I lean back in my chair looking at the text messages I’ve sent to Karen with only one response. I need time to think. I’ll see you at the field tomorrow. God, this woman is killing me. I’ve sent her a few more messages since yesterday and still nothing. I’m trying to give her the space she needs, but if she thinks I’m going to let her fears push me away, she’s out of her mind. I lost her once, and I refuse to lose her again.
I need to focus because I have to get some stuff done before I bring Mom to the doctor today, and we have practice tonight. I turn my attention to my reports on a current home project. My crew is doing an amazing job. The house is not only on schedule, but it’s on budget too. That’s awesome news for me and my crew. For every house we complete without issue, we receive a bonus. You would think this would be an easy task but really, it’s not. A lot of the workers who come in here are not the specialists you think they are. This isn’t something they’ve been training to do for years; it’s random people who have been hired as cheap labor because they’re good with their hands.
My mind wanders once again to the conversation I had with my mom last night. “She won’t talk to me, Mom, and I don’t know what to do. I feel like we’re in high school all over again, and I’m going to lose her.”
Mom smiles at me. “You need to give her the space she’s asked for. She’s a good girl, and it’s clear she loves you.”
“I think that’s what kills me the most. I know she loves me, and yet she’s still pushing me away.”
“She has scars, and they run deep. Something you’ve said has opened a wound, and she has to figure out how to deal with it.” She shakes her head. “Doesn’t mean she’s stopped loving you or that she’s pushing you away.”
“I hope you’re right. I’m not sure I can handle anymore hurt.” She bursts into laughter. “What’s so funny?”
“If you really felt that way, you wouldn’t have started dating again.” She leans forward. “Listen to me, hurt is part of life. We all experience it in different ways, but you can’t live with fear over it. You wouldn’t have experienced the love you have with Karen if you had.”
“But what if I made a mistake? We’ve only been seeing each other about two months now. What if her fears are valid and I bring her into our home, and it doesn’t work?”
“Jesse, do you really think that’s possible? What does your gut tell you? You’ve always relied on it, and it’s done you good so far.”
“My gut tells me that we’ll be together forever. That she is the woman for me.”
“Then make it work. Relationships fail because people give up. If she is truly the woman for you, then worship her, show her that, and make her decision easy.”
I smile thinking about my mom’s words. I’m going to worship her. I pick up the phone to dial the local florist which is owned by a friend of ours.
“Beautiful Blossoms. How can I help you?”
“Hey, Lori, this is Jesse.”
“Hey, Jesse. How are you?”
“I’m well, but I need to order some flowers for Karen.”
She giggles. “Is this a special occasion, or did you screw up?”
“I wouldn’t say I screwed up, but I need something to show her exactly what she means to me.”
“Okay, do you want roses? Do you want me to make her a special bouquet?” she asks.
“Not roses. Brian used to buy her a rose at school. I need something else. Something pretty and that will make her feel special.”
“Okay, I’ll make her an arrangement. Do you have a budget?”
“No. Don’t go billing me hundreds of dollars, but no, I’m not worried about the amount.”
“Got it. Email me what you want the card to say, and I’ll get it out soon.”
“Will do. I have the shop email right here.”
I cut the call and think about what to say. I can’t take too much time or she won’t get her flowers today, and I want her to have them before we meet at the field tonight. I open my email and begin to type, but the words I want are not coming as easily as I would have hoped. It takes me three tries to write the message before I send it off.
I spend the next two hours going through reports and sending them off one by one to my boss. We’re on target for three out of seven of the houses I’m currently working on, and if you ask me that’s pretty shitty odds. I need to get out to the other four sites tomorrow to find out what the hell is happening.
I’m about to leave for the afternoon when my email pings with a message form Lori. I love the message, flowers are on the way. She attached a picture of the bouquet she made. She did an amazing job. They’re beautiful, and there’s a small heart-shaped balloon poking up from the flowers.
I hit reply and send a quick message letting her know she did an awesome job and that I’ll see her at the field tonight.
I shut down my laptop and stick it in my bag before I sling it over my shoulder. “Hey, Clint. I’m out of here, man. I have to take my mom to the doctor and then if I’m out early enough, I’m heading out to my sites. I’ll be there in the morning as well.”
“Sounds good. I’ll hit you up on your cell if I need you.”
I wave and head out to my truck, calling my mom on the way to make sure she’s ready. I hope she’s right and it’s not more than a cold. The same woman who told me to go with my gut is giving my gut a bad feeling. She’s in her early seventies and up until now has been a very healthy woman, but she’s stubborn as an ox. I was furious when she recently admitted that she hasn’t been feeling well for a while now.
When I pull up to the house, Mama is sitting on the porch swing. She looks exhausted as she sits swinging. It appears she’s staring out into the woods across the street from my house. It breaks my heart to see her looking so lost. Not wanting to scare her, I slowly approach her. “Mom, are you okay?”
Her head slowly turns, and her eyes meet mine. “I’m just thinking about how old I’m getting. I’ve lived a pretty full life.” A tear runs down her cheek. “I miss your daddy.”
My chest tightens. I feel for her because I know how much I missed Karen after I decided to let her go. “I know, Mom. I can honestly say I understand.”
“Take care of her.”
“I will, I promise.” She stands from the porch. “Come on. We’re going to be late.”
I help her into her car, and we head over to meet the doctor.
The office is quiet since I’m the only one in. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a car pull into the lot. I’m exhausted because I haven’t slept well, and the last thing I want to do is deal with a client. My day has been easy. I had a few minor things to do this morning. The remainder of my day has consisted of answering the phone, a few emails, and beta reading for my authors. It’s now three and almost time for me to go. I watch as the person fumbles around in the back of their car. What the hell could they be doing?
A smile lights up my face when I see him carrying a huge bouquet of flowers. He comes through the door. “Excuse me, but I’m looking for Karen.”
“You’ve found her.” My cheeks hurt from smiling so wide at the beautiful arrangement before me. He’s so sweet. He not only sent me flowers, but he was sure to give the business to our friend.
He puts the flowers down on my desk and hands me his electronic device. “Sign please.”
I scribble my name on the screen and thank him. I bite my lip and pluck the card from the arrangement.
Karen,
I know you’re scared and I understand why, but I need you to trust me when I tell you that I love you with all my heart and would never hurt you. You mean the world to me and my family. I’m sorry if I upset you. That wasn’t my intention. My intention was to let you know that I’m ready when you are and that we will move at your pace. Clearly, I didn’t communicate that well and, for that—I’m sorry. It was hell not hearing your voice yesterday, and it made me realize what a mess I would be without you. Please don’t shut me out. Talk to me, and we will get through this together.
I love you with all my heart.
Jesse
P.S. I’m not beyond begging.
I laugh. I can’t believe he spilled his heart out in this card. He’s so sweet. I’ve missed him too, and I know it sounds crazy since it’s only been a day, but it’s true. How does one explain it other than being head over heels in love with the man she should’ve been with for years now. I screwed up and damn it, I’m not letting him go a second time.
It’s a little early, but I don’t care. I need to beat my man to the field so I can tell him that I feel the same about him. I close the office and hurry home. When I get there, Jason is putting his books away. “Mom, you’re home early.”
“I know, but I couldn’t focus at work.”
“Are you okay?” He sounds slightly concerned.
“You know for the first time in a long time I think I can honestly say that I am.” I ruffle my hands through his hair. “Are you done with your homework?”
He nods. “Good, go get ready because I’m excited to get to the field.”
“You are?” He looks at me like I’m crazy.
“Yeah. We’re meeting up with the other half of our family.”
A huge smile spreads across his face, and he runs off to his room. I go straight to mine as well to change out of my work clothes and into something more comfortable.
We pull up to the field early, and Jason’s thrilled. “Can we pass my football around?”
“Sure can.” I jump up and grab the ball from his bag. I throw it to him and he throws it back. I love this time with him. We keep going back and forth, but I know something is on his mind because he keeps dropping the ball. “What’s wrong, Jason?”
He shrugs. “Nothing really.”
“Jason Carter, you better start talking or I’m holding this ball hostage.”
He sighs. “Gabe and I were talking about how cool it would be to live together, but then we realized that you and Jesse were both looking down yesterday, and we feel like it’s our fault.”
I sigh. “It’s not your fault. You two need to come to us with stuff like this because we need to talk it out. The reason I was upset yesterday had nothing to do with what you boys said or what you want.” I throw the ball to him. “You need to understand that a relationship like Jesse’s and mine is a lot of work. He said something that bothered me and instead of talking to him about it, I pushed him away, but I plan on fixing that today.” I catch the ball. “It’s not always easy, and the decisions we make as adults have to be carefully thought out, understand?” He nods and catches the ball.
“Nice catch, bro,” Gabe calls out, running down the hill.
I note that Josephine is not with them, and Jesse looks upset. He has a bag of food from the local sub shop which means Josephine is still sick. I open the blanket as he approaches our spot. “Hey, how’s your mom?”
He wraps me in an intense hug that tells me he really needs me right now. “I’m sorry I pushed you away, Jesse. I’m here if you need me.”
He pulls back and looks into my eyes. “Will you walk Grace over to practice. I left Shayla a message letting her know what’s going on. Shayla will bring her back to you when they’re done.” He opens Grace’s sandwich, and she plops down on the blanket to start eating.
“Of course.” Now I’m starting to panic because I can hear the fear in his voice. “Is she okay?” He puffs out a deep breath. “What is it?”
“She has a bad case of walking pneumonia, and it’s going to take a little while before she’s back on her feet again.”
“We’ll get through this. I promise. I won’t push you away anymore.”
“Thank you. I already picked up her prescriptions from the pharmacy. She’s at home resting.”
“Mr. Townson.” Jesse looks over his shoulder. “I got your message. How is your mom?”
“Hi, Shayla. She will be fine, but it’s going to take a few weeks for her to be back on her feet.”
“I’m glad to hear she will be okay. If Grace is ready for practice, I’m happy to take her over for you.”
“Thank you.” He turns to Grace. “Are you done eating?” She nods and jumps up from her seat.
“I’ll bring her back when we’re done,” the coach announces, and they walk off hand in hand.
“That was nice of her.”
“She is really nice, and Grace adores her.”
As soon as the boys are done, they’re back on their feet and passing the ball around. “Jesse, if there’s anything I can do to help while your mom is sick, please let me know.”
He pulls me onto his lap and looks into my eyes. I can see the concern in his, and it breaks me. “I need you. You have stolen my heart.”
“Well, I better give it back, because this sport takes hustle and heart.” I stress the word and.
He throws his head back in laughter. “What would I do without you?”
“I don’t know, but it’s lucky for you that you won’t have to find out because I’m not going anywhere.” I run my fingers through his beard.
He buries his face in my neck. “The doctor sounded concerned. He told me if she gets any worse to bring her right back in.”
“She’s a stubborn woman. I have a feeling she will be just fine.”
He looks at me. “You know what she told me today?”
“What?”
“That she misses my dad. I’m hoping that she hasn’t given up.” I squeeze my man tight, comforting him in his time of need.
“I wish I knew what to say or that I had a way to make her better, but I don’t. We just need to take good care of her and make sure we do exactly as the doctor says.”
“I know, and you’re right. Just having you here to listen is helpful.”
“Go, forget this for now and enjoy practice. We’ll talk more later.” He kisses me, and I climb off his lap so he can get up and deal with the boys.
“What’s wrong?” Stella asks with Misty by her side.
“Josephine still isn’t feeling well, and he’s concerned. Are we going for our walk?” I ask, changing the subject. It’s not my place to give out the info on her.
“Yes. I need to walk or I’m going to get as big as a house. I’m already starting to show, and before we know it my clothes won’t fit.” Stella rolls her eyes.
“Um, you’re pregnant and carrying my godchild, so take it easy.” Misty gives her crap as usual.
Lori comes jogging over. “Are we walking?”
“Yeah, what about them?” I point over my shoulder.
“They said they’re good for tonight.” I stick my tongue out at them. “Did you get your flowers?” Lori nudges me.
“Jesse sent you flowers?” Misty giggles excitedly.
“Yeah, we had our first little tiff the other night over me moving in with him.” I look at the ground.
“He wants you to move in?” Misty squeals with excitement.
“Worse—the kids want us to move in together. You should’ve heard the conversation. It was brutal. Then, when we were leaving, Jesse put it on me. Saying he was ready when I was. I got upset and told him I needed space to think.”
“What are you worried about?” Misty asks, like I’m crazy.
“I don’t know, maybe the fact we’ve only been seeing each other about two months.” I give Misty a look that screams Duh.
“Do you love him?” She plants her hands on her hips and stops walking.
“Yeah, I thought that was quite obvious.”
“It is, and so would moving in with him. Who gives a rat’s ass how long you’ve been together. If you love each other, then do it. It’s not like you just met. You knew him in high school, and you had a connection then. Did you not?”
This woman is infuriating with her no-nonsense bullshit. “Yeah we did.” I smile.
“So stop stressing over what other people think and do it. As long as you and the kids are happy, that’s all that matters. Fuck what anyone else thinks,” Misty shouts.
“Misty, lower your voice,” Stella demands.
Misty shrugs. “My bad.” We all continue walking.
The remainder of practice is a blur until Grace comes running over with Shayla. “Thank you, Shayla.”
“You’re welcome.”
“How was cheer, Grace?” She joins us on the blanket.
“It was awesome. We’re so good,” she explains excitedly.
“I saw you cheer last week, you were amazing,” Stella encourages her. She yawns, tired from the long day, but we keep her going with conversation about school and cheer practice.
Finally, Jesse blows the whistle ending practice. He has a brief talk with the team and then I dismiss the players to their parents. It’s getting easier and easier to do since I recognize most of them now.
Once everyone is gone, the five of us walk up the hill. I note that Jesse parked directly beside me. The boys fist bump and then get into their respective vehicles. “Listen, I’m really sorry I pushed you away. I didn’t mean to, but I got a little freaked out. I love you and I think what scares me is as much as I want us to live together, I’m afraid I’ll be left with nothing.”
“Baby, that won’t happen because there’s not a chance in hell I’m letting you go again.” He presses a gentle kiss to my lips.
“Are you really ready for two more bodies to be in your house?”
“I’m more than ready and, to be honest, I need you and I don’t mean to help with the kids. I don’t want to go through life without you.” His eyes are so sad. How can I say no?
“Okay. I’ll move some of our stuff to your place this weekend, and we’ll get Jason transferred.”
His eyes light up. “You mean it?” I nod. “Yes.” He picks me up and spins me around.
“Dude, I’m moving in!” Jason shouts out the window to Gabe.
They reach their fists out the window to bump. “I guess we don’t have to worry about telling them.” I burst into laughter.
“Well, we better get going because it’s getting late.”
He kisses me one last time. “Good night, beautiful.”
“Good night, stud.”