now and she found she didn’t mind touching him—in fact, she liked it. As long as he felt the same way. Which made her wonder exactly how much touching was going to be involved in sleeping together on the bed. “But…um…” She cleared her throat.
“Yeah, baby? What is it?” Rone raised an eyebrow at her.
“I’m just thinking…wondering…” Kate could feel her cheeks getting hot. “I mean, how much do you think we’ll have to be, you know, touching, for the bed to support us?”
“I don’t know.” Rone frowned. Just then the lights flickered and went out, plunging them into complete blackness. “But I have a feeling we’re going to find out,” he finished dryly.
“Oh!” Kate looked around uncertainly. “I can’t believe this! They barely gave us any time to get ready for bed and now I can’t see a thing.”
“Well, I can. Here.” Rone picked her up again and she gave a little gasp of surprise and clung to him.
“Don’t do that without warning me!” she exclaimed.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” He sounded contrite and in the darkness, Kate could see that his eyes were glowing a faint blue.
“You just startled me—that’s all. I’m not used to being picked up and carried all around,” Kate said.
“Yes you are—you just don’t remember it.” He moved confidently in the utter blackness, not bumping into anything though Kate was sure if she’d tried to go anywhere herself she would have been running into everything.
“My, uh, friend, Emily said something like that. She said you were always helping me down from high places and carrying me all around.” She shrugged. “I didn’t think it sounded like me but maybe I got used to it.”
“You didn’t just get used to it,” he murmured, his deep voice rumbling in the darkness. “You enjoyed it. Enjoyed being my Lalli.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Kate said. “What exactly does that word mean—‘lalli’? Is it some kind of pet name you had for me?”
“Well…” He shifted a little and she had the feeling he might be uncomfortable or uncertain as to how she’d react to his answer.
“Go on,” she urged him. “I won’t get mad—just tell me.”
“Lalli means little girl—little sweetheart—in my native language. It’s an ancient term of affection, so old even the translation bacteria has trouble translating it.”
“Little girl?” Kate frowned. “How in the world did you start calling me that? I’m a grown woman.”
He shifted again. “That’s exactly what you said the first time I called you lalli. But remember, you promised you wouldn’t get angry if I told you about this.”
Kate sighed. “Yes, I remember. Okay, sorry—go on.”
“I started calling you that because you’re so tiny—you reminded me of a little girl when I first met you. It just kind of…slipped out. And by the time I finally told you what it meant, it had already stuck.”
Kate frowned. “Was I angry with you for calling me that when you explained what it meant the first time?”
“At first,” he admitted cautiously. “You’ve always been fiercely independent—it’s one of the things I love about you. You don’t let your petite stature keep you from doing what you want.”
“I can’t afford to,” Kate remarked. “Or I’d never get to do anything.”
He made a noise of agreement. “Anyway, you were angry with me at first and you didn’t want me to call you that or treat you…the way I treated you. But after a while you liked it—we both did.”
“What?” Kate was mystified and concerned. “How exactly did you treat me?”
“I, um…” He sighed. “Look, we’re at the bed now. Do you mind if I try sitting down before we go on?”
“No, I guess not. But I hope we’re not going to fall right through it.”
“That’s what I’m hoping too. Hang on, baby. And don’t worry, if we fall, you’ll land on me,” he said reassuringly.
Kate tried to brace herself as the big Kindred lowered himself to sit on the bed. She could feel all of the muscles in his big body tensing and for a moment she was certain they were going to fall. But after a moment, he seemed to relax.
“It’s okay,” he said. “It’s holding us—seems to work on the same principle as the couch.”
“Oh, good.” Kate had been leaning into him with her arms wrapped around his neck as she held on for dear life. Now she relaxed and sat up so that only her bottom half was pressed against him where she sat on his lap.
Immediately, they began to sink through the bed. It was a slower process than it had been with the couch, which had dumped them immediately, but it was definitely happening. Rone cursed in a low voice and she felt his body tense again under hers as they tilted downward.
“Oh! Oh, my God!” Kate gasped. She leaned forward and grabbed for Rone blindly, wrapping her arms around him again in her panic.
At once, they began to rise until they were in a stable position once more.
“Well that was really fucking strange,” Rone muttered. “I could feel myself sliding down into the bed for a minute there when you sat up. Then something pushed us back up to the surface of the mattress when you grabbed onto my neck.”
“Whew.” Kate gave a shaky laugh. “Apparently we need more, uh, contact for the bed to keep supporting us than we did on the couch.”
“At least it didn’t just dump us,” Rone remarked. “Imagine if we were sleeping and lost contact with each other—we could get seriously injured if we fell straight through to the floor with no warning.”
“Not that it would be much more pleasant to wake up sleeping with the dust bunnies under the bed,” Kate remarked. She shivered. “Ugh—what a thought! I used to be scared to death there was a monster hiding under my bed at night. I always wished I had a daddy just for that reason—to check and make sure there was nothing there. To make me feel safe.”
“And you never asked your mother to check because you were afraid she’d get eaten by the monsters too, right?” he asked in a low voice.
“Oh, I must have told you this story before. I’m sorry.”
“Only once,” he murmured. “You told me you were afraid that if a monster jumped out it would eat you and your mother both. So you just went to bed frightened every night for years, didn’t you?”
Kate gave a little laugh. “Yeah, in retrospect, it was pretty sexist of me to think that women couldn’t fight monsters as well as men. But I was a kid so what did I know?” She sighed. “Mostly I think I just wanted a father—somebody to protect me and cuddle me and just be there for me. Like the other kids in my class had.”
“Uh-huh.” Rone’s big hand had somehow found her back and he was rubbing her up and down, caressing from the nape of her neck to the small of her back in long, gentle strokes that made Kate feel contented and soothed at the same time.
“Mmm, that’s nice.” She leaned into him a little more, relaxing against his big frame. His warm, spicy scent seemed to fill her senses and she felt strangely at ease in his arms. Being held like this made her feel protected, cared for…loved.
Kate frowned at the thought—the “loved” part made her a little uncomfortable. There was no doubt how Rone felt for her. The question was, how did she feel for him? It was true she was definitely drawn to him but she still didn’t feel like she knew him well enough to be head-over-heels. It just wasn’t her way to let her emotions run away with her like that. She was cautious about giving her heart, especially after what had happened in college…
Kate pushed the bad memory away. She really didn’t want to think about that right now. She just wanted to relax and enjoy being held in a way she hadn’t been since she was a small child.
“Kate?” he murmured in the darkness. His deep voice seemed to vibrate through her, since she had her cheek pressed to his chest.
“Mmm-hmm?” Kate sighed contentedly.
“Remember I told you that I treated you a certain way? When you were being my Lalli, I mean.”
“Yes?” She perked up a little bit, interested.
“Well…” He cleared his throat. “This is it.”
“What? You held me in your lap?” Kate was mystified. “Why wouldn’t I like that?”
“It wasn’t just this—it was everything.” He made a motion which she could feel even though she couldn’t see it. “You let me pick you up and carry you and cuddle you. Let me help you down out of high places like our shuttle. You even let me give you baths and wash your hair.”
“I did?” Kate was caught by surprise all over again. “I mean, you did—really?”
“Of course.” He sounded like he was smiling. “Sometimes when you were feeling tired and just wanted to be my Lalli, I would bathe you and massage you and get you ready for bed…” His voice dipped down into an even deeper register. “Before I kissed you good night.”
Kate shifted uncertainly on his lap, remembering exactly which part of her the big Kindred had told her he most liked to kiss. She crossed her legs nervously and started to pull away from him but the minute she did, they started to sink through the bed again.
“Oh!” Quickly, Kate leaned back against him and they resumed their normal position.
“I guess I can tell how you feel about all of this.” Rone didn’t sound very happy.
“I’m just…nervous, that’s all.” Kate gave a frustrated sigh. “And I don’t really understand what you’re saying. That I let you treat me like a child?”
“In a way, I suppose. You told me before that you grew up without a father and always wished you had one, so…”
“Eww.” Kate made a face. “Please don’t tell me I called you ‘Daddy’ and we pretended I was your little princess or something weird like that.”
“No, it wasn’t like that.” Rone sighed. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have told you.”
“I’m sorry.” Kate took a deep breath. “I guess I just get defensive when I feel uncomfortable and what you’re telling me makes me feel kind of, well…weird.”
“It wasn’t though—it was wonderful.” He sounded so wistful it made Kate’s heart throb. “I’m just trying to tell you that you let me tend to you—in every way. Physically, emotionally, sexually…you gave yourself to me. And I took such good care of you, baby…until I let you get taken.”
His words sent a painful wave of emotion through her which Kate didn’t understand. She caught her breath and felt tears stinging her eyes though if someone had asked her why she was crying, she wouldn’t have known how to answer. She didn’t know why herself.
“It wasn’t your fault I was taken,” she told him, brushing at her eyes with the back of her hand.
“It was.” He pulled her closer, wrapping her tightly in his arms. “I should have stopped it somehow—should have protected you. You trusted yourself to me and I failed you.”
“No, you didn’t,” Kate protested. “I’m the one who’s failing. I don’t know how I got to be that trusting—how I became your…your Lalli, but I’m not anymore. I’m not the person you fell in love with.”
“Yes, you are.” He stroked her back again, with that warm, caressing touch that made her want to purr like a cat. “Deep down I believe you still have those memories. They just have to be released somehow—brought to the surface.”
“Well, I have no idea how that’s ever going to happen,” Kate admitted. “But I guess this will have to do for now.”
“You’re right. This will have to do for now. And in time, we’ll get back what we lost. I know we will.” He sounded almost as though he was trying to convince or reassure himself of that fact.
“I…hope you’re right,” Kate said awkwardly. “I’m sorry I can’t just…jump in feet first. That’s not the way I’m built.”
“It’s all right, baby,” he said softly. “I know you’ve been hurt before. I know your past makes you cautious.”
“You do?” Kate asked carefully. “Uh…how much do you know about my past, exactly?”
“Not a lot of details—about what made you so careful,” he admitted. “But I know it made you not want anything to do with males for a good long while.”
“Okay.” Kate felt better, knowing he didn’t have all the dirty details. “Well…” She yawned. “Maybe it’s time to be getting to sleep. So how do we do that?”
“Very carefully, I’d imagine,” Rone said dryly. “If we don’t want to end up on the floor under the bed.”
Kate shivered. “I certainly don’t. Do you think just pressing close together while we sleep will keep us up on the mattress?”
“I don’t know—let’s experiment.”
Still holding her close, Rone scooted to the head of the bed.
They tried lying side by side with their shoulders and thighs touching but they started sinking through the mattress almost immediately. To Kate, it felt like being swallowed by a giant marshmallow—not a pleasant sensation.
“Oh!” she gasped and scrambled to get more contact between herself and the big Kindred. She wound up climbing on top of him, like a woman climbing onto a raft to keep from drowning in the river.
“Oof!” Rone grabbed for her, bracing her against him when she accidentally kneed him in the stomach. “It’s okay, baby—I’ve got you. You can stop struggling now.”
“Sorry.” Kate felt bad but she really didn’t want to sink through the mattress and wind up in the dark space under the bed. It wasn’t just her childhood fears freaking her out, she told herself defensively. It was the fact that they were in an alien resort and who knew what might be down there? What if the Flame and Frost version of mice or cockroaches lived in the cracks between the floorboards? Of course, there might be nothing but Kate did not want to take a chance.
“It’s okay—just stop wiggling and we’ll be fine.”
“All right.” Kate stopped struggling and let herself relax, using the big Kindred as a mattress as she lay on her side. It was a measure of their vast size difference that she was able to fit neatly on his chest and torso with no problem at all.
“Actually, this works pretty well,” Rone remarked, after they’d been lying silently for a moment. “Are you comfortable?”
“Well, I mean, I guess…” Actually, the big Kindred’s muscular form was surprisingly comfy. “But what about you? It can’t be great for you to have me, uh, smushing you.”
He gave a deep laugh which vibrated her entire body. “Smushing me, huh? Don’t worry about that, baby—you’re light—I don’t feel a bit ‘smushed.’”
“You don’t? You swear?” Kate asked.
“Swear.” He sounded like he was smiling. “And anyway, I like having you on me—like having you so close. I’ve been waiting for six months to touch you again.”
“Oh, uh…” Kate shifted nervously.
“I don’t mean sexually,” Rone said, correctly interpreting her anxiety. “I mean just holding you in my arms again.” He put his arms around her and stroked her hair. “Just feeling you close to me.”
“It is kind of nice,” Kate admitted. “You know what this makes me think of? I had a poster when I was a little girl of a tiny kitten sleeping on top of a big ol’ dog—a mastiff, I think.”
He rumbled laughter. “I’d say that about fits.”
“Uh-huh.” Kate sighed and snuggled closer. “Hey, I’m kind of chilly. Not where I’m touching you—you’re like a furnace. But my other side.”
“Let’s see, I thought I saw a blanket folded up around here somewhere…” Rone fumbled around for a moment and then spread a warm, soft blanket over the two of them. “Better?” he asked.
“Mmm…perfect.” Kate sighed in contentment and felt her eyelids grow heavy. “Thank…” She yawned deeply. “Thank you, Rone.”
“You’re welcome, Lalli,” he murmured, stroking her hair. “Good night.”
“Good…” Kate yawned again. “Good night,” she finally managed to reply. Then, although even a day ago she would have sworn it would be impossible, she relaxed completely against the big Kindred and let herself drift off to sleep.