Time. I’d asked for time. And every second of every day since I’d made that request, I wished I hadn’t. I wished he was there beside me when my father lectured me on my “decisions.” I wished he’d held my hand as I sent out resume after resume.

How much time was too much? How long would he wait?

Gabe still showed up to class, but he didn’t linger afterward. He didn’t try. Instead, there was an anger brewing deep inside of him. I saw it in the way he stormed down the hallway after class. Brett told me it came out during rugby practice.

Three weeks. That’s how long it had been since I last kissed him. Three fucking weeks.

“Madison,” someone said from the doorway of my office.

I looked up from my desk and straightened immediately when I took in the dean.

“I’m sorry.” I began hurriedly unburying the only other chair from a mountain of papers.

He waved off my worry and hiked his pant-legs up before taking a seat. A beat of silence passed between us and I waited. Just waited. A million scenarios worked in my mind of why he could be there.

He cleared his throat and rubbed a hand along his chin. “I walked into my office this morning and found an envelope on my desk.”

I nodded, words sticking in my throat.

“You’re resigning after this semester.”

“Yes, sir.”

“May I ask why? You’re green, but you’re a good professor, Madison. The students seem to enjoy your class despite it only being a general ed class. There’s been good feedback.”

“With all due respect, sir, I have my reasons.”

He pressed his lips together. “Hmmmm. I have half a mind to tear the letter up. What can I do so we don’t lose you?”

That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? And the answer was nothing. I wasn’t staying. Even if things didn’t work out with Gabe, this wasn’t where I belonged. It wasn’t what I wanted to do.

I shifted in my seat, leaning forward slightly. “I don’t think teaching is for me.”

“Ah, there it is.” He sighed. “I was wondering if we’d get there. I’ve known you since you were a kid running around your parents’ parties. When I brought this position up with your father, I was surprised you were available.”

I shook my head, unsure what I was hearing. “When you brought it up?” As my father told it, he had to plead my case to even get my resume looked at.

“Yes, a colleague of mine sent me your resume. Margaret Hardwick. She was one of the deans of your college and someone I’ve known for years. She told me to take a look because you’d make an excellent addition to our staff. All she asked was that I look. It was my decision to hire.”

I opened my mouth and then closed it like a fish. My dad hadn’t gotten me the job? I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

“You mean you actually wanted me?”

He chuckled. “Of course. I don’t hire people to teach college students as favors. I hire the best people I can find. Don’t underestimate yourself, Addy. You’re going to be just fine.”

He stood and smoothed out the wrinkles in his suit.

I quickly got to my feet. “Thank you.”

He smiled. “This job isn’t meant to be a prison sentence. Some of us love it. Find the one you love.”

* * *

Through each of my afternoon classes, all I could think about were the dean’s words. Find the one you love. He’d meant it in the professional sense, but every image it evoked was far from professional.

Time. It could give you space, let you breathe. But it could also cause the world to close in around you, crushing everything in the process.

I didn’t want to be crushed. Not anymore.

I didn’t know what I was going to do past this semester if I didn’t find another job, but the image of a different life was becoming real. I could have a new reality This one didn’t have to be mine.

After my final class, I locked my office door and walked to my car as I pulled out my phone.

It rang three times before Gabe’s voice came on asking me to leave a message. I sighed and dialed the next number.

Brett picked up right away. “Hey, sis.”

“Is he with you?”

“That’s cold. I don’t even get a hello?”

“Hello, Brett,” I said with false sweetness. “Put him on.”

“No can do.”

“Don’t be an ass.”

“You’re the one who hasn’t talked to him in weeks, and I’m the ass? Oh, and in case you haven’t noticed from the sarcasm, I’m team Gabe now.”

“Figures.” I groaned. “Don’t be a fucker. Just put him on. I really need to talk to him.”

“Whatever life-changing thing you have to say is gonna have to wait. He’s already out on the field for practice. I’m about to head out there.”

I didn’t hear anything else he said as I hung up and started the car. They’d been practicing in the stadium for a few weeks now as the practice field was resodded and it was just on the other side of the small campus so I didn’t have long to think anything over.

Before I knew it, I was pulling into the parking lot behind the dressing rooms. Bleachers loomed above me as I jogged through the archway and across the concrete entryway. A coach’s whistle pierced the air as I stepped out into the sunlight once again and took in the field.

The team was doing suicides. I grabbed a railing to launch myself over it, not caring who saw me.

We had all the time in the world, and I suddenly felt like we had none at all. I was ready to say the words now and couldn’t stop myself before I lost my nerve.

Pain shot through my knee as my feet slammed into the concrete on the other side of the railing, but I paid it no mind as I ran toward the field.

I stopped at the edge, still unnoticed, and slid my sunglasses into my hair to scan the faces of the dead-tired rugby players as they took a break by their water bottles.

Brett was the first to notice me. He glanced back at his team nervously before jogging to meet me.

“Not the time, Addy,” he said. “You want the whole team to know?”

“Don’t they already know?”

He looked back once again, but this time, Gabe was there. His eyes bore into me from across the field. He wasn’t going to make the first move. I had to go to him.

The rest of the team had finally seen me, and were watching like the busybodies they were.

“Guess it’s too late now.” Brett pushed back his sweaty blonde hair and sighed. “This is so fucking weird. My sister and my best friend.”

My feet took me away from him. Gabe scrubbed a hand over his reddened face as I moved closer. The rest of the team parted to give me a clear path.

“Miss, this is a team practice,” one of the coaches said. I waved him away and stopped a few feet from Gabe.

“You couldn’t find a better time to chat?” There was humor in his voice, but it was colored by the weariness in his eyes. I’d put that there. I’d doubted him, doubted us every step of the way.

All I’d been able to think about was how wrong this was, and I’d missed how right it felt. Until now.

“I’ve taken enough time,” I said softly. For a moment, he didn’t react, and I thought my words had been carried away on some phantom breeze. Then he shifted. I wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t studying him so closely. A light entered his gaze, and I realized what it was. Hope.

“Harris,” the same coach as before bellowed. “Tell your friend to skedaddle so we can get on with our lives.”

“Give me a minute, Coach,” he pleaded. “Because I think this friend is about to change that life I want to get on with.”

The coach backed off, but the eyes of the team were on us. Some of them were my students, all of them knew who I was. I no longer cared.

“Did you just come here to look at me, Addy?” he breathed. “Or do words actually come out of that pretty mouth?”

“I thought you said my mouth was filthy, not pretty.”

There was laughter behind us.

“You’re killing me here.”

I inhaled deeply and let the words spill out. “I quit my job today. Well, technically, I won’t be done until the end of the semester. I’ve spent the past few weeks sending out resumes and working up the nerve to resign. I haven’t heard back on any jobs, but something will come eventually. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but—”

He stepped forward and clapped a hand over my mouth. “Stop talking.” He lowered his voice until it was almost a growl. “I’m going to kiss you. That’s what’s going to happen. And then I’m going to kiss you tomorrow and the day after that. I’m going to kiss you when you find a new job and when I’m starting at a new grad school, because yes, I’m going to get in, but that’s not the point. The point is that I’m going to kiss you, always. Everything we do, wherever we go, is only a means to an end, and that end is for me to be with you.”

I whimpered against his hand and only then did he seem to realize he was still covering my mouth. As soon as he took his hand away, I grinned. “Then what are you waiting for?”

He glanced back at his team.

“Just fucking kiss me.” I grabbed his shirt and pulled him against me.

As his hungry lips claimed mine, I knew he was right. A means to an end. This end. Cheers erupted behind us, punctuated by Brett’s fake puking sounds.

All of that faded into the background as I wrapped my arms up around his neck and leaned my head back.

“I’m kind of madly, infuriatingly in love with you.”

He gave me another quick kiss. “That’s strange. Because I’m passionately, endearingly in love with you.”

I laughed and pushed away from him. “You’re also incredibly sweaty.”

He grinned. “I don’t remember you being scared to get sweaty.”

Laughter broke out on the field amidst catcalls and more grossed out noises from my brother.

I leaned in close so only Gabe could hear. “I had to come today because I thought I’d waited too long. You could barely look at me, and—”

“I wasn’t lying,” he said.

“Huh?”

“I love you. I would’ve waited as long as I had to.”

“Alright, lover-boy,” the coach called. “Back to work.”

He dipped his head one final time, and my lips seared a promise into him.

The promise?

That this was only the beginning.

Time was no longer for waiting. It was for living, for loving, and for a whole lot of filth.