‘Hey, what do you make of Zoe being engaged before?’ asks Andrea as we get ready for bed. ‘Did you know that?’
‘No, but then she’s quite private about her marriage.’
‘Yeah, she doesn’t like to talk about it. All I know is that he was a rotten bastard and he lives up in Liverpool now.’
‘I don’t think they’re even on speaking terms. When they need to make arrangements for the boys, they do it via text messages.’
‘She’s pretty bitter about her ex.’
‘Bitter. Yes, you could say that. Probably just as well they live so far apart. She absolutely loathes him.’ I let out a sigh as I think back to Darren and wonder if we would have gone down that path and ended up hating each other. I’d like to think not.
‘You all right?’ asks Andrea.
‘Me? Yeah, I’m fine,’ I say, although I’m aware I don’t sound particularly convincing. Thinking of Darren, together with Joanne’s comments about Alfie, has left me feeling emotionally exhausted.
‘Joanne was out of order earlier,’ continues Andrea. ‘She should keep her nose out of your business.’
‘Try telling her that,’ I say, as I pull off my T-shirt and fish out my pyjamas from the drawer. ‘She sees Alfie as her business.’ Pulling my pyjama top on, I slide my hands round my back and unfasten my bra and slip the straps from my shoulders, before yanking it out from under my top. ‘As I said to you before, Alfie spends so much time there, he tells her more than he tells me.’ I fling the bra on to my bed. ‘And that really hurts.’
‘Perhaps he finds it easier to talk to her. He’s at that age where sometimes it’s hard to speak to your parents. I’m sure Bradley doesn’t tell me half of what he’s thinking or doing.’
‘I appreciate that, but it still hurts. All I’ve ever done is try to support him, to look after and look out for him. He hates me. I’m sure about that.’
‘He doesn’t hate you,’ says Andrea. She sits down on her bed. ‘You’re his mum and he loves you. He’s obviously still having a hard time coming to terms with what happened.’
‘It’s bloody damaged him psychologically,’ I say. The effect of the wine from earlier is loosening my tongue. ‘It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have had that huge argument with Darren. If I hadn’t, then he wouldn’t have been so desperate …’ I conquer the urge to say more.
‘None of that was your fault,’ says Andrea. She knows I feel guilty, but the depth of her appreciation of that guilt only reflects what she knows. She doesn’t know everything.
I fling myself back on the bed and put an arm over my face. If I hide my face, she can’t see there’s something else that weighs heavy on my conscience. ‘I wish I could have shielded Alfie from seeing Darren like that. I can cope with it; I’m strong enough. He’s not.’
‘You can’t change what happened.’
‘You know what the worst bit is?’ I sit up, guilt making way for anger. ‘Darren knew Alfie was outside, waiting for me. He knew we’d come in the house together, but he didn’t give a damn. In his warped mind, he was punishing me. He was going to make sure I lived with this for the rest of my life. He hated me for wanting a divorce and he wanted to get some sort of revenge. Not once did he consider what he would be putting his son through.’ I scrunch the bedspread in my fists as the anger storms through me. ‘That’s the bit I cannot forgive. He bloody well knew Alfie would see him, and that was his way of punishing me forever.’
‘At best, he was mentally ill and at worst a selfish bastard,’ says Andrea. She moves to sit next to me and puts a comforting arm around my shoulders.
‘Joanne’s not helping either. She shouldn’t be bringing Alfie into it. She’s out of order.’
‘I can speak to her, if you like?’
‘No. Don’t do that.’ I shake my head vigorously. ‘I can deal with her. But thanks anyway.’
Andrea gives my shoulder a squeeze and kisses the side of my head. ‘Right, no more talk of Darren. Not for tonight anyway.’ We exchange a smile before she continues, ‘This game of Joanne’s. What do you think to it?’ Andrea gets up and takes her washbag from her rucksack and extracts her face-wipes. ‘She’s gone to a lot of trouble.’
‘That’s Joanne for you.’ I resume my horizontal position on the bed and stretch out my legs, thankful that my hobby of cross-country running has stood me in good stead for the ramble up the hillside and through the forest earlier.
‘Do you want to team up?’ says Andrea with a grin.
‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, type of thing?’
‘You got it.’ Andrea rubs her face with the wipe.
‘Appealing as the idea may be, I think we should at least try to work out who each other is,’ I say. ‘It’s a bit unfair on Zoe if we team up.’
‘Spoilsport,’ says Andrea with good humour. ‘Maybe tomorrow we should try to find the clues Joanne mentioned.’
I think back to the photograph of Charles and Diana. I’m pretty sure that’s a clue about my character, left for one of the others to find. I take out my notebook and go back over the information I’ve found out about the other characters. ‘We get to ask each other three more questions tomorrow.’
‘I’m going to need more help,’ says Andrea. ‘I haven’t the patience for all this. I’m never going to be able to work it out. We’ll have to ask Joanne for a clue.’
‘Good idea. We’ll consult the Oracle.’
‘That’s if we make it back from the all-day hike she has planned for us.’ Andrea drops the used face-wipe into the bin and picks up her washbag. ‘Where did she say we were going?’
‘Archer’s Path,’ I reply. ‘She said it’s a fabulous walk and takes a couple of hours. I hope the weather holds out, it wasn’t looking so good this afternoon.’
‘I’m going to brush my teeth,’ says Andrea. ‘Won’t be a moment.’
I pull back the duvet and climb into bed. I need to think of something other than Alfie. I don’t want to spend the night replaying my confrontation with Joanne and worrying about what Alfie may or may not have said to her.
Andrea comes back into the room. The look on her face instantly alerts me, something is not right. I sit up. ‘You OK?’
‘No. I’m not. Look what I just found in my washbag – and I sure as hell didn’t put it in there.’