Chapter Four
Bannack walked into the meeting hall with a sense of relief, but at the same time, a feeling of longing and emptiness that made him wish that he could simply turn off his emotions and face the world completely blank and cold. It was that way that the warriors marched into their battles, emotionless, aggressive, and without feeling or compassion. He wished that he could maintain that throughout the rest of his life as well so that he didn't have to deal with feeling like this anymore.
It made him feel better to know that Eden, Zuri, and Leia had gone to see Loralia and welcome her to the compound, but he knew that them going to see her meant that she would soon know that he was leaving and abandoning his guard and protector responsibilities. He knew that this was going to hurt her, and as much as he was conflicted about how he was feeling about her, he hated the idea that he was causing this creature that had already gone through so much even more pain. He didn't want to be her impression of life above the ground, but he didn't have a choice. He had made a single impulsive decision by walking out across the sky and toward the pearlescent glow that had seemed to call to him, and in that decision he felt like he had given over control of himself.
He no longer felt like he could think clearly or make the types of rational decisions that he once did. Though volatile and unpredictable, Bannack had always been one to understand his own motivations and compulsions, even if none of the other warriors, men, women, or even rulers of the Denynso understood them. He didn't like the feeling that these were things he couldn’t think his way through and that for the first time his heart seemed to be making decisions that his mind didn't understand or condone.
Some of the other warriors were milling around in the meeting hall talking about the upcoming trip. A few of them were still questioning the decision to leave the compound and go on the quest, and others were trying to convince them that it was the right thing for the entirety of the clan. Bannack had no interest in trying to build up their ranks or muster more support for the trip, especially if that meant delaying their departure more than the three days that they already had planned. He simply wanted to get their plans in place, prepare, and leave.
Bannack felt a hard pat on his back and spun around defensively, taking an aggressive step forward even before he saw who was standing behind him. Ty, a gentle giant in every meaning of the phrase, stepped back, a startled look in his deep orange eyes. The shade of his eyes was a recent development, a color that had formed only in the couple of weeks since the massive baker had discovered his mate in the beautiful, brilliant, and very young Samira.
"I'm sorry," Bannack said, shaking slightly to try to release the tension that had built in his body.
He felt like he had been wound up, the pressure inside him building almost unbearably and just waiting for its release. It was similar to the feeling that he got when they were marching toward battle, but deeper and more intense in a way that he couldn’t quite understand and hadn't ever experienced.
"Are you doing OK, Bannack?" Ty asked, "You haven't really seemed like yourself since the funeral."
Bannack wanted to brush off the comment and just try to pass it off as being devastated over Jem's death like the rest of the tribe, but he knew that that wouldn't work. Ty, like the others, had known Bannack their entire lives and it would take much more than a flimsy excuse to get them off of his back if they really wanted to know what was going on with him. He let Ty guide him over to one of the long tables where no one else was sitting and slumped down onto the bench.
"I can't think straight," Bannack admitted, "I feel like my mind is going in a thousand different directions and all I want to do is get on our way so that I don't have to think anymore. Why do we have to wait three days?"
"Because it's going to take that long to get all of the supplies together that we need. Besides, we want a little bit of time to say goodbye to our mates properly. It might be a while before we see them again and we'd like to make sure that we have plenty to think about while we're gone."
The young man gave a laugh, but Bannack couldn't muster the same reaction. He glanced down at his hands, suddenly feeling even more uncomfortable at the mention of the other men's mates.
"What are you thinking about so hard over here, Bannack?"
Pyra and Ero came up and settled onto the benches, Ero beside Bannack and Pyra across the table from him beside Ty. All three of the men were staring at him, and Bannack felt the same desperate need to get away that he had when he was standing at the funeral. He knew that that was not really an option now, however. He looked into the faces of each of the men and thought that perhaps talking to them might be a good thing. It could help him to sort through whatever was running through his mind and gain some clarity so that he knew how to move forward.
"I just can't seem to get a hold of my brain recently."
"Why not? Is something going on?" Ero asked.
"I just have all these thoughts and I've been feeling particularly aggressive and angry lately. Ever since the battle, I just feel like I can't keep control of myself."
Out of the corner of his eye Bannack saw the other men exchange glances.
"Are you feeling like you want to kick the living hell out of just about every guy that gets near you, including us?"
"Well, I did just almost punch Ty in the face because he came up and patted me on the back."
"And are you having any other interesting changes? Physical changes, perhaps?"
Bannack squirmed on the bench. He was rethinking how good of an idea it actually was to get the other men involved in this conversation. Ero glanced down at Bannack's lap and Bannack saw him grin and look back at Ty and Pyra.
"I can definitely confirm that he is."
Pyra gave a short, knowing laugh and shook his head at Bannack.
"So who is she?"
Bannack felt his stomach turn. It was exactly what he had been dreading hearing from any of the men. He shook his head, refusing to make eye contact with any of them.
"Come on, tell us," Ty said.
Ty had always been the kindest and most romantic-minded of the Denynso men, a nurturer rather than a warrior though he had recently embraced his incredible inherited power and joined in the final fight against the Klimnu, and looked far more excited about the situation than Bannack felt.
"It has to be one of the Denynso women," Ero speculated, "There haven't been any other girls who have come around here recently."
There was a pause and then Bannack saw Pyra staring at him.
"Except Loralia."
Bannack shook his head again, but there was no use, they had figured it out and now he had nowhere to hide.
"Oh, shit," Ero said, "It is her. You have a thing for the weird little mirror creature."
Bannack knew that he meant it teasingly, but his anger at that statement nearly overwhelmed him. He stood sharply, slamming his hands down in the middle of the table and glaring down at Ero.
"I do not have a 'thing' for her," he snarled.
"Your reactions to her seem to beg to differ," Ty pointed out.
"Have you slept with her? Your eyes aren't orange."
"No, and they wouldn't be even if I had. There's no way that my intended mate is some freakish creature from underground. I am meant to bond with a Denynso woman, like I’m supposed to. I'm not going to fall for some other species, especially one that I know absolutely nothing about."
As soon as the words came out of his mouth, Bannack saw the other men tense. A stiff moment of silence fell over the table as each of them stood slowly from their benches. He met their gazes in turn, seeing a darkness in each of them that he hadn't anticipated.
"Another species?" Pyra snarled, his hand clenching into a fist beside him, "You mean like humans?"