Chapter 4
I couldn’t take it. I knew they had a bond, but his cute little pet name for her, and the way they hugged. Something inside of me snapped and I had to get out. Rationally I knew I had nothing to worry about. She was mated to Pyra, and me and Ciyrs’s bond was growing stronger by the hour. I’d never felt this type of jealously before, and I didn’t like it.
I grew up alone, always being second best. I wouldn’t do it again. I was either his number one or nothing. Too many years of being shoved off had hardened my heart. The part of me that craved love also feared it as much.
I ran faster than I ever had before, and when I came to a rock that looked over a huge lake I sat down. The sun glistened on the water and it sparkled. It was beautiful, and I found myself falling in love with the land even more.
I felt a presence and tensed. It was Pyra—last time I saw him I was kidnapped. I opened my mouth to scream, but there was something real about him. I eyed him weary ready to defend myself.
“It’s really you right?”
“Yes, I’m so sorry that you were kidnapped. I hate that it was my face they stole. Those fuckers are going to pay—one day. As soon as we can figure out how to get the upper hand.”
His temper, yep it was certainly Pyra. “They feed off of your temper.”
“How do you know?”
“The one who took me, he told me. He also said they need the king. Something about his power is important to their kind. But you guys are good. Those nasty pricks haven’t been able to get to him.”
Pyra paced. “They will not take my father. I’ll kill them all first.” He eyed me curiously. “So why are you out here alone after you just got back?”
I shook my head feeling stupid. He was right. I shouldn’t have been running off alone. Tears spilled before I could stop them. “Their bond, how do you deal with it?”
He nodded in understanding and sat on the ground. “Ah, the bond between my mate and yours. It sucks, I won’t lie. They have a connection that is unbreakable, and it’s annoying as shit. No matter how much I love my brother, I don’t like that he knows things I don’t, or before I do. Eden keeps us in line. It’s not easy, but I promise you’ll adjust. It’s just something you live with for the other. You love Ciyrs?”
I nodded.
“Then you love Eden?”
“Apparently so, meeting her was strange. I’d never had such feelings for a woman before. It was quite off putting especially because I didn’t understand it. He said they had a bond, but I didn’t realize it would affect me too. I guess I’m just jealous and scared all at once.”
“It will get better with time. Soon it will be like a bee buzzing in your ear. You swat it away, but it keeps coming back for more until eventually you just ignore it and let it buzz in your ear. I’ll admit I’ve destroyed a lot of things dealing with it.”
“Maybe I need to. No offense against your mate, but I don’t feel comfortable with it at all. I don’t want to be second. I’ve spent my whole life that way. Always the second choice. Always the second in line. I promised myself to be first even if I had to spend my life alone to achieve it.”
“You’ll always be first baby.” I hadn’t heard Ciyrs and I cringed knowing he’d heard my little break down.
I didn’t turn towards him, and I smiled down at Pyra when he patted my leg before leaving us alone.
“I’m sorry I didn’t think to explain things better. I also shouldn’t have put my hands on her in front of you. Not this soon after fully completing the bond again. I just—it’s so hard to explain.”
“I understand,” I said, but I didn’t. Maybe one day I would, but until then I wouldn’t ever be okay with his emotions for her. “I feel your love for her. It’s not something I’m okay with, but I suppose I don’t have a choice. No matter how much I want you to myself, it will never happen.”
I stood and faced him but I couldn’t meet his eye. Seemed fate hated me just as I always thought.
“It’s not even like that, sweetheart. I love her like a sister. Denynso are close by nature anyways. We love strong, but the love I feel for her is certainly different than the love I feel for you. You’re always going to be my number one, but she will always be important to me.”
I nodded. It wasn’t rational, but I wanted to be alone, away from them all. I wouldn’t lie, I felt like throwing a tantrum like a child, but I was almost 30, I was an adult, even if I didn’t want to be at the moment. “Please take me somewhere so I can be alone.”
He sighed and tried to grab my hand. I yanked it back and did my best to ignore the hurt.
“I can’t, not right now okay. Please I just need to find a way to deal with this in my own way.”
He nodded and walked in front of me keeping his pace slow. I felt the tension and I felt how upset he was, but I couldn’t do anything about it when I couldn’t even deal with myself. “It’s not your fault I know. It’s going to take some adjusting.” I kept my voice low, but I knew he heard me. He didn’t turn around or respond, and I felt my heartbreak. It was my own damn fault. I’d hurt him, but things inside of me were different now. After being locked away in a cage I realized something. I deserved to have everything I ever wanted. All the loathing and self-hate that was ingrained into me my whole life suddenly hadn’t mattered.
I fought to take my life back, and this was just another step. If he knew me he’d understand. One day I’d tell him. Until then things were going to be tense.
He led me to the huge house I had started in and the queen opened the door. She smiled at him but then her smile fell when she saw the distance between us. My face was streaked with tears.
“Oh my dears, what’s wrong?”
Ciyrs went rigid. “Can she stay with you guys for a while? She needs some time.” His tone was low and controlled, but I heard the catch.
“Time? For what?”
“She realized the depth of the bond between me and Eden. She’s struggling.” Then he ran away. There was no goodbye or anything. He didn’t even look at me.
The tears came in a flood and I fell to the ground sobbing. I felt the queen’s arm around me as she lifted me from the ground. “Oh my dear, Shh. It will be okay. One day you’ll understand. Eden isn’t a threat to your bond. She’s your sister.”
I nodded as she led me inside. “I know that, but it’s hard. He doesn’t understand what my life was like. People like me weren’t loved. We were chosen when what the person wanted wasn’t available. My past is haunting me.”
Before I knew it I was sitting at a table with food in front of me.
“Eat, and talk. I’m here to listen.”
And I did. For the first time in my life I talked about all the things I held locked up inside. All the things that haunted my dreams. All the things that made me who I was. She listened patiently asking questions here and there, but mostly she listened. I’d never talked about any of this. By the time I had finished eating, a heavy weight had been lifted off of my shoulder. I was free from all the demons of my past.