Micah
“Dad, we already added salt to the sauce.” Caleb stilled his hand, and the teenager gently tugged the salt grinder from Micah’s grip, sliding a concerned gaze his way.
They were standing side by side at the kitchen counter, cooking on Monday night, and Micah was…distracted.
Flashes of Adrien’s crushed face kept flashing through his mind, ripping at Micah’s already tattered insides. Micah thought he was doing the right thing for both him and Adrien when he’d told the man he wanted things to go back to the way they’d been before.
Adrien didn’t trust himself or Micah, and it was clear the Darlings didn’t think Micah was good enough for Adrien. He couldn’t say he blamed them either, since he still didn’t think he was good enough for Adrien. And those facts just reminded him that this relationship was doomed from the start. He’d flown too close to the sun and gotten burned. Part of him always knew he would which was why he’d held a little of himself back and even refused to spend Christmas with Adrien and his extended family.
As he’d listened to Adrien’s apologies and entreaties to give him a second chance, Micah resolved to save the two of them from more heartache.
Who was he kidding? Adrien Darling was out of his league, and Micah needed the job more than he needed a relationship. It didn’t matter that Adrien was the best friend he’d ever had aside from Rhina. It didn’t matter that Micah couldn’t breathe easily until he saw those beautiful hazel eyes light up and dimples dot those sepia-toned cheeks. Or that, with Adrien, Micah was always an insider. Wanted.
Men like Micah didn’t have the luxury of risking everything for a shot at love. He had a decent job, a roof over his head, a newly forged relationship with his son, and his freedom. That was enough. It would have to be.
So, he calmly and rationally let Adrien down. Micah should have been proud of how pragmatic he’d been. So why did he feel worse than he had after Marla’s party?
Micah didn’t remember getting home that night. Then, when he’d woken up the next morning, pain like he’d never felt assailed him. He’d been clammy, nauseous, and his head had hurt. He’d texted Rhina who had rushed over to check on him, peppering him with questions about what he’d eaten at the party, herding him to the car then speeding to urgent care.
But after several tests, the doctor assured him nothing was wrong. Micah had called in sick anyway. He really had felt awful, and he couldn’t face Adrien, only realizing later that he was literally love-sick over losing him.
The sound of the big chopping knife clattering against the counter jarred Micah from his thoughts. His son turned, leaning his hip against the counter, the determination on his face reminding Micah of his mother in that moment.
“Okay, spill. What’s going on, Dad? Is everything okay?”
“Of course things are okay. Why wouldn’t they be?” Micah continued seasoning the chicken in front of him, avoiding his son’s direct gaze. No way was he dumping his problems on Caleb. It was his job to support Caleb, not the other way around. Even if Caleb had asked.
Caleb huffed. “Yeah right, dude. You’ve been like super sad and quiet lately. And I haven’t heard you talk about Adrien. You didn’t even spend New Year’s Eve together.”
Micah had counted down to the New Year on the couch with Caleb who had fallen asleep before the ball dropped.
He tensed at his son’s perceptive observations. Sometimes he hated that Caleb had inherited Rhina’s smarts and discerning nature. Nothing escaped his son. Micah tussled with how much to share, but Caleb was like Rhina when it came to getting what he wanted—unrelenting. Caleb, or Rhina for that matter, would drag the information out of him.
Micah’s throat tightened. “Adrien and I aren’t seeing each other anymore.” It was the first time Micah had said it out loud, and a pain hit him square in the chest with the force of a powerful jab, making him rub his sternum.
The corners of Caleb’s mouth turned down. “It’s not because of all that crap I said when you first came out, is it? I told you, Dad, I didn’t really mean it. I was just mad. I—”
Micah cut Caleb off as he pulled him into his arms. His sweet, sensitive boy, taking the blame for Micah’s failed relationship. How did Micah get so lucky to have a kid like Caleb?
He pulled back, gripping Caleb’s shoulders and looking him in the eye.
“This is not your fault, Cale. It just didn’t work out, so I ended things. We’ll still be friends.”
Caleb pressed his lips together. “You ended things? Why? You should stop being a tool and apologize so you guys can get back together. You’re worse than my friend Will. He pissed his girlfriend, Lourdes, off because he was talking to Joannie, and I told him to just say sorry, but he’s being a total stubborn ass like somebody else I know.” Caleb crossed his arms.
Micah’s jaw dropped in shock at his son’s defense of Adrien. “First of all, watch your mouth. Second of all, he broke up with me first,” Micah stammered as heat flooded his neck and face.
Why the hell was he defending his relationship decisions to a thirteen-year-old?
Caleb lifted his eyebrows, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Well, what did you do to screw it up?”
“How do you know it was me who screwed things up?”
Caleb cocked his head to one side, and Micah let out a strangled sound of indignation.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Cale. But it’s too late anyway.” Micah turned back to the pieces of chicken and directed his frustration at the raw meat, forcefully flipping them over just as he heard a knock at the door.
“I’ll get it,” Micah mumbled gruffly, relieved for a reason to escape his son’s penetrating and judgmental gaze, but he wished he was back in the kitchen with Caleb as soon as he opened the door.
“Can we talk?” Gabe Darling stood on Rhina’s porch, holding the collar of his dress jacket tight around the column of his neck as the frigid early January air blew.
Micah wanted to scream at him, shove him down the steps, then punch him in the face. But then his chest filled with icy dread. Had something to happened to Adrien? Micah stepped out onto the porch, closing the door behind him.
“What’s wrong? Is Adrien okay?”
“He’s fine. He doesn’t know I came,” Gabe said, his eyes focusing on the ground.
Micah’s shoulders sagged in relief, but his body quickly stiffened again, and he folded his arms across his chest. “Then why the hell are you here? How did you even find me if Adrien doesn’t know you’re here?”
Gabe finally met his eyes, lifting a shoulder. “I, uh, knocked on about five doors till I found you. Adrien mentioned you lived on the same block across the street. And, well,” Gabe said cautiously, “I wanted to talk to you.”
Micah narrowed his eyes, quickly losing patience. He and Adrien had been bound to break up, but Gabe had been the catalyst. His sharp nasty words. The doubt he’d planted in Adrien’s mind. He was the last person Micah wanted to talk to.
“I can’t imagine what for,” Micah spat, unable to hide his bitterness. “You got what you wanted. I’m out of Adrien’s life—I told him I didn’t think we should see each other anymore. I’m even looking for a new job. What the hell else could you possibly have to say to me?”
Gabe’s face fell and his posture slumped. “I’m sorry, Micah. I’m sorry about all that shit I said at Marla’s party. Can you… would consider giving Adrien another chance? Maybe come to Sunday brunch?”
Whoa. Micah swayed with shock at what he was hearing, wondering if maybe Gabe was jerking him around, but the man’s eyes, so like Adrien’s, were pleading and sincere.
He shook his head in confusion. “I don’t get it. This is what you wanted, and you got it. You hate me.”
“I don’t hate you,” Gabe said on a sigh. “I hate myself for not protecting my brother the way I should have. I knew something about his relationship with Reggie was off, but I didn’t do anything. When I realized what was going on, I promised not to stand by quietly again. And then you came on the scene.
“I never hated you, Micah. I never really knew you to hate you. I was just scared for Adrien. Protective because I’d failed him before and hadn’t listened to my instincts. This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted to protect him, but I also want him to be happy again. He deserves that, especially after everything he’s been through. And you”—Gabe gestured at Micah and tilted his head—“you make him happy, man. More happy than I’ve ever seen him.”
Gabe’s thick eyebrows dropped and his lips compressed briefly.
“Until you broke up with him.”
Micah groaned, throwing his head back. Seriously? Gabe too, now? “He broke up with me!”
Gabe sliced his hand through the air. “Whatever. All I know is he’s been walking around my parents’ place like a zombie. A smelly, un-showered zombie. And he doesn’t eat and barely talks. I’ve never seen him like this.”
Micah wanted to shove past Gabe and run down the block to the Darlings’ house so he could ease the pain Gabe was describing and ease the ache in himself at having caused it. But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.
He believed Gabe’s words; he did. But Micah had been ignored, neglected, and rejected for much of his life. It had hurt, bruised him, but never beaten him…until Adrien. Only one other person had the ability to emotionally decimate Micah and that was his son. Micah didn’t think he had room for one more. And it wasn’t because he didn’t care enough for Adrien. No, it was quite the opposite. He loved Adrien so much, so deeply, that he couldn’t bear the thought of being let down by him again.
“Thanks for the invitation and the apology,” Micah said, reaching for the knob. “But I don’t think it’s a good idea. Adrien is out of my league. To be honest, you were all right, we shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place.”
“I wish you’d reconsider,” Gabe said, taking a step toward Micah as he opened the door.
“I’ve considered every possibility. I did for days after I left your mom’s party. This is the best course of action. For me, and for Adrien.” Micah stepped in the house and went to close the door, but Gabe stopped it with his hand.
“I respect that. Just—it’s an open invitation, okay. You can come to brunch anytime. A week from now, or a year. You’re always welcome.”
Micah jerked his head and Gabe let go of the door. Once closed, Micah slumped against it, pushing down the longing to take Gabe up on the invitation before heading back to the kitchen to finish cooking with Caleb.
But as he sat at the table for dinner with his son, visions of warm, loud meals with the Darling family, Caleb, Rhina, and Adrien teased him with flashes of a future that could be.