Nina

What just happened?

Better question, how can I protect my heart? Kyle filled it with so much hope I was soaring on cloud nine, but now I feel as if there’s a leak and it’s slowly deflating.

We started off with such an amazing day, the possibilities were endless. I was ready. I wanted to move our relationship to the next level, give myself to someone who would truly appreciate it.

Kyle told me he was damaged. But this? This is crazier than the “Who’s on first?” comedic bit. Except there is nothing funny about it.

His ex is his sister-in-law, married to his stepbrother, and how does Trinity play into this? Is she Jack’s or Kyle’s?

“This isn’t how I wanted to tell you,” Kyle says flatly, eyes on the road.

Please, look at me.

“I know.” I lean my head against the window.

“I just wanted us to have time.”

Me too.

“I know.” I begin to pick at my fingernails.

“I was going to tell you before the party.”

I need a hug.

As if he read my mind, he lays his arm across the console, palm up.

Turning in my seat, I reach out and take his hand in mine.

Squeeze.

Raising our hands to my lips, I feather light kisses across his.

“This is just us.” He gives me a sideways glance. “Only us.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t. This right here.” He brings our hands to his chest. “It’s ours.”

Hand hugs.

This was for me and only me. What we have isn’t just a rebound. It is something, but how much of something is it? Am I only around because he can’t have who he really desires? I need to know.

“Will you explain to me what happened back there? Cause honestly, I’m hoping I’m making it out to be so much more than what it really is.”

His brother, his ex-wife and a child that I’m beginning to think could be his. A family he has always wanted. Stolen from him.

“Whatever you are thinking, it’s probably right.” He briefly looks over at me, then back to the road.

“Kyle, I have a past too.” I contemplate telling him the whole story so maybe he will open up. “And I promise we will talk about it, but tonight, after this, I need to know yours.”

I wait for him to pull over, but he just keeps driving.

“Tristan was my best friend growing up. She was literally the girl next door. We never dated until high school, but man, I had the biggest crush on her. Once I started to notice girls, she was front and center.” A small smile creeps across his face at the memory.

I want to be jealous, hating the woman who stole his heart so young, but I can’t.

“Then when my mom married Jack’s dad, he became the brother I never had. We were inseparable, making our duo a trio. He was a year older and left us behind most of the time though, forcing us together.”

I don’t speak, just listen, hating that this line divides his once perfect family.

“There was a time in high school, Tris and I were sophomores and Jack was a junior, when I thought maybe Jack had a crush on her, but when I brought it up, he pushed it back onto me.” He shakes his head. “Said I needed to get a clue before I lost her.”

“He was talking about himself,” I finally say something.

“Apparently so.” He nods.

“So how did you end up married?”

“Jack went away to school and we stayed local. We were easy, we connected on every level, the next step seemed like forever…”

“Do you think they were involved before you were married?” I ask the question I know will be the hardest to answer, but it’s the only reason that makes sense as to why he acted the way he did back there.

“Yes.” His hand grips the steering wheel so hard his knuckles are turning white. “Shortly after we were married, he came to town for a family get-together. I got called to the lumber yard for something and he told me he would take her home.”

“Kyle, I’m so sorry.” I squeeze his hand.

“Trinity isn’t mine, if that is what you are wondering, but I thought she was,” he says as he pulls into Niki’s driveway.

“Wh-what are we doing here?” I begin to panic. This happened, but it doesn’t mean we can’t still be together. He needs me more than ever.

“I need a minute and with you not having a vehicle, I wasn’t about to leave you stranded at your place.” He starts to open the door, but I grab his elbow, pulling him back.

“Please, let’s just go to my place. We can talk or not talk at all. I just need to be with you, know that you are going to be okay.”

Shaking me off, he’s out the door and around to mine and opening it. “This is for the best. Just tonight.” He leans in, giving me a soft kiss on the forehead.

“Kyle, this is not us.” I hop down and pull him into my arms. “You just need a hug.” But he just stands there. Arms to the side.

“Nina, I—”

“No! You hug me dammit!” I reach down and wrap his arms around me, one at a time. “Please, Kyle.”

“I don’t want to hug you when I’m thinking about her.”

I stumble back. One simple word shatters every promise. “Her?”

“Nina, wait! It’s not—” Kyle throws his hands up in the air, then pulls at his hair.

“No!” I interrupt. “I’ve been you Kyle. I’ve been the one who wanted something that wasn’t there. Give. The. Fuck. Up.” I turn and walk away, holding back the sobs that are lurking beneath the surface.

“Trinity!” He calls out the name of the little girl so innocent and unware of the turmoil she was born into. “I think about her all the time.”

“What?” I spin around, wondering if I heard him right.

“I wanted her. I wanted a family more than I wanted life and I had it.” He stalks toward me and pulls me against his chest. “She was mine then Jack stole her. I mourned her like she died, Nina. I said my goodbyes, but every time they come around it’s like someone has risen from the dead.”

“Kyle,” I breathe.

“I just need some time to think. I need tonight.”

Prying myself from his arms, I take a step back and whisper, “I wanted you to need me.”

Kyle

After pulling into my drive, I sit and face the house that was meant for a family who never got to live there. Built from plans made by a man who loved with everything he was, only to leave those that he cared about behind. The rocking chairs, the house, the land...promises made to a family that were broken.

I wanted to fix it. I thought if I completed it, it would complete me.

I wanted to have a family and do all the things my dad promised, but never got to do.

I wanted to teach my son the art of craftsmanship; my daughter the way a man should treat her.

I wanted to worship a wife who adored me in return.

“Goddammit!” I scream and pound the shit out of my steering wheel, hating the person I wanted to be.

I hate the hold they still have on my life.

I hate how I react whenever they are around.

But what I hate most of all is walking away from the only woman who has made me feel alive since it all went down.

All for what? Some dream I had as a kid. Some fucking dream I thought I could have.

Getting out, I slam the door and head to the house, but something catches my eye and stops me.

Tire swing.

“Fuck you!” I throw my head back and yell at the top of my lungs. “Fuck you for making me believe! Fuck you!”

Running up to the house, I swing open the door and head straight to the kitchen. I fling open drawers until I find what I’m looking for.

I stalk back down the path toward the swing, “How do you like me now?” I hold up the knife that has the power to knock it down with one swipe.

“You took my dreams.” I reach out and push it with my foot. “You gave me hope and then you crushed it.” I reach out, kicking it again.

“Why?” I fling my arms back and scream at the top of my lungs. “Why did you have to go?”

Out of breath, I reach for the rope, holding it in one hand. “Why couldn’t you have stayed?

My face is soaked with tears I didn’t know were falling.

I drop the knife to my side.

“Dad, I needed you. I still do.”

“If you want someone to need you, I will,” a soft, trembling voice says behind me.

Nina.

Looking up to the sky, I say a silent prayer.

I spin around and pick her up. She has no choice but to wrap her legs around me. Walking in circles. I cradle the back of her head in my hands, kissing her like I’m going to lose her, our mouths fused as one.

“Kyle,” she breathes, pumping life back into my soul.

Slowly lowering us to the grass, I rest my forehead on hers and speak the only words I now know to be true.

“I need you.” My confession is my therapy.

“I can’t change the past, but I can help you live for the future.” Nina’s healing words pull me through.

I cover her with kisses. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not letting me push you away.”

Tonight, I realized that I was searching for the family I lost a long time ago. I didn’t need her, but I did need him.