A shiver runs through me despite the blast of heat from the hallway floor vent that toasts my quivering legs. I reach out, my fist about half an inch from the apartment door, poised to knock. Wait, why? He knows I’m coming. He told me he’d leave it unlocked. Jesus, I can’t even think straight anymore. Memories pop between my ears like bullets. Me sitting on Nico’s bed, watching a video on his iPad, Nico’s hand skimming my bare arm, Nico’s lips on mine, Nico’s tongue…

Stop!

What the hell is wrong with me? His grandfather just died, and all I can do is think about that night…the one that never should have happened, the one I continue to dream about, the one I relive every time I close my eyes.

Forget the fact that I haven’t heard from him since.

And that he’s my brother’s best friend.

And that he has 1-800-Hoebags on speed dial.

Nico Salesi will never be mine, and I’ve come to terms with that. Kind of.

I’d hoped to accept it once I got to college, but that didn’t happen. None of the guys I’d met could hold a candle to Nico. I couldn’t find the same pools of blue that begged me to drown in them, the ones that sparkled with excitement over the release of a new Marvel super hero movie, ones that deepened with lust when they gazed at me. And I definitely couldn’t find a pair of lips as bitable, ones that tasted like a wide variety of Jolly Rancher flavored lollipops, ones I wanted plastered against my own…and then on other areas—

I grasp the cool brass doorknob in my shaking hand and twist it. The door creaks open, and I squint in the dimly lit room. His bed is in the back corner of the expansive space, and he’s sprawled out on his back, tossing a football up and down. He doesn’t look up, and that should be my first clue that he doesn’t give a flying fuck about me. I clench my fists, trying to control my disappointment.

He never called, never texted, never emailed.

He doesn’t care about anything except the family business. He’d never let anything compromise his place, least of all me.

It was a kiss. We were friends. At least, I’d thought we were friends. That’s why I’m here, to comfort my friend in his time of need.

Nothing else led me here tonight.

I inch toward the bed, my heart thudding against my ribcage. I can feel beads of perspiration pop up along the back of my neck, a typical reaction to his presence. My stomach is twisted like a Bavarian pretzel, but I want to be here for him. He needs his friends more than ever right now.

Then why doesn’t he stop throwing the fucking football?

And just like that, he makes one final catch and sits up. His eyes aren’t sparkling. They’re dark, lost, empty. Soulless. The vacant stare makes my chest tighten and I stop, uncertain about my next steps.

He slides off the bed and creeps toward me. His dark hair is tousled, like he’d just woken up from a fitful sleep. There are bags under his eyes, and his normally rosy cheeks are all but drained of color.

Tears sting my eyes when his hands grasp my shoulders. “Shaye,” he murmurs in his deep, gravelly voice.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “He was such a good man, and I feel terrible for you all.“

His hands move to my hair, twisting a hot pink tendril of hair around his index finger. “You dyed your hair.”

My hand flies to the chunky streaks I’d just had added to the ends of my blonde hair. “Yeah…” I breathe him in, immediately tipsy on the scent of watermelon.

“I like it.”

My heart is pounding like a jackhammer, drowning out all sound, and I almost miss his gruff compliment. A lump the size of a golf ball has taken up residence in my throat, and squeezing out a response is near impossible.

But, as it happens, talk is overrated.

He pulls me close, bending down to press his swollen lips to mine – hot, intense, and hungry for any crumb I’m willing to drop. His strong hands fist my long hair, his kiss deepening with need. I wrap my arms around his tall, muscular frame, melting into his warmth.

My mind is screaming at me to pull away, to stop this craziness. This behavior is so unlike Nico. He never loses control or shows his hand. It’s why he’s such a valuable asset to the family…my family.

He doesn’t really want me.

Or does he?

His fingertips move to my back, pressing into my spine as they travel under my sweater.

Am I willing to be used? To be his comfort fuck?

His lips scorch a path down my neck and then to my ear, igniting my desire with each nip and tickle of the scruff peppering his face. My panties are already clinging to my body, soaked with a need that only he can satisfy.

Yes, yes, hell, yes!

Holy crap, my brother Maximo would kill me if he knew where I was right now. Ugh! Stop! He’ll never know. Dad will never know. This can work, this can happen. Oh God, I want this to happen…

A heavy musky scent swirls around my head, intoxicating me and drowning out any shred of sensibility remaining in my very aroused body.

He grips the hem of my sweater and pulls it over my head. It falls to the carpet in a heap, joined by the black miniskirt and tights he peels from my legs. He takes a few steps back, staring at me like a starving lion eyes his prey. Thank God my bra and panties match. Thank God I waxed. Thank God—

Reality smacks me like a rubber glove across the face. I’d never be standing here if Vito wasn’t dead.

That thought has little time to linger before Nico’s lips crush against mine. My fingers fumble with his belt buckle as his hot tongue coils around mine, plunging deep, staking its claim. I push his jeans and boxers to the floor and he kicks them off with his feet before lifting me into his strong arms then tossing me onto the bed. He yanks off his black t-shirt, exposing pecs and abs I’ve only dreamed about licking. And then, he slides off the boxers, slowly, without moving his eyes from my face. Heat creeps up my neck and into my cheeks and the same warmth pools between my thighs.

He inches toward me, looping his fingers into the sides of my lace thong and pulls it away from my throbbing pussy. Without breaking his gaze, he climbs on top of me and unclasps my bra. I pull it off and toss it aside, every nerve ending in my body crying out for attention.

The intensity of his stare sends a shudder through me. The swollen head of his cock rubs against my slit, and I let out a tiny gasp. I have no idea what to do next.

I’ve never even seen a naked guy before, much less been naked with one. I’ve kissed guys, even let them cop a feel, but that’s about it. It’s too hard to squeeze my eyes shut and pretend for too long that any of those faceless guys are Nico. It works for a little while, until the truth stops me from going further.

But I don’t say a word. I’ve been in love with Nico for as long as I can remember, and if I tell him I’ve never done this before, he might stop. And he needs this. I need this.

I’m trying to be a friend. That’s why I’m here.

Nobody will ever know - not my family, not his family.

He slides his body against mine, his ripped, hard muscles flexing as he adjusts his weight. His fingers tangle in my hair, his eyes heavy with lust and loss. There’s something deeper; I just can’t read it. Maybe I don’t want to.

I pull him down to me, aching to take him in, to feel him move inside of me, to finally know what it means to be alive.

This won’t mean anything to him, but it means everything to me.

He grabs a condom from the bedside table and slides it on, positioning himself at my opening. I swallow hard, my pulse rocketing with each passing second, bracing myself for…Jesus, I have no idea. His hands run up and down the sides of my torso, my skin tingling under the pads of his determined fingertips. They grip my hips and tilt them upward, giving him leverage. He dips his head down to my abdomen, his lips searing my skin as they move up toward my mouth. Only when his lips connect with mine, does he push into my body, tearing through my innocence, and making me feel whole at the same time.

In that second, he ruined me.

I press my fingers into his back, biting back the scream that threatens to escape my lips. Each initial thrust burns like a motherfucker, until the blissful point where it feels so damned amazing takes over. His strokes are long and deep, and I clench my muscles to pull him in farther. His hand reaches around the small of my back, tilting me upward, giving him full access to everything I have to offer. A tingling sensation rumbles in my core and explodes as his hard cock rockets me into an orbit I’ve never known existed. I let out a tiny shriek and he silences it with his mouth.

Our bodies are locked together, moving in perfect rhythm, physically connected. But I can still feel the void. Even those delicious aftershocks still zipping through my body can’t hide the fact that he’s not really here with me, not with his heart.

He grips my ass and plunges deeper, faster, and harder – like he just came to the same realization.

His movements almost become mechanical, impaling me with a determination that is going to hurt like hell later, that is, if I can even walk. He finally grunts through his own orgasm and collapses on the bed next to me, facing the window. No words are spoken. I lie next to him, confused, exposed, and pretty much devastated. I’ve given him everything, and he doesn’t even have the decency to look me in the eye?

I did this to myself. I let him fuck me. I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere.

Can I really blame him?

I roll over, facing his back. I place my hand on his arm, too uncertain to speak. I gnaw my lower lip, waiting. Minutes pass, and I take that as a cue to slide even closer, resting my body against his. I close my eyes and take a deep, unsteady breath.

“I want you to go.”

My eyes fly open. “You what?”

He shakes off my hand without even turning around. “Go back to your daddy, go back to school, go back to your little bubble of a life. Just go.”

“But we just…I thought you were…”

“I’m not. I won’t ever be. Leave now.” He flips over, his eyes so dark they almost look black. With a glare that can freeze ice, he pushes past me, goes into the bathroom, and slams the door.

Short, sharp gasps make my chest quiver. I dress as quickly as I can, consumed by the overwhelming need to get the hell away from him, from this house, and from the fantasies I’d clung to for years that had just shattered around me like a pane of glass.

Thankfully, he doesn’t have a roommate, and I can escape without explaining why my sweater is on backward and why my tights are wrapped around my neck instead of on my legs. I choke back the sobs building in my chest until I collapse into the front seat of my car. I sit there in the dark with the heat blasting. Metallica blares from the speakers, a perfect match for my dark mood.

He never cared about me. He never would. He was always on the take, but this time he took too much.

I betrayed my family tonight. I lost my virginity tonight. I was ready to give it all up tonight.

I loved him, and he treated me like shit.

He fucked up.

One thought makes me smile through the hot tears streaming down my face.

I could have him killed.

* * *

Goddamit! I pound my fist on the corian countertop in my bathroom. Hard. Hard enough to make me think I might have fractured something in my hand from the impact.

Two days had passed since Shaye had invaded my life, yet again. Her brother Maximo told me she’d come home for the funeral, and I somehow managed to avoid her throughout the day. Maybe it was the harem of short-skirted bimbos that kept her at arm’s length, but it wasn’t enough to stop her from making her way back to me.

I didn’t give her a reason to come back. In fact, I’d given her every reason to stay away.

But she couldn’t.

And neither could I.

I squeeze my eyes shut to block the image of her creeping into my bedroom the other night. I’d tried to keep my attention on that damned football, anything to keep myself from wandering over to her. The girl I’d loved for as long as I could remember. The girl I’d wanted more than anyone else. The girl I could never have.

But she snuck into view, and one glimpse was all I needed to jump her fucking bones and rocket her into oblivion. It’s what I’d been fantasizing about since that night before she’d left for school.

It was too dangerous then, and even more so now.

I could have nailed fifty other chicks, but I let Shaye wiggle her sexy ass under my skin. Then I pounded it with everything I had, emptying my entire soul into her.

The tiny drops of blood streaking my bed sheet screamed major fuck up on my part, and I couldn’t get her out of my apartment fast enough. Christ, I’d thought she was just tense because it was our first time, not her first fucking time. She was a virgin, and I took that away from her. Yanked it away with my suppressed lust-slash-rage for everything I’m dealing with right now. I ruined her, and then I kicked her out of my house, living up to my prick ass reputation.

The one I’d warned her about a very long time ago to keep her safe.

My iPhone blares from my nightstand. I slam open the bathroom door and lunge for it, tripping over a baseball bat lying on my floor. Regrettably, baseballs aren’t the only thing I’ve hit with it.

“Hey, Dad.” I rake a hand through my damp hair and search a drawer for a clean t-shirt.

“Listen, son, I need you to meet me in the office. It’s urgent.”

My brow furrows. “Okay, I’ll leave now.”

Something’s up. I’ve heard a lot of grumbling over the past couple of days since the funeral. Max has been tight-lipped and radio-silent, which is strange for him. I didn’t think anything of it until now. I just figured he was giving me space to deal with Grandpa’s death.

I grab a Mets baseball cap from my desk and pull it on. Keys in hand, I tear out of the house and jog toward my blacked-out Range Rover. I slide onto the pebbled leather and the car roars to life. My dad’s office is about ten minutes away, so I’m already late, and Joe Salesi hates when anyone is late to a meeting. No exceptions for blood.

I manage to hit every red light along my route. Motherfucker. A few minutes later, I pull into the parking garage adjacent to the building. I throw the car into park and jump out of the front seat. The elevator bank is the only thing on my side, since the doors open before I can even press the Up button. The elevator flies up to the fifth floor, and I step out, looking up and down the corridor before opening the door to the office. Occupational hazard. You never know who’s lurking, and who’s ready to pummel you with a tire iron.

Being the son of Joe Salesi affords me a lot of luxuries, but it also puts my head on a chopping block for people who don’t feel we have a right to said luxuries. I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding when I confirm the hallway is empty. I pull open the door and walk into the reception area. The office is bustling with activity. Salesi and Associates is an accounting firm. Tax accounting, to be specific. He handles the books for a lot of companies, who might otherwise be under big-time scrutiny. Joe the tax accountant. That’s how he’s known.

He’s not an enforcer. And he’s made it damned clear I need to stay off that path, too.

Janelle, one of the junior accountants, spots me from across the lobby. She has an armful of papers that she lowers, no doubt to make sure I can enjoy the view. And it’s fucking fabulous. She’s got porn star tits and an ass to match, one I can ride for days. And I’ve spent many doing just that. But my head’s all fucked up right now. These older chicks think fucking me means they’re gonna get in good with the boss, that if they land me, they’ll be rescued from the hellish land of general ledgers and showered with freshly laundered hundred dollar bills.

It doesn’t. Mainly because I’m already taken. It happened a long time ago, and it’s nothing I can change. Maybe because I don’t really want to change it.

I inhale sharply, recalling the way Shaye’s body looked in all that frilly lace the other night. I don’t usually pay much attention to lingerie, since naked is always my goal, but on her, it was sexy as fuck. All grown up and innocent at the same time. Made me harder than an iron pole.

“Nico,” Janelle purrs. Yes, she sounds just like a fucking kitten. I don’t know why chicks think that’s sexy. I’m deathly allergic to those evil creatures, so this is an instant dick deflator. Good timing, Janelle.

“Hey, Janelle. My father around?”

Her bright red lips curl upward and she puffs out her chest. “He’s in his office.” She grazes my forearm, her long matching red nails trailing a somewhat innocent path toward my bicep. “I’ll walk you back.”

I smile at everyone in the office who greets me as I follow Janelle. They treat me like I’m a celebrity. I like it. It’s part of the reason why I don’t particularly want to be holed up in an office like my dad. I love the action, and being in the middle of it all is an adrenaline surge like nothing I’ve ever felt before. At least, before the other night.

Janelle’s plump ass is wrapped in a skirt so tight, I’m not sure how she can even move. But she finds a way to swing those hips, and yes, on another day, I might be tempted to shove her into one of these empty conference rooms, spread those cheeks, and fuck her senseless.

But not today. I’m all business, and sex with anyone but Shaye is the furthest thing from my mind.

Janelle stands aside as I walk into my dad’s office. “See you later, sexy,” she murmurs before retreating down the hall.

My father looks up with a raised eyebrow and nods toward the door, my signal to close it. He’s not stupid. He knows I bang chicks two at a time, and is pretty discreet about our unspoken understanding, but there are rules. Never share any details about the family business. Never bring them home. And most importantly, never drill without a mask.

I shrug and sink into a chair in front of his large mahogany desk. “What’s up?”

Joe pulls off his glasses and rubs his eyes. Grandpa’s death has really taken a toll on him. A pang attacks my chest. He’d suffered long enough. The cancer reduced him to skin and bones, stripping away all the colorful and raunchy layers that made him Grandpa. He’d suffered for too long, and although I miss him, he’s at peace now. We were so close. He probably knew more about my conquests than Dad, and he always egged me on. I think sometimes he liked living vicariously through me, especially since Grandma died so many years ago. He never remarried. I think he liked being on his own. Or maybe the lifestyle just didn’t call for it.

“We have a problem.”

Fuck me. Don’t we always? With the shit my dad sees on a daily basis, I can’t imagine there’s a day he doesn’t think that at least once. But for him to actually acknowledge it out loud? Must be big. “Tell me.”

He lets out a deep sigh and runs a hand through his thinning hair. I’m surprised he’s not completely bald from stress alone. “The Oriani family. They’re involved with some businesses I don’t like, ones I don’t want us associated with.” He pauses and stands up, turning toward the large picture window behind him. “Nico, there are a lot of things I’ve shielded you from over the past several years. But now Grandpa is gone, and as my only son, you need to be aware of how things work.”

“Pop, I get it. I’m not an idiot.”

He faces me, a sad smile on his face. “No, you’re not. But I also don’t like the idea of thrusting you into this. But you need to be aware, in case something…happens.”

“Dad, you’re an accountant, probably the safest role you could play in all this.”

“Yes, but because of that, I see everything. Some don’t like that. And they like it less when I question their choices. The Oriani family is tied up in prostitution and gambling, but those businesses are more respected, and they’re the bulk of the revenue.”

“Okay, but…”

“But they’re starting to dabble in trafficking for sex and drugs. They’ve found a few associates who’ve paved the way and helped them get up and running. I only just found out about their intentions. Tony and Max stopped by earlier with some questions. Max seems to be taking on more of a leadership role, which is news to me.” He shakes his head. “I knew it was only a matter of time before they got hungry for more. And when their new business dealings get out, any resistance is going to cause a lot of bad blood. I suspect that’s why they’ve kept it quiet until now. They’ve always been the loose cannons, never the ones to keep the playing field level.”

Tony, the head of the Oriani family, and his son Max, my best friend, are anything but level-headed. Max alone has shot more people because he’d gotten a bug up his ass about the way they looked at him. Loose cannon is an understatement. He’s like a lit stick of dynamite, and the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree.

“What do you need me to do, Pop?”

“You can’t do anything. I’m only telling you so you’re aware. I have to figure out how to handle this. The others aren’t going to like it. You can’t say a word about it to anyone, not even Max. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, yeah.” I let out a deep breath. There’d always been an unspoken code among the families. Nobody jumps into new businesses without consent of the others. That’s how things are managed. You need consent from the others before branching out. Things had been civil for a long time because of that process. But now Grandpa is dead, and he was the one to keep things structured. Maybe the families feel like they need to flex their dicks. I bet Oriani has been planning this for a while, knowing Grandpa wasn’t going to get better and would be out of the picture soon, leaving him wide open to new money-making opportunities and with them, a lot more power.

“I’m not trying to scare you, Nico. We’ll take care of this.” He scrubs a hand down his face. “Keep it to yourself and don’t give any clues that we had this conversation. But since you’re the next in line, I just thought it was time to let you in on what’s happening.”

Next in line. Sounds ominous, but shit happens fast in this type of life. And you need to be ready for whatever happens next.