It’s Saturday morning and I just finished feeding Jason and cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast. Now I have to get some stuff done since we’re going to Jesse’s. I have my list, and my goal is to get it all done before we have to leave so I can relax tomorrow. I already managed to get through some of the cleaning, and now all I need to do is tap out an email to all the parents.
Hello Junior Peewee parents,
This Wednesday evening there will be a mandatory parents meeting at the field and each player must have at least one parent there to represent them. We will ask parents to sign in for accountability. There will be important information discussed, so please make it a priority to attend.
Also, Saturday, August 25th, all players are required to do a formal weigh-in. The weigh-in is mandatory, and players who do not weigh-in will not be allowed to play. Each player must wear shorts and their game jersey. There are a few of you who are cutting it close on your weight, you know who you are, so please see Coach with any concerns. All players will be taken to weigh-in on a bus that the league will be providing. Parents are not allowed on the bus. The buses will be monitored by coaches and team moms. We have all player contact information on file and the team moms will have this information handy in case of emergency. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out to me or Coach.
Lastly, following the weigh-in, we will have a kick-off celebration on the practice field. Pizza, snacks, and beverages will be provided. We will also be announcing the raffle winners from the tickets that were turned in at practice this past week. Thank you for helping to support the league. This kick-off event is a lot of fun for the kids and helps them develop good team spirit, so we hope you can all make it.
I’ll see you all at practice on Tuesday.
Karen
AKA Team Mom
Okay that’s one thing down. “Jason!” I call out to my son who is no doubt playing video games in his room instead of packing.
“Yeah, Mom.” He comes running into the living room.
“Have you packed yet?”
He takes a seat next to me. “No. I was playing Xbox.”
“It’s time to take a break and get your stuff together. After you are done packing, take a shower and get dressed.”
“Okay, Mom.” He runs off to his room to do as he’s told, but comes back a minute later.
“Mom, can I shower and then pack.”
“Sure, as long as you get it all done.”
“Okay, cool.”
I’m busy starting a load of laundry when my phone chirps in my back pocket. I never used to keep my phone on me, but since becoming a single mom it’s a habit I created. I want to be there if Jason ever needs me.
Jesse: Hey, beautiful. Hope you’re having a good morning.
Karen: I am. Just getting some things done before we head over.
Jesse: I’m thinking we should play cards or something with the kids.
Karen: Sounds good. Do you have something we can all play?
Jesse: I’ll find something. Mom is heading out to Bingo, so it will be the five of us.
Karen: Did you kick her out so you could have some time with me?
Jesse: LOL no, but she did say she was leaving so we could have some time alone together. ;-)
Karen: Blushing... I gotta get the laundry done. I’ll see you soon.
I start the wash, but stop and listen when I hear Jason on speaker phone in the bathroom. I feel bad that I’m eavesdropping, but I need to know what Brian says.
“Hey, Dad.” He sounds super excited.
“What are you up to?” Brian asks him.
“I’m about to shower because I’m going to camp in my friend Gabe’s backyard.”
“Gabe?” he questions.
“Yeah, he’s on my football team.” I’m surprised but happy he makes no mention of Jesse.
“Okay, well have fun. I wanted to let you know that I want to pick you up next weekend. Maybe I can get you on Friday night.”
“Can it be after practice?” Jason sounds so hopeful.
“Sure. I’ll try to get there early enough to watch.”
“Cool. Later, Dad.”
He cuts the call, and I head to my room to pack an overnight bag. I’m a bit nervous. I haven’t been intimate with any man since Brian, and as he so graciously pointed out, he hasn’t had the desire to touch me in over two years. What if I can’t please Jesse? What if I slip into my nightshirt and I’m not the beautiful woman he thinks I am? Damn. All my insecurities are floating to the surface, and I have no idea how I’m going to gain the confidence I need. Maybe I shouldn’t stay the night. Maybe I should just let Jason spend the night and tell Jesse I’m not ready and that I’ll come back in the morning to get Jason.
My mind is racing but my body is moving, putting clothes in a bag like it disagrees with my head. I want his hands on me. I want to feel sexy and cared for. I miss the touch of a man, but I’m not sure I’m ready either. Brian’s words often wrack my brain.
“I’m not sure what you’re worried about. It’s not like you’ll ever marry again anyway. I mean, look at you.” His eyes rake over my body with disgust. Brian’s words sting as they run through my head.
I hate that Brian has taken my confidence by spewing his venom. I push these negative thoughts away. When I’m done packing, I leave the bag by the door and grab my laptop. I’m three-quarters of the way through a book and need to finish it for the author. I promised her I’d be done by this weekend. I love that I get to read books before they go live. It’s fun to see the book come to life, but that means I have to make sure I stick to deadlines or it messes up my authors’ schedules, and that can’t happen. It can be tricky sometimes because I read for multiple authors. When they all start throwing books at me at the same time it can be a struggle, but I’ve been lucky so far and haven’t had to turn a book down. With my feet up in the recliner and my laptop on my lap, I dig in.
When we pull up to Jesse’s house, I suddenly feel nervous again. I decided to have Jason bring his bag in, but I leave mine in the car. My insecurities have been fucking with my mind all morning, and I realized that we never discussed me spending the night. It was Jason who was supposed to sleep over.
We’re stepping onto the porch when Jesse greets us. “Hey guys.”
“Hi Jesse,” Jason says.
“Gabe is upstairs. Go on up.”
“Thanks.” He heads in to look for his friend.
He narrows his eyes at me and then pulls me close. “Are you forgetting something?”
“What do you mean?” I bite my lower lip knowing exactly what he means.
“Well, I was sort of hoping you were spending the night too, but you didn’t bring a bag.” He slips his hand into my hair at the nape of my neck, his thumb caressing my cheek. I look down at the floor, but he tilts my chin up. “What is it?”
I shrug. “I’m a different person than you knew all those years ago. I may look the same on the outside, but Brian has ruined me.” I close my eyes for a moment and then continue. “My insecurities got to me, and my mind started to reel with thoughts.”
“Ssshhh.” He presses his lips to mine.
“You don’t have to stay if you’re not ready, but I really would love for you to.”
I nod slightly. “Be right back.” I run down to my car, open the trunk, and grab my bag. When I head back to the house, Jesse is sporting a huge smile. I shrug. “I packed one just in case.”
He takes my hand. “I’m so glad you did, beautiful.”
We walk into the house to find the three kids chasing each other. “Wow, what is going on?” Jesse stops everything.
“Grace kicked over the Lego tower we were building,” Jason informs us.
“Grace Anne,” he growls.
“What?” She crosses her arms at her chest. “They wouldn’t let me help,” she huffs.
“That doesn’t give you the right to be rude. We’ve already discussed this today. Go to your room and calm down.” She stomps her feet the entire way up the stairs. “Go rebuild your tower, boys.”
I turn to Karen with a huff. “I’m sorry. Welcome to my world.”
I chuckle. “Don’t apologize. I only have one, and I struggle. I don’t know how you do it with two.”
He shakes his head. “I wouldn’t be able to do half of what I do without my mom. She is an amazing support, but Grace is clearly having a hard time with her brother growing up and becoming less and less interested in playing with her.”
“Yeah, I can see how that would be hard.”
“I purposely spoke with her this morning. Gabe agreed to play with her before Jason got here and now that she’s not the center of his attention, she’s not happy.” He shrugs. “She needs to learn that life doesn’t revolve around her.”
“Good luck with that.” I laugh.
“What’s so funny?” He pulls me into his arms.
“I’m laughing because I told Brian if he could promise me five boys I would give him five kids, but I didn’t want to raise a little girl. We’re difficult human beings.” I laugh again.
“Does that mean you’re going to run for the hills?”
“Daddy!” Grace shouts from the top of the stairs.
“I might.” I burst into laughter.
“That’s not funny.” He pulls away. “If you think I’m letting you get away that easy, you’re very, very wrong.” He winks at me and then runs up the stairs to tend to a sniffling Grace.
I glance around his tidy house and decide to take a seat on his loveseat to wait for him. He comes down a few minutes later carrying Grace in his arms. Her cute little cheeks are tearstained, and her long dark brown hair is falling into her eyes. “Awww, what’s wrong, Grace?”
“Boys are mean.” She’s still stuck on the boys.
“You are right. They can be mean, but not all of them are.” He takes a seat next to me with Grace on his lap.
“Well, duh. Daddy is not mean. Well, not all the time anyway.” She narrows her eyes at him.
“And my Grace isn’t always as sassy as she’s being today. I suggest she calms down or she’s going to find herself in her room by herself all day.”
That does it. She instantly changes her approach and turns into the sweet daddy’s girl she is. “No, Daddy.” She hugs him tight.
“Put a movie on and relax then,” he warns.
His blue eyes are full of love as he watches her do as she’s asked. “Let’s go sit on the porch.” Taking my hand, he pulls me to my feet. There’s a really cute old style wooden swing hanging from the porch. We take a seat, and he instantly starts to swing the seat gently. “I’m really excited that you’re here.”
“Me too. I know we’ve spent most of our time talking on the phone and hanging at the field, but it feels right,” I say, staring out at the yard.
“Karen.” He waits for me to look at him.
“This is hard to admit, but I never stopped thinking about you. I mean, I cared a great deal for Della, but I later realized that she never meant as much to me as you did. It took all I had to walk away from you and Brian.”
I run my fingers through his soft blond beard. “Let’s not talk about him anymore. I don’t want to think about my mistakes.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel that way.” He leans forward, and our lips connect. I open to him instantly because I need to taste him. Our tongues collide, and it’s heaven. He lets out a low growl as I run my hand down his muscular chest. I can’t wait to see him with his shirt off. I can tell from the sleeveless shirts he wears to practice that he’s stayed in good shape, and there’s nothing that turns me on more than some pecs and abs.
We’re so lost in the moment we never notice that some storm clouds have rolled in, and suddenly our moment is interrupted by a rumble of thunder and a strike of lightning. “Well, I guess the boys aren’t sleeping outside tonight,” Jesse says with his forehead pressed to mine.
“Oh well. It could be worse.”
The boys come running out the door. “No!” they both shout. “Now we can’t sleep outside.”
“You two act like Jason is never going to sleep over again.” I give them a look that screams really.
“I know, Mom, but it was going to be so much fun.”
“I guess you two will have to figure out how to make sleeping inside fun.”
Gabe turns around with a huge grin on his face. “Dad, can we build a fort in my room and sleep on the floor?”
“As long as you clean it in the morning. Don’t go leaving a mess for your grandmother.”
“We will. Right, Jason?”
“For sure.”
“Have at it,” Jesse says. The boys fist bump and run into the house, full of excitement. “That was easy,” he adds.
“I told you boys were easier.” We both go silent watching the rain fall. It’s so peaceful, and it’s nice to have someone to enjoy it with. It makes me realize how lonely I’ve been over the last couple of years. I grab his hand and rest it on my lap. “I’m really glad we bumped into each other. I’m not sure I would be able to move on with anyone else. I can’t trust anyone,” I admit, hearing the struggle in my voice.
He picks up my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I won’t hurt you, Karen.”
“I hope not because I’m trusting you and if you did, I’m not sure I’d recover.”
“Daddy, I’m hungry,” Grace calls out.
I can see the disappointment on Jesse’s face. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I am, better than I have been in a while. Let’s start dinner.”
We walk in to see Grace lying on the floor on her back with a pillow and blanket. She’s seven, but right now she looks like she’s about five. “What do you want for dinner?”
“Chicken nuggets,” she says, never looking away from the TV.
Jesse looks at me. “Did you hear something? I thought I heard my daughter speak, but you know, I’m not quite sure.”
I look at him, confused, until Grace turns her attention to her father and says, “Daddy, can we have chicken nuggets please?”
“That’s way better. Now I heard you.” I burst into laughter. That was hilarious. “Go ask the boys if that’s what they want too.”
“Okay.” She pauses her movie and runs to the bottom of the stairs. “Jason! Gabe!” she shouts up the stairs.
“Grace Anne.”
She giggles. “Sorry, Daddy.” She runs up the stairs laughing while we go to the kitchen to get things going. I preheat the oven while Jesse takes a cookie sheet out of the cabinet.
He turns to me. “I know I told you we were going to BBQ, but it's storming and the kids don’t get to pick their meal all too often, so with Mom out of the house I decided to let them have more of a kid-friendly meal.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“What’s the plan for tomorrow?” Jesse asks.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t even sure I was staying here until I got here and you reassured me that’s what you wanted.”
He looks into my eyes. “I can’t believe you didn’t think I wanted you to stay.”
“Think about it. You have two kids who lost their mom, and I only just met them.”
Grace comes running back into the room. “They said yeah, and Gabe asked for mac and cheese with it.”
“Okay, do you want some too?”
“Yes, please.” She skips off to finish her movie.
“Does Jason eat mac and cheese?”
“We love it.” I wink. “What kid doesn’t?”
He grabs a pot. “The nuggets are in the freezer; will you please get them and put them on the cookie sheet?”
“Of course.” We both start to move around the kitchen like we’ve been together for years. The oven beeps letting me know that it’s preheated. I put the nuggets in, and Jesse continues making the mac and cheese.
“Where are the dishes? I’ll set the table.”
“I can help,” Grace says, taking my hand.
If I’m not mistaken, someone is jealous, but I let her lead me to the dishes. “I’d love your help, Grace.” I follow her to a closet where she gets a step stool and then carries it to a cabinet. “You know, if you told me which cabinet they were in, I could have gotten them for you.”
“It’s okay. I like using the step stool.”
I chuckle. “Fair enough.” She hands me plates one at a time, counting how many she needs. “How about I take these to the table and you grab utensils.”
“Okay.” She climbs down, and I go to the dining room to put the plates on the table. I love that Jesse has a dining room that seats ten because although we don’t always get to eat nice meals, we do sit and eat together.
Jesse comes in carrying a pot holder and a pan of mac and cheese.
“Do you like to cook?” I ask him.
“I don’t mind it. I prefer to grill, but with this weather there was no way I was going to grill today.” He points to the window where we can see it’s torrentially down pouring.
“I don’t blame you.”
“I’ll make you something different if you don’t want what the kids are having.”
I narrow my eyes. “Are you having what the kids are having?”
He chuckles. “If you are.”
“I guess we’re having what the kids are having.”
“Grammy doesn’t like us to eat this.” Grace takes some noodles for herself.
“Oh no?” I question.
She shakes her head. “She says this is full of crap and we shouldn't eat crap.”
I burst into laughter. “Well, I can’t argue with that.”
“Grace, don’t talk like that. Now go get the boys.”
She looks down at the heap of noodles, sighs, and runs off to call the boys for dinner while Jesse gets the nuggets from the oven. When he gets back, we all take a seat. “Grace is right, though. I treat them to stuff like this while Mom is out because she doesn’t like them eating it. So to answer your question, I am fully capable of cooking. My mom made sure of that, but she cooks healthy stuff for us so often I don’t have to do it.”
“That’s cool. I mean, it’s important that they eat healthy but they need to be able to be kids once in a while.”
Jason and Gabe help themselves to nuggets and noodles while Grace is already stuffing food in her mouth. “This is good,” Gabe says through a mouthful.
Jesse gives him a dirty look, and he instantly stops. “She wanted to cook for us tonight, but I told her I had it under control.”
“I bet she gave you crap about it too.”
He chuckles. “You better believe it. She saw the nuggets in the freezer and knew.”
“That’s pretty funny.”
He shakes his head. “God knows I love the woman and she definitely helps me stay in shape, but sometimes I just want to have the greasiest bacon cheeseburger I can find.”
“Now you’re talking, Dad,” Gabe adds.
“You hush, boy. I respect what your grandmother does for us.” He winks at Gabe, taking the sting out of his reprimand. He is so good with his kids. He has raised them to have manners but lets them know he has a softer side too.
“Me too, Dad,” Gabe quickly replies so he doesn’t get into trouble.
I wink at Jason, who continues to quietly eat.
When we’re all done, Jesse instructs the kids to clear the table. Jason looks at me with a questioning look. I give him a gentle nod to let him know I expect him to help. All three kids clear the table, and Jesse fills me in that we’re playing Uno tonight if that’s okay with Jason.
“That will be fine.”
My phone rings, and I grab it from my back pocket. “Hello, Brian. What’s up?”
“So you’re at Jesse’s tonight, huh?”
“How is that any of your business?” I ask, trying to figure out where he’s going with this. I’m trying to sound confident, but I know I’m failing. My hands are even trembling slightly.
“Does my son think I’m stupid? I easily discovered that Gabe is Jesse’s kid.” I sigh and head into the other room because I can see I’m making Jason nervous.
“And your point is?”
“My point is that he is my kid, damn it.” I can’t believe he is pulling this jealousy shit now. I mean, I know he and Jesse have history but seriously. Then it dawns on me. He never left me in high school because he knew I would end up with Jesse, and he didn’t want that. He couldn’t handle me dating his best friend.
“Well, maybe you should come around more often and he would know that. You’re the one full of excuses.”
“I’ll be at his practice next Friday night to pick him up. He is spending the weekend with me.”
“He is incredibly busy next weekend. You will have to bring him to the middle school for weigh-in on Saturday and he has a party that follows.”
“That’s fine. I am his father. I can handle it.”
“Sounds like a plan then.” I’m about to cut the call, but instead I stop myself. “Oh and, Brian?”
“Yeah.”
“Have a good week.” I cut the call and meet everyone in the kitchen to clean the dishes and load them into the dishwasher. It only takes a few minutes to get everything done and when we do Jesse announces, “Who’s ready for some Uno?” The kids all cheer, and Jesse grabs the cards.
Playing the game only manages to take about an hour, but Gabe and Jason are already bored so we tell them they can head upstairs to play in Gabe’s room. Grace has yawned about five times during the game. Jesse convinces her to have a sleepover in her bed with all her stuffed animals. He sets her up with a movie and tells her to relax. It’s not that late yet, but she’s clearly tired.
When he gets back downstairs he slumps down on the loveseat next to me and sighs. “Thank god, she’s settled. She was up really early this morning and wouldn’t go back to sleep.”
“Does she always get up early?”
He nods. “Most of the time she does, but usually she relaxes in her bed with cartoons. Today she was really excited that you guys were coming over. She said she couldn’t sleep anymore.” He yawns. “Is everything okay with Brian?”
I snuggle into his side. “Yeah, he’s pissed because he discovered we’re here. Jason only told him he was sleeping at his friend Gabe’s house. He didn’t tell him you were Gabe’s father.”
Jesse shrugs his shoulder and grabs the remote and turns on the TV. “He’ll get over it. How do you feel about a movie, because as much as I would like to drag you off to my bed, the boys are wide awake and not going to sleep any time soon.”
I laugh. “Jason is often up later than I am on the weekend, but we have a deal that he goes to bed by ten and he can’t give me a hard time getting up in the morning.”
“That’s good. I do the same with Gabe, but he only has until nine-thirty.”
He stops at Shawshank Redemption. “Does this work? I love this movie.”
“Sure.” I don’t have the heart to tell him that Brian and I used to watch this movie all the time. Right now, I’m content snuggling with him on the couch. He kisses me on the head, and we sit quietly watching the movie.