CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

LYNNE

“You have no reason to believe me, Lynne. I swear I had no idea you were mine. I betrayed Richard’s friendship. I barely remember that night with your mother. I woke up alone in my bed, but I knew something happened between Ellen and me. I couldn’t remember much until I went downstairs and there she was, sitting at the table with your father and sisters having breakfast. Same thing, different day. She acted as if nothing happened when I knew it did. Her eyes gave it all away. She was secretively telling me we slept together and for me to keep my mouth shut. That bitch sat there pretending to be his doting wife while guilt hit me from every direction.” Resentment sidles up my neck for a woman who has kept me from knowing my dad. It charges an electric current under my ass for her. God, how can she have all this control over people and get away with it? It makes me want to ram my fist down her throat and pull out her manipulative black heart. I’m coming for you, mother!

Matthew and I have been sitting on a bench a short ways down the beach for over an hour now. I’ve told him the ugly truth. All of it. From losing Tyson, to why I distanced myself from my family, to adopting. I even tried to lighten things up by teasing him for not being able to come to my wedding due to a high-profile case he was working on.

When Tyson first told me, I was stunned silent. The impact of Tyson’s words stole every wisp of air out of my lungs. I don’t feel that anymore. I’m breathing and sitting next to the man who helped bring me into this world. A good, kind man who I have always adored. A man whose hair color I inherited. Kindness and compassion for others. Among other things that will reveal themselves in time. I’m sure of it.

“She should have had the decency to talk to you about it. I hope you didn’t feel guilty for long.” I link our hands together. I want him to know that since I’m his daughter, he can feel me, too. He has to be angry, hurt, conflicted. I’m immune to the power my family holds. Matthew isn’t. Not something as wrong as this. To withhold a man from his child. A child from her parent. It’s the worst kind of wrong a person can do.

It also makes me realize that she without a doubt is aware of Jacob and Joshua. She has to know they exist. How could she not? I mean, it’s a scandal, the same as this in her eyes. Another secret that must be hidden away. Good heavens. I’m beginning to wonder if she and Richard aren’t in cohorts to see how many lives they can ruin just for the hell of it. A business proposition instead of marriage. Which I know isn’t really a marriage at all. There has to be more. One missing piece to why either one of them would agree to keep secrets for the other, and as soon as we can find out what that is, we can put a quiet end to all of this.

“It took me quite some time to get past it. Your mother, she was flawless. Not at all the woman you’ve described her on our walk down here to be. Before that night, I used to tell Richard he was the dumbest fucker I knew to cheat on her. He didn’t care. Always came back with the same thing. “You don’t really know her. She’s a bitch.” Those were his words every single time.

“She was. Still is,” I disclose sternly.

“She was never that way around me. Or around you girls. Every time I came out there, she treated me the same as before. This blows my mind. It pisses me off. I’m typically an honest man. Except for that one night. I don’t regret it anymore. Not when the result of that night is you. I have never mentioned what happened between us to anyone. Your man, his friends. They are damn good at what they do. I couldn’t believe it when I returned Tyson’s call and he told me about this. They love you hard, Lynne. For them to dig this deep and find out about me and her from a wild hunch, then poke around LA until they found out she told your uncle about us. I couldn’t be happier that you have a guy who would bury himself for you.”

His admission of how my mother handled this hurts. My uncle as well. We’ve never been close to him. At least I haven’t. When we were growing up, he lived in London. He moved back to LA several years ago when his health started to decline. The last I heard, my parents were forking out the money for him to live in assisted living. None of this newfound information hurts nearly as much as the painful impressions my mother has left on my heart. Those words aren’t what stills me, makes me light up inside. It’s what he’s saying about Tyson. About me. He likes him. And this makes me incredibly happy.

“I’m glad you’re here. Thank you for admitting that you care. You don’t know how much it means to hear you say that.”

“I’ve always cared about you, Lynne. Now, it’s in a whole new light. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why your mother did this. Hell, she doted on all three of you girls when I was around. That lying bitch bent over backward for Richard even. That night, it’s still foggy to me. But I need you to know, sweetheart, that the thought of you being mine never crossed my mind. Richard loved all three of you. He would carry on about each one of you. If he knew about the affair between her and me, he never brought it up, at least not to me. She didn’t either. So, with everything you’ve told me, the only thing that makes sense to me is somewhere around the time you became sick is when he found out you weren’t his.” He has no idea that Richard never loved me, not like he did my sisters. Maybe he suspected I wasn’t his. I have no idea. I don’t really care what that son of a bitch feels or thinks anymore. All I’m trying to do right now is sit here and listen, rack my brain between this and the adoption. What it could mean, what I should do, and what Richard is going to do once he knows I’ve learned their dirty little secret.

That thought alone cleanses my soul. I am not related to that bastard.

My life makes sense to me now. At least the parts that have affected me the most. I’m not Richard’s child. That’s why he destroyed me the way he did. It was his way of revenge for my mother’s betrayal.

“Has he ever acted differently toward you?” I ask out of curiosity. He edges his gaze back at me with an overflowing abundance of sadness; there’s compassion there, too, love and guilt. Emotions swirl in his eyes; they rest heavily on his handsome features. I’ve always loved Matthew. He treated us like gold. Played with us and brought us gifts. I cherished those erasers he would bring me. The Statue of Liberty means freedom, and I relished in that word even when I was little and didn’t quite understand the meaning of it. He even taught me how to ride a bike when my father had to leave suddenly to meet with a client. Kissed my scraped-up knees. It drives a hole in my chest that with everything going on right now I can’t put him first. I can’t get to know him the way I want to. I need to get through the shock, and I need to stay focused on those kids. They are my top priority right now.

I grip my pencil tight. I know he said we would erase and start anew. It boggles my mind as to how.

I silently cry when I realize that Matthew flew out here as soon as he could. He’s making me his number one priority. The way a parent should with their child.

“No, he didn’t. Richard is a smart man, Lynne. He also spends most of his time with actors and actresses. He’s good at acting, sweetheart. Trust me, he knows I’m your dad.” There’s something about the word ‘dad’ that melts my heart. We always called Richard ‘father.’ I hated it. It seemed formal, not normal. But then again, my life has been anything but normal. Since as far back as I can remember, things were clear to me I wasn’t like him. How true it is.

“My family. They all had to give blood when I was sick. Just in case I needed it. The only thing that makes sense is, he didn’t match. That has to be it. How he found out,” I exclaim. It’s a hard punch to my gut; it stings and brings hurtful memories to the surface. None of that matters anymore. Not when I know this has to be why. This story keeps unraveling every day. It has to end somewhere. My God.

“Jesus Christ. You didn’t need it, did you? Every time I called to check on you, they told me you were doing better every day.” Guilt consumes the tiny little bubble Matthew and I have been in. It’s eating him up. I’ve been there.

“No, I didn’t. Guilt is not a factor here. You are not allowed to feel bad that he found out that way, and you most definitely will not hold on to it by you not being there. I received your cards and gifts. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to contact people. I didn’t want anything to do with anyone. I don’t believe in cheating. I lived with it for years. But look at us, Matthew. We have each other now. One thing I’ve learned through all of this is the importance of family. My blood family deserted me when I needed them the most. Family isn’t always about blood. These past few weeks I’ve realized that more than anything. I’m similar to you in a lot of ways. In the few hours since I found out you were my dad, I’ve noticed our similarities. One of them is, I don’t beat around the bush, either. Not anymore. Not after losing Tyson the way I did. Not after tricking my own mind into thinking I could fall in love with another man. We have so much to catch up on, and there are things I want to share with you. Things I want to know about you, too. I’m torn apart over this, Matthew. I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. But I can’t put emphasis on me right now. I have two little boys who need me more than they did before. This blessing in my life, that you are my dad, has to be handled in the right way. I need to speak to my lawyer, talk this over with Tyson. However,”—I take a deep breath, a hint of a smile holding the meaning behind my words—“the first thing I’m going to do when I see my mother is thank her for giving me you. For once in my life, I’m going to be selfish. I want you by my side when I bring them down.”

“I will always be on your side. Anything you want. I wish I could have been there when you were sick.” I stare into my dad’s eyes. If I wasn’t sitting down, I would be dropping to my knees, rocking like a baby. Because of these words. These beautiful words coming from him mean more to me than he will ever begin to know. I can’t seem to express them. There’s no more room in my brain for it to kick itself in gear and function.

For years, I studied to guide people through the thick, murky waters of their troubles. To help them rein in their fears. To assist them and to listen. Right now, though, I couldn’t help myself if I tried. I’m not feeling pain. It’s joy. It’s a tremendous amount of it. So much that my vision impairs as it tries to wrap the sight in front of me into a tight little box to bring out in my memories whenever it wants.

“I want those boys, Matthew. I think between you, Tyson, and everyone else, we should be able to figure something out. Some way to push the state. They’re either stalling or Richard has got someone in his pocket over there. I don’t know. Something isn’t right. My lawyer has called them, pleaded with them to come talk to me, and nothing. Tyson has called. Jude has his caseworker seeing what he can find out. I need help, please,” I press. My voice ending on a whisper. I meant it when I said I would play dirty and I will.

“I’ll do what I can. I don’t have the pull here I do in New York. But I know the law, and it is not on his side. He’s broken too many when it comes to those kids. You said you want them. How badly do you want them? Bad enough to take a drive with me to pay them a visit?”

***

“Tyson, I need to get up and shower, then thank Jude. I thanked you last night. Now, let me up,” I joke, giggling as I try to stand to only be jerked back down, flipped over onto my stomach with my ass hiked in the air. He’s on me within a second. Front to my back. His stubble is grazing my neck and warmth is scattering across my flesh.

A ridiculous voice inside my head wonders if I will ever be able to thank these guys enough for finding out about Matthew. I’m still on a high I’ve never been on before. I have a parent. One who loves me unconditionally, and no one is going to swing in and take that away from me.

Tyson pretty much dragged me into the house after Matthew and I returned last night. He was worried, and I should have told him I would be fine. And I am. I am better than fine. I’m graciously ecstatic.

I have never seen two men who barely know each other fit so well with one another. They didn’t waste any time setting up a plan. One they didn’t shut me out of. They included me in everything.

Tyson wasn’t all that hyped up about me going to confront my family without him. On the other hand, once Matthew convinced him he wouldn’t leave my side, he relented. I’m not afraid of Richard doing anything to hurt me physically. He’s too smart for that. It’s his words, the things he can do to me emotionally that could hurt. People say words shouldn’t hurt. They do. They bite, sting, and then they blister. They bruise. Some last merely a second, others days, a lifetime.

He’s a manipulator, and I need to get to him first before he takes Joshua and Jacob away from me.

“Later, I need in this tight pussy, Lynne. I want you to fuck my face. Ride my cock and soak my aching fingers.” Those torrid thoughts are gone as I arch my back when he pulls my hair, slides a hand around and tweaks my nipple. I have no idea what’s gotten into him these past few days, but I love the way his filthy talk and rough fingers awaken every part of me inside.

He’s been non-stop talking, touching every chance he can get since Matthew and I walked back from the beach. We both have, really. It’s a miracle he’s allowed me to get out of bed at all.

I sigh. Focusing solely on him and how he makes me feel. What he does to heighten my body and take me out of the comfort zone I’ve been in when it comes to sex and seduce me with one touch to follow him into the danger zone.

“Holy shit, Tyson,” I pant, my eyes rolling around in my head, my fingers clutching into the sheets as he licks a trail down my spine, pushes my legs open farther, and buries his face between my quivering thighs.

“This pussy on my fingers and tongue at the same time is fucking heaven,” he growls, inserts a finger, and doesn’t let up. He shows no mercy as the scruff from his face scrapes across my inner thighs, which heightens my desire. Combine that with his finger pumping fiercely in and out of me and his tongue doing exactly what he said, I feel my release start to climb.

He draws his finger out, inserts it back with another. My hands clench, my gasps fall from my mouth one after another.

“You going to come for me so I can get my cock in here?” His question shoots right to my core. I hit the roof with my release. My screams echoing, my pants increasing, and yet he still doesn’t let up. He’s attacking me in a way he never has before. Licking and sucking. Biting and nibbling my body until I’m on the verge of coming again.

And then he’s gone, sliding up the bed, grabbing my waist, and begins to rub his hard, heavy cock between the cheeks of my ass.

“I could fuck you for hours. Stare at your gorgeous face for the rest of my life and none of it be enough. I love you so Goddamn much it makes my chest burn. Ride me.” Our eyes meet in the early morning light. Lips parted. Intense.

“You are everything to me, Tyson.” Never looking away from his gaze, I line him up, slowly sink down, and feel the familiar tingle of being stretched wide, yearning coursing through my veins. My core spasms, my soul bursts into flames, and I do as he wishes. I ride him; I watch him as he watches us connect. His heated eyes blaze brightly.

“Fuck, Lynne.” His hands clamp around my waist. Up and down. Slow and fast. I feel his thighs clench. I want to close my eyes and ride out my own orgasm. I can’t. I have never seen him look at me the way he is now. My heart is vowing to memorize this look forever. It beats wildly in my chest, consuming my upper body until I can barely breathe.

Tyson’s eyes are telling me he is glad we are here. Our past is wiped away, and our future is in our grasp, and all I need to do is hang on a little bit longer.