THIS WAS JUST GREAT. Not only could I not find my other shoe, but I also just stubbed my toe on the edge of my bed. Hopping around like an idiot and cursing every word known to man, I sat down and nearly cried. Resigned, I was going to be late for work. I forgot to wash my favorite scrubs last night, and I’m pretty certain my baby toe now needed to be amputated. Today wasn’t going to be my day, I could already tell. In fact, the last month hasn’t been good for me. I found out something that nearly brought me to my knees. Well, technically it did. On my hands and knees and kept my face in the toilet. Morning sickness was a bitch.

I found out that I was pregnant. Life as I knew it has been hell ever since. This was truly devastating news to me. I was Macie Rosewood. Daughter of Mason Rosewood. My mom was a city council woman, revered and in a place of power. My dad was a retired doctor who sat on the medical board and held a prestigious position. They were very well known around town. Everyone expected me to follow in my dad’s footsteps and be a doctor too, but being an attending physician and making decisions about someone’s life wasn’t something I cared to have resting on my shoulders. It never interested me. I am bossy in my everyday life, but didn’t care to be my own boss. I was good working under someone.

I’ll be the first to tell you that I am slightly self-centered, and vain. Okay, maybe more than slightly, but I knew where my passion lay. I recently graduated from nursing school and helping others is simply put, something I found great enjoyment from. Who would have thought wiping butts and people screaming while they pushed out a human being would be my forte, but it was. And I was damn good at it. Well, there was more to it than that, but at least I was given part of my father’s “care giving” gene. Could be worse I suppose. I could be an interior decorator who gave a rat’s ass about the gazillion shades of red. That’s not to say there certainly isn’t a difference between burgundy, and maroon. Let’s not get crazy, I know the difference. But I certainly wasn’t going to be a mooch living off my daddy’s money the rest of my life. I may be under their roof still, but I can stand on my own two feet. I’m saving up as much of a down payment as I can for a house of my own. Well, that was until this expected news. I now had to wonder if my savings was going to go toward a little rug rat with ten fingers and ten toes.

Yes, I was pregnant. I wasn’t very far along—nine weeks and still in my first trimester. I hadn’t told a soul. Why? Because I had no clue how to even tell the people that needed to know. Actually, it was more like I had no clue what I was even going to do. And if I could manage to keep my face out of the toilet for more than thirty minutes at a time, then maybe I could come up with some sort of game plan.

“Mace, have you seen my Kate Spade bag?” My mom called from the bottom of the stairs, breaking up my negative thoughts.

I sighed. “Try the hall closet by your room.”

“Thanks.”

I closed my eyes tight, trying to refocus my attention. I needed to finish getting ready for work before I was later than I already was. Standing up, I finished slipping on my shoes, and combed through my long brunette hair with my fingers. Bothering with a brush was futile. This mop was going to end up in a messy bun by the time I started work anyway. Grabbing my keys and tote that held a pair of clothes and a couple snacks to help settle my stomach, I rushed downstairs and out the front door before either of my parents could see me. No reason for them to wonder why I looked so flushed.

Starting my Beemer, I sank back into my seat and let the hum of the engine soothe my aching stomach. Let’s get this twelve-hour shift started.

UGA Medical was one of the busiest hospitals for about one hundred miles in any direction. We had a helipad for emergencies, a renowned burn unit, and a labor floor that saw ten to twenty patients a day. Lordy, with all the procreating and screaming you’d think that would have made me smarten up, but no such luck. I was always one to learn things the hard way. Too bad this was one of them. Which reminded me I needed to look up some information, as I put things away in my locker and avoided any conversation with the other nurses I passed on my way to the break room.

“Woman, you have a fire under your ass?” Keegan asked, causing me to jump. I hadn’t seen her come in behind me.

I glanced back. “No, why?”

Bright blue eyes rolled in exaggeration. “You went racing past me like a child chasing the ice cream truck. Everything okay?”

“Mhmm. Just running late. Don’t need Connor lecturing me about professionalism again.”

Doctor Connor was the head of my floor, and hands down one of the strictest attending physicians I’ve come in contact with. The only reason I think he’s tolerated my lateness is because he has also been my dad’s golf partner for the better part of twenty years. He certainly doesn’t hold back just because of that though. Getting a chewing from him is as bad as sitting in front of your parents because you got less than a C on your report card and they want to tell you what the consequences are. I cringe every time.

“Oh, gotcha. He’s been especially ornery today. Michelle accidentally called for the anesthesiologist to go to the wrong room. Not the biggest deal in the world, but a charting nightmare. He’s threatening to send her to another class so she doesn’t make the mistake again.”

Jesus. “What a dick.” I rolled my eyes.

“You and I both know she won’t do it again. Not with him breathing down her neck now.”

“Nobody would.”

A small wave of nausea hit me out of the blue and I swallowed down a burp. Reaching up to hold on the door of my locker, I briefly closed my eyes and willed it away.

“Hey.” Keegan touched my shoulder. “You okay? You look a little green.”

My hand came up to my mouth and I let out a little cough, clearing my throat and ignoring my urge to hurl. “I’m good. I don’t think I got enough sleep last night. Going to be killer this week being on twelves.”

I could see a concerned expression cross her face. Keegan acted like a little mother to everyone. If I could keep this news from her, I would consider myself lucky. She reads me like a book. Squinting her eyes and tilting her head to the side, she regarded me.

“I don’t know.” Her hand brushed my cheek. “Looks like something else to me. How’s your head? Feeling feverish?”

I shook my head and took an infinitesimal step back. “Nope, I’m good.” Her hand dropped, slapping the side of her leg. “I stayed up watching episodes of Pretty Little Liars and eating licorice. I think I ended up getting five hours of shut eye.” I made up the lie so quick even I believed it.

“Ugh, that show is going to be the death of me. When is the next season starting? I feel like I’ve been waiting forever.”

My little drama queen friend. I smiled. I loved Keegan. I knew I should tell her what was going on with me, but I didn’t want to stress her out with the news. She was such a kind and caring person. I think that’s the exact reason she ended up with someone like Camden Brooks. She was the calming force to his intensity. With their recent nuptials, I wanted her to focus on the new life she was creating with her husband. Well, also because she would do the math and figure out that it all happened during her wedding night. Only one suspect could have gotten me in the sack that night and she knew how I felt about Dodger. Getting trashed on the day of her marriage wasn’t my most glorifying moment. Three sheets to the wind and practically dragging him by his neck tie into the pool house—that’s a hell of a visual.

I let out a loud exaggerated sigh, refusing to let myself think further about how I got into this situation. “It has been forever, hasn’t it?”

Leaning back against a breakroom table, she crossed her feet at her ankles. “You know, we could always have a girls’ night and do a marathon of that show or maybe even Game of Thrones. I’ve heard it’s crazy intense. I could get ice cream, and pizza, and we could veg all day with a pillow and blanket fort in front of the TV.”

As long as she was no longer asking me questions about my appearance or questioning how I was feeling, I’d roll with it. “That sounds like fun. You just tell me when we both have a free day on the schedule and we’ll do it.”

Keegan’s blue eyes glimmered. “Good. I miss my best friend.”

I gave her a tentative smile. “I miss you too.”

Turning around, I rummaged around in my bag and took out the typical nursing shoes: my Crocs, and slipped them on my feet and looked at the watch on my wrist. My shift had technically started but my charge nurse had seen me come in. No need for me to rush out and get this long day started just yet.

“How’s married life going? Everything you hoped and dreamed it would be?”

I didn’t have to look at her to see the smile lighting up her face. I could hear it.

“It’s amazing. Well, it’s not much different than how it was before. Still living together, still paying bills together, still going on dates together, but I get to walk around and call him husband. Which is pretty cool.”

I giggled and said with sarcasm, “Such a novelty.”

“Hush. Camden gets a kick out of me saying it.”

“That grumpy alpha male would.” I snickered.

Keegan laughed. “He really is. The other night, one of the members came up to me, asking me about the gym’s training and he nearly came out of his skin. He stormed over all huffy and puffy like he was going to kick the guy’s ass for even blinking in my direction. Lordy, that man can’t handle any form of testosterone in the same room unless they share the same DNA as him. And even then he barely tolerates it.”

I curled my lip. Mumbling under my breath I said, “Sounds like someone else I know.” Dodger was cut from the same cloth.

“Huh?” she asked, not able to hear me.

“Nothing.”

She stood upright, and pulled her long blonde hair out of the ponytail it had been in. Strands of golden locks wisped around her face. “All right, sunshine, I’m going to head home. I need to get some sleep before dinner tonight. Guess we are headed to Camden’s parents’ house. We haven’t been there much since the wedding.”

The thought of Donna and Paul made me slightly sad. I hadn’t been there at all since then either. “That’ll be nice.” I shut my locker and stepped toward her. Reaching out, I embraced her in a hug, already tired of the conversation and how it made me feel.

“Give me a call when you figure out that schedule okay? I miss my best friend.”

“I will, promise.”

As soon as Keegan stepped out and the room was empty, I dropped my head to my chest. This was going to be a brutally long day. Morning sickness, Dodger, Keegan, and everything else I couldn’t even think about right now was going to be sitting on my shoulders like an unfriendly burden. I needed to figure some shit out. Starting with my options.

Twelve hours lasted a hell of a lot longer than one would think when you were dead on your feet even prior to starting your shift. I assisted in six labors and four deliveries, on top of charting everything that went on during the day. My job was demanding, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. At least I stayed busy and didn’t have much time to dwell on what I was about to do.

Taking the elevator to the fourth floor, it dinged to let me know I had arrived. Stepping off, there were rows of closed doors and a long empty hallway. This floor was designated for the doctor’s private offices. An hour into my shift, I pulled aside Doctor Carrie and asked him if he had time to talk. He told me he’d be around when I was ready. It was well past a normal hospital working hours. The windows to the outside were dark, indicating the sun had gone down. Only the physicians that were likely still with their patients were left wrapping up their days. I walked to the third door down and gave a light knock.

“Come in.”

Opening the door, Dr. Carrie as sitting directly across from me with his nose buried in a stack of paperwork. No wonder you couldn’t read their handwriting half of the time. If I had this much shit to go through, penmanship would be the last thing on my mind. Glancing around the room before stepping inside, there wasn’t much to see. He clearly wasn’t a fan of personalization. No photos lined his desk. No plaques or diplomas adorned the walls. It was a blank slate, as if waiting for the real doctor to move in and claim the space.

Just then Dr. Carrie looked up at me. “Macie, glad you found me. Have a seat.”

“Thank you.”

I hadn’t expected this to feel like such a formal meeting but whatever. There was a black leather sofa off the side that I gently scooted back into.

Setting his pen down, and slipping his glasses off his long pointy nose, all of the good doctor’s attention was directed at me.

“What was it that you needed to speak to me about?”

I gulped. Did I just blurt it out, or did I beat around the bush? The second option seemed stupid considering who I was talking to and what I needed to know.

“I suppose I’ll just come out with it.” I paused, only for a moment. “I’m pregnant.”

The smile that lit up his face was fleeting. You see, this was why I sought out this particular doctor to talk too. He was kind, patient, and always willing to teach. Most doctors have been on the job for so long that it becomes second nature to them. They don’t realize they are being brash and short with their words. They save the bedside manners for their patients. Well, at least most of them. Doctor Carrie was a newer physician. He was brought on when Doctor Miles retired last year. He quickly became my favorite and made my job enjoyable. He was younger than most of the other physicians, probably in his late thirties. He was single, and definitely not from around here. The long hours had aged him a bit, with dark under-eye circles and lines in the corners of his eyes that weren’t from laughing. But he had a gentleness to him. He loved his job, and he was kind to the nurses.

“Based on how you’re looking, I’m guessing this isn’t a happy occasion?”

I curled in on myself, slightly ashamed. “No, not exactly.”

“I see. What exactly did this discussion call for?”

“I need to know my options.”

He was processing my words. “Macie, you’ve been to nursing school. You are just as educated in what your options are as I am.”

I realized this, but I think I needed to physically hear someone tell them to me. The thing is, that positive pregnancy test caused all my smart brain cells to suddenly go up in smoke, and I went totally stupid. No amount of reading my school books, or internet searching would sink in what I know I already knew. And maybe I just needed to tell someone. I’d known for over a week now, and this secret was building inside of me.

“I know.” I dropped my head. “I just . . . could you go over them with me? I need to be certain.”

“Of course.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you know how far along you are?”

I shook my head. “I think I’m nine weeks, but my cycle was kind of off.”

“Okay, I’m assuming you know who the father is?”

I tipped my head once.

“At nine weeks, all sorts of things are happening in your body. Your blood flow has already increased, there’s a heartbeat that can be detected on ultrasound, and the fetus is growing at a rapid pace. Are you taking a prenatal vitamin?”

“No.”

“How come?”

“I just haven’t.” I know that wasn’t an answer, but I was having trouble saying much of anything else.

“A prenatal vitamin needs to be started as soon as possible. You’re still in your first trimester and a lot is up in the air right now. If you are in fact nine weeks, you will be due for your first doctor’s appointment where labs will need to be drawn, gestation needs to be determined, and an assessment of your overall health.” He reached down beside him and pulled open one of his drawers. Rustling around for a few seconds he pulled out what he was looking for. “I wasn’t accepting any new patients, but I’d be glad to see you, if you are still looking for a doctor.”

I knew all of what he was saying. I really did. Again, I just needed to hear it. But he was missing something. He wasn’t telling me all of my options. He was telling me the ones that would mean keeping the baby. I wanted to know, the other ones. The ones that would mean I’d be free of this, and I could move on and forget it ever happened.

Who was I kidding? I’d never forget about this

“And if I chose to go the other way?”

He lifted his head and slightly squinted at me. “You mean termination?”

“Yes.”

Dr. Carrie exhaled. “It’s still a viable option. You have a small window where you can take pill, before your tenth week. Shortly after, you could expect some cramping followed by period like symptoms including bleeding. If you go past the tenth week, you’d need to come in for a D&C. You’d be given an IV with some mild sedation. A vacuum would be used to take care of the fetus.”

My body started to quiver. I felt like my face was green, and I wanted nothing more than to run to the bathroom and throw up. “So I have a week to decide if this is what I want to do before it becomes more medically invasive?”

“Yes. But, Macie, I have to ask, does the father know? What does he want? Other options are still out there, such as adoption.”

Adoption, abortion, vacuums, pills, bleeding, sedation, babies, crying, bottles, diapers. It was all swirling in my head like a picture book being flipped super-fast over and over. It was too much. I needed more time. Time. Time is what I didn’t have.

“He knows. He’s left it up to me.” I met his stare straight on. I lied. I didn’t want to have to explain any further.

Folding his hands in front of him, he shifted forward, appearing more serious than before. “Listen, I can tell this was a bit of a shock to you. I get it. I have a lot of women that come into my office and tell me similar things, wanting to know their options and how I can help them. And it is absolutely your choice. But I want to make sure you are making an educated one. Take a few days, think about it. Discuss it further with the father, or your family. I’m sure you have a lot of support in your corner. Your father- . . .”

“My father can’t know anything about this!” I nearly shouted.

He raised his hands. “No, of course. I’m not going to say anything to him. Doctor/patient confidentiality, remember? I was just going to say, your father would probably be thrilled.”

No, he wouldn’t. I’d likely be frowned upon and disowned for being the family whore. He wouldn’t understand that though. My dad had a lot of plans for me. I’d already gone against him by becoming a nurse. He may be accepting of my career choice because it is still in the medical field, but he would not be okay with his only child getting knocked up during a drunken rendezvous.

“Possibly.” I lied again. My family dynamics were not up for discussion.

“Have you been seen at all?”

“No.”

“I can schedule you for a quick ultrasound just so we can check the fetal growth and get a better time frame how far along you are.”

“I can’t. I don’t want anyone to see me on the roster and question what’s going on. Patient confidentiality may be one thing, but nurses do talk.”

He frowned. “Well, that’s disappointing.”

Tell me about it. “I’m just going to go by the date of my last period.”

“Macie, you do know that if you choose to not keep the baby, we don’t do that here.”

Unfortunately, I was aware. “Mhmm,” I mumbled.

“Planned Parenthood is a very safe place, and I could refer you to one of my good friends who works there if you’d like?”

My bag was sitting on the floor next to me. I stuck my hand inside and pulled out a pad of paper and pen. “Sure, what’s the name.”

He passed along the information, and then gave me a very solemn face. His dark eyes appearing even more tired. “If you need anything else, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

I nodded. “Thanks.” Standing up, I went for the door. My back was too him and I was about to step out when I added, “And, please, I’d like to just forget this little meeting took place. Okay?”

Silence spanned the room before he said, “All right.”

I went out into the hall and shut the door behind me. Five days. I had five more days to figure out what the fuck I was going to do. Either keep the pregnancy and let everyone know what’s going on, or terminate the pregnancy and try to move forward. I was never one to even consider the second option as a choice. It’s not how I was raised. However, in my current predicament, I had to consider it. A baby would change my entire life. It would change Dodger’s entire life. Well, that’s if I told him. I nearly busted out laughing at myself. Me, not tell Dodger he had a child? Oh, the hell I’d pay for that one. I’d have to move out of the state and away from everyone and everything that I know to keep that kind of secret. I didn’t want to do that. I also didn’t want Dodger Brooks in my life for the next eighteen years either.

Cheese and rice, I was in one hell of a pickle.