Adrien
“I am not recreating the picture of us in the matching pajamas that button across the butt for mom’s birthday, Erica.” Gabe set his coffee down with a thud on the table, looking around at the other restaurant patrons to make sure no one heard him.
Adrien snorted, almost spewing tea out of his nostrils as his brother made to snatch the childhood photos out of his sister’s hands.
It was two weeks before Thanksgiving and the three of them had met at their favorite lunch spot to discuss the big birthday bash they were planning for Marla’s sixty-fifth in late December. They were done with their food, but the restaurant was still bustling as bussers cleared and wiped empty tables and carried out large plates of fried seafood to boisterous guests.
Adrien pointed a finger at Gabe. “Look, you said you wanted to be in charge of booking the caterer. I agreed to do the desserts and drinks and left décor and the sibling gift in the capable hands of our sister.” He gestured toward Erica, and she bobbed her head as Gabe closed his eyes, sighing. Adrien steepled his hands. “I happen to think recreating childhood photos is adorable—”
“I saw the cutest article on Buzzfeed about these brothers who did—” Erica interjected and Adrien physically put a finger to her lips before continuing.
“The pajamas with the butt flap will be hilarious, and Erica even found the adult versions already. Consider yourself lucky. She could have suggested we go with the tasteful nudes of us getting baths as babies.”
Erica scrunched her lips. “Hmm, I hadn’t even thought of that…”
“Great.” Gabe groaned. “See what you’ve done, filling her head with more bad ideas.”
Adrien laughed even harder when his sister pulled out her phone to type the idea in her notes, making his brother throw up his hands in frustration then reach for his wallet to pay the bill.
By the time they walked out to the parking lot, Adrien had stopped laughing and Gabe had agreed to wear the butt flap pajamas on the condition that Erica not include recreations of the “tasteful” baby nudes.
“You two are ridiculous,” Adrien said as he slipped on his jacket.
“And you, baby brother, are super happy. I haven’t seen you in this good of a mood since—well—in a long time.” Erica’s words trailed off and her gaze wandered as she bit her lip, a tell-tale sign that she was hesitant to say what she was thinking.
Adrien frowned. “What do you mean? I’ve been happy.”
Erica breathed out through her mouth and focused intently on Adrien, suddenly looking serious. “It’s just that this is the first time I felt like I’ve seen the old you. And I’m talking about before you got engaged to Reggie.”
Reggie. Adrien couldn’t hide the shudder that ran through his body at the mention of his ex. His shoulders slumped. Thoughts of Reggie always dimmed his shine. And he knew exactly where the shine was coming from.
Micah.
They’d hung out at Adrien’s place every Saturday night since that first time several weeks ago. Neither of them had brought up the awkwardness of that first evening: Micah’s hard-on. Their obvious attraction to each other. Their almost kiss.
It was just that by the time they’d worked together again, almost a week later, any lingering uneasiness about what had happened had dissipated.
So, Micah had come over several weekends in a row to wind down after work. They mainly just ate Thai takeout from a place that stayed open late, drank beer, and watched movies. Even so, the sexual tension remained. Adrien wasn’t sure if he wanted it to break through the surface.
With Micah, he was himself again. Himself from before. Erica was right. But now, memories of his deceased fiancé clouded over what had, up until that point, been a sunny lunch with his siblings.
“Well, I’m just glad to have my little brother back,” Erica said, stepping in and giving him a brief hug before heading to her car. Adrien and Gabe said goodbye as she slipped behind the wheel, shutting the door behind her.
“All right, man.” Gabe gave Adrien a fist bump. “I’ll holler at you later this week and email those meal options from the caterer to you for a second opinion.”
Adrien nodded, his smile a little more strained than it had been an hour ago. When Adrien got into his own vehicle, he tried to fight back the darkness that had started to bleed into the light Micah brought into his world. But the shadows had already clouded his mood.
He remembered all these people he’d barely known had shown up to Reggie’s funeral. They gave Adrien and Reggie’s family their condolences, telling Reggie’s parents, who lived in Arizona, what a good person Reggie had been. What a loving partner to Adrien.
Adrien had nodded, in a daze, parroting the obligatory acknowledgements but not really processing what he’d been saying, his own memories of Reggie replaying on a loop in his head.
Memories that were far less warm.
Reggie had stopped by right before closing to raid the kitchen for leftover food that they hadn’t sold…and some food that they had set aside to sell the next day.
They hadn’t even been arguing that last time, really. He had asked Reggie to limit the number of free drinks he got at the shop for his colleagues.
Adrien had just locked up the tills in the safe after counting them out and, as he stood, his face collided with Reggie’s fist. He palmed his cheek, stunned.
Reggie had never hit his face. His torso, his legs, places that Adrien could hide. But tonight, Reggie’s anger came off him in sharp waves. His nostrils flared, his eyes widened, and his chest expanded with ragged breaths.
Adrien briefly considered fighting back, but the last time he’d tried, Reggie, having about fifty pounds of muscle on Adrien, had easily pinned him and choked him until he’d passed out. He’d had to wear turtlenecks for over a week.
Pain exploded on his face again, and he dropped like a stone, slamming his shoulder hard against the floor as the air rushed from his lungs and his glasses flew off. A warm wetness bathed his lip, and before he could catch his breath, Reggie’s foot connected with his stomach, a sickening thud accompanying the deep pain that radiated through his belly.
Adrien moaned, curling into a ball, bringing his legs up to his chest and covering his face and head with his arms.
“Goddamn it, Adrien. You and your fucking mouth. You just never know when to shut up!”
The sound of pens, papers, books, and his computer being swept from his desk and onto the flood made Adrien flinch, a few items falling onto him. He tried to make himself smaller.
The sound of Reggie’s labored breaths filled the room. Adrien peeked between his arms, hoping the man would retreat like he usually did after he hit Adrien, resurfacing hours later with a gift and an apology.
But this time, things were different. Reggie stayed put, pacing the small space, pulling at his hair. Then suddenly, Reggie dropped to his knees, yanking Adrien’s arms from his face, before roughly flipping him onto his back and straddling him, receipts and paperclips from Adrien’s desk flying around them.
The wild look in Reggie’s eyes made Adrien quake with fear and terrified enough to try and throw the man off him. He shoved Reggie’s chest and tried to roll over to toss Reggie off.
“Reggie! Stop! Please—don’t—”
A stinging, closed-fist blow to the side of his face silenced Adrien, too punch drunk to do anything other than moan as Reggie berated him.
“This is your fault, Adrien.” Reggie pinned his hands to the floor above his head. Adrien tried to tug his hands away only to receive another burning hit to the face as Reggie kept him restrained with one hand.
“You always drive me to it.” Reggie’s image was fuzzy and his voice was distant as the impact of his punch sank into Adrien and radiated across his face.
“I’ve told you over and over not to disrespect me,” Reggie admonished.
“You think you’re better than me, smarter than me, because you own this place?” Reggie sneered. He tightened his grip on Adrien’s wrists, his red, twisted sweaty face becoming clearer as Adrien’s dizziness dissipated and his vision cleared.
Adrien met Reggie’s hard brown eyes.
“I could have anyone, but I chose you. Even your own family knows what a fuck-up you are, and you’re bitching at me about a few coffees?”
Adrien held his breath, tears staining his face. Then suddenly Reggie rolled off him with a groan.
Too afraid to move, to make a sound, Adrien lay there, his eyes scrunched shut, waiting for…well, he didn’t know what. This was a level of rage he’d never seen from Reggie, and he didn’t really know what to expect next.
“Look at you. Fucking pathetic. You’re not even man enough to defend yourself.” Reggie’s voice was filled with derision. “So fucking weak. You’re useless.” Reggie sighed and Adrien could hear him stand.
On an intellectual level, Adrien knew what was happening to him was abuse. But damned if he didn’t think that there was some truth in Reggie’s words.
He was weak and pathetic. He couldn’t even protect himself.
“Clean yourself up and meet me in the car in ten minutes. Don’t keep me waiting either.” Reggie left the office, trampling on Adrien’s paperwork.
Adrien rolled over onto his side and covered his face, sobbing into his palms, wondering how the hell his dream guy had turned into a nightmare. Wondering how the hell he’d gotten here in the first place. Battered on the floor of his own goddamned business.
Could he ever get out?
Reggie’s warning not to keep him waiting forced Adrien to sit up, get to his feet, find his glasses, and wash his face. Five minutes later, holding a balled-up tissue to his busted lip, Adrien dropped into the passenger seat of the car beside a stony Reggie.
Stiffly, Adrien buckled himself into his seatbelt. As usual, Reggie had opted to forgo buckling up. Reggie started the car, but before shifting into reverse, he raised his hand.
Adrien flinched, closing his eyes and turning his face away in a panic. But instead of a blinding jolt, Reggie’s fingers tenderly caressed his cheek.
“Adrien, sweetheart. I’m— Look, I’m sorry for losing my cool back there.” Reggie cupped the back of Adrien’s neck firmly but gently, guiding Adrien to face him. His touch was so gentle Adrien could hardly believe the same hands had pummeled and bruised his body only minutes ago. He opened his eyes to meet Reggie’s stare which looked so sincere.
“It’s just, you know it makes me angry when you talk to me like that. Right?” Reggie moved his hand from the back of Adrien’s neck along his bruised jaw to cup Adrien’s chin. Expecting Reggie to squeeze his sore jaw, Adrien quickly nodded in agreement. He breathed a sigh of relief when Reggie only grazed a thumb along his face.
“I don’t mean to hurt you. I don’t want to. You just make me so angry. You’ve got to try harder to watch how you speak to me. Understand?” Reggie’s voice was low and sweet like he was speaking to Adrien’s little niece, Margot. But Adrien could also hear the cold steeliness beneath that low timbre, the subtle warning in his voice.
“Yes,” Adrien choked out. “I’m sorry,” he heard himself whisper.
“I know. I forgive you.” Reggie leaned in and pressed a brief kiss against Adrien’s cheek.
Slowly drifting back to the present, Adrien lowered his head to the steering wheel he gripped so tightly his knuckles had gone white. He hated himself for how weak he’d been, how he’d let his fear of Reggie turn him into such a coward that he’d apologize to the man who had beaten him.
Five minutes after that, Reggie had been dead after another car ran a red light and plowed into them. Adrien made it out of the wreck with a broken wrist and bruised ribs. Everyone assumed the bruising on his face was from the wreck too.
He hadn’t dissuaded them.
Adrien had thought Reggie was Mr. Perfect, had been with him for a year before he saw the man’s true colors. He’d never really known him at all.
His mind turned to Micah.
Micah made Adrien’s insides sing. But so had Reggie, in the beginning. That first year they’d been together, he hadn’t so much as raised his voice to Adrien. Then, after they’d gotten engaged, things had changed.
Adrien sighed, lifting his head, and eased his grip on the steering wheel. None of this mattered anyway. He and Micah weren’t dating. And they wouldn’t be dating in the future.
No matter how good being around Micah felt, Adrien didn’t trust himself anymore. He wasn’t sure he’d ever trust his own judgment again.