Chapter Twenty-six
“Kate? Kate? Oh Gods, Kate—please wake up! Please!” Rone shook his mate again, hearing the panic in his own voice but unable to stop it. Her head lolled limply on his arm and her cheeks were as pale as snow in the early morning sunshine.
Rone had come back to himself as the sun rose and his Beast retreated…come back to see Kate lying naked and still on the trampled grass, her hair a tangled red cloud around her face. He had gathered her into his arms at once, trying to warm her cold body with his own, but so far he hadn’t gotten any response.
I killed her, Rone thought, fear and horror overtaking him. I knew it—I knew this would happen if she was allowed to meet my Beast! She’s dead…gone…She’s left me and this time there’s no bringing her back. Oh, Kate…Kate…
Of course you killed her, whispered a harsh voice in his head. After the way you used her last night—what female could withstand such treatment? Images tried to invade his brain—ugly snapshots in black and white…Kate moaning…trying to get away while he held her down…while he took her…raped her…
No! Rone tried to push the images away but he knew they wouldn’t go for long. Though he wasn’t himself when his Beast came forward, he could still share in the memories of his other half—could still see what the ugly, animalistic, lustful part of him had done to the woman he loved…
A soft sound broke into his morbid thoughts and he blinked back tears to see that Kate’s long eyelashes were fluttering against her paper-pale cheeks.
“Kate?” he whispered, hardly daring to breathe. “Kate, baby? Lalli?”
“Rone?” Her voice was little more than a whisper. “What…what happened?”
“Don’t you remember? Are you all right?”
“I…think so. And I remember some. Help me sit up.”
She struggled weakly in his arms and Rone helped her, wincing as he saw his brutal handiwork on her body.
There was blood on her chin where she’d bitten her lip and bruises on the pale skin of her hips and thighs where he’d held her down while he took her. He could see dirt and grass under her nails where she’d scrabbled at the ground, trying to get away. But worst of all was the savage scar where her shoulder met her neck—it was a set of teeth-marks—his teeth marks, Rone knew. They showed clearly on the delicate column of Kate’s throat—a visual reminder of what he had done to her.
Because Rone knew it was his fault—knew that he was the real culprit here. Some males might have tried to blame their Beast but Rone didn’t believe in such excuses. The Beast was a part of him—the ugliest, most lustful, selfish part of him and it had treated Kate in exactly the way he must have wished he could treat her. Deep down in the part of his mind he couldn’t bear to look at or acknowledge, he had wanted to fuck her—to breed her. And that was what he had done, whether she wanted him to or not.
That would be a NOT, he thought as more black and white snapshots of the night before paraded before his mind’s eye. Kate moaning his name and begging him not to hurt her, her scrambling to get away before he forced her to her hands and knees…
“Rone…are you okay?”
Kate’s soft, tentative voice jerked him out of his self-loathing for a moment.
“No,” he said shortly. “No, I’m not. But neither are you, thanks to me and we need to make that our priority. Come on.” He stood and fastened his leather flight trousers. “Let’s get you to a healer.”
“What? Why—I’m fine,” Kate protested. She tried to stand, wobbled, and almost fell. “Well, mostly fine,” she amended as Rone caught her.
“The Hell you are,” he said roughly. “Just look at you, Kate! You’re bruised and bloody and scarred and…” His voice grew thick in his throat and he almost couldn’t go on, but he forced the words out anyway. “And I did that to you—all of it,” he finished.
“Oh Rone, honey, no…” Kate reached up to stroke his cheek but he jerked away from her hand. He didn’t deserve to have her touch him—not ever again—not after what he’d done.
“Come on,” he said roughly. “I want to take you to a healer but first we have to get you dressed.”
A few feet away in the grass, he found the petal dress she’d been wearing the night before. Like Kate, it looked considerably worse for the wear. It was crumpled and torn, shedding its petals—and the ones that remained were dirty and ragged. The innocent white petals at the top of the dress, around the neckline, were stained with Kate’s blood.
A snapshot memory came to him—the feel of her small hand on his chest, clenched in pain but not daring to pull away as he sank his teeth into her flesh…the sweetly metallic taste of her blood in his mouth…the high, panicked sound of her voice begging him…pleading with him…
“Please, Rone, you’re hurting me! I know you don’t really want to hurt me. You…you love me, Rone. You’ve told me so over and over. Please.”
Rone clutched the dress to his chest and doubled over, unsure for a moment if he might vomit or not.
“Rone? Are you all right?”
Kate’s soft hand rested tentatively on his shoulder. Rone shook her off.
“Leave me alone!”
“I’m sorry!” She drew back at once, clearly hurt by his reaction.
For his part, Rone couldn’t understand how she could bear to touch him at all.
“Here.” He thrust the dress at her, unable to even look her in the face. “Put it on. We need to get back to the cottage before Tante Corii wakes up and realizes you’re gone.”
“Fine.” With stiff, jerky motions Kate pulled the bedraggled petal gown back on. “I’m ready,” she said after a moment. “We can go now but you’ll have to lead the way—I have no idea where we are.”
I don’t either, Rone thought but he wasn’t thinking about directions.
“This way. Can you walk?” He made himself look at her, even though he didn’t want to. Didn’t want to see how hurt and small and broken she looked in the dirty, bloodstained gown.
“I think so. I’m a little stiff but I feel better now.” She ran a hand through her hair. “I must have really been sleeping soundly.”
“You were passed out,” Rone said shortly. “I thought you were dead at first.” His voice sounded flat in his own ears—flat and cold and empty. His stomach still felt like a clenched fist.
“Passed out?” Kate stared at him blankly. “Really? I was passed out? No wonder I feel so weak and woozy.”
“You feel so bad because I used you hard last night,” Rone told her harshly. “Used you with no thought for your comfort or safety. Used you against your will. I…” He shook his head—this time he really couldn’t go on.
“What?” Kate stared at him frowning. “Rone, no! It wasn’t like that.”
“Oh?” He rounded on her. “How was it then? Because all the parts that I remember go like that. Exactly like that.”
“How can you remember?” Kate protested. “You weren’t you last night—you were the Beast.”
“Never forget, Kate—the Beast is part of me. The ugliest part, to be sure, but at his core he is me—my darkest desires…my most shameful needs.” Rone scrubbed a hand over his face and shook his head. “I cannot and will not hide behind my Beast as an excuse. I have memories of what he—what I—did to you. I know exactly how bad it was.”
“It was a little rough,” Kate sounded like she was trying to be cautious—trying to pick her way through a verbal mine field. “But I went into it knowing it was going to be rough. I…I didn’t mind, Rone.”
“Bullshit,” he said harshly, throwing one of her Earth swearwords at her. “Don’t lie to me, Kate. I remember you trying to get away from me but I…I held you down and…and did it anyway. Took what I wanted.” He swallowed, hearing a dry click in his throat.
“You have it all wrong,” Kate protested but Rone only shook his head.
“I know what I did and I know what I deserve. You don’t have to pretend otherwise to save my feelings. The Goddess knows I certainly had no such consideration for yours last night.”
“Rone! You can’t…”
But he was already moving. The invisible bubble that had trapped them so neatly the night before was gone now and he made his way quickly through the woods, aiming in a straight line back for Tante Corii’s cabin where they had parked their shuttle. Rone knew exactly what he had to do—and where he had to go. But before he could, he had to discharge his duties and the first one was seeing Kate’s wounds—the wounds he was responsible for—healed.
* * * * *
Kate stumbled along behind him, feeling weak and sick and angry all at the same time. Why was he acting like such a jerk? Why wouldn’t he listen to her?
She also felt wobbly and extremely sore between her legs. This was one of those times when she wouldn’t have objected to the big Kindred carrying her in his arms, as he seemed to love to do. But there was no way she was going to ask him to carry her when he was acting like this—like he didn’t even want to look at her or be near her. It hurt her feelings more than she wanted to admit, even to herself—especially after what they’d done together the night before. Well, what she had done with his Beast, anyway.
“You big jerk,” she muttered under her breath as she tried to keep up with his long strides. “There’s no need to treat me like some kind of pariah just because I did the deed with your other half. I mean, what was I supposed to do? There was no other way to get through the night!”
She was speaking to his broad back since Rone was striding along so fast through the forest she could barely keep up with him. Still fuming, Kate hobbled as fast as she could, determined not to fall behind or ask for help. She didn’t see the root in her path until it was too late.
Her bare foot caught under it and she fell with a cry, twisting her ankle in the process.
“Kate?” In a flash, Rone was at her side. “Are you all right?”
“I think so—I tripped. It…really hurt.” She rubbed her scraped foot and injured ankle, hot tears stinging her eyes. Normally she wouldn’t cry for such a small thing but it wasn’t just the physical pain that was hurting her. It was the way he wouldn’t look her in the eye…the way he seemed to hate her and himself both for what had happened between them.
“You must have twisted your ankle. It’s starting to swell.” He frowned in concentration as he examined her left ankle.
“I’m sorry.” Kate swiped away tears. “I…I was just trying to keep up with you.”
“I’ll have to carry you. That is…” He hesitated. “If…if you can stand to have me so close after…after what I did.”
“Of course you can carry me,” Kate said quietly. “And Rone, about last night—”
He held up a hand to stop her.
“Can we not speak of it? Please?”
“All right,” Kate said reluctantly. “I just think you’re remembering it differently from how I do…and from how it really happened, for that matter.”
“It happened,” he said shortly. “That’s bad enough. The way it happened—what I did—is even worse. I…can’t talk about it right now. Not if I want to keep my sanity.”
“All right. I’ll shut up about it—for now,” Kate said. But inside she vowed to herself to make him understand that while the sex she’d had with his Beast had indeed been rough and intense, she in no way considered it an assault.
Rone lifted her gently, as though she was made of fine china, and carried her carefully through the forest, as though she might break if he squeezed her too hard.
Kate tried laying her head against his chest but he stiffened at the contact. Reluctantly, she straightened up again and tried to keep to herself, as much as she could while being carried in his arms, anyway.
There was one thing she noticed—or rather didn’t notice though. His scent—the warm, spicy, masculine aroma which was usually so strong whenever she was close to him—seemed to be muted somehow. She sniffed as surreptitiously as she could but try as she might, she could only catch a faint whiff of it. Why was that? Was it somehow connected to Rone’s mood—which was admittedly very bleak and dark at the moment—or was there some other reason she couldn’t smell him?
Before she could work up the courage to ask, they came out of the woods and Tante Corii’s small cottage came into view. Kate was just going to ask how he planned to sneak in without waking the old lady, when she came bursting out the front door, a wild look on her face.
“Oh, Kate child!” she gasped, her faded blue eyes wide with fear. “I woke and found you gone and I was so worried about you! Where were you? What happened? Are you all right?”
“I’m fi—” Kate started to say but Rone overrode her.
“She was with me, last night Tante Corii. For some reason Kate came and found me in the forest, just before I took my fur-form. And so you got your wish—she finally tamed my Beast.”
“She did? Praise be to the Goddess!” Tante Corii clapped her wrinkled hands together. “That’s wonderful!”
“No. It’s not.” Rone glared at his aunt. “I hurt her, Tante. Hurt her the way Le’la was hurt when she tamed her mate’s Beast. Are you happy now?”
“I’m not hurt,” Kate protested. “Well, except for my ankle but I did that myself, tripping over a tree root.”
“Kate, please.” Rone gave her a level stare. “Don’t lie—to me or to yourself. I know what I did to you last night—I remember. So don’t try to pretend I didn’t hurt you—didn’t…didn’t….” But he was apparently unable to finish.
“Rone—” Kate started but this time it was Tante Corii who interrupted.
“Now, now,” she said, patting Rone on the arm. “A few bumps and bruises are to be expected when a female tames the Beast of her mate. Let’s try to look on the bright side and put the sad times behind us.”
“I can never put what I did to Kate behind me,” Rone said darkly. “I can never forgive myself and she shouldn’t either.”
“Well, at least your bond is restored now, right?” Tante Corii said, obviously still trying to put a good face on the situation. “That must be a relief, mustn’t it?”
For a moment—just a moment—Rone’s hard expression melted just a little. He looked down at Kate and she could tell he was trying to communicate with her—trying to use the mental bond that all Kindred developed with their mates after bonding sex.
But all she could hear was a deafening silence.
“Rone?” she asked hesitantly. “Are…are you trying to speak to me?”
A look of despair came over his strong features.
“Yes…yes, I am. Can you not hear me at all?” His deep voice sounded so desperate Kate wished she could say yes. But there was no way to fake this kind of thing.
“No,” she whispered. “I…I’m so sorry but I don’t hear anything.”
“Gods.” Rone squeezed his eyes tightly shut for a moment and breathed deeply.
“Rone?” Kate looked at him anxiously. “Rone, what does this mean?”
“It means that our bond is broken beyond repair,” he said in a low, gruff voice. “If what I did to you last night didn’t restore it, nothing can.”
“So…you’re saying our bond can’t be fixed?” Kate whispered. “But I don’t understand—where does that leave us?”
“It leaves us nowhere.” He looked away from her, clearly unwilling to meet her eyes. “We don’t belong together anymore, Kate. I think maybe…maybe I should just take you home.”
Kate felt like someone had punched her in the stomach.
“Home to the ship, you mean?” she asked softly.
Rone shook his head. “No. Home to Earth.”