She had been living in denial.

Carter had called and texted. Of course, he had called and texted.

She’d been avoiding his phone calls and texts, not wanting to deal with him without knowing for sure. Could they go back to where they were? Would he even want to after she’d ignored him for so long? Would their lives be completely changed forever? She hadn’t wanted to think about it. So she’d ignored him. Eventually, he had taken the hint.

And Jordan had waited.

She’d delayed confronting it. Jordan Douglas, who planned her life to a T. Jordan Douglas, who dealt swiftly and deftly with anything that got in the way of her goals. Jordan Douglas, who had given up a good man—a wonderful man—because she couldn’t face the truth.

Jordan Douglas, who had dropped the ball.

She’d gone on too long, living on a hope and a prayer. Because fate couldn’t possibly be that cruel. It wouldn’t come along like a thief in the night and completely and totally blindside her and all her carefully laid plans…would it?

But now her period refused to come.

She had at first gone through a litany of ridiculous excuses for it. Maybe being sexually active after such a long dry spell had somehow messed with her hormones and caused her cycle to be re-wired. Maybe the stress of worrying had screwed things up down there. Maybe she was going through really early menopause.

Then the second day had passed. Nothing.

Now, it was officially two weeks after “the incident,” and she was standing in a CVS drugstore staring at way too many options for pregnancy tests.

The incident.

She was laughing hysterically inside. “The incident” was what had indirectly led to this mess in the first place. Said “incident” being that damn ball. Once again she found herself wondering what her life would be like if she’d simply held her glove a bit lower, or higher. She could actually picture the ball falling onto the steps of the stadium, bouncing down to the crowd of hopefuls below her, and her, returning to her seat, giving a mea culpa shrug to Ben as she grabbed her hot dog and finished watching the end of the game.

But now she was standing in the middle of a CVS looking at pregnancy tests.

She picked up one. A plus sign. She didn’t like that. Plus signs were good…hopeful. She didn’t want hopeful. This was not a hopeful situation. She put it back.

She picked up another. It was generic, cheaper. After all, she had student loans to think about. And if it was indeed positive, she’d need all the money she could save. Diapers were expensive. She felt her breath coming in faster. Formula was expensive. She’d read somewhere that it cost almost $20,000 just for a baby to be born. That was almost as much as a semester of law school. Breathe.

On the other hand, did she really want to trust her entire future to a generic pregnancy test? Breathe!

She put it back.

This one. Two blue lines. That was good. Straightforward. Not hopeful. Not reproachful. Just one line or two. Basic math. One. Two.

One.

Two.

Breathe!

Good God, she was going to faint in the middle of CVS with a damn pregnancy test in her hand.

She put it back.

Breathe!

Come on girl.

She wanted to walk right out. Put it off for just a little while longer. School had started. She had cases to brief. She had an issue of the law review to put to bed. She had a class rank to maintain.

Pregnancy was not part of the plan.

Breathe!

She breathed. She grabbed it. The blue lines. That was good. Not hopeful. Not reproachful. Neutral. One. Two. No. Yes.

She marched it up to the cashier. No eye contact. Cash payment. Out the door. Into the car. Back to her apartment.

One. Two.

No. Yes.

* * *

She sat on her bed staring at it. April was in the living room, obliviously reading a casebook with her headphones on. Oh, how Jordan envied her.

It sat on the bed across from her like some nemesis. James Bond and Dr. No. Superman and Lex Luther. Holmes and Moriarty.

Mother and child.

She choked back a sob.

Don’t go there, Jordan.

She didn’t even have to pee! It was like life was taunting her all the more. She rushed out to the kitchen to fill a tall glass with water, chugging it down, then refilling it and chugging it all over again. She stared at April on the couch, completely unaware of the aura of chaos that was going on around her.

Then she felt it. She needed to go. Badly.

She ripped open the box. Christ, why hadn’t she read the instructions before gulping down so much water! She rapidly ran through the instructions.

…Hold in stream…

…Tip pointed down…

…Wait three minutes…

Three minutes?!

Three minutes to find out if her life was ruined? It seemed unnecessarily mocking. On the other hand, hadn’t she waited two whole weeks hoping and praying it wouldn’t have to come to this?

Three more minutes wouldn’t matter.

Her bladder was giving her no choice. She ran to the bathroom and read the directions on the box extremely carefully.

Then she waited.

Shit! Her phone was in her bedroom. She looked at the time as she raced back to the bathroom. 4:43. Okay 4:46. That’s when she’d know for sure. Three minutes.

At exactly 4:46 p.m. her life could be changed forever. It was such an arbitrary time.

4:44

4:45

4:46

Maybe wait one more minute just in case.

4:47

She picked up the stick.

One.

Breathe.

Two.

Oh no.

Breathe!

Oh no, no, no.

Breathe dammit!

Breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe!

She became aware she was hyperventilating.

She threw open the door and ran out to the living room where April was still studying. She looked up in surprise at Jordan racing toward her like a maniac.

April pulled the earbud out of one ear and gave Jordan a startled look. That’s when she noticed the rapid rise and fall of her roommate’s chest. She threw her casebook on the sofa, pulled the second earbud out and rushed to her.

“What’s wrong, chica?” she asked, looking her in the face with concern.

Breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe!

“Okay, okay,” April said calmly, catching on. “Calm down. Breathe. Breathe.”

Breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe!

“Just calm down,” she coaxed. “What’s going on?”

That’s when April looked down and saw the stick.

“Oh,” she said looking at it. Then she looked closer. “Oh…oh!”

Not helping.

Breathe breathe breathe!

April realized she was making things worse and tried bringing Jordan back down again.

She mimed a calming breath, her hand waving in front of her chest with a flair.

“Whooo, Whoooo” She breathed, deep and slow, trying to get Jordan to follow her lead.

It was calming. Kind of what they might teach in lamaze class.

Not helping.

Breathe breathe breathe!

“Okay, just sit tight,” April said, leading her to the couch as she ran into the kitchen.

Jordan could feel herself getting panicky and faint at the same time. Why couldn’t she stop breathing so heavily?!

April came back with a plastic grocery bag.

“Breath into this,” she said, placing it over Jordan’s mouth.

Jordan watched the white plastic inflate and deflate, in front of her face. Her breathing slowed down. She felt herself relaxing. This was helping. Having April next to her, rubbing her back was helping. Slowly but surely, her breathing became regular.

Eventually, she was calm enough to remove the plastic bag. April sat next to her on the couch, looking at her with some serious concern on her face.

“Please, just don’t ask,” sighed Jordan, wanting to avoid the obvious question that they both already knew the answer to.

April just nodded, rubbing her back some more.

They sat there like that for a while until Jordan couldn’t take it anymore. She had to spill the beans to someone. Obviously, it couldn’t be her parents…yet. Obviously, it couldn’t be Carter…yet.

“Okay, yes, it’s Carter Fox’s” she said. It felt good to let it out. Of course, it would have felt better to not have to say it at all, but now that it was out there she could deal with it.

“Hmm,” April said, nodding. She waited a minute. “So…what are you going to do?”

Jordan gave a sharp laugh. “I have no friggen clue. I mean, I just found out!”

There was another moment of silence.

“I mean, I know I have to tell him,” she said, sighing.

“How do you think he’ll take it?” April asked curiously.

“I don’t know,” Jordan said frowning. “I mean he was just so…crazed when the condom broke. Like it’s the last thing in the world he wanted.

“I mean, I get it.” She turned to look at her roommate, getting heated. “Does he think I want a baby? I’m still in school for crying out loud. I’ll be out to here”—she brought her hands out in front of her in a wide arc—”by the time I start at Morris. Pregnant and unwed.” She started laughing.

“Then, after only a few months, I’ll have to take time off to actually give birth. ‘Oh hey, thanks for hiring me, sorry I have to take three months maternity leave…for a baby I didn’t plan for…by a guy I’m not married to…a guy who’s totally out of the picture.’ ”

“You don’t know that,” April said. “Maybe he’ll step up to the plate.”

“Yeah,” Jordan said, staring at the wall in front of them. “A nice fat check every month.” She gave a wry laugh. “I guess if I have to get knocked up, there are worse people in the world to have as a baby daddy.”

“So…you’re going to keep it?”

Jordan blinked. She’d been so focused on her current state she hadn’t thought of her options. Of course, they weren’t just her options. She couldn’t do anything until she told him, but that was a conversation she wanted to put off. At least until she’d had time to process everything.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I have to tell him first. That’s only fair.”

April nodded again and resumed rubbing her back. “So when are you going to tell him?”

Jordan stared at the wall. “I don’t know.”